I fell into bed early, and slept like someone who had a full day of fresh mountain air that was crisp and full of goodness. I slept hard, drooling on my husband's pillow until the sound made me sit straight up in bed.
It was was Julia. I heard her voice say something and I sat up. I could see down the hall, though, and her door was shut. I sat up on the side of the bed, waiting for more words.
"Triangles, triangles, T T TRIANGLES..." the voice continued. It wasn't Julia but I couldn't figure it out. It was such a tiny voice.
It occurred to me that it was Miles, and autism had woken him up or was making him chatty in his sleep. There were more ABCs and random words. Sometimes Autism is the puppy-baby-monkey of life. I got back under the covers and closed my eyes when I became aware of something else.
WOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
The earth was making a sound. Or, something was. This loud hummming, this sound. I got up and looked out the window to make sure I wasn't ground zero for some invasion but no, there was nothing. In fact I realized it wasn't a sound I was hearing, It was a sound I was feeling. I crawled back into bed, aware that the whole world was buzzing and wondered if I was dreaming.
I opened my eyes again, and realized that I was only feeling this because it was so still, so very quiet. The whole world was buzzing to me. I knew what the feeling was.
It was Everything.
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Showing posts with label sleep deprivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep deprivation. Show all posts
Monday, March 07, 2016
Triangles and Wommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I fell into bed early, and slept like someone who had a full day of fresh mountain air that was crisp and full of goodness. I slept hard, drooling on my husband's pillow until the sound made me sit straight up in bed.
It was was Julia. I heard her voice say something and I sat up. I could see down the hall, though, and her door was shut. I sat up on the side of the bed, waiting for more words.
"Triangles, triangles, T T TRIANGLES..." the voice continued. It wasn't Julia but I couldn't figure it out. It was such a tiny voice.
It occurred to me that it was Miles, and autism had woken him up or was making him chatty in his sleep. There were more ABCs and random words. Sometimes Autism is the puppy-baby-monkey of life. I got back under the covers and closed my eyes when I became aware of something else.
WOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
The earth was making a sound. Or, something was. This loud hummming, this sound. I got up and looked out the window to make sure I wasn't ground zero for some invasion but no, there was nothing. In fact I realized it wasn't a sound I was hearing, It was a sound I was feeling. I crawled back into bed, aware that the whole world was buzzing and wondered if I was dreaming.
I opened my eyes again, and realized that I was only feeling this because it was so still, so very quiet. The whole world was buzzing to me. I knew what the feeling was.
It was Everything.
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It was was Julia. I heard her voice say something and I sat up. I could see down the hall, though, and her door was shut. I sat up on the side of the bed, waiting for more words.
"Triangles, triangles, T T TRIANGLES..." the voice continued. It wasn't Julia but I couldn't figure it out. It was such a tiny voice.
It occurred to me that it was Miles, and autism had woken him up or was making him chatty in his sleep. There were more ABCs and random words. Sometimes Autism is the puppy-baby-monkey of life. I got back under the covers and closed my eyes when I became aware of something else.
WOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
The earth was making a sound. Or, something was. This loud hummming, this sound. I got up and looked out the window to make sure I wasn't ground zero for some invasion but no, there was nothing. In fact I realized it wasn't a sound I was hearing, It was a sound I was feeling. I crawled back into bed, aware that the whole world was buzzing and wondered if I was dreaming.
I opened my eyes again, and realized that I was only feeling this because it was so still, so very quiet. The whole world was buzzing to me. I knew what the feeling was.
It was Everything.
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Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Sleep Lay Behind Me Like a Broken Ocean
It's 5:19 am and I've been awake for more than an hour. Traditionally I go to sleep fast. I can wake up ten times a night and then immediately roll over and be back to sleep in nothing flat. Often I don't recall that I've awoken. Not tonight.
First I realize I'm in the grips of aches and pains. I ache. I pain. No position is comfortable except flat on my back and I don't want to sleep on my back I am a side sleeper. Then I keep drifting into almost dreams, that are more like thoughts but you realize you are awake quickly and make note that
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First I realize I'm in the grips of aches and pains. I ache. I pain. No position is comfortable except flat on my back and I don't want to sleep on my back I am a side sleeper. Then I keep drifting into almost dreams, that are more like thoughts but you realize you are awake quickly and make note that
- Louis is never allowed to base jump
- Strangers need to stop asking to hug and or hold Julia
- I need to weed the front garden
- Most of my clothes don't fit me
- I need to clean my desk
- and so on and so forth
About 10 minutes ago I realized that in addition to my brain being in overdrive, I'm STARVING. I'm straight up hungry as hell. I have no reason to be hungry as hell. I ate about 1800 calories yesterday. But I'm ravenous. So I've given myself two Viactive chews and some almond milk, and now I'm having a coffee. I would have fed myself but omg it's five am I can't make food right now. I can barely sit up.
I'm tired you see. I'm legitimately tired as hell.
But my brain, my brain won't stop. I'm so busy at work. It's another full calendar day. But I think that one meeting is wrong so YAY I just gained and hour shhhh don't tell anyone. I have so much to do, I don't know how to even get it done.
I'm worried about my dad. My father is failing. I'm trying to get home to see him, before he's so far gone that it doesn't matter. I've wondered repeatedly if he's died, in the past hour, and that this is why I'm awake. Maybe some universal energy woke me up to say YOUR FATHER IS DEAD. I wonder if my brother would call me at 4 am, or just let me sleep knowing that there is nothing to gain from waking me up? I don't know which I would prefer.
I used to get insomnia the night before I got my period. But I haven't HAD a period in years now thanks to the endometrium ablation I had. However we've learned that while they used to think they are 100% effective - like when I had mine, now they know that they aren't. Am I getting my period? This thought annoys me and makes me more awake. I remember that stupid internet tests I keep taking keep suggesting I am having a baby in the next year. I have to remind myself I had my tubes tied. I'm worried that the internet is self aware, and has powers of precognition.
Maybe it's the coffee I had at Marlowe's tavern last night with the twins club mom's night out. I'm awake. I'm SO SO SO SO FUCKING AWAKE. But I went to sleep just fine. So no, that can't be it.
Of course now I've had coffee, so that's probably why I'm so damn sharp and awake right now.
Now Charlie is up, because I'm a loud typist. I think that comes from having learned to type on a typewriter back when you had to hit the keys like you meant it. I strike the keys with intention, consequently I am probably annoying five others right now.
It feels like the right thing to do, to have stop being frustrated and just get the hell up, however. Mentally the angst of desperately wanting sleep is slipping away. It's just sleep, I'll get some tonight. If I feel like I can't sleep I'll take a benadryl or something.
This is my insomnia face.
I'm not smiling, because I am damned tired.
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Sleep Lay Behind Me Like a Broken Ocean
It's 5:19 am and I've been awake for more than an hour. Traditionally I go to sleep fast. I can wake up ten times a night and then immediately roll over and be back to sleep in nothing flat. Often I don't recall that I've awoken. Not tonight.
First I realize I'm in the grips of aches and pains. I ache. I pain. No position is comfortable except flat on my back and I don't want to sleep on my back I am a side sleeper. Then I keep drifting into almost dreams, that are more like thoughts but you realize you are awake quickly and make note that
Tweet
First I realize I'm in the grips of aches and pains. I ache. I pain. No position is comfortable except flat on my back and I don't want to sleep on my back I am a side sleeper. Then I keep drifting into almost dreams, that are more like thoughts but you realize you are awake quickly and make note that
- Louis is never allowed to base jump
- Strangers need to stop asking to hug and or hold Julia
- I need to weed the front garden
- Most of my clothes don't fit me
- I need to clean my desk
- and so on and so forth
About 10 minutes ago I realized that in addition to my brain being in overdrive, I'm STARVING. I'm straight up hungry as hell. I have no reason to be hungry as hell. I ate about 1800 calories yesterday. But I'm ravenous. So I've given myself two Viactive chews and some almond milk, and now I'm having a coffee. I would have fed myself but omg it's five am I can't make food right now. I can barely sit up.
I'm tired you see. I'm legitimately tired as hell.
But my brain, my brain won't stop. I'm so busy at work. It's another full calendar day. But I think that one meeting is wrong so YAY I just gained and hour shhhh don't tell anyone. I have so much to do, I don't know how to even get it done.
I'm worried about my dad. My father is failing. I'm trying to get home to see him, before he's so far gone that it doesn't matter. I've wondered repeatedly if he's died, in the past hour, and that this is why I'm awake. Maybe some universal energy woke me up to say YOUR FATHER IS DEAD. I wonder if my brother would call me at 4 am, or just let me sleep knowing that there is nothing to gain from waking me up? I don't know which I would prefer.
I used to get insomnia the night before I got my period. But I haven't HAD a period in years now thanks to the endometrium ablation I had. However we've learned that while they used to think they are 100% effective - like when I had mine, now they know that they aren't. Am I getting my period? This thought annoys me and makes me more awake. I remember that stupid internet tests I keep taking keep suggesting I am having a baby in the next year. I have to remind myself I had my tubes tied. I'm worried that the internet is self aware, and has powers of precognition.
Maybe it's the coffee I had at Marlowe's tavern last night with the twins club mom's night out. I'm awake. I'm SO SO SO SO FUCKING AWAKE. But I went to sleep just fine. So no, that can't be it.
Of course now I've had coffee, so that's probably why I'm so damn sharp and awake right now.
Now Charlie is up, because I'm a loud typist. I think that comes from having learned to type on a typewriter back when you had to hit the keys like you meant it. I strike the keys with intention, consequently I am probably annoying five others right now.
It feels like the right thing to do, to have stop being frustrated and just get the hell up, however. Mentally the angst of desperately wanting sleep is slipping away. It's just sleep, I'll get some tonight. If I feel like I can't sleep I'll take a benadryl or something.
This is my insomnia face.
I'm not smiling, because I am damned tired.
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Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Just 30 More Minutes
At 6:25 AM I realized that Charlie had a fever,so no school today. I gave him Tylenol, called transportation so the bus didn't come and honk honk honk, and rolled back upstairs and climbed into bed.
I had, at that moment, 30 minutes to relax before I had to get up.
T Minus 29 Minutes: I am drifting off, and a child coughs. I roll over.
T Minus 27 Minutes: I hear little feet paddling on the carpet - look up in time to see a blonde head dive into her bed. "Go to sleep." I whisper.
T Minus 24 Minutes: Someone else coughs.
T Minus 20 Minutes: The husband throws a leg over me and pins my leg weirdly, I wiggle free and scooch to snuggle more comfortably. He starts to snore. In my ear.
T Minus 17 Minutes: Feet. On the carpet. Running up and down the hall. "GO TO SLEEP" I say, less whispery this time.
T Minus 15 Minues: The girl child, "MY SOCKS WHERE ARE MY SOCKS?" I realize she didn't put her magical sock on at bed time, so I get up, get them out of the drawer and put them on her, and tuck her back into bed. I don't know what magic powers they HAVE but I know she has to have them EVERY night.
I lay back down. I consider just hitting the shower at this point. But I close my eyes instead.
T- Minus 7 Minutes: Charlie comes in. "I have a booger." Me, "You have a booger?" Him "I want a diaper."
Ok then. I change him, he's wet through, I change his pajamas and have him lay down with me.
T Minus 5 Minutes: I assume I went to sleep. Clock said 6:55 and then it was BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP and I had to get up.
That was a super restful extra 30.
Note to self - just get up next time.
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I had, at that moment, 30 minutes to relax before I had to get up.
T Minus 29 Minutes: I am drifting off, and a child coughs. I roll over.
T Minus 27 Minutes: I hear little feet paddling on the carpet - look up in time to see a blonde head dive into her bed. "Go to sleep." I whisper.
T Minus 24 Minutes: Someone else coughs.
T Minus 20 Minutes: The husband throws a leg over me and pins my leg weirdly, I wiggle free and scooch to snuggle more comfortably. He starts to snore. In my ear.
T Minus 17 Minutes: Feet. On the carpet. Running up and down the hall. "GO TO SLEEP" I say, less whispery this time.
T Minus 15 Minues: The girl child, "MY SOCKS WHERE ARE MY SOCKS?" I realize she didn't put her magical sock on at bed time, so I get up, get them out of the drawer and put them on her, and tuck her back into bed. I don't know what magic powers they HAVE but I know she has to have them EVERY night.
I lay back down. I consider just hitting the shower at this point. But I close my eyes instead.
T- Minus 7 Minutes: Charlie comes in. "I have a booger." Me, "You have a booger?" Him "I want a diaper."
Ok then. I change him, he's wet through, I change his pajamas and have him lay down with me.
T Minus 5 Minutes: I assume I went to sleep. Clock said 6:55 and then it was BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP and I had to get up.
That was a super restful extra 30.
Note to self - just get up next time.
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Just 30 More Minutes
At 6:25 AM I realized that Charlie had a fever,so no school today. I gave him Tylenol, called transportation so the bus didn't come and honk honk honk, and rolled back upstairs and climbed into bed.
I had, at that moment, 30 minutes to relax before I had to get up.
T Minus 29 Minutes: I am drifting off, and a child coughs. I roll over.
T Minus 27 Minutes: I hear little feet paddling on the carpet - look up in time to see a blonde head dive into her bed. "Go to sleep." I whisper.
T Minus 24 Minutes: Someone else coughs.
T Minus 20 Minutes: The husband throws a leg over me and pins my leg weirdly, I wiggle free and scooch to snuggle more comfortably. He starts to snore. In my ear.
T Minus 17 Minutes: Feet. On the carpet. Running up and down the hall. "GO TO SLEEP" I say, less whispery this time.
T Minus 15 Minues: The girl child, "MY SOCKS WHERE ARE MY SOCKS?" I realize she didn't put her magical sock on at bed time, so I get up, get them out of the drawer and put them on her, and tuck her back into bed. I don't know what magic powers they HAVE but I know she has to have them EVERY night.
I lay back down. I consider just hitting the shower at this point. But I close my eyes instead.
T- Minus 7 Minutes: Charlie comes in. "I have a booger." Me, "You have a booger?" Him "I want a diaper."
Ok then. I change him, he's wet through, I change his pajamas and have him lay down with me.
T Minus 5 Minutes: I assume I went to sleep. Clock said 6:55 and then it was BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP and I had to get up.
That was a super restful extra 30.
Note to self - just get up next time.
Tweet
I had, at that moment, 30 minutes to relax before I had to get up.
T Minus 29 Minutes: I am drifting off, and a child coughs. I roll over.
T Minus 27 Minutes: I hear little feet paddling on the carpet - look up in time to see a blonde head dive into her bed. "Go to sleep." I whisper.
T Minus 24 Minutes: Someone else coughs.
T Minus 20 Minutes: The husband throws a leg over me and pins my leg weirdly, I wiggle free and scooch to snuggle more comfortably. He starts to snore. In my ear.
T Minus 17 Minutes: Feet. On the carpet. Running up and down the hall. "GO TO SLEEP" I say, less whispery this time.
T Minus 15 Minues: The girl child, "MY SOCKS WHERE ARE MY SOCKS?" I realize she didn't put her magical sock on at bed time, so I get up, get them out of the drawer and put them on her, and tuck her back into bed. I don't know what magic powers they HAVE but I know she has to have them EVERY night.
I lay back down. I consider just hitting the shower at this point. But I close my eyes instead.
T- Minus 7 Minutes: Charlie comes in. "I have a booger." Me, "You have a booger?" Him "I want a diaper."
Ok then. I change him, he's wet through, I change his pajamas and have him lay down with me.
T Minus 5 Minutes: I assume I went to sleep. Clock said 6:55 and then it was BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP and I had to get up.
That was a super restful extra 30.
Note to self - just get up next time.
Tweet
Sunday, July 08, 2012
E Is For Earplugs
One of the things you might not know about autistic children is that, they aren't necessarily quiet. It's a common misconception. People assume "they don't talk therefore they are quiet". Well no.
See,first of all, just because they aren't talking TO you doesn't meant they don't TALK. I have one who has serious echolalia. That means like a parrot he'll repeat the same things over and over and over.
For HOURS.
It's pretty good times.
The other boy, will moan, or scream, or kind of say random things. They both hit things and knock things and bang things. So, no, they aren't QUIET. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
It's worse for me at night. If they won't sleep, and sometimes they won't, then I can't sleep. I have to have QUIET. I have downloaded a wave machine app onto the iPhone but even that won't count through the singing of the ABCs or whatever the song is this week. Over, and over, and over and over into the wee hours of the morning.
It's been a long 8 years of having two little boys that have no regard for my need for sleep, nor anyone else's.
Then the husband had this idea.
Earplugs.
After a night of me nearly being crazy and in tears due to sleep deprivation one too many times, he came home the next day with earplugs and insisted I try them. I am usually a very "NO I WILL MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS" sort of princess but really, his logic was sound.
Can I say how brilliant earplugs are? Last night, I opened my eyes in the middle of the night and saw an 8 year old running around my room - followed by my husband who ushered him in to the bathroom silently, and I closed my eyes & went back to sleep. Soundly, like the dead my brain wasn't activated or bothered by noise, and sleep wrapped itself around me. A bit later they were back, and again I fluttered my eyes open with my mommy radar - saw all was well and my brain shut back down into blissful quiet sleep.
Sleep, we are friends again.
Tweet
See,first of all, just because they aren't talking TO you doesn't meant they don't TALK. I have one who has serious echolalia. That means like a parrot he'll repeat the same things over and over and over.
For HOURS.
It's pretty good times.
The other boy, will moan, or scream, or kind of say random things. They both hit things and knock things and bang things. So, no, they aren't QUIET. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
It's worse for me at night. If they won't sleep, and sometimes they won't, then I can't sleep. I have to have QUIET. I have downloaded a wave machine app onto the iPhone but even that won't count through the singing of the ABCs or whatever the song is this week. Over, and over, and over and over into the wee hours of the morning.
It's been a long 8 years of having two little boys that have no regard for my need for sleep, nor anyone else's.
Then the husband had this idea.
Earplugs.
After a night of me nearly being crazy and in tears due to sleep deprivation one too many times, he came home the next day with earplugs and insisted I try them. I am usually a very "NO I WILL MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS" sort of princess but really, his logic was sound.
Can I say how brilliant earplugs are? Last night, I opened my eyes in the middle of the night and saw an 8 year old running around my room - followed by my husband who ushered him in to the bathroom silently, and I closed my eyes & went back to sleep. Soundly, like the dead my brain wasn't activated or bothered by noise, and sleep wrapped itself around me. A bit later they were back, and again I fluttered my eyes open with my mommy radar - saw all was well and my brain shut back down into blissful quiet sleep.
Sleep, we are friends again.
Tweet
E Is For Earplugs
One of the things you might not know about autistic children is that, they aren't necessarily quiet. It's a common misconception. People assume "they don't talk therefore they are quiet". Well no.
See,first of all, just because they aren't talking TO you doesn't meant they don't TALK. I have one who has serious echolalia. That means like a parrot he'll repeat the same things over and over and over.
For HOURS.
It's pretty good times.
The other boy, will moan, or scream, or kind of say random things. They both hit things and knock things and bang things. So, no, they aren't QUIET. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
It's worse for me at night. If they won't sleep, and sometimes they won't, then I can't sleep. I have to have QUIET. I have downloaded a wave machine app onto the iPhone but even that won't count through the singing of the ABCs or whatever the song is this week. Over, and over, and over and over into the wee hours of the morning.
It's been a long 8 years of having two little boys that have no regard for my need for sleep, nor anyone else's.
Then the husband had this idea.
Earplugs.
After a night of me nearly being crazy and in tears due to sleep deprivation one too many times, he came home the next day with earplugs and insisted I try them. I am usually a very "NO I WILL MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS" sort of princess but really, his logic was sound.
Can I say how brilliant earplugs are? Last night, I opened my eyes in the middle of the night and saw an 8 year old running around my room - followed by my husband who ushered him in to the bathroom silently, and I closed my eyes & went back to sleep. Soundly, like the dead my brain wasn't activated or bothered by noise, and sleep wrapped itself around me. A bit later they were back, and again I fluttered my eyes open with my mommy radar - saw all was well and my brain shut back down into blissful quiet sleep.
Sleep, we are friends again.
Tweet
See,first of all, just because they aren't talking TO you doesn't meant they don't TALK. I have one who has serious echolalia. That means like a parrot he'll repeat the same things over and over and over.
For HOURS.
It's pretty good times.
The other boy, will moan, or scream, or kind of say random things. They both hit things and knock things and bang things. So, no, they aren't QUIET. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
It's worse for me at night. If they won't sleep, and sometimes they won't, then I can't sleep. I have to have QUIET. I have downloaded a wave machine app onto the iPhone but even that won't count through the singing of the ABCs or whatever the song is this week. Over, and over, and over and over into the wee hours of the morning.
It's been a long 8 years of having two little boys that have no regard for my need for sleep, nor anyone else's.
Then the husband had this idea.
Earplugs.
After a night of me nearly being crazy and in tears due to sleep deprivation one too many times, he came home the next day with earplugs and insisted I try them. I am usually a very "NO I WILL MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS" sort of princess but really, his logic was sound.
Can I say how brilliant earplugs are? Last night, I opened my eyes in the middle of the night and saw an 8 year old running around my room - followed by my husband who ushered him in to the bathroom silently, and I closed my eyes & went back to sleep. Soundly, like the dead my brain wasn't activated or bothered by noise, and sleep wrapped itself around me. A bit later they were back, and again I fluttered my eyes open with my mommy radar - saw all was well and my brain shut back down into blissful quiet sleep.
Sleep, we are friends again.
Tweet
