Traditions Come and Go

It's hard to imagine that a week ago I was sitting at Tim and Justin's house, on the eve of my father's funeral. We were merrymaking, and talking of spiritualism, and crystals, and the things we do and don't believe as it were. Conversations filled with memories and love are strong medicine against the anxiety that looms before such days.

I remember getting back to Matt's, and I couldn't sleep that night. I kept waking up. When I did dream, I dreamed of a room full of mirrors with the sun reflecting off of it -waking me constantly. I dreamed of angry words shouted at people I love. I tossed and I turned as the eventuality came closer and closer.

It may have just been the burger I ate that was 33% ground bacon. Who knows what drives anxiety and insomnia?

One week later, a rushed schedule made us tardy for pumpkin decorating so it occurred on Halloween itself. I suppose it doesn't matter, we got the Jack o Lantern out before dark, keeping the lost souls at bay or whatever it does.

No ghosts would trouble us on this night, we slept well guarded.

The oldest boy donned his garb and went to his friends, where a block party was held and much festivity was made. I know I might have seemed over emotional about him not being with us, but we're so traditionally together that when the girl found out he wasn't coming she sat down and cried.

We aren't telling him. But it broke her heart that he wasn't with us this special night.

Our good friends invited us up for dinner and we weren't sure the kids would eat but after Charlie finished his second taco and his fourth enchilada we realized it was a great idea. Julia declared Chris the king of Taco Tuesday.

The excitement of being someplace new with delicious food and fun to be had made Louis not being with us bearable for a cowgirl I know. It made it a bit easier for me as well.

We hit the streets of their neighborhood, and as Julia declared - got ALL the candy.

Two months later, the number of things I do "for mom" hasn't changed. I take pics all the time of the kids for mom, only to realize she isn't there to see them. I picked up my phone repeatedly today to see if she saw all the pics of the kids. I nearly asked Julia if she wanted to call Grandma to tell her about Halloween. Instead I put on The Nightmare Before Christmas, made popcorn and turned out the lights while holding her on my lap.

The phone is the worst part. It's exactly two months later, and I have no one to call. Until the very end when she was so very sick I called my mom every single day. We used to have coffee together early in the morning on the phone. I drink my coffee now and miss her, and her stupid half caffeine coffee.

I miss having someone who wanted to talk to me about nothing every day, and was always interested in what I had to say.

But it was a good Halloween.

The first one without my parents. The first of many.
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Traditions Come and Go

It's hard to imagine that a week ago I was sitting at Tim and Justin's house, on the eve of my father's funeral. We were merrymaking, and talking of spiritualism, and crystals, and the things we do and don't believe as it were. Conversations filled with memories and love are strong medicine against the anxiety that looms before such days.

I remember getting back to Matt's, and I couldn't sleep that night. I kept waking up. When I did dream, I dreamed of a room full of mirrors with the sun reflecting off of it -waking me constantly. I dreamed of angry words shouted at people I love. I tossed and I turned as the eventuality came closer and closer.

It may have just been the burger I ate that was 33% ground bacon. Who knows what drives anxiety and insomnia?

One week later, a rushed schedule made us tardy for pumpkin decorating so it occurred on Halloween itself. I suppose it doesn't matter, we got the Jack o Lantern out before dark, keeping the lost souls at bay or whatever it does.

No ghosts would trouble us on this night, we slept well guarded.

The oldest boy donned his garb and went to his friends, where a block party was held and much festivity was made. I know I might have seemed over emotional about him not being with us, but we're so traditionally together that when the girl found out he wasn't coming she sat down and cried.

We aren't telling him. But it broke her heart that he wasn't with us this special night.

Our good friends invited us up for dinner and we weren't sure the kids would eat but after Charlie finished his second taco and his fourth enchilada we realized it was a great idea. Julia declared Chris the king of Taco Tuesday.

The excitement of being someplace new with delicious food and fun to be had made Louis not being with us bearable for a cowgirl I know. It made it a bit easier for me as well.

We hit the streets of their neighborhood, and as Julia declared - got ALL the candy.

Two months later, the number of things I do "for mom" hasn't changed. I take pics all the time of the kids for mom, only to realize she isn't there to see them. I picked up my phone repeatedly today to see if she saw all the pics of the kids. I nearly asked Julia if she wanted to call Grandma to tell her about Halloween. Instead I put on The Nightmare Before Christmas, made popcorn and turned out the lights while holding her on my lap.

The phone is the worst part. It's exactly two months later, and I have no one to call. Until the very end when she was so very sick I called my mom every single day. We used to have coffee together early in the morning on the phone. I drink my coffee now and miss her, and her stupid half caffeine coffee.

I miss having someone who wanted to talk to me about nothing every day, and was always interested in what I had to say.

But it was a good Halloween.

The first one without my parents. The first of many.
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This Is Halloween This Is Halloween

Today we are ridiculously over scheduled. The week has not gone as planned and now everything has collided into all of the things we MUST DO TODAY including HALLOWEEN.

I love Halloween. I have absolutely Halloween failed this year. We didn't do any special treats or do anything fun at all, we only watched The Nightmare Before Christmas BECAUSE it happened to be on.

It's all my fault because I'm just not functioning at top speed, and I'm kind of sad that another Halloween is passing and I did literally nothing to make it special this time. My oldest child is going out Trick or Treating WITH HIS FRIEND without us.

He's going without us.

You don't understand, we don't do holidays apart. He's going to some block party and trick or treating and we won't be there and...it's HALLOWEEN.

When I was 13 I would've taken my brother trick or treating by myself up and down Walnut Street and ALL of the side streets and my mom would be horrified at the amount of candy her 3 year old would come home with. I was an AWESOME sister. I can't very well say no kid, don't go have 13 year old awesome fun. Don't stretch your wings and spend time out of the nest baby bird. Just stay here and do the usual.

But I want to.

My mom would tell me frequently, with a bit of bitterness, that her parents didn't want her to go to college. Her parents didn't want her to have a job. Her parents didn't want her to leave the HOUSE really. She said "They'd have been thrilled if I got a job at the dime store and lived in my bedroom my entire life." It always made her sad that her parents didn't have any urge to kick her out of the nest, to send her out to fly and be free.

Well, I heard that lesson enough that despite the fact that I'm a little teary eyed about it, my kid is going to his Halloween party with his friend.

This morning I'm going to soccer, then it's pumpkin carving, then to run errands possibly (the boy has new glasses to pick up and a cell phone to switch out), then he has to go to his party and we have to take the little ones trick or treating. Then it will be Halloween over and I will have failed to make it special and we will have marked the end of the age when he goes out with us.

Nothing ever stops moving.

Can it just STOP for a minute?

And with that, I have to wake up the girl. It's time to get up for soccer. Farking 9 am game.
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This Is Halloween This Is Halloween

Today we are ridiculously over scheduled. The week has not gone as planned and now everything has collided into all of the things we MUST DO TODAY including HALLOWEEN.

I love Halloween. I have absolutely Halloween failed this year. We didn't do any special treats or do anything fun at all, we only watched The Nightmare Before Christmas BECAUSE it happened to be on.

It's all my fault because I'm just not functioning at top speed, and I'm kind of sad that another Halloween is passing and I did literally nothing to make it special this time. My oldest child is going out Trick or Treating WITH HIS FRIEND without us.

He's going without us.

You don't understand, we don't do holidays apart. He's going to some block party and trick or treating and we won't be there and...it's HALLOWEEN.

When I was 13 I would've taken my brother trick or treating by myself up and down Walnut Street and ALL of the side streets and my mom would be horrified at the amount of candy her 3 year old would come home with. I was an AWESOME sister. I can't very well say no kid, don't go have 13 year old awesome fun. Don't stretch your wings and spend time out of the nest baby bird. Just stay here and do the usual.

But I want to.

My mom would tell me frequently, with a bit of bitterness, that her parents didn't want her to go to college. Her parents didn't want her to have a job. Her parents didn't want her to leave the HOUSE really. She said "They'd have been thrilled if I got a job at the dime store and lived in my bedroom my entire life." It always made her sad that her parents didn't have any urge to kick her out of the nest, to send her out to fly and be free.

Well, I heard that lesson enough that despite the fact that I'm a little teary eyed about it, my kid is going to his Halloween party with his friend.

This morning I'm going to soccer, then it's pumpkin carving, then to run errands possibly (the boy has new glasses to pick up and a cell phone to switch out), then he has to go to his party and we have to take the little ones trick or treating. Then it will be Halloween over and I will have failed to make it special and we will have marked the end of the age when he goes out with us.

Nothing ever stops moving.

Can it just STOP for a minute?

And with that, I have to wake up the girl. It's time to get up for soccer. Farking 9 am game.
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Halloween Happens

We do like Halloween. Last night the temperatures where dropping, and the mountains were getting snow, but we managed to go about threatening strangers until they gave us candy in relative precipitation free weather. We made our rounds around the neighbors that we like (NOT YOU NEIGHBORS WHO ARE AHOLES) and we brought in a mighty haul of sugar laden goodness.

I feel bad, in past years I've managed to muster the strength to do stuff ALL WEEK the week before the big night, but this year I was like eh, there will be candy on Friday. I need to get on my A game and do the more thematic mommy stuff. I did manage to dig out the Halloween books for story time each night.

That feel like a mommy victory.
LAME.

Julia's little friend from next door came over to show off his Ninja ways, which obviously were apparently anyway. Ok not really the kid will never be stealthy enough to be a Ninja. They were both so cute and excited to show off their costumes, it was adorable.

The magic of Halloween is something I don't forget even from when I was a kid, maybe that's why I love it so much. I love to see what everyone else will be, and the excitement everyone shares when the big night finally arrives.

Halloween is magic.

After we went to so many houses that Julia said "Can we stop now?" we made our traditional post trick or treat pilgrimage to Chillis, the COLDEST restaurant near the Mall of Georgia. It could be raining ice and this place would have on it's AC. I think we just go to see how cold it would be, really. Also because we had free kids meal coupons. We had about five years worth of Halloween Meals for free. We're now out, so hey NEXT YEAR WHO KNOWS what we'll do.

 Also thanks Chillis for putting electronics at the table. I know it might be hard to believe but not everyone allows electronics at the table. Some of us expect our children to look up and converse with the family. They won't be mentally scarred by doing it one time but still, DO NOT WANT.

All in all, Halloween Happened. There were costumes and giggles, and some screaming when dogs came to the door (Miles). There was candy, and excitement, and cold and fun.

I'm going to check that one off as a success.
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Halloween Happens

We do like Halloween. Last night the temperatures where dropping, and the mountains were getting snow, but we managed to go about threatening strangers until they gave us candy in relative precipitation free weather. We made our rounds around the neighbors that we like (NOT YOU NEIGHBORS WHO ARE AHOLES) and we brought in a mighty haul of sugar laden goodness.

I feel bad, in past years I've managed to muster the strength to do stuff ALL WEEK the week before the big night, but this year I was like eh, there will be candy on Friday. I need to get on my A game and do the more thematic mommy stuff. I did manage to dig out the Halloween books for story time each night.

That feel like a mommy victory.
LAME.

Julia's little friend from next door came over to show off his Ninja ways, which obviously were apparently anyway. Ok not really the kid will never be stealthy enough to be a Ninja. They were both so cute and excited to show off their costumes, it was adorable.

The magic of Halloween is something I don't forget even from when I was a kid, maybe that's why I love it so much. I love to see what everyone else will be, and the excitement everyone shares when the big night finally arrives.

Halloween is magic.

After we went to so many houses that Julia said "Can we stop now?" we made our traditional post trick or treat pilgrimage to Chillis, the COLDEST restaurant near the Mall of Georgia. It could be raining ice and this place would have on it's AC. I think we just go to see how cold it would be, really. Also because we had free kids meal coupons. We had about five years worth of Halloween Meals for free. We're now out, so hey NEXT YEAR WHO KNOWS what we'll do.

 Also thanks Chillis for putting electronics at the table. I know it might be hard to believe but not everyone allows electronics at the table. Some of us expect our children to look up and converse with the family. They won't be mentally scarred by doing it one time but still, DO NOT WANT.

All in all, Halloween Happened. There were costumes and giggles, and some screaming when dogs came to the door (Miles). There was candy, and excitement, and cold and fun.

I'm going to check that one off as a success.
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Some Days Have More Costumes

We made the trek across town to the twins club fall party which was featured bbq this time (yay for living in the South). Louis chose to be Muldoon from Jurassic Park, his current obsession. He's going to be going around yelling SHOOOOT HER!! SHOOOOT HER !!! I can see it now. 

 There was a bounce house for everyone and although the twins were the biggest boys in it, they were also the happiest boys in it. It's kind of hard, more than hard, because although they are big ten year old boys, they still very little boys. Bounce houses are still amazing to them, they're just the biggest very little boys inside.

 The bounce house featured a slide which a brave 4 year old ventured onto without fear.

 The twins are Ninja Turtles and I was kind of excited that they GOT IT this year. They knew we were dressing up in costumes for fun,and were willing to put them on. Not so much the masks, but at least I managed one pictured. Charlie was sort of unamused by it. But he didn't freak out and that's also a win.

 We had a Costume Parade complete with treats along the path which was a perfect practice run for Halloween in two weeks. I think all four of them are ready for the main event.

 Julia made a little friend who at first I think she was annoying, but then finally the little girl realized that Julia was ENAMORED of her, she had on an ELSA costume you see and well isn't that all you need to know? After the parade, they compared loot.

 The party was at a park, and obviously next to the bounce house, being able to play on the playground was a huge attraction. Luckily Muldoon doesn't feel obliged to hunt Ninja Turtles.

 I wish I had an action shot of the FURY with which she rode this thing. I was cracking up - ROCKING IT WITH RAGE. It must've been a lot of fun.

 I always love things that make Charlie so happy. He's my little guy who would rather spin a string than play with toys, so all opportunities when he gets to play and does so are great. He was playing with his siblings and bouncing, laughing like crazy in the bounce house.

We should get a bounce house. If I ever build a house, I'm definitely putting one in.

After a full and fun time at the Fall Party, Julia had soccer and so we sat in the hot sun but cold wind while she played.

She's the blonde whirlwind on the field. Well the blonde.......goofball.

We sent Louis to a trunk or treat event with his friend's youth group at a nearby UMC and he got to work and help out the trick or treaters. He had a great time and I think he got a much needed break from the chaos of our house for a few hours.

I think it was a much needed break even in the middle of a busy fun day. This life is loud and chaotic.

But it's ours.
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Some Days Have More Costumes

We made the trek across town to the twins club fall party which was featured bbq this time (yay for living in the South). Louis chose to be Muldoon from Jurassic Park, his current obsession. He's going to be going around yelling SHOOOOT HER!! SHOOOOT HER !!! I can see it now. 

 There was a bounce house for everyone and although the twins were the biggest boys in it, they were also the happiest boys in it. It's kind of hard, more than hard, because although they are big ten year old boys, they still very little boys. Bounce houses are still amazing to them, they're just the biggest very little boys inside.

 The bounce house featured a slide which a brave 4 year old ventured onto without fear.

 The twins are Ninja Turtles and I was kind of excited that they GOT IT this year. They knew we were dressing up in costumes for fun,and were willing to put them on. Not so much the masks, but at least I managed one pictured. Charlie was sort of unamused by it. But he didn't freak out and that's also a win.

 We had a Costume Parade complete with treats along the path which was a perfect practice run for Halloween in two weeks. I think all four of them are ready for the main event.

 Julia made a little friend who at first I think she was annoying, but then finally the little girl realized that Julia was ENAMORED of her, she had on an ELSA costume you see and well isn't that all you need to know? After the parade, they compared loot.

 The party was at a park, and obviously next to the bounce house, being able to play on the playground was a huge attraction. Luckily Muldoon doesn't feel obliged to hunt Ninja Turtles.

 I wish I had an action shot of the FURY with which she rode this thing. I was cracking up - ROCKING IT WITH RAGE. It must've been a lot of fun.

 I always love things that make Charlie so happy. He's my little guy who would rather spin a string than play with toys, so all opportunities when he gets to play and does so are great. He was playing with his siblings and bouncing, laughing like crazy in the bounce house.

We should get a bounce house. If I ever build a house, I'm definitely putting one in.

After a full and fun time at the Fall Party, Julia had soccer and so we sat in the hot sun but cold wind while she played.

She's the blonde whirlwind on the field. Well the blonde.......goofball.

We sent Louis to a trunk or treat event with his friend's youth group at a nearby UMC and he got to work and help out the trick or treaters. He had a great time and I think he got a much needed break from the chaos of our house for a few hours.

I think it was a much needed break even in the middle of a busy fun day. This life is loud and chaotic.

But it's ours.
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The Halloween Night

The Annual night of keeping demons at bay and candy extortion ritual has passed. It was interesting this year. Our neighborhood is mostly full of houses you nor I would trick or treat at - they're antisocial twerps who mostly don't turn on their lights. 

We decided to check out a different neighborhood rather than our usual haunt because last year that one was a bit dull. We picked one next to the elementary school where several of his friends live. That's where it happened.

Making our way through the neighborhood, we ran into a small gaggle of boys that he knew. We ALSO knew them and there was a parent with them. ALSO someone we knew. With a whoosh, he'd run off into the dark of night with Harry Potter, a Zombie Baseball player and others. There was yelling and LOUD NOISES and they were gone. 

I know that's normal. I was totally able to trick or treat by myself about his age. And he wasn't by himself, he was with friends from school and one of their parents. 

I bet it was liberating, not to have to help us with with twins, or Julia. Not to have to hold hands, or candy buckets, or stop them from doing whatever it is they might be doing that they should not. He got a break from Big Brother duty on a big family holiday event. That never happens.

Eventually people started turning their lights out, and the candy wells ran dry. The boys returned from the cover of darkness with their procured goods. We left and went out for our traditional after Halloween dinner at Chilis (I swear that's the only time we go there).

And Lou went back on Big Brother duty, minding knives and ketchup bottles at his end of the table. 

He's awesome like that.

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The Halloween Night

The Annual night of keeping demons at bay and candy extortion ritual has passed. It was interesting this year. Our neighborhood is mostly full of houses you nor I would trick or treat at - they're antisocial twerps who mostly don't turn on their lights. 

We decided to check out a different neighborhood rather than our usual haunt because last year that one was a bit dull. We picked one next to the elementary school where several of his friends live. That's where it happened.

Making our way through the neighborhood, we ran into a small gaggle of boys that he knew. We ALSO knew them and there was a parent with them. ALSO someone we knew. With a whoosh, he'd run off into the dark of night with Harry Potter, a Zombie Baseball player and others. There was yelling and LOUD NOISES and they were gone. 

I know that's normal. I was totally able to trick or treat by myself about his age. And he wasn't by himself, he was with friends from school and one of their parents. 

I bet it was liberating, not to have to help us with with twins, or Julia. Not to have to hold hands, or candy buckets, or stop them from doing whatever it is they might be doing that they should not. He got a break from Big Brother duty on a big family holiday event. That never happens.

Eventually people started turning their lights out, and the candy wells ran dry. The boys returned from the cover of darkness with their procured goods. We left and went out for our traditional after Halloween dinner at Chilis (I swear that's the only time we go there).

And Lou went back on Big Brother duty, minding knives and ketchup bottles at his end of the table. 

He's awesome like that.

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