I'm Not Outdoorsy But...

I have to confess I have a SICK adoration of Bass Pro Shop. It's so much fun, it's marketed and laid out so well inside I WANT TO BE OUTDOORSY.  I want to camp and hike and fish and be one with nature and cook over a fire.
Well, I do in my mind. Mostly I just want to buy their cute things and sit inside comfortably while using them.

Bass Pro is holding special Christmas activities for families this weekend and next weekend and so we hopped down there for something fun to do with the kids. They've cleared out all the boats in the boat showroom and it's one big Christmas wonderland with lots of things to do. 

Like a carousel and trains and real live but not dead animals. I mean how can that NOT be awesome?

There was even a spot for coloring Christmas pictures and for writing your very important letters to the Big Man Himself. Louis took the job as scribe and surveyed everyone very seriously about what they wanted.

The boy isn't a cheap date. I'll leave it at that.

It was a fun, amazing laughter filled time. I was so glad we went because it was a perfect little family outing.

Until we left.

The idea was, we'd wander around this mall and look for anniversary presents - our wedding anniversary is Monday (tomorrow). This was the IDEA anyway. He took the stroller loaded with coats and Charlie, and I took Louis (for crowd control), Miles and Julia.

The first thing that happened is that I realized we're at the family activity mall. Tons of stuff for kids to do. None of it on my agenda. Crying. Sobbing. Begging.Tantrums. These things which I firmly DO NOT ALLOW take place.   In the process of trying to tug one of them along, I twisted my bad knee. Now, walking is agony. 

I can't walk into a store, because they're acting like whackadoodles and I need to go into nicer shops. So, we're not doing that. I call the husband, I say "This isn't working, I can't do this." We agree to meet at the food court.

We go to the food court, at which time Miles decides it's time for an autistic meltdown. We haven't HAD one of those in a while. Julia sees balloons. She refuses to stay with us. She wants a balloon. If you think I'm buying ONE balloon for them to fight over, you can forget it. If you think I'm buying THREE balloons for them to make unbelievable noise with in the car, you can forget it. NO BALLOONS.

Miles is clapping his hands loudly and fussing. I ask him to stop because people are staring. He SCREAMS like I'm killing him. Now, more people are staring. He takes my hand and tries to make me put it on his mouth, repeatedly - when I pull my hand away he shrieks and pulls at his shirt. 

Ladies and gentlemen, we're officially THAT table.

I am trying to watch two kids who are on meltdown of different sorts and Louis is just about to die, wanting to hideunder the table I can tell.

Two poopie diaper changes, the return of daddy and some burger king dinner worked like a cease and desist on the tantrums. 

I added this last part, because I show a lot of fun family pictures. You don't seem me kneeling in the bathroom stall just after the picture, trying to clean the poopie pull up of my nine year old without getting it all over me or him, or letting his pants touch the gross bathroom floor. You don't see that sometimes I get a lovely ring in the shape of toilet seat on the back of my pants, because that's the only place to sit WHILE changing said pull ups and sometimes there is water on the seat. GOD I HOPE ITS WATER.

Did  we have fun? Absolutely. Despite the crazy hour. But did I nearly break down and cry in the food court?

Absolutely.

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I'm Not Outdoorsy But...

I have to confess I have a SICK adoration of Bass Pro Shop. It's so much fun, it's marketed and laid out so well inside I WANT TO BE OUTDOORSY.  I want to camp and hike and fish and be one with nature and cook over a fire.
Well, I do in my mind. Mostly I just want to buy their cute things and sit inside comfortably while using them.

Bass Pro is holding special Christmas activities for families this weekend and next weekend and so we hopped down there for something fun to do with the kids. They've cleared out all the boats in the boat showroom and it's one big Christmas wonderland with lots of things to do. 

Like a carousel and trains and real live but not dead animals. I mean how can that NOT be awesome?

There was even a spot for coloring Christmas pictures and for writing your very important letters to the Big Man Himself. Louis took the job as scribe and surveyed everyone very seriously about what they wanted.

The boy isn't a cheap date. I'll leave it at that.

It was a fun, amazing laughter filled time. I was so glad we went because it was a perfect little family outing.

Until we left.

The idea was, we'd wander around this mall and look for anniversary presents - our wedding anniversary is Monday (tomorrow). This was the IDEA anyway. He took the stroller loaded with coats and Charlie, and I took Louis (for crowd control), Miles and Julia.

The first thing that happened is that I realized we're at the family activity mall. Tons of stuff for kids to do. None of it on my agenda. Crying. Sobbing. Begging.Tantrums. These things which I firmly DO NOT ALLOW take place.   In the process of trying to tug one of them along, I twisted my bad knee. Now, walking is agony. 

I can't walk into a store, because they're acting like whackadoodles and I need to go into nicer shops. So, we're not doing that. I call the husband, I say "This isn't working, I can't do this." We agree to meet at the food court.

We go to the food court, at which time Miles decides it's time for an autistic meltdown. We haven't HAD one of those in a while. Julia sees balloons. She refuses to stay with us. She wants a balloon. If you think I'm buying ONE balloon for them to fight over, you can forget it. If you think I'm buying THREE balloons for them to make unbelievable noise with in the car, you can forget it. NO BALLOONS.

Miles is clapping his hands loudly and fussing. I ask him to stop because people are staring. He SCREAMS like I'm killing him. Now, more people are staring. He takes my hand and tries to make me put it on his mouth, repeatedly - when I pull my hand away he shrieks and pulls at his shirt. 

Ladies and gentlemen, we're officially THAT table.

I am trying to watch two kids who are on meltdown of different sorts and Louis is just about to die, wanting to hideunder the table I can tell.

Two poopie diaper changes, the return of daddy and some burger king dinner worked like a cease and desist on the tantrums. 

I added this last part, because I show a lot of fun family pictures. You don't seem me kneeling in the bathroom stall just after the picture, trying to clean the poopie pull up of my nine year old without getting it all over me or him, or letting his pants touch the gross bathroom floor. You don't see that sometimes I get a lovely ring in the shape of toilet seat on the back of my pants, because that's the only place to sit WHILE changing said pull ups and sometimes there is water on the seat. GOD I HOPE ITS WATER.

Did  we have fun? Absolutely. Despite the crazy hour. But did I nearly break down and cry in the food court?

Absolutely.

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Bass Pro Shops Is Rocking The Customer Service - NOT

Soooo, you know we might not be the outdoorsiest of all possible families but our kids like the festive atmosphere and fun tank of giant fish, wild animal vignettes made of real dead wild animals and the like.
We don't BUY a lot in there, because I like said - we're not terribly outdoorsy, but we've bought this and that over time. Today however we were poking about in their camping section because we are toying with the idea of going camping. We were just having a look-see, you know, checking out what might be there that wasn't at ye old WalMart (guess what, not much + it's all twice as expensive).
REGARDLESS - Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World is a lot of fun to putz around inside of so we were having a sort of fun short trip when we noticed that man, they had a lot of employees there - TONS of them. Standing around, not doing anything, not greeting people.......

• Case in point - five employees behind a counter all huddled into one corner talking - a customer is STANDING on the opposite counter with his wallet and credit card out. He's TAPPING his credit card and they aren't flinching. Not even bothering to look around. Ummm, hello - in this economy? Are you FIVE EMPLOYEES really ignoring a guy with his credit card out?
• Next up - the rude cashier. We've drug out kids to the check out where we're gonna buy them two little chairs and we get them into the closest line - we're next to check out. Blonde check out girl says "aisle 5 is open." which I understand is STANDARD cashier fare - she was trying to be helpful. What she doesn't know is that between US and aisle five is a minefield of crap that they've put in our way- stuff for our kids to touch and break and bother and want and truthfully, it's NOT WORTH IT. SO we say politely "No thanks we're good." At which point she stares at us blankly - and sort of angrily. Then, another aisle opens up - and she tells us about that one again - and we again tell her NO we're good....which obviously pisses her off. She checks us out, doesn't say thank you or have a nice day or BAG OUR STUFF or OFFER TO BAG OUR STUFF and turns around and goes to help the cashier behind her bag stuff.

I'm sorry Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World. Did we bother your cashier? I mean, was that a problem that we didn't want to change lines? Was it wrong of us to be happy where we were and just want to wait our turn? Because we were pretty happy there in line, having had a mostly good visit despite SEEING bad service in action - we'd never been mistreated by you.

Here's a little tactical advice. Reduce your headcount. Keep your full timers who are paying for mortgages and families and lose the teenie boppers. This will cause the people who remain employed to be more inspired to WORK if there aren't 85 extra people on the floor.

Or, instead of taking the slash and burn management style here is an even better idea.

Training. Get some. Quickly. I can recommend books and seminars.

Or, you could visit a Cabela's Store.

I'm just sayin'.

Bass Pro Shops Is Rocking The Customer Service - NOT

Soooo, you know we might not be the outdoorsiest of all possible families but our kids like the festive atmosphere and fun tank of giant fish, wild animal vignettes made of real dead wild animals and the like.
We don't BUY a lot in there, because I like said - we're not terribly outdoorsy, but we've bought this and that over time. Today however we were poking about in their camping section because we are toying with the idea of going camping. We were just having a look-see, you know, checking out what might be there that wasn't at ye old WalMart (guess what, not much + it's all twice as expensive).
REGARDLESS - Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World is a lot of fun to putz around inside of so we were having a sort of fun short trip when we noticed that man, they had a lot of employees there - TONS of them. Standing around, not doing anything, not greeting people.......

• Case in point - five employees behind a counter all huddled into one corner talking - a customer is STANDING on the opposite counter with his wallet and credit card out. He's TAPPING his credit card and they aren't flinching. Not even bothering to look around. Ummm, hello - in this economy? Are you FIVE EMPLOYEES really ignoring a guy with his credit card out?
• Next up - the rude cashier. We've drug out kids to the check out where we're gonna buy them two little chairs and we get them into the closest line - we're next to check out. Blonde check out girl says "aisle 5 is open." which I understand is STANDARD cashier fare - she was trying to be helpful. What she doesn't know is that between US and aisle five is a minefield of crap that they've put in our way- stuff for our kids to touch and break and bother and want and truthfully, it's NOT WORTH IT. SO we say politely "No thanks we're good." At which point she stares at us blankly - and sort of angrily. Then, another aisle opens up - and she tells us about that one again - and we again tell her NO we're good....which obviously pisses her off. She checks us out, doesn't say thank you or have a nice day or BAG OUR STUFF or OFFER TO BAG OUR STUFF and turns around and goes to help the cashier behind her bag stuff.

I'm sorry Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World. Did we bother your cashier? I mean, was that a problem that we didn't want to change lines? Was it wrong of us to be happy where we were and just want to wait our turn? Because we were pretty happy there in line, having had a mostly good visit despite SEEING bad service in action - we'd never been mistreated by you.

Here's a little tactical advice. Reduce your headcount. Keep your full timers who are paying for mortgages and families and lose the teenie boppers. This will cause the people who remain employed to be more inspired to WORK if there aren't 85 extra people on the floor.

Or, instead of taking the slash and burn management style here is an even better idea.

Training. Get some. Quickly. I can recommend books and seminars.

Or, you could visit a Cabela's Store.

I'm just sayin'.