Medical Science Is Great Except When It sucks

Several years ago I had a surgical procedure that was an alternative to hysterectomy. When I did it, I was experiencing chaos in my innards in frequency greater than every 28 days and it was terrible. I liked the idea of not having to worry about it monthly, or ever again.

I've written about the fact that it does get a bit frustrating to still have the PMS swings and whatnot but let's face it, there is nothing bad about NOT having your period to trouble you (unless it's something you want hey I'm not here to judge live and let live etc).

It's a pain. Literally. I've always felt like it should have an on and off switch. "I'd like to be able to reproduce now, CLICK - ON." Something like that. Alas no, and since the age of 10 I had cripping horrible monthly cycles. They promised me it was 100% effective, and that it was a perfect alternative to hysterectomy which had it's appeal BIG time.

However, over the past few years I've had this issue - suddenly I'll be just doubled over with this intense pain. Not to be too graphic, it feels like you're about to have the worlds worst butt explosion. But nothing would happen and I would be confused by the pain. Then I realized it was happening in a pattern. OH ABOUT EVERY 28-30 days. Now, one instance of crippling pain became a couple of times a day as time went on, and then I'd spot maybe once or twice.

Not what was advertised.

When I was at my OBGYN last time, I told him about it, and he explained to me that two things were probably going on. I had my procedure done when the process was still very new - so they may have over estimated it's longevity - some people (including me) seem to have the power to heal better than anticipated so our uterus HEALED THYSELF and is now once again working itself back to functioning.

The other thing for me as an individual ist that my uterus had all those little nooks and crannies in it because it's deformed and since they were working blind, it's possible that they missed a spot here or there and that's speeding up my "healing" process. Of course I can always have a hysterectomy if it becomes unbearable.

Today I'm having cramps from hell. Nothing else. Just exquisite, soul ripping cramps that make me quite unhappy that I won't be getting handed a baby at the end of it all. Seriously NOT COOL UTERUS.

This is my "I can't with this." Face. That's how the kids talk. I'm trying to stay hip.

Oh no, I said hip. I failed.

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Medical Science Is Great Except When It sucks

Several years ago I had a surgical procedure that was an alternative to hysterectomy. When I did it, I was experiencing chaos in my innards in frequency greater than every 28 days and it was terrible. I liked the idea of not having to worry about it monthly, or ever again.

I've written about the fact that it does get a bit frustrating to still have the PMS swings and whatnot but let's face it, there is nothing bad about NOT having your period to trouble you (unless it's something you want hey I'm not here to judge live and let live etc).

It's a pain. Literally. I've always felt like it should have an on and off switch. "I'd like to be able to reproduce now, CLICK - ON." Something like that. Alas no, and since the age of 10 I had cripping horrible monthly cycles. They promised me it was 100% effective, and that it was a perfect alternative to hysterectomy which had it's appeal BIG time.

However, over the past few years I've had this issue - suddenly I'll be just doubled over with this intense pain. Not to be too graphic, it feels like you're about to have the worlds worst butt explosion. But nothing would happen and I would be confused by the pain. Then I realized it was happening in a pattern. OH ABOUT EVERY 28-30 days. Now, one instance of crippling pain became a couple of times a day as time went on, and then I'd spot maybe once or twice.

Not what was advertised.

When I was at my OBGYN last time, I told him about it, and he explained to me that two things were probably going on. I had my procedure done when the process was still very new - so they may have over estimated it's longevity - some people (including me) seem to have the power to heal better than anticipated so our uterus HEALED THYSELF and is now once again working itself back to functioning.

The other thing for me as an individual ist that my uterus had all those little nooks and crannies in it because it's deformed and since they were working blind, it's possible that they missed a spot here or there and that's speeding up my "healing" process. Of course I can always have a hysterectomy if it becomes unbearable.

Today I'm having cramps from hell. Nothing else. Just exquisite, soul ripping cramps that make me quite unhappy that I won't be getting handed a baby at the end of it all. Seriously NOT COOL UTERUS.

This is my "I can't with this." Face. That's how the kids talk. I'm trying to stay hip.

Oh no, I said hip. I failed.

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Removing the Uterine Lining With Thermal Energy - or a Surgery Recap

You may recall that I tried to have an in office procedure, called an endometrial ablation, a few weeks ago.
It didn't work out because, that procedure involved them opening my cervix, inserting a balloon and then filling that balloon with hot scalding water. The transfer of heat through the balloon through to my uterus would've burned the lining and caused it, after it heals, to no longer produce my monthly cycle.
It didn't work out because unlike most of you, my uterus is heart shaped (yours is likely egg shaped) plus mine has a septum, so that meant the balloon wouldn't stretch all the way out and be able to touch all the surfaces.
Thus, my periods wouldn't stop.
What we ended up having to do, was do it at the hospital, with me asleep, as my doctor said first of all they would be opening way more than he could make me comfortable in the office (eeeek) and they would be using a spray of scalding water directly into my uterus to make sure they get maximum efficiency and coverage.
So yesterday my family dropped me off at Day Surgery at Gwinnett Medical center and I went in for the procedure which was supposed to take about 3 hours.
I arrived at 11am.

So first of all you go to pre-op and you get the lovely slippers (I am a huge fan of these slippers, they give me a pair every time I am there.) and a hospital gown. In day surgery it's kind of interesting because they have a recliner, and you get all wrapped up in blankets from the warmer and they start your IVs and lots of people come in to check on you and ask you all the same questions over and over and over. But I have to say again, that the staff at Gwinnett Medical is so freakishly nice. It's kind of comforting, I guess that's the point though.

I was however, at about the time for my surgery, ravenous. I couldn't eat before it of course and by the time 12:30 came I was starving. However it was show time and they waddled me down the hall, swathed in warm blankets and comfy sock and we went into the operating room.

First of all, what the hell these were the biggest stirrups I ever saw in my life. The ones in my room were actually bigger than this. Luckily I was asleep when they strapped me into them.

The table was about like that though, and as I rested my head on the neck brace there, the whole team says "OH NO SHE'S TALL!" as my butt was down too far or something. OH NO! TALL GIRL! That amused me a little. I was laying down, and the anesthesiologist shot something into my IV but the nurse said "No wait she has to stand up" and he said "too late". Lol. At this point I'm a little confused. I think the anesthesiologist did stand me up or hold me up but I might've dreamed that bit.

Because next I was awake in recovery, with the nurse who had checked me in and hooked me up. I think. I'm not entirely clear. What I do know is, I woke up to what I will describe as hard labor going on in my uterus, and no baby to motivate me to push.

Hard labor, with no pain medicine. They gave me morphine. I didn't even feel anything. Nothing. No change. They gave me more. Nothing. About 20 minutes into this routine I was sobbing and they've got a cool cloth on my forehead and two nurses cooing over me to relax and breathe which was pissing me off.

Then one of them says "we can't give you more morphine because of your sleep apnea".

WHAT?

I asked WHAT THE HELL were they talking about, that I don't have sleep apnea. In between my sobbing and their cooing we figured out that me answering "yes" to the question "Do you snore?" in pre-op got my chart flagged as sleep apnea.

They gave me more morphine, and more morphine. I am shocked to tell you that I had absolutely zero response. At one point I asked them to be sure it wasn't tylenol. They laughed and said they don't give Tylenol in IV post surgery.

Finally they realized I was about to lose my fucking mind and my blood pressure was going up from stress so they called a doctor and explained that I do not have sleep apnea, and my nurse came back with something that burned as it went into my hand, but nearly as fast as the burning faded I felt my entire body fade and relax.

I was suddenly so out of it, I could barely answer her to tell her I felt better. I could hear her telling someone I had to stay in a bed, and to let me sleep at least another 30 minutes, and explaining to someone that I don't have sleep apnea - another nurse, and saying which doctor had changed my pain management.

I woke up in my little recovery room with a different nurse, who brought me a percocet to stay ahead of the pain and some ginger ale.

I kept the percocet down somehow, it apparently dissolved immediately, but then the barfing started. The nurse said it was likely from all the morphine they gave me, plus the twilight sleep. I threw up about 10 graham crackers that I tried to eat on and off, and 3 cups of ginger ale.

At about 4pm, bleary and in various levels of pain, they told me they really couldn't give me any more narcotic or IV drugs, and so if I wasn't gonna STAY I was gonna have to go home. My family was summoned and right about the time they arrived I started puking again.

I took more drugs and more drugs and puked some more and went to bed for the sleep of the drugged and miserable.

But it wasn't all bad. My watcher and #1 fan settled in beside me for the long haul, prepared to stay with me all night.

I was only able to eat jello last night, but today I had a bowl of grits - and some coffee. I've only had ibuprofen and that is keeping the pain at bay enough that I can THINK. Now I'm just kind of tired from yesterday but, I feel so much better.

This had better have worked, is all I am saying. Because it was hell.



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Removing the Uterine Lining With Thermal Energy - or a Surgery Recap

You may recall that I tried to have an in office procedure, called an endometrial ablation, a few weeks ago.
It didn't work out because, that procedure involved them opening my cervix, inserting a balloon and then filling that balloon with hot scalding water. The transfer of heat through the balloon through to my uterus would've burned the lining and caused it, after it heals, to no longer produce my monthly cycle.
It didn't work out because unlike most of you, my uterus is heart shaped (yours is likely egg shaped) plus mine has a septum, so that meant the balloon wouldn't stretch all the way out and be able to touch all the surfaces.
Thus, my periods wouldn't stop.
What we ended up having to do, was do it at the hospital, with me asleep, as my doctor said first of all they would be opening way more than he could make me comfortable in the office (eeeek) and they would be using a spray of scalding water directly into my uterus to make sure they get maximum efficiency and coverage.
So yesterday my family dropped me off at Day Surgery at Gwinnett Medical center and I went in for the procedure which was supposed to take about 3 hours.
I arrived at 11am.

So first of all you go to pre-op and you get the lovely slippers (I am a huge fan of these slippers, they give me a pair every time I am there.) and a hospital gown. In day surgery it's kind of interesting because they have a recliner, and you get all wrapped up in blankets from the warmer and they start your IVs and lots of people come in to check on you and ask you all the same questions over and over and over. But I have to say again, that the staff at Gwinnett Medical is so freakishly nice. It's kind of comforting, I guess that's the point though.

I was however, at about the time for my surgery, ravenous. I couldn't eat before it of course and by the time 12:30 came I was starving. However it was show time and they waddled me down the hall, swathed in warm blankets and comfy sock and we went into the operating room.

First of all, what the hell these were the biggest stirrups I ever saw in my life. The ones in my room were actually bigger than this. Luckily I was asleep when they strapped me into them.

The table was about like that though, and as I rested my head on the neck brace there, the whole team says "OH NO SHE'S TALL!" as my butt was down too far or something. OH NO! TALL GIRL! That amused me a little. I was laying down, and the anesthesiologist shot something into my IV but the nurse said "No wait she has to stand up" and he said "too late". Lol. At this point I'm a little confused. I think the anesthesiologist did stand me up or hold me up but I might've dreamed that bit.

Because next I was awake in recovery, with the nurse who had checked me in and hooked me up. I think. I'm not entirely clear. What I do know is, I woke up to what I will describe as hard labor going on in my uterus, and no baby to motivate me to push.

Hard labor, with no pain medicine. They gave me morphine. I didn't even feel anything. Nothing. No change. They gave me more. Nothing. About 20 minutes into this routine I was sobbing and they've got a cool cloth on my forehead and two nurses cooing over me to relax and breathe which was pissing me off.

Then one of them says "we can't give you more morphine because of your sleep apnea".

WHAT?

I asked WHAT THE HELL were they talking about, that I don't have sleep apnea. In between my sobbing and their cooing we figured out that me answering "yes" to the question "Do you snore?" in pre-op got my chart flagged as sleep apnea.

They gave me more morphine, and more morphine. I am shocked to tell you that I had absolutely zero response. At one point I asked them to be sure it wasn't tylenol. They laughed and said they don't give Tylenol in IV post surgery.

Finally they realized I was about to lose my fucking mind and my blood pressure was going up from stress so they called a doctor and explained that I do not have sleep apnea, and my nurse came back with something that burned as it went into my hand, but nearly as fast as the burning faded I felt my entire body fade and relax.

I was suddenly so out of it, I could barely answer her to tell her I felt better. I could hear her telling someone I had to stay in a bed, and to let me sleep at least another 30 minutes, and explaining to someone that I don't have sleep apnea - another nurse, and saying which doctor had changed my pain management.

I woke up in my little recovery room with a different nurse, who brought me a percocet to stay ahead of the pain and some ginger ale.

I kept the percocet down somehow, it apparently dissolved immediately, but then the barfing started. The nurse said it was likely from all the morphine they gave me, plus the twilight sleep. I threw up about 10 graham crackers that I tried to eat on and off, and 3 cups of ginger ale.

At about 4pm, bleary and in various levels of pain, they told me they really couldn't give me any more narcotic or IV drugs, and so if I wasn't gonna STAY I was gonna have to go home. My family was summoned and right about the time they arrived I started puking again.

I took more drugs and more drugs and puked some more and went to bed for the sleep of the drugged and miserable.

But it wasn't all bad. My watcher and #1 fan settled in beside me for the long haul, prepared to stay with me all night.

I was only able to eat jello last night, but today I had a bowl of grits - and some coffee. I've only had ibuprofen and that is keeping the pain at bay enough that I can THINK. Now I'm just kind of tired from yesterday but, I feel so much better.

This had better have worked, is all I am saying. Because it was hell.



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So Close....

So I opted for an endometrial ablation vs. hysterectomy to stop the monthly horror show that is now affectionately and accurately known as SHARK WEEK. I started taking various drugs two days before to reduce inflammation and I guess make me feel better in general. The day before I took a drug called misprostol to make my cervix soften and thin so they could yank it apart and do what they needed to do.

The morning of I had some Xanax and Percocet. My first concern was that the Percocet was only 325 - what WUSS takes only 325 mg of Percocet? What pain is this supposed to help?

When I got to the doctor's office the nurse informed me I needed more Percocet so YAY. Then I looked like THIS.

So, that's me sort of "Hey man I am ok" but am beginning to feel more than a bit checked out. 

I went into the room after apparently plurking QUITE a bit to my friends online. I got all prepped up and the nurses held my hands while I got shots in the cervix - which were really like "damn that's annoying and not fun", rather than torture. I believe I said "WOW THIS REALLY SUCKS". The doctor also asked for the "longer" speculum, and I said "But not the circus freak size one, right?" and he burst out laughing and said "No, you don't need the circus freak size one....but we DO have one of those."

YAY for this piece of information right?

So then, what happened is, as the drugs were really washing over me and my entire crotch area felt weird and numb, is that apparently he got a look inside - I dunno wtf he was doing then, and said "Oh this isn't going to work."

I have mentioned it before, and he was aware of it, but I have this condition called a bicornuate uterus . 

Apparently when pregnant, it stretches out just fine, which is odd and it shouldn't. I shouldn't be able to carry 9  pound babies to term much less great big old twins but I did. So, never say never I guess. However, when not pregnant and not all stretched out, I apparently have a really pronounced septum dividing the uterus, and introducing a balloon into the uterus for the procedure wouldn't work.

So then, drugged, weirdly wet on the back of my shirt (wtf is that?), I called my hubby to come fetch me and have instructions to call the surgery scheduler next week so we can do it in the OR at the hospital with full on  drugs and stuff. 

Round 1, failure. I slept my day in a serious drug haze yesterday and lost my entire day basically. I woke up today crampy and feeling kind of bleh. 

Looks like we will do it again in a couple of weeks. Yippee Ki-YAY.

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So Close....

So I opted for an endometrial ablation vs. hysterectomy to stop the monthly horror show that is now affectionately and accurately known as SHARK WEEK. I started taking various drugs two days before to reduce inflammation and I guess make me feel better in general. The day before I took a drug called misprostol to make my cervix soften and thin so they could yank it apart and do what they needed to do.

The morning of I had some Xanax and Percocet. My first concern was that the Percocet was only 325 - what WUSS takes only 325 mg of Percocet? What pain is this supposed to help?

When I got to the doctor's office the nurse informed me I needed more Percocet so YAY. Then I looked like THIS.

So, that's me sort of "Hey man I am ok" but am beginning to feel more than a bit checked out. 

I went into the room after apparently plurking QUITE a bit to my friends online. I got all prepped up and the nurses held my hands while I got shots in the cervix - which were really like "damn that's annoying and not fun", rather than torture. I believe I said "WOW THIS REALLY SUCKS". The doctor also asked for the "longer" speculum, and I said "But not the circus freak size one, right?" and he burst out laughing and said "No, you don't need the circus freak size one....but we DO have one of those."

YAY for this piece of information right?

So then, what happened is, as the drugs were really washing over me and my entire crotch area felt weird and numb, is that apparently he got a look inside - I dunno wtf he was doing then, and said "Oh this isn't going to work."

I have mentioned it before, and he was aware of it, but I have this condition called a bicornuate uterus . 

Apparently when pregnant, it stretches out just fine, which is odd and it shouldn't. I shouldn't be able to carry 9  pound babies to term much less great big old twins but I did. So, never say never I guess. However, when not pregnant and not all stretched out, I apparently have a really pronounced septum dividing the uterus, and introducing a balloon into the uterus for the procedure wouldn't work.

So then, drugged, weirdly wet on the back of my shirt (wtf is that?), I called my hubby to come fetch me and have instructions to call the surgery scheduler next week so we can do it in the OR at the hospital with full on  drugs and stuff. 

Round 1, failure. I slept my day in a serious drug haze yesterday and lost my entire day basically. I woke up today crampy and feeling kind of bleh. 

Looks like we will do it again in a couple of weeks. Yippee Ki-YAY.

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Post Pre-Op

I am on a countdown to a little minor surgery tomorrow. I've opted to have an endometrial ablation so my never ending monthly torment can finally go away.  My other option was hysterectomy and I wasn't feeling the surgery, the three weeks off work, the hospital stay, etc.
This is outpatient and they'll give me xanax and percocet and other stuff and apparently it's like ten minutes of really not so good and then yay done except for three weeks of what they describe as "weeping" out of my uterus.
I am told to think of it like a blister on your finger. That's what they are going to do to my uterus. Basically, they're going to kill it with fire.
I'm not sure what medieval medical school this idea came from, I mean, "lets boil the inside of the uterus until it's dead" that just seems like something more at home in the Inquisition than at one of the best OBs in the metro  BUT....I signed up for it so apparently I'm crazy too.
I'm doing a regimen of high dose ibuprofen and then start the good stuff tonight.
But I can say that as a woman who had her period for 33 years, and four kids, I could be done with this. I really could. And hey my husband will still get to enjoy all of my mood swings from PMS so it's not like I'll be losing any of my girly appeal (snark).

I'd say I'm nervous and I am a little, I know it's going to feel NOT GOOD but on the other hand, I feel relieved. I get to quit doing this FINALLY.
And I get to quit doing it without getting cut open AGAIN.

I'm hoping I made the right choice. I'll let you know.

A picture of my baby girl, just because.
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Post Pre-Op

I am on a countdown to a little minor surgery tomorrow. I've opted to have an endometrial ablation so my never ending monthly torment can finally go away.  My other option was hysterectomy and I wasn't feeling the surgery, the three weeks off work, the hospital stay, etc.
This is outpatient and they'll give me xanax and percocet and other stuff and apparently it's like ten minutes of really not so good and then yay done except for three weeks of what they describe as "weeping" out of my uterus.
I am told to think of it like a blister on your finger. That's what they are going to do to my uterus. Basically, they're going to kill it with fire.
I'm not sure what medieval medical school this idea came from, I mean, "lets boil the inside of the uterus until it's dead" that just seems like something more at home in the Inquisition than at one of the best OBs in the metro  BUT....I signed up for it so apparently I'm crazy too.
I'm doing a regimen of high dose ibuprofen and then start the good stuff tonight.
But I can say that as a woman who had her period for 33 years, and four kids, I could be done with this. I really could. And hey my husband will still get to enjoy all of my mood swings from PMS so it's not like I'll be losing any of my girly appeal (snark).

I'd say I'm nervous and I am a little, I know it's going to feel NOT GOOD but on the other hand, I feel relieved. I get to quit doing this FINALLY.
And I get to quit doing it without getting cut open AGAIN.

I'm hoping I made the right choice. I'll let you know.

A picture of my baby girl, just because.
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