The Innate Sexism of Four Year Olds

Well, we're not Brad and Angelina but I think we've tried really hard NOT to be the sexist parents, forcing boy toy and girl toy rules, or who can wear what etc. Julia carries a purse full of Hot Wheels. Louis was the Wicked Witch of the West for Halloween when he was three. He had a baby doll and a baby stroller for it. Julia loves trains. In fact, we've never drawn those lines but let them gravitate toward whatever toys and things they were interested in. Mostly boys were interested in boy toys and the girl was interested in girl toys. Sometimes not. Miles still loves dolls.

Lately the girl has been telling us what's for girls and what's for boys. She's using GIRL toys and GIRL stuff to taunt her brother "You play with girl toys."

This isn't a behavior she's learned here. Nor anywhere else because she only plays with her brothers so, where? Is this a home grown insult? Do girls just naturally know where to sting a man in his pride?

At first we addressed this behavior explaining it intelligently, "We don't say that, there are not girl toys nor boy toys - toys are for everyone." But she doesn't seem to be stopping. She sees a commercial for something and shows me which one she wants, because it's for girls. 

I think I had a moment of clarity with this situation this morning, there was a commercial for some stupid stuffed animal that lights up, plays songs, holds your pajamas and does your yard work and she tells me she wants the unicorn, "Because unicorns are for girls." So I gently responded, "But everyone can love unicorns. Boys can love unicorns." Her answer was, "But they are my favorite."

So I asked her if she meant that unicorns are for HER? She laughed and said "Of course silly!" 

I think she's defining what she likes, rather than making sweeping declarations of what defines her sex. She's telling us what defines JULIA. She still carries cars in her purse, and has dinosaurs eat her princesses. But she's figuring out who she is, and what it means to be the little girl she is. 

We didn't really go through this with the boys, maybe it's a girl thing. Maybe it's a Julia thing. I'm not sure. What I do know is, I'd like one of those unicorns too. Because unicorns are for MOMS.

The Innate Sexism of Four Year Olds

Well, we're not Brad and Angelina but I think we've tried really hard NOT to be the sexist parents, forcing boy toy and girl toy rules, or who can wear what etc. Julia carries a purse full of Hot Wheels. Louis was the Wicked Witch of the West for Halloween when he was three. He had a baby doll and a baby stroller for it. Julia loves trains. In fact, we've never drawn those lines but let them gravitate toward whatever toys and things they were interested in. Mostly boys were interested in boy toys and the girl was interested in girl toys. Sometimes not. Miles still loves dolls.

Lately the girl has been telling us what's for girls and what's for boys. She's using GIRL toys and GIRL stuff to taunt her brother "You play with girl toys."

This isn't a behavior she's learned here. Nor anywhere else because she only plays with her brothers so, where? Is this a home grown insult? Do girls just naturally know where to sting a man in his pride?

At first we addressed this behavior explaining it intelligently, "We don't say that, there are not girl toys nor boy toys - toys are for everyone." But she doesn't seem to be stopping. She sees a commercial for something and shows me which one she wants, because it's for girls. 

I think I had a moment of clarity with this situation this morning, there was a commercial for some stupid stuffed animal that lights up, plays songs, holds your pajamas and does your yard work and she tells me she wants the unicorn, "Because unicorns are for girls." So I gently responded, "But everyone can love unicorns. Boys can love unicorns." Her answer was, "But they are my favorite."

So I asked her if she meant that unicorns are for HER? She laughed and said "Of course silly!" 

I think she's defining what she likes, rather than making sweeping declarations of what defines her sex. She's telling us what defines JULIA. She still carries cars in her purse, and has dinosaurs eat her princesses. But she's figuring out who she is, and what it means to be the little girl she is. 

We didn't really go through this with the boys, maybe it's a girl thing. Maybe it's a Julia thing. I'm not sure. What I do know is, I'd like one of those unicorns too. Because unicorns are for MOMS.

Girls Are Born Tough

My mom always says that. Girls are born tough. Boys, boys you have to teach to stand up for themselves and once they get it they go hogwire. But girls, girls are wired as badasses from day one.

I think maybe that's why we swaddle them in pink, and saturate their lives with softness. We're trying to take the edge off these power ninjas we've given birth to.

My own parents got me a kitten. I was too rough, I played rough and hard and I needed something soft and gentle to love, and so Morris came to live with us. He was my love and best friend for 18 years. And yes, despite the fact that I put doll dresses on him and also used to carry him around inside my Fisher Price Schoolhouse, he definitely had a softening impact on my person.

I was thinking of this truth today at soccer practice, watching Julia do her own thing, disregard the rules and generally display a general disinterest in anything BUT her own will and wants. As I watched her, from behind the plexi, she proceeded to do a kick line while the rest of the children sat down.

She didn't stop when they said stop, she used her hands. 

But I was reminded of just how tough little girls are, when they were playing sharks and minnows. Minnows are kicking their ball down the field. Sharks are trying to kick their ball away. Julia was carrying her ball, no reason to chance losing it to a shark, I suppose.

A little boy ran up and tackled her, knocking her ball out of her hands. As she rolled free of his tack, she kicked him directly in the face.

Hard.

And ran away and grabbed her ball, continuing to run up and down the field carrying her ball. The little boy went to the sideline to cry.I can't really blame him, he got kicked in the face. He also tackled a girl a lot smaller than him, so he might've earned that one.

Another girl got tackled by another boy. She kicked him in the nuts. 

Girls 2

Boys 0

It must be in their genes.

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Girls Are Born Tough

My mom always says that. Girls are born tough. Boys, boys you have to teach to stand up for themselves and once they get it they go hogwire. But girls, girls are wired as badasses from day one.

I think maybe that's why we swaddle them in pink, and saturate their lives with softness. We're trying to take the edge off these power ninjas we've given birth to.

My own parents got me a kitten. I was too rough, I played rough and hard and I needed something soft and gentle to love, and so Morris came to live with us. He was my love and best friend for 18 years. And yes, despite the fact that I put doll dresses on him and also used to carry him around inside my Fisher Price Schoolhouse, he definitely had a softening impact on my person.

I was thinking of this truth today at soccer practice, watching Julia do her own thing, disregard the rules and generally display a general disinterest in anything BUT her own will and wants. As I watched her, from behind the plexi, she proceeded to do a kick line while the rest of the children sat down.

She didn't stop when they said stop, she used her hands. 

But I was reminded of just how tough little girls are, when they were playing sharks and minnows. Minnows are kicking their ball down the field. Sharks are trying to kick their ball away. Julia was carrying her ball, no reason to chance losing it to a shark, I suppose.

A little boy ran up and tackled her, knocking her ball out of her hands. As she rolled free of his tack, she kicked him directly in the face.

Hard.

And ran away and grabbed her ball, continuing to run up and down the field carrying her ball. The little boy went to the sideline to cry.I can't really blame him, he got kicked in the face. He also tackled a girl a lot smaller than him, so he might've earned that one.

Another girl got tackled by another boy. She kicked him in the nuts. 

Girls 2

Boys 0

It must be in their genes.

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She Is the Bouncy Puppy

The conventional wisdom when buying pets its that you don't want the quiet, docile puppy or kitten. You want the one going crazy, bounding around, licking you, jumping and embracing their world with joy filled abandon.

My daughter, is the bouncy puppy.

When I get out the mixing bowl, she starts jumping "WHERE IS MY CHAIR?" because she is ready to stand on it and stir and HELP!

She has one volume, LOUD. Unless she is being quiet "Shhh baby is sleeping." Of course, baby could be a car, or a doll, or a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. You truly never know.

She runs and screams and laughs, and shouts "MOMMY IS HOME!!!" when I return from work. Everything is funny, unless it isn't and then WOE TO YOU WHO CAUSED SOMETHING NOT FUNNY TO HAPPEN.

She wants to read and watch DVDs and play cooking but rarely food, mostly cars and trains. Perhaps they are delicious - I don't know! She cries when it's bed time, and will declare "I want to go downstairs and watch TV with DADDY!" because she doesn't want to miss anything.

I don't blame her. I don't either.
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She Is the Bouncy Puppy

The conventional wisdom when buying pets its that you don't want the quiet, docile puppy or kitten. You want the one going crazy, bounding around, licking you, jumping and embracing their world with joy filled abandon.

My daughter, is the bouncy puppy.

When I get out the mixing bowl, she starts jumping "WHERE IS MY CHAIR?" because she is ready to stand on it and stir and HELP!

She has one volume, LOUD. Unless she is being quiet "Shhh baby is sleeping." Of course, baby could be a car, or a doll, or a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. You truly never know.

She runs and screams and laughs, and shouts "MOMMY IS HOME!!!" when I return from work. Everything is funny, unless it isn't and then WOE TO YOU WHO CAUSED SOMETHING NOT FUNNY TO HAPPEN.

She wants to read and watch DVDs and play cooking but rarely food, mostly cars and trains. Perhaps they are delicious - I don't know! She cries when it's bed time, and will declare "I want to go downstairs and watch TV with DADDY!" because she doesn't want to miss anything.

I don't blame her. I don't either.
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Here Mommy, Now You Wear This Snake

Girls are weird. My daughter said these words to me yesterday as she wrapped a toy snake around me like a feather boa. They're far weirder than boys I've decided. I'm pretty girly and girls baffle me.

I wore Hello Kitty barrettes to an executive meeting the other day. I don't think that makes me a WOMAN CHILD but rather it simply means that by the rules of post feminism I can be whomever I want. I'm 43. I'm NOT OLD.

I am, though, exactly old enough to remember that there used to be a place on forms that asked when your last menstrual cycle was, when you were applying for a job. They weren't allowed to ASK you any more. That was illegal. But it was still on the forms in some places, a reminder that your mother's life was different from yours in ways that were unfathomable.

And now I have a daughter.

She has a purse in which she puts pieces from a train and matchbox cars. She likes books and dolls and playing with toy kitchens.



She will never live in a world where those forms exist. She isn't being raised to think of girl toys and boy toys, they're just toys. My own mother raised me like this, she was very forward thinking. I'm just the norm.

She's also tough. She's strong willed, outspoken, raging through the terrible twos as she discovers that no, in fact every thing is NOT Hers no matter how much she sobs. She is me born 40 years later. But she's also her own person in so many ways it's overwhelming. She's like her brother in her empathy and kindness. This morning as I pinned my sweaty hair up out of my face she put her hand on my hip and looked up and said "Oh you're beautiful Mommy."

Despite the lessons she is learning of the TERRIBLE TWOS and despite the crazy words I hear being spouted by the Fundies by their never ending war on female rights, I look at this amazing girl and I think, she was born at such a lucky time.


Perhaps I am an optimist. But I do think, that despite all the things I teach her that everything is not hers, quite the opposite is true.

She's got the whole world. And she can do anything.

Here Mommy, Now You Wear This Snake

Girls are weird. My daughter said these words to me yesterday as she wrapped a toy snake around me like a feather boa. They're far weirder than boys I've decided. I'm pretty girly and girls baffle me.

I wore Hello Kitty barrettes to an executive meeting the other day. I don't think that makes me a WOMAN CHILD but rather it simply means that by the rules of post feminism I can be whomever I want. I'm 43. I'm NOT OLD.

I am, though, exactly old enough to remember that there used to be a place on forms that asked when your last menstrual cycle was, when you were applying for a job. They weren't allowed to ASK you any more. That was illegal. But it was still on the forms in some places, a reminder that your mother's life was different from yours in ways that were unfathomable.

And now I have a daughter.

She has a purse in which she puts pieces from a train and matchbox cars. She likes books and dolls and playing with toy kitchens.



She will never live in a world where those forms exist. She isn't being raised to think of girl toys and boy toys, they're just toys. My own mother raised me like this, she was very forward thinking. I'm just the norm.

She's also tough. She's strong willed, outspoken, raging through the terrible twos as she discovers that no, in fact every thing is NOT Hers no matter how much she sobs. She is me born 40 years later. But she's also her own person in so many ways it's overwhelming. She's like her brother in her empathy and kindness. This morning as I pinned my sweaty hair up out of my face she put her hand on my hip and looked up and said "Oh you're beautiful Mommy."

Despite the lessons she is learning of the TERRIBLE TWOS and despite the crazy words I hear being spouted by the Fundies by their never ending war on female rights, I look at this amazing girl and I think, she was born at such a lucky time.


Perhaps I am an optimist. But I do think, that despite all the things I teach her that everything is not hers, quite the opposite is true.

She's got the whole world. And she can do anything.