Advanced Maternal Age Is A Valid Diagnosis

This is the mantra at the perinatologist, apparently. If we heard it once, we heard it 20 times during our visit for luchal translucency (down syndrome) screening. This is the drum they beat to make insurance companies pay for the myriad tests they're going to put us through.
Sarah and I sort of have a philosophy about being high risk, it goes like this. "SWEET! MORE PICTURES"! I realize that sounds a little snarky, but - in my case anyway - it's like being high risk without being high risk at all.
What is boils down to, is that they have diagnosed me as being OLD.

Seriously. Are you fecking kidding me?

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the red carpet treatment. I love knowing that my odds of having a Down Syndrome or Trisomy 18 baby are LOW LOW LOW after the testing was done, we have none of the genetic markers. Next we'll do neural tube defect testing so you know - MORE PICTURES! Plus I get to see the sex by then so that'll be fun.

I'm just not worried.

I saw that tiny human on the screen, with it's arms and legs stretching and rubbing it's head....and I can see that it's fine. Maybe it's because I didn't even start having kids until I was 34 that this just doesn't seem like such a huge deal to me. I was always "an older mother".

But I refuse to treat being pregnant like a disability. It's a gift, it's my hearts desire. And I will not see it otherwise, regardless of the testing and screenings that are required.

Advanced Maternal Age Is A Valid Diagnosis

This is the mantra at the perinatologist, apparently. If we heard it once, we heard it 20 times during our visit for luchal translucency (down syndrome) screening. This is the drum they beat to make insurance companies pay for the myriad tests they're going to put us through.
Sarah and I sort of have a philosophy about being high risk, it goes like this. "SWEET! MORE PICTURES"! I realize that sounds a little snarky, but - in my case anyway - it's like being high risk without being high risk at all.
What is boils down to, is that they have diagnosed me as being OLD.

Seriously. Are you fecking kidding me?

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the red carpet treatment. I love knowing that my odds of having a Down Syndrome or Trisomy 18 baby are LOW LOW LOW after the testing was done, we have none of the genetic markers. Next we'll do neural tube defect testing so you know - MORE PICTURES! Plus I get to see the sex by then so that'll be fun.

I'm just not worried.

I saw that tiny human on the screen, with it's arms and legs stretching and rubbing it's head....and I can see that it's fine. Maybe it's because I didn't even start having kids until I was 34 that this just doesn't seem like such a huge deal to me. I was always "an older mother".

But I refuse to treat being pregnant like a disability. It's a gift, it's my hearts desire. And I will not see it otherwise, regardless of the testing and screenings that are required.

Pregnant at 40

There shouldn't be, in my mind, a big difference in being pregnant at 40 vs. being pregnant at 34 as I was the first go round. Yet biologically speaking, my body seems to have different ideas.
The bed rest was the first difference, and the random, painful bleeding around weeks 5 and 6 which then just ZAP stopped.
Based on what the doctor had to say, WHICH WAS A LOT, the real issue is not getting pregnant at 40 (for normal people - not people like me) it's

1. Staying pregnant - we kick out bad eggs more often at this age
2. The list of real problems and complications is seriously longer at this age.

I'm not really terribly WORRIED about this list, the possible complications. Maybe I'm bizarrely optimistic, or foolishly hopeful. But I feel GOOD about the baby. I feel good that she is fine. She's kicking my ass as far as my sleepyhead status goes.......but I feel like we're putzing along ok, she and I.

Then I started getting this pain in my right side yesterday. Hormones doing what they do, joints get looser and my hips traditionally ache during pregnancy. Yesterday I ate Tylenol all day. Today however the tap was turned on high and it was serious pain. Then I went to the bathroom and.....

blood.

Bright red blood. The BAD KIND. The kind you don't want to see when you are 9 weeks pregnant. And more. And pain.

I ended up back at the OBGYN getting an ultrasound and we're all old friends by now. The baby is fine, superfast hearbeat - over 180 - and looking great. (An aside, I noted she still has her tail as she should, and the tech says "I don't like to think of it as a tail" - WHAT? It's a TAIL! All medical books and writings refer to it as the tail good grief.......I know that was an anti-evolution thing and it was cracking me up cuz then I kept talking about it)

Anyway, she's fine. I apparently, from what they can see - had a cyst rupture. Thus the pain.

The bleeding? Well........that's where it gets tricky. Am I trying to miscarry? The baby doesn't give any signs. Is it bleeding behind the placenta as it implants? Hard to say. Is it my bicornet uterus? Possibly. They say one side can bleed while the other is growing a baby. Mine isn't as crazy as the one pictured, not quite as big of a divide between the two sides, more like a close heart. Regardless, it's a defect in me that apparently usually keeps people from going to term or from even getting pregnant,much less carrying twins or delivering a baby boy over 9 pounds. My new OBGYN apparently put the ultrasound tech THROUGH it because he didn't believe I could have that condition AND my childbirth history.

But I promise you, both things are true.

So anyway......the bleeding stopped. And now.............

We dunno. I go back on Friday for another ultrasound and another check up. We discussed if the worst happens, if I suddenly have no fetal heartbeat I opted for an immediate D&C vs. last year's nightmare. He feels we will prepare for the worst and assume we'll have the best.

But she looks great. I could see her little arms today - and I have no reason to believe that I won't see them again on Friday.

And kiss them in April.

Pregnant at 40

There shouldn't be, in my mind, a big difference in being pregnant at 40 vs. being pregnant at 34 as I was the first go round. Yet biologically speaking, my body seems to have different ideas.
The bed rest was the first difference, and the random, painful bleeding around weeks 5 and 6 which then just ZAP stopped.
Based on what the doctor had to say, WHICH WAS A LOT, the real issue is not getting pregnant at 40 (for normal people - not people like me) it's

1. Staying pregnant - we kick out bad eggs more often at this age
2. The list of real problems and complications is seriously longer at this age.

I'm not really terribly WORRIED about this list, the possible complications. Maybe I'm bizarrely optimistic, or foolishly hopeful. But I feel GOOD about the baby. I feel good that she is fine. She's kicking my ass as far as my sleepyhead status goes.......but I feel like we're putzing along ok, she and I.

Then I started getting this pain in my right side yesterday. Hormones doing what they do, joints get looser and my hips traditionally ache during pregnancy. Yesterday I ate Tylenol all day. Today however the tap was turned on high and it was serious pain. Then I went to the bathroom and.....

blood.

Bright red blood. The BAD KIND. The kind you don't want to see when you are 9 weeks pregnant. And more. And pain.

I ended up back at the OBGYN getting an ultrasound and we're all old friends by now. The baby is fine, superfast hearbeat - over 180 - and looking great. (An aside, I noted she still has her tail as she should, and the tech says "I don't like to think of it as a tail" - WHAT? It's a TAIL! All medical books and writings refer to it as the tail good grief.......I know that was an anti-evolution thing and it was cracking me up cuz then I kept talking about it)

Anyway, she's fine. I apparently, from what they can see - had a cyst rupture. Thus the pain.

The bleeding? Well........that's where it gets tricky. Am I trying to miscarry? The baby doesn't give any signs. Is it bleeding behind the placenta as it implants? Hard to say. Is it my bicornet uterus? Possibly. They say one side can bleed while the other is growing a baby. Mine isn't as crazy as the one pictured, not quite as big of a divide between the two sides, more like a close heart. Regardless, it's a defect in me that apparently usually keeps people from going to term or from even getting pregnant,much less carrying twins or delivering a baby boy over 9 pounds. My new OBGYN apparently put the ultrasound tech THROUGH it because he didn't believe I could have that condition AND my childbirth history.

But I promise you, both things are true.

So anyway......the bleeding stopped. And now.............

We dunno. I go back on Friday for another ultrasound and another check up. We discussed if the worst happens, if I suddenly have no fetal heartbeat I opted for an immediate D&C vs. last year's nightmare. He feels we will prepare for the worst and assume we'll have the best.

But she looks great. I could see her little arms today - and I have no reason to believe that I won't see them again on Friday.

And kiss them in April.

Let's Talk About Fatigue

I've been pregnant to completion a couple of times, so I'm well acquainted with the 1st trimester pregnancy fatigue as well as the "oh crap I'm tired" feeling that the other two trimesters bring.

Or I thought I was.

Maybe it's because I'm 40, maybe it's because this one is a girl (maybe!) or maybe it's just because "every pregnancy is different"......but this time around - the fatigue is stunning.

I'm only just a little tired and blah during the day. I don't have any real problem getting up, getting the kids off to school etc or functioning at work (ok I get a little tired at work). But it's not bad. It feels normal. Sort of "my body is burning a lot of energy building a human" sort of tired.

When I get home I'm ok for a while - and then it hits. It's like someone switched the OFF button. I have trouble keeping my eyes open, my limbs get heavy and all I can think about is going to sleep. This starts happening about 9pm. It's annoying as hell.

I don't want to go to sleep. All this means is that after a long day and then finally getting the kids to bed - I get no grown up play time. No computer time, no tv, no movies, no cuddles on the couch with my sweetheart. JUST SLEEP.

My mind is getting addled from my lack of relaxing time - but my body is in command and it sends me to bed far earlier than I'm interested in going. I never felt hostage to my body in either pregnancy but this time around, apparently all bets are off. I can't function when the sleep need kicks in so off I go.

But seeing this, makes it all worth it.

Let's Talk About Fatigue

I've been pregnant to completion a couple of times, so I'm well acquainted with the 1st trimester pregnancy fatigue as well as the "oh crap I'm tired" feeling that the other two trimesters bring.

Or I thought I was.

Maybe it's because I'm 40, maybe it's because this one is a girl (maybe!) or maybe it's just because "every pregnancy is different"......but this time around - the fatigue is stunning.

I'm only just a little tired and blah during the day. I don't have any real problem getting up, getting the kids off to school etc or functioning at work (ok I get a little tired at work). But it's not bad. It feels normal. Sort of "my body is burning a lot of energy building a human" sort of tired.

When I get home I'm ok for a while - and then it hits. It's like someone switched the OFF button. I have trouble keeping my eyes open, my limbs get heavy and all I can think about is going to sleep. This starts happening about 9pm. It's annoying as hell.

I don't want to go to sleep. All this means is that after a long day and then finally getting the kids to bed - I get no grown up play time. No computer time, no tv, no movies, no cuddles on the couch with my sweetheart. JUST SLEEP.

My mind is getting addled from my lack of relaxing time - but my body is in command and it sends me to bed far earlier than I'm interested in going. I never felt hostage to my body in either pregnancy but this time around, apparently all bets are off. I can't function when the sleep need kicks in so off I go.

But seeing this, makes it all worth it.