On Any Other Day

Yesterday was a milestone x3 and the first day of school around here. I'm up early at 0'Dark Hundred because due to said milestone, I didn't get one single free "me" moment yesterday and if I don't get some silence I go crazy.

This is me attempting sanity by creating sleep deprivation. Don't try to understand it.

Our biggest event yesterday was Julia's very first day of school. Kindergarten beware, she is in you. She tells me she went to the wrong room while showing her friend where to go. She tells me this confidently, she was leading the way, got lost but hey no problem because a nice teacher helped her. She tells me she "did learning" but can't seem to quite tell me what she learned except the bumblebee song.

I was so proud of her yesterday morning. What I wanted was for her to be confident and walk away from us without a hesitation. I wanted her to head off into the world in a way that showed me we'd done it right, despite the fact that we realized we've never let her use scissors in all this time, I wanted to see that the PERSON she is can handle the world I'd just sent her into.

She didn't disappoint. The bus pulled up and she didn't even say goodbye. She turned and walked away, only casting one look back at her friend like "Why aren't you coming?" while her friend hugged her mom again. She got on the bus like a boss, and like that she was gone, into new independence and freedom. Into a world where she got lost and didn't even blink.

THAT'S what I wanted.

Not to be completely overshadowed, it was the twins first day of sixth grade. We got a reprieve from school system chaos and both boys are in the same school this year (although not the same one as Louis). They are on the same bus so that's only ONE thing for me to deal with YAY.

They are in separate classes and I really like both of their teachers. Both boys are in for three years of being challenged to grow and I find that exciting. Charlie was doing potty training day one - and Miles brought home a work sheet that he WROTE the answers on himself. They seemed very happy but tired yesterday. We hardly had ANY fighting.

As for my big boy, my Louis, my first baby? Well he's in 7th grade and while he's just as excited as we are taking pictures and videos of the little ones going to school, when it's his turn you know he's too cool for all of that. SO MUCH TOO COOL FOR IT. When we went to his bus stop he says "WHAT You're COMING TO THE BUS STOP?" and we were like yep, get over it. We're ALWAYS COMING TO YOUR BUS STOP ON DAY ONE.

My husband suggested if he didn't like it, he cold come to school to follow him around on his first day. I think he decided to roll with us being at the bus stop.

So now we're on day two, and I'm sitting at the computer rather than getting ready like I should. I think I've got a plan however, for getting them ready and out the door starting in 28 minutes. First bus is at 7:50, then there is one at 8:15 then Louis has to leave right then to head to HIS bus stop and then I'm off to work.

I'm kind of glad school is back. I'm ready for this next chapter of adventure.

Goodbye summer.
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On Any Other Day

Yesterday was a milestone x3 and the first day of school around here. I'm up early at 0'Dark Hundred because due to said milestone, I didn't get one single free "me" moment yesterday and if I don't get some silence I go crazy.

This is me attempting sanity by creating sleep deprivation. Don't try to understand it.

Our biggest event yesterday was Julia's very first day of school. Kindergarten beware, she is in you. She tells me she went to the wrong room while showing her friend where to go. She tells me this confidently, she was leading the way, got lost but hey no problem because a nice teacher helped her. She tells me she "did learning" but can't seem to quite tell me what she learned except the bumblebee song.

I was so proud of her yesterday morning. What I wanted was for her to be confident and walk away from us without a hesitation. I wanted her to head off into the world in a way that showed me we'd done it right, despite the fact that we realized we've never let her use scissors in all this time, I wanted to see that the PERSON she is can handle the world I'd just sent her into.

She didn't disappoint. The bus pulled up and she didn't even say goodbye. She turned and walked away, only casting one look back at her friend like "Why aren't you coming?" while her friend hugged her mom again. She got on the bus like a boss, and like that she was gone, into new independence and freedom. Into a world where she got lost and didn't even blink.

THAT'S what I wanted.

Not to be completely overshadowed, it was the twins first day of sixth grade. We got a reprieve from school system chaos and both boys are in the same school this year (although not the same one as Louis). They are on the same bus so that's only ONE thing for me to deal with YAY.

They are in separate classes and I really like both of their teachers. Both boys are in for three years of being challenged to grow and I find that exciting. Charlie was doing potty training day one - and Miles brought home a work sheet that he WROTE the answers on himself. They seemed very happy but tired yesterday. We hardly had ANY fighting.

As for my big boy, my Louis, my first baby? Well he's in 7th grade and while he's just as excited as we are taking pictures and videos of the little ones going to school, when it's his turn you know he's too cool for all of that. SO MUCH TOO COOL FOR IT. When we went to his bus stop he says "WHAT You're COMING TO THE BUS STOP?" and we were like yep, get over it. We're ALWAYS COMING TO YOUR BUS STOP ON DAY ONE.

My husband suggested if he didn't like it, he cold come to school to follow him around on his first day. I think he decided to roll with us being at the bus stop.

So now we're on day two, and I'm sitting at the computer rather than getting ready like I should. I think I've got a plan however, for getting them ready and out the door starting in 28 minutes. First bus is at 7:50, then there is one at 8:15 then Louis has to leave right then to head to HIS bus stop and then I'm off to work.

I'm kind of glad school is back. I'm ready for this next chapter of adventure.

Goodbye summer.
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It Was International Night

Middle School brings new things, such as the International Night Fashion Show and Cake Walk. To say that this even was "under billed" might be a huge over statement. The boy and I went, and the first clue was that the parking lot was packed.

The entire center of the school was ringed with tables themed to various countries, with crafts, and foods that were free, or a nominal fee to try.

I love school events. Wandering the halls, watching all the kids act crazy, or behave quite well. I love how they're all learning and growing, these boys that I've watched since they were 5 and 6.

And it's probably ego but it makes me feel good to do this simple stuff with him, just to watch his wonder and excitement. Above, he's making a paper flower for his little sister. The girl manning the station? No idea how to make them. Luckily, I was a girl scout and making paper flowers was a requirement :) .

While we wandered and tasted and made crafts, my mind went to a friend of mine who just died.

She was my friend while I was trying to get pregnant. She was my friend who was the self appointed expert on all things motherhood. A lot of things I find myself gravitating to as important, are things she used to say over and over. Her kids were her WORLD. SCHOOL IS THEIR JOB she would say. YOU HAVE TO BE INVOLVED IN EVERYTHING THEY DO, she would say. She helped me find the best pediatrician.

I didn't think she was a perfect mom, but I thought she was a good mom. As a friend, she was definitely someone whose opinion and values mattered to me. I listened to her, and believed in so much of what she said.

So there I was at international night, tasting chicken satay, and laughing as my son played the various instruments with his friends, blinking back my tears.

In the course of 12 years, 11 I have been gone from there, my friend drank herself to death. Her alcoholism existed even when I knew her, but I never perceived it. She was good at pretending she didn't have a problem - for a while.

I find it unthinkable, that someone whose world revolved around her kids, could change into someone whose world revolved around booze. But that's how powerful it is. She couldn't even stop for all the things she believed in, all the things she loved.

I know that the bubbly, bossy girl Michele and I were friends with hasn't existed in a long time. She changed as the demon took hold of her and turned her into someone else. So I guess I can't mourn the person I knew suddenly dying, as that person hasn't been around in years and years.

But I regret the loss to her children, of the woman I knew. Do they even remember her, and her passion for them? Do they know how they were EVERYTHING to her? The mom who did crafts and participated at school, vs. being a sick drunk prone to rage - do they remember? God I hope they do. I do.

I mourn the loss of hope, of future, for her. I regret the missed chances, the grandchildren, the firsts she won't get to see now. I mourn the girl who I knew, being lost in the bottom of a bottle.

This is how I will remember her. Round cheeked, smiling, and with bigger hair than was actually appropriate for the decade.  I saw another picture of her online, thin, bony, sharp featured. I don't know that girl.This is the girl I know.

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It Was International Night

Middle School brings new things, such as the International Night Fashion Show and Cake Walk. To say that this even was "under billed" might be a huge over statement. The boy and I went, and the first clue was that the parking lot was packed.

The entire center of the school was ringed with tables themed to various countries, with crafts, and foods that were free, or a nominal fee to try.

I love school events. Wandering the halls, watching all the kids act crazy, or behave quite well. I love how they're all learning and growing, these boys that I've watched since they were 5 and 6.

And it's probably ego but it makes me feel good to do this simple stuff with him, just to watch his wonder and excitement. Above, he's making a paper flower for his little sister. The girl manning the station? No idea how to make them. Luckily, I was a girl scout and making paper flowers was a requirement :) .

While we wandered and tasted and made crafts, my mind went to a friend of mine who just died.

She was my friend while I was trying to get pregnant. She was my friend who was the self appointed expert on all things motherhood. A lot of things I find myself gravitating to as important, are things she used to say over and over. Her kids were her WORLD. SCHOOL IS THEIR JOB she would say. YOU HAVE TO BE INVOLVED IN EVERYTHING THEY DO, she would say. She helped me find the best pediatrician.

I didn't think she was a perfect mom, but I thought she was a good mom. As a friend, she was definitely someone whose opinion and values mattered to me. I listened to her, and believed in so much of what she said.

So there I was at international night, tasting chicken satay, and laughing as my son played the various instruments with his friends, blinking back my tears.

In the course of 12 years, 11 I have been gone from there, my friend drank herself to death. Her alcoholism existed even when I knew her, but I never perceived it. She was good at pretending she didn't have a problem - for a while.

I find it unthinkable, that someone whose world revolved around her kids, could change into someone whose world revolved around booze. But that's how powerful it is. She couldn't even stop for all the things she believed in, all the things she loved.

I know that the bubbly, bossy girl Michele and I were friends with hasn't existed in a long time. She changed as the demon took hold of her and turned her into someone else. So I guess I can't mourn the person I knew suddenly dying, as that person hasn't been around in years and years.

But I regret the loss to her children, of the woman I knew. Do they even remember her, and her passion for them? Do they know how they were EVERYTHING to her? The mom who did crafts and participated at school, vs. being a sick drunk prone to rage - do they remember? God I hope they do. I do.

I mourn the loss of hope, of future, for her. I regret the missed chances, the grandchildren, the firsts she won't get to see now. I mourn the girl who I knew, being lost in the bottom of a bottle.

This is how I will remember her. Round cheeked, smiling, and with bigger hair than was actually appropriate for the decade.  I saw another picture of her online, thin, bony, sharp featured. I don't know that girl.This is the girl I know.

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