I'm A Bad Drug Addict

Meaning I'm not good at it. I don't enjoy it. Narcotic drugs and I, we aren't friends. Sure, there have been some in my life that gave me a mellow high and a ton of really deep sleep. These have been few and far between. Mostly drugs of the narcotic sort have to be saved for pain so bad that I am willing to endure the night terrors, the crying jags, the overwhelming feeling of everything in my life being wrong and bad. Then there is the itching, the need to claw through my skin until I can see daylight on on the other side can be incredible.

I finally stepped my pain pills down, and they took the pain's edge away. Yesterday the pain was a bit like an ice pick being repeatedly jabbed into the socket where once there was a tooth. Today it's more like a butter knife. Still unpleasant but not as jabbing, more like "hey why are you poking me with that butter knife?" sort of thing.

I feel like I have some sort of mortification of the tooth socket going on. It's going to be sin free when this is all over, I tell you.

I have to get my shit together today, I have to shower, for one, and sort of NOT LAY DOWN ALL DAY. I feel like this would be a positive. The down side is I'm still really weak, I feel like I was really physically taxed, I'm just tired and dizzy and weak. I'm hoping that if I only take ibuprofen today that it will fade, surely it's just the narcotic.

My kids have been very sweet taking care of me, when they haven't been annoying by not being quiet when I so desperately needed it.

Julia especially has been drawing me special pictures to make me feel better, and has been giving me check ups regularly with her doctor kit. She tells me I have tooth-hurty-itis which seems correct. Her prescription is usually for me to nap, which I've fully supported honestly.

Today the twins are supposed to have soccer but it rained like a bitch yesterday and I'm just not feeling like standing around in a mud bog watching a bunch of special needs kids play soccer. That probably makes me a bad person, but honestly, I don't think I can do it today. I probably can't do anything much but I am considering trying not to nap and calling it an achievement.

Or maybe no nap before noon....my will is fading.
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I'm A Bad Drug Addict

Meaning I'm not good at it. I don't enjoy it. Narcotic drugs and I, we aren't friends. Sure, there have been some in my life that gave me a mellow high and a ton of really deep sleep. These have been few and far between. Mostly drugs of the narcotic sort have to be saved for pain so bad that I am willing to endure the night terrors, the crying jags, the overwhelming feeling of everything in my life being wrong and bad. Then there is the itching, the need to claw through my skin until I can see daylight on on the other side can be incredible.

I finally stepped my pain pills down, and they took the pain's edge away. Yesterday the pain was a bit like an ice pick being repeatedly jabbed into the socket where once there was a tooth. Today it's more like a butter knife. Still unpleasant but not as jabbing, more like "hey why are you poking me with that butter knife?" sort of thing.

I feel like I have some sort of mortification of the tooth socket going on. It's going to be sin free when this is all over, I tell you.

I have to get my shit together today, I have to shower, for one, and sort of NOT LAY DOWN ALL DAY. I feel like this would be a positive. The down side is I'm still really weak, I feel like I was really physically taxed, I'm just tired and dizzy and weak. I'm hoping that if I only take ibuprofen today that it will fade, surely it's just the narcotic.

My kids have been very sweet taking care of me, when they haven't been annoying by not being quiet when I so desperately needed it.

Julia especially has been drawing me special pictures to make me feel better, and has been giving me check ups regularly with her doctor kit. She tells me I have tooth-hurty-itis which seems correct. Her prescription is usually for me to nap, which I've fully supported honestly.

Today the twins are supposed to have soccer but it rained like a bitch yesterday and I'm just not feeling like standing around in a mud bog watching a bunch of special needs kids play soccer. That probably makes me a bad person, but honestly, I don't think I can do it today. I probably can't do anything much but I am considering trying not to nap and calling it an achievement.

Or maybe no nap before noon....my will is fading.
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A Pain In The.......(spoiler alert - I'm gonna talk about my period so boys be warned!)

They say that smell can bring back memories stronger than any other sense. You smell something and poof you are transported back to that magical day when you were six and X Y and Z happened.

But what I think, after last night's incident, is that PAIN is actually what brings back a memory.

For instance last night-
I'm sitting at the PC and the Husband is sitting at his PC and I've been having a fairly crummy period. Ankles swelling, PMS mood swings, constant unshakeable headache - in general I've been a bitch with issues. But we're having the grand opening of our new SL business "Don't Ask" and hosting a huge party and I certainly can't LEAVE.

Suddenly, out of the BLUE I'm nearly blinded with a pain. In my lower abdomen/girly bits.

The last time I felt pain like this - someone was saying "PUSH 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10!" I'm not kidding. If I could've pushed something, ANYTHING out, I'm sure I would've felt better. How grotesque is that? Like I was thinking at one point "Jesus am I miscarrying? Am I about to have some 4th month miscarriage I didn't know I was carrying?" It just isn't possible I'm pregnant with the periods I've been having, but seriously I was wondering if something very horror show was making it's way out.

And then it would go away. It got worse and worse and as the night wore on. Settling a bit on the left side. It happened repeatedly - coming on stronger each time, then rolling away and leaving only a hint of discomfort.

I was pulled to another memory, of when the husband and I were first living together and I about stood straight up in bed one morning from pain in the same region. We ended up in the ER where it was decided I was experiencing a ruptured ovarian cyst. At that time, I had no point of reference for that sort of pain. It was simply the worst pain I'd ever felt.

I guess it's one of the products of being a jaded matron - that you feel blinding, ridiculous pain and your mind just goes "Oh this is like childbirth." But you don't go running off the ER. You just sit there and think about it, digesting the sensations and wondering what is going on. I had another drink, and it helped.

But by bedtime it was unbearable so I had to pop a pain killer before settling into bed. Which did the trick - in about 20 minutes I was comatose. But this morning, I can feel it - just under the surface of my self - discomfort, something not right. I'm supposed to go house hunting today. God I hope it stays away while we're out.

A Pain In The.......(spoiler alert - I'm gonna talk about my period so boys be warned!)

They say that smell can bring back memories stronger than any other sense. You smell something and poof you are transported back to that magical day when you were six and X Y and Z happened.

But what I think, after last night's incident, is that PAIN is actually what brings back a memory.

For instance last night-
I'm sitting at the PC and the Husband is sitting at his PC and I've been having a fairly crummy period. Ankles swelling, PMS mood swings, constant unshakeable headache - in general I've been a bitch with issues. But we're having the grand opening of our new SL business "Don't Ask" and hosting a huge party and I certainly can't LEAVE.

Suddenly, out of the BLUE I'm nearly blinded with a pain. In my lower abdomen/girly bits.

The last time I felt pain like this - someone was saying "PUSH 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10!" I'm not kidding. If I could've pushed something, ANYTHING out, I'm sure I would've felt better. How grotesque is that? Like I was thinking at one point "Jesus am I miscarrying? Am I about to have some 4th month miscarriage I didn't know I was carrying?" It just isn't possible I'm pregnant with the periods I've been having, but seriously I was wondering if something very horror show was making it's way out.

And then it would go away. It got worse and worse and as the night wore on. Settling a bit on the left side. It happened repeatedly - coming on stronger each time, then rolling away and leaving only a hint of discomfort.

I was pulled to another memory, of when the husband and I were first living together and I about stood straight up in bed one morning from pain in the same region. We ended up in the ER where it was decided I was experiencing a ruptured ovarian cyst. At that time, I had no point of reference for that sort of pain. It was simply the worst pain I'd ever felt.

I guess it's one of the products of being a jaded matron - that you feel blinding, ridiculous pain and your mind just goes "Oh this is like childbirth." But you don't go running off the ER. You just sit there and think about it, digesting the sensations and wondering what is going on. I had another drink, and it helped.

But by bedtime it was unbearable so I had to pop a pain killer before settling into bed. Which did the trick - in about 20 minutes I was comatose. But this morning, I can feel it - just under the surface of my self - discomfort, something not right. I'm supposed to go house hunting today. God I hope it stays away while we're out.