Advanced Maternal Age Is A Valid Diagnosis

This is the mantra at the perinatologist, apparently. If we heard it once, we heard it 20 times during our visit for luchal translucency (down syndrome) screening. This is the drum they beat to make insurance companies pay for the myriad tests they're going to put us through.
Sarah and I sort of have a philosophy about being high risk, it goes like this. "SWEET! MORE PICTURES"! I realize that sounds a little snarky, but - in my case anyway - it's like being high risk without being high risk at all.
What is boils down to, is that they have diagnosed me as being OLD.

Seriously. Are you fecking kidding me?

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the red carpet treatment. I love knowing that my odds of having a Down Syndrome or Trisomy 18 baby are LOW LOW LOW after the testing was done, we have none of the genetic markers. Next we'll do neural tube defect testing so you know - MORE PICTURES! Plus I get to see the sex by then so that'll be fun.

I'm just not worried.

I saw that tiny human on the screen, with it's arms and legs stretching and rubbing it's head....and I can see that it's fine. Maybe it's because I didn't even start having kids until I was 34 that this just doesn't seem like such a huge deal to me. I was always "an older mother".

But I refuse to treat being pregnant like a disability. It's a gift, it's my hearts desire. And I will not see it otherwise, regardless of the testing and screenings that are required.

Advanced Maternal Age Is A Valid Diagnosis

This is the mantra at the perinatologist, apparently. If we heard it once, we heard it 20 times during our visit for luchal translucency (down syndrome) screening. This is the drum they beat to make insurance companies pay for the myriad tests they're going to put us through.
Sarah and I sort of have a philosophy about being high risk, it goes like this. "SWEET! MORE PICTURES"! I realize that sounds a little snarky, but - in my case anyway - it's like being high risk without being high risk at all.
What is boils down to, is that they have diagnosed me as being OLD.

Seriously. Are you fecking kidding me?

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the red carpet treatment. I love knowing that my odds of having a Down Syndrome or Trisomy 18 baby are LOW LOW LOW after the testing was done, we have none of the genetic markers. Next we'll do neural tube defect testing so you know - MORE PICTURES! Plus I get to see the sex by then so that'll be fun.

I'm just not worried.

I saw that tiny human on the screen, with it's arms and legs stretching and rubbing it's head....and I can see that it's fine. Maybe it's because I didn't even start having kids until I was 34 that this just doesn't seem like such a huge deal to me. I was always "an older mother".

But I refuse to treat being pregnant like a disability. It's a gift, it's my hearts desire. And I will not see it otherwise, regardless of the testing and screenings that are required.

The Pregnant Nightmares

They say that it's really normal to have crazy, horrible, visceral nightmares when you are pregnant.
I find that to be disturbingly true.
Some people apparently have dreams of killing, or being killed or axe murderers and stuff like that - of doing things that are unthinkable. They awake terrified that these might be things they will do, when in fact their hormones are just running wild during their REM sleep.
I also dream crazy, horrible nightmares - more and more lately.
Mine are always what I consider the Sophie's Choice/Kobayashi Maru variety. I'm always presented with the unwinnable situation - which could result in death for my children - and in it I spend my nightmare working out HOW I would thwart that.

How I would cheat, and beat the machine.

How will I escape a car sinking in water, with now 4 children? What is my plan? Fire? Hiding from a madman - how will I keep them quiet?

I wake up dripping with sweat - and sometimes go look in their room so that I can just hear them sleep for a few minutes.

I always win, in my dreams, but it doesn't make the terror any less.

I can swim onto the top of my car somehow, and get them all onto the roof with me - despite any obstacles I can do it. I am stronger than I actually am, I am faster than I actually am -

I am unwilling to accept the alternative.........and therefore........I win.

But as my heart pounds in my chest and I feel my next family member squirm in my tummy........I wish these nightmares would stop.

Mommy will keep you safe. Now stop.

The Pregnant Nightmares

They say that it's really normal to have crazy, horrible, visceral nightmares when you are pregnant.
I find that to be disturbingly true.
Some people apparently have dreams of killing, or being killed or axe murderers and stuff like that - of doing things that are unthinkable. They awake terrified that these might be things they will do, when in fact their hormones are just running wild during their REM sleep.
I also dream crazy, horrible nightmares - more and more lately.
Mine are always what I consider the Sophie's Choice/Kobayashi Maru variety. I'm always presented with the unwinnable situation - which could result in death for my children - and in it I spend my nightmare working out HOW I would thwart that.

How I would cheat, and beat the machine.

How will I escape a car sinking in water, with now 4 children? What is my plan? Fire? Hiding from a madman - how will I keep them quiet?

I wake up dripping with sweat - and sometimes go look in their room so that I can just hear them sleep for a few minutes.

I always win, in my dreams, but it doesn't make the terror any less.

I can swim onto the top of my car somehow, and get them all onto the roof with me - despite any obstacles I can do it. I am stronger than I actually am, I am faster than I actually am -

I am unwilling to accept the alternative.........and therefore........I win.

But as my heart pounds in my chest and I feel my next family member squirm in my tummy........I wish these nightmares would stop.

Mommy will keep you safe. Now stop.