48 Hours of eBay Customer Service - 180 Degrees of Satisfaction

In the last 48 hours I've had both the worst and the best service experience with eBay.

My company is having a Venetian Carnivale Masked ball in a week - and I need a cocktail or formal gown. My friend Cajsa suggested I check out eBay. I did some poking around - saw some interesting things (who knew they had clothes on eBay dude it's been too long) and so I decided to log in to watch some of them.

After all - one might be a winner.

I log in with my eBay sign on (surprisingly I remembered it - I knew it'd been FOREVER since I used it-translate=years) but when I logged in I got this wonky message.

"Your account has been deactivated due to inactivity. Click here and we'll call the phone number on your account file to verify your identity."

Umm, I don't know what number is on file but it isn't this one - so - I click the OTHER option to get a csr - a CHAT CSR which, if you are in the field you know is either one of the best or the worst in the room - depending on the culture.

THAT conversation went like this.

• CSR - Hi I'd be glad to help you can you verify the address as it appears on your account?


• ME - No I can't see my acct obviously - I don't know what is on it. It's been a long time. Here, it might be my Indianapolis address which was XXXXX.


• CSR - Nope, I'm sorry that isn't the address. I have one in Tampa.......


• ME - Oh, ok, then here is my Tampa address.........


• CSR - Great. That's the correct address. Now I just need to CALL you at the number on file....


• ME -Ummm, no, you can't do that - I haven't LIVED there in two years. That is why I'm contacting you.


• CSR - Oh......well then you'll just have to get a new account.


• ME - I don't want to get a new account. I want to use my account. Isn't there anything you can do - I can VERIFY all the Tampa but I haven't had that phone number in two years.


• CSR - Well you could send me over a faxed copy of a current utility bill from that address.


• ME -What? If I haven't lived there in two years, why would I have a utility bill? That doesn't make sense.


• CSR - Yeah I'm sorry you'll just want to open a new account.


• ME -So I have to open a new account because you can't just verify my info by making a phone call to a number I haven't had in two years?
• CSR -Yes - I'd just open a new account.

Sigh.

So today I TRIED. Guess what. I'm not ABLE to open a new account as my email address all tied up in the account that fucktard wouldn't open for me. So I go BACK into a chat session.

• ME -Hi (explains entire previous conversation) and can't open my account now and I want to use my SAME Account. Can you help me?
• CSR - Yes - just verify your account info for me at the Tampa address.
• ME - I do so.
• CSR -Please hold while I unlock your account.
• ME -I wait
• CSR -Thanks so much, you are unlocked! Welcome back to eBay!

Good God. Should it BE this hard? It's NOT Fort Knox people! National Security secrets are not traded on eBay.

Train your CSRs better eBay. You look like a bunch of chumps when your team can only spit out canned responses and can't actually solve problems.

48 Hours of eBay Customer Service - 180 Degrees of Satisfaction

In the last 48 hours I've had both the worst and the best service experience with eBay.

My company is having a Venetian Carnivale Masked ball in a week - and I need a cocktail or formal gown. My friend Cajsa suggested I check out eBay. I did some poking around - saw some interesting things (who knew they had clothes on eBay dude it's been too long) and so I decided to log in to watch some of them.

After all - one might be a winner.

I log in with my eBay sign on (surprisingly I remembered it - I knew it'd been FOREVER since I used it-translate=years) but when I logged in I got this wonky message.

"Your account has been deactivated due to inactivity. Click here and we'll call the phone number on your account file to verify your identity."

Umm, I don't know what number is on file but it isn't this one - so - I click the OTHER option to get a csr - a CHAT CSR which, if you are in the field you know is either one of the best or the worst in the room - depending on the culture.

THAT conversation went like this.

• CSR - Hi I'd be glad to help you can you verify the address as it appears on your account?


• ME - No I can't see my acct obviously - I don't know what is on it. It's been a long time. Here, it might be my Indianapolis address which was XXXXX.


• CSR - Nope, I'm sorry that isn't the address. I have one in Tampa.......


• ME - Oh, ok, then here is my Tampa address.........


• CSR - Great. That's the correct address. Now I just need to CALL you at the number on file....


• ME -Ummm, no, you can't do that - I haven't LIVED there in two years. That is why I'm contacting you.


• CSR - Oh......well then you'll just have to get a new account.


• ME - I don't want to get a new account. I want to use my account. Isn't there anything you can do - I can VERIFY all the Tampa but I haven't had that phone number in two years.


• CSR - Well you could send me over a faxed copy of a current utility bill from that address.


• ME -What? If I haven't lived there in two years, why would I have a utility bill? That doesn't make sense.


• CSR - Yeah I'm sorry you'll just want to open a new account.


• ME -So I have to open a new account because you can't just verify my info by making a phone call to a number I haven't had in two years?
• CSR -Yes - I'd just open a new account.

Sigh.

So today I TRIED. Guess what. I'm not ABLE to open a new account as my email address all tied up in the account that fucktard wouldn't open for me. So I go BACK into a chat session.

• ME -Hi (explains entire previous conversation) and can't open my account now and I want to use my SAME Account. Can you help me?
• CSR - Yes - just verify your account info for me at the Tampa address.
• ME - I do so.
• CSR -Please hold while I unlock your account.
• ME -I wait
• CSR -Thanks so much, you are unlocked! Welcome back to eBay!

Good God. Should it BE this hard? It's NOT Fort Knox people! National Security secrets are not traded on eBay.

Train your CSRs better eBay. You look like a bunch of chumps when your team can only spit out canned responses and can't actually solve problems.

"Ummm, Can You Come Back Here?"

*Let me start off with a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUCKA! to Sarah one of my favoritest people in the world.
This post is dedicated to her, in response to her post about not having to wipe people's butts when she didn't work from home. True story, enjoy.

I used to have this job where I was required to be in to work really really early - due to the fact that I was the one who churned out the daily reports for all the hoohas about the previous day's performance. I'd roll in to work some days as early as 6am. My staff were pretty cool, and usually wise enough to have a hot pot of coffee going as they all knew what a surly bitch I am without my caffeine.

On the day in question, I rolled in a little late- 7:15am, threw some coffee in a cup and started importing data. At this time of day, other than a team lead, I was the only "leadership" in the building. Even though I didn't manage "a team" - I was a manager so if there was a problem, it was mine.

Shortly after I started keying my phone rang.
"Ummm, can you come back here? There's a turd on the floor."
To which I responded,"Oh there is not - it's mud off of someone's shoe - it's been raining."

Rep:"No- it's a turd. We need you to come back here."

So I get up and walk through the largely desolate call center, back to the only row where there are people sitting, 7 of them to be exact. And yes, in the middle of the aisle - is a large turd.

"Was this here when you got here?" I ask.
"No."
"Okay, who has been through here this morning?"
"No one, just us."
"Okay, you guys - one of you had to SEE this - they don't magically appear.......seriously who came through?"
"No one, we all came in together, and it wasn't here, and then when we just looked over here, there it was."

Sigh. Yes, they indeed were trying to tell me that a turd had materialized in their aisle.

I grunted and told them not to touch it and marched back to my office to call the facilities mgmt group to come clean it up asap, left a message on their voice mail and then relocated the entire team to another aisle - one that was turdless.

The best part of this story, is that my HR team told me that I should have saved it for the police, WHOM they called. And I had to be interviewed by. Because apparently, unbeknown to me, FECAL GRAFFITI (it was not graffiti it was just a turd but they wouldn't listen) is some GANG thing. I kept saying "It wasn't used for ink. It was just a turd, like someone squatted, dropped it and walked on." But they wanted to know if there was writing on it, or if it was SHAPED like anything.

It was shaped like a turd.

"Ummm, Can You Come Back Here?"

*Let me start off with a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUCKA! to Sarah one of my favoritest people in the world.
This post is dedicated to her, in response to her post about not having to wipe people's butts when she didn't work from home. True story, enjoy.

I used to have this job where I was required to be in to work really really early - due to the fact that I was the one who churned out the daily reports for all the hoohas about the previous day's performance. I'd roll in to work some days as early as 6am. My staff were pretty cool, and usually wise enough to have a hot pot of coffee going as they all knew what a surly bitch I am without my caffeine.

On the day in question, I rolled in a little late- 7:15am, threw some coffee in a cup and started importing data. At this time of day, other than a team lead, I was the only "leadership" in the building. Even though I didn't manage "a team" - I was a manager so if there was a problem, it was mine.

Shortly after I started keying my phone rang.
"Ummm, can you come back here? There's a turd on the floor."
To which I responded,"Oh there is not - it's mud off of someone's shoe - it's been raining."

Rep:"No- it's a turd. We need you to come back here."

So I get up and walk through the largely desolate call center, back to the only row where there are people sitting, 7 of them to be exact. And yes, in the middle of the aisle - is a large turd.

"Was this here when you got here?" I ask.
"No."
"Okay, who has been through here this morning?"
"No one, just us."
"Okay, you guys - one of you had to SEE this - they don't magically appear.......seriously who came through?"
"No one, we all came in together, and it wasn't here, and then when we just looked over here, there it was."

Sigh. Yes, they indeed were trying to tell me that a turd had materialized in their aisle.

I grunted and told them not to touch it and marched back to my office to call the facilities mgmt group to come clean it up asap, left a message on their voice mail and then relocated the entire team to another aisle - one that was turdless.

The best part of this story, is that my HR team told me that I should have saved it for the police, WHOM they called. And I had to be interviewed by. Because apparently, unbeknown to me, FECAL GRAFFITI (it was not graffiti it was just a turd but they wouldn't listen) is some GANG thing. I kept saying "It wasn't used for ink. It was just a turd, like someone squatted, dropped it and walked on." But they wanted to know if there was writing on it, or if it was SHAPED like anything.

It was shaped like a turd.

Liberation Day 08 - Or "We've Eliminated Your Position Redux"

365 Days Ago my world got rocked. You see, I had sold my soul to some ruthless,vicious mutherfuckers who paid extraordinarily well. I let my life be ruled by men with little intelligence and serious small cock issues. (I presume they had short cocks by all the preening and posturing that would go on, possibly said cocks were quite large and just didn't work properly).

But they paid well.

I listened to conversations that bordered on illegal, were illegal, unethical and wrong.

Because they paid well.

I watched people lose their jobs, or be driven from their jobs. I watched the construction of the plans for more lives to be ruined, for lies to be told.

Because they paid well.

And after a time, it was my turn in the barrel.

On January 10 2007 my "position was eliminated." My family was thrown into turmoil. My biggest nightmares about no health insurance for my children - about insecurity and financial ruin came crashing down toward me.

So I went home and cried, for weeks.

It is one year later. I hear they held another purge, ruining more lives in the process, while those bastards making the plans held onto their paychecks one more year. People's lives came crashing down on them, again, exactly 365 days later.

And I?

Well, after working a full day at my rewarding and wonderful job where they treat me like a human and never ever scream obscenities, I went out and had a drink with my friend and co-worker Kimberly. Then I came home to my family, to our apartment overlooking the nature walk forest next to our home in the hills above Atlanta.

And I am happy. And relieved. And certain that I will never, ever work for rotten people just for a paycheck again.

To all my friends and enemies who got your world rocked yesterday and today (my Liberation Day 1st Anniversary)........I salute you. It gets better, I promise. You have no idea how happy you are going to be 365 days from now. And hell by then,we might have more people to tell that it's going to be okay. Hell I'm pretty sure that's 100% true - I think I've cracked their code!

And never, ever forget.......

...........YES They are Real!

Liberation Day 08 - Or "We've Eliminated Your Position Redux"

365 Days Ago my world got rocked. You see, I had sold my soul to some ruthless,vicious mutherfuckers who paid extraordinarily well. I let my life be ruled by men with little intelligence and serious small cock issues. (I presume they had short cocks by all the preening and posturing that would go on, possibly said cocks were quite large and just didn't work properly).

But they paid well.

I listened to conversations that bordered on illegal, were illegal, unethical and wrong.

Because they paid well.

I watched people lose their jobs, or be driven from their jobs. I watched the construction of the plans for more lives to be ruined, for lies to be told.

Because they paid well.

And after a time, it was my turn in the barrel.

On January 10 2007 my "position was eliminated." My family was thrown into turmoil. My biggest nightmares about no health insurance for my children - about insecurity and financial ruin came crashing down toward me.

So I went home and cried, for weeks.

It is one year later. I hear they held another purge, ruining more lives in the process, while those bastards making the plans held onto their paychecks one more year. People's lives came crashing down on them, again, exactly 365 days later.

And I?

Well, after working a full day at my rewarding and wonderful job where they treat me like a human and never ever scream obscenities, I went out and had a drink with my friend and co-worker Kimberly. Then I came home to my family, to our apartment overlooking the nature walk forest next to our home in the hills above Atlanta.

And I am happy. And relieved. And certain that I will never, ever work for rotten people just for a paycheck again.

To all my friends and enemies who got your world rocked yesterday and today (my Liberation Day 1st Anniversary)........I salute you. It gets better, I promise. You have no idea how happy you are going to be 365 days from now. And hell by then,we might have more people to tell that it's going to be okay. Hell I'm pretty sure that's 100% true - I think I've cracked their code!

And never, ever forget.......

...........YES They are Real!

Thank You For Calling 911, Your Call Is Important To Us - Please Remain on the Line

So I'm home with the kids and my husband is taking a much deserved daddy rest at the movies when, suddenly my home is filled with the screaming of the fire alarm. A quick peak into the hall tells me it's the BUILDING alarm going off so I call 911 to summon the appropriate parties. You know "Hello, please send firetrucks" that sort of thing.
I dial. AND I GET PUT IN QUEUE. That's right. 911 is UNDERSTAFFED and I'm on hold.
Thank God I wasn't bleeding to death or about to lose consciousness.

Then, when Miss Helpful 911 Operator gets on the line she asks me if I can please move away from the fire alarm because it's hurting her ears. I tell her AGAIN no, I have nowhere to go - ALL the alarms are going off I can't get away from them and PLEASE JUST SEND THE FIRETRUCKS THANKS SO MUCH.

Now, ummm. I've got like approximately 20 years of callcenter experience under my belt so I realize I've got an advantage on you OH WAIT NO I DO NOT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE PROFESSIONALS RUNNING THOSE CENTERS......

So here, in a nutshell is what 911 needs.

Some Avaya switches. Several. Big ass Avaya switches with shitloads of bells and whistles. Pay the money. It is worth it.
All call routing should take place in the cloud. That this means to the laymen is that call routing would take place to the most available agent, vs to your local 911 which might be busy. Your call can effectively be answered by an agent ANYWHERE across the country who can THEN dispatch the appropriate first responder in your community based on the address databases which exist in 911. They can communicate any pertinent info TO those emergency response teams.
Cell phone calls can have those same teams dipatched based on their GPS if the phone HAS that technology.
It isn't brain surgery.

It would be, though, like reinventing a really wobbly wheel and replacing it with a racing slick. Efficiency. Twenty Four Hours a day Seven Days a Week.

911, get your shit together. I needed you. Thank god it was only some idiot pulled the fire alarm this time. How many people with REAL EMERGENCIES are getting fucked over by your total lack of organization?

Technology from the early 90s would make you an unstoppable force of lifesaving.
Why don't you have it?

Thank You For Calling 911, Your Call Is Important To Us - Please Remain on the Line

So I'm home with the kids and my husband is taking a much deserved daddy rest at the movies when, suddenly my home is filled with the screaming of the fire alarm. A quick peak into the hall tells me it's the BUILDING alarm going off so I call 911 to summon the appropriate parties. You know "Hello, please send firetrucks" that sort of thing.
I dial. AND I GET PUT IN QUEUE. That's right. 911 is UNDERSTAFFED and I'm on hold.
Thank God I wasn't bleeding to death or about to lose consciousness.

Then, when Miss Helpful 911 Operator gets on the line she asks me if I can please move away from the fire alarm because it's hurting her ears. I tell her AGAIN no, I have nowhere to go - ALL the alarms are going off I can't get away from them and PLEASE JUST SEND THE FIRETRUCKS THANKS SO MUCH.

Now, ummm. I've got like approximately 20 years of callcenter experience under my belt so I realize I've got an advantage on you OH WAIT NO I DO NOT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE PROFESSIONALS RUNNING THOSE CENTERS......

So here, in a nutshell is what 911 needs.

Some Avaya switches. Several. Big ass Avaya switches with shitloads of bells and whistles. Pay the money. It is worth it.
All call routing should take place in the cloud. That this means to the laymen is that call routing would take place to the most available agent, vs to your local 911 which might be busy. Your call can effectively be answered by an agent ANYWHERE across the country who can THEN dispatch the appropriate first responder in your community based on the address databases which exist in 911. They can communicate any pertinent info TO those emergency response teams.
Cell phone calls can have those same teams dipatched based on their GPS if the phone HAS that technology.
It isn't brain surgery.

It would be, though, like reinventing a really wobbly wheel and replacing it with a racing slick. Efficiency. Twenty Four Hours a day Seven Days a Week.

911, get your shit together. I needed you. Thank god it was only some idiot pulled the fire alarm this time. How many people with REAL EMERGENCIES are getting fucked over by your total lack of organization?

Technology from the early 90s would make you an unstoppable force of lifesaving.
Why don't you have it?

A Lapsed Shoe Addict

I know that there are lapsed Catholics, and they say that the Unitarians are the feather bed for fallen Catholics (yeah this is probably a wicked thing to say but whatever, sorry Catholics and Unitarians, but this isn't about you.)
The question then becomes........

Where is the feather bed for fallen shoe addicts?

When I was in high school, I fed a full on shoe addiction with my wages from Rax, the Tshirt shop and Little Caesars. I had shoes in all shapes and sizes, flats, jellies, heels, sandals etc etc etc.

I had them all.

And most of them hurt.

But dammit I was cute.

I paired down the inventory when my bills became my own but still, I owned a mighty collection of cute stuff.

And now.

Here I am.

I do have some cute shoes, I don't know how many. Some. A dozen pair?

But I wear the same pair of serviceable, loafer shoes with a block heel every day.

They fall somewhere into the category of the shoes that Ross's monkey Marcel on FRIENDS pooped in, the ones that belonged to Monica. Rachel described them as "those pilgrim shoes that you think go with everything."

I now own those shoes.

I think that they go with everything.

They might not.

But I can't even care.

I remember when I bought them, it was the weekend before I returned to work after the twins were born. I had been wearing some huge horrible clown shoes right before they were born and my feet had finally gone back to normal. Having been off of work for 5 weeks I was not made of cash so I picked them out because they were, to choose a word......SERVICEABLE.

Functional.

I haven't really worn them much since those first days back at work until now. But I discovered them since I've had this foot thing going on.

They don't look particularly cute but they are black and they do sort of work with whatever. Not in a fashion way, but I don't look particularly matronly either.

And every morning, after I pull on some hose..........I slip them on. And I remember that feeling, of going back to work. I feel it every morning.

Back to work.

And I am so happy.

A Lapsed Shoe Addict

I know that there are lapsed Catholics, and they say that the Unitarians are the feather bed for fallen Catholics (yeah this is probably a wicked thing to say but whatever, sorry Catholics and Unitarians, but this isn't about you.)
The question then becomes........

Where is the feather bed for fallen shoe addicts?

When I was in high school, I fed a full on shoe addiction with my wages from Rax, the Tshirt shop and Little Caesars. I had shoes in all shapes and sizes, flats, jellies, heels, sandals etc etc etc.

I had them all.

And most of them hurt.

But dammit I was cute.

I paired down the inventory when my bills became my own but still, I owned a mighty collection of cute stuff.

And now.

Here I am.

I do have some cute shoes, I don't know how many. Some. A dozen pair?

But I wear the same pair of serviceable, loafer shoes with a block heel every day.

They fall somewhere into the category of the shoes that Ross's monkey Marcel on FRIENDS pooped in, the ones that belonged to Monica. Rachel described them as "those pilgrim shoes that you think go with everything."

I now own those shoes.

I think that they go with everything.

They might not.

But I can't even care.

I remember when I bought them, it was the weekend before I returned to work after the twins were born. I had been wearing some huge horrible clown shoes right before they were born and my feet had finally gone back to normal. Having been off of work for 5 weeks I was not made of cash so I picked them out because they were, to choose a word......SERVICEABLE.

Functional.

I haven't really worn them much since those first days back at work until now. But I discovered them since I've had this foot thing going on.

They don't look particularly cute but they are black and they do sort of work with whatever. Not in a fashion way, but I don't look particularly matronly either.

And every morning, after I pull on some hose..........I slip them on. And I remember that feeling, of going back to work. I feel it every morning.

Back to work.

And I am so happy.

A Call Center Manager's Nightmare

People Make Mistakes.
People Make a LOT of Mistakes.

And if you monitor all of their phone calls.......you're going to hear them.

Which is precisely why 100% recording in the call center industry is simultaneously one of our best tools and our biggest nightmares. Because you just never know what sort of crazy crap you are going to hear.

For example......how about THIS?

The entire time I listened to this the only thing that kept going through my mind was that I was so happy that I wasn't the manager having to explain this incompetence. Whew. Not my turn int he barrel. This time.

A Call Center Manager's Nightmare

People Make Mistakes.
People Make a LOT of Mistakes.

And if you monitor all of their phone calls.......you're going to hear them.

Which is precisely why 100% recording in the call center industry is simultaneously one of our best tools and our biggest nightmares. Because you just never know what sort of crazy crap you are going to hear.

For example......how about THIS?

The entire time I listened to this the only thing that kept going through my mind was that I was so happy that I wasn't the manager having to explain this incompetence. Whew. Not my turn int he barrel. This time.