Why Do You Have Snakes In Your Backyard

The backstory here is that we're struggling to get someone to come mow our yard. We had a redneck and various members of his redneck family who would come and mow for us, but they flaked out. Since then it's been a nonstop stream of flaky and stupid when you JUST want your yard mowed. Call a big fancy lawn service? They want to sell you lawn service - like chemicals and stuff. You wouldn't think this would be that difficult. I will give you money to mow my yard. If you mow yards for a living, this seems like it might be a good thing. Apparently it's not. Or lawncare people are the flakiest on the earth.
 My favorite interaction though, is the company that came out, discussed the job with my husband, brought their equipment but left because they didn't think they brought the right mowers. Did I mention it's rained every day and we're about to call the yard a prairie? Ok it's not that bad but IT NEEDS MOWED.
The same company texted my husband and asked why we had snacks in our yard. This seems like and odd question but it turns out after the correction was received, she meant SNAKES. Why do we have SNAKES in our yard?
Well, when said lawncare pseudo-professionals were here, they asked how he felt about snakes. Husband answered that we had a few black snakes, grass snakes etc - we live right next to a forest so yeah they're around.
Right about then, they left.  Hmmmmmmm.

Why do we have SNAKES in our yard?
I asked on Plurk and FB how we should have responded to such an inane question. Thanks for your awesome answers:

• Because we needed them to eat the rats. We are gettign aligators to eat the snakes and then gorillas to kill the alligators. Then winter will come and kill off the gorillas.
• "Satan"
• They Missed the Plane
• Woodpile?
• We tried giving them their own bedroom but they didn't like the color
• Oh DANG they got out again?
• They like the smell of our children
• Ritualistic fodder, must keep them somewhere
• Because of previous contractors who asked too many questions
• Because Obama
• St Patrick Visited Ireland instead of us

This question was so puzzling until the next text when she said "They said you put snakes in your yard."

So apparently they sent braniacs out here who ran away because they thought we had a yard full of snakes, intentionally. This is painful.

Mixed character Meme. It made my day.

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Why Do You Have Snakes In Your Backyard

The backstory here is that we're struggling to get someone to come mow our yard. We had a redneck and various members of his redneck family who would come and mow for us, but they flaked out. Since then it's been a nonstop stream of flaky and stupid when you JUST want your yard mowed. Call a big fancy lawn service? They want to sell you lawn service - like chemicals and stuff. You wouldn't think this would be that difficult. I will give you money to mow my yard. If you mow yards for a living, this seems like it might be a good thing. Apparently it's not. Or lawncare people are the flakiest on the earth.
 My favorite interaction though, is the company that came out, discussed the job with my husband, brought their equipment but left because they didn't think they brought the right mowers. Did I mention it's rained every day and we're about to call the yard a prairie? Ok it's not that bad but IT NEEDS MOWED.
The same company texted my husband and asked why we had snacks in our yard. This seems like and odd question but it turns out after the correction was received, she meant SNAKES. Why do we have SNAKES in our yard?
Well, when said lawncare pseudo-professionals were here, they asked how he felt about snakes. Husband answered that we had a few black snakes, grass snakes etc - we live right next to a forest so yeah they're around.
Right about then, they left.  Hmmmmmmm.

Why do we have SNAKES in our yard?
I asked on Plurk and FB how we should have responded to such an inane question. Thanks for your awesome answers:

• Because we needed them to eat the rats. We are gettign aligators to eat the snakes and then gorillas to kill the alligators. Then winter will come and kill off the gorillas.
• "Satan"
• They Missed the Plane
• Woodpile?
• We tried giving them their own bedroom but they didn't like the color
• Oh DANG they got out again?
• They like the smell of our children
• Ritualistic fodder, must keep them somewhere
• Because of previous contractors who asked too many questions
• Because Obama
• St Patrick Visited Ireland instead of us

This question was so puzzling until the next text when she said "They said you put snakes in your yard."

So apparently they sent braniacs out here who ran away because they thought we had a yard full of snakes, intentionally. This is painful.

Mixed character Meme. It made my day.

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SNAKE!

What does it sound like, when you stumble outside to pour your coffee grounds on your roses, and you see this green twig on the porch, and then that twig has a head and eyes and serpentines across your porch?
It sounds a little like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE."
Don't get me wrong.
This wasn't a big snake. It was the size of a pencil.
But it WAS A DAMN SNAKE ON MY PORCH.
See I'm OFF snake guard. When we lived in Florida, I had full power Snake-dar going all the time. You had water moccasins and pygmy rattlers there like leaves on trees. Ask SARAH!
Sarah will confirm for you that once I nearly peed in my pants bcse I got halfway up her walk, between her bushes, when she called down "OH hey watch for the snakes in the bushes."

Snakes are my mortal enemies. I hate them like I hate Hitler. Except I'd just slap Hitler and snakes, well they send me running screaming in the other direction.

Once at my old job in FLA, I was out for a walk when this large branch on the pathway in front of me raised it's head and looked at me. WATER MOCCASIN. As I ran SCREAMING in the other direction, back to the outdoor break area......I informed my co-workers that there was a huge snake.
"Yeah, we heard you screaming," was all they had to say.
The natives in Florida are numb to the killer beasts they live among, I swear.

I also, at the same job, was out to lunch with a co-worker and was stepping out of my car, when I just HAPPENED to look down and nearly put my put down ON a coiled up water moccasin. It was lounging in the parking lot bcse a hurricane had come through and filled all the ditches up with water to flooding It was VERY happy to be there. I was not. I shrieked and got into my car and screamed and refused to come out.

Ever.

So as I went reeling back inside my house, to my husband and son telling me it was no big deal and BOTH stepping outside to check it out.....I didn't even care. He dumped the grounds on the roses and I stayed inside.

I will tolerate the snakes in the woods as they are eating vermin and keeping them out of my yard. I will tolerate the snakes in the yard as long at they have the SENSE to stay away when I am IN the yard.

But my PORCH?

The snakes are not welcome on my porch. Snake you and I do not have a deal and I am NOT Eve. I suggest you stay under the porch where I cannot see you or know you are there.

We'll both be happier.

SNAKE!

What does it sound like, when you stumble outside to pour your coffee grounds on your roses, and you see this green twig on the porch, and then that twig has a head and eyes and serpentines across your porch?
It sounds a little like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE."
Don't get me wrong.
This wasn't a big snake. It was the size of a pencil.
But it WAS A DAMN SNAKE ON MY PORCH.
See I'm OFF snake guard. When we lived in Florida, I had full power Snake-dar going all the time. You had water moccasins and pygmy rattlers there like leaves on trees. Ask SARAH!
Sarah will confirm for you that once I nearly peed in my pants bcse I got halfway up her walk, between her bushes, when she called down "OH hey watch for the snakes in the bushes."

Snakes are my mortal enemies. I hate them like I hate Hitler. Except I'd just slap Hitler and snakes, well they send me running screaming in the other direction.

Once at my old job in FLA, I was out for a walk when this large branch on the pathway in front of me raised it's head and looked at me. WATER MOCCASIN. As I ran SCREAMING in the other direction, back to the outdoor break area......I informed my co-workers that there was a huge snake.
"Yeah, we heard you screaming," was all they had to say.
The natives in Florida are numb to the killer beasts they live among, I swear.

I also, at the same job, was out to lunch with a co-worker and was stepping out of my car, when I just HAPPENED to look down and nearly put my put down ON a coiled up water moccasin. It was lounging in the parking lot bcse a hurricane had come through and filled all the ditches up with water to flooding It was VERY happy to be there. I was not. I shrieked and got into my car and screamed and refused to come out.

Ever.

So as I went reeling back inside my house, to my husband and son telling me it was no big deal and BOTH stepping outside to check it out.....I didn't even care. He dumped the grounds on the roses and I stayed inside.

I will tolerate the snakes in the woods as they are eating vermin and keeping them out of my yard. I will tolerate the snakes in the yard as long at they have the SENSE to stay away when I am IN the yard.

But my PORCH?

The snakes are not welcome on my porch. Snake you and I do not have a deal and I am NOT Eve. I suggest you stay under the porch where I cannot see you or know you are there.

We'll both be happier.