Sometimes It's Not Autism

Sometimes it's not, no really.

For instance, yesterday, my Miles could not be soothed. He was upset on and off all day. He's got this new thing he'll do. He lets out this closed mouth yell, which to me sound s a bit like the bark of the raptors in Jurassic Park.

Ok maybe not exactly like that but it grates on my nerves the same.

Miles makes this noise, and then Charlie screams. Then after that Miles goes after Charlie, to pull his hair, to pinch him or scratch him. This happened about 6542 times yesterday. It's like the sound is a battle cry. IT'S ON! he's saying. And it IS on as soon as he does it. From that point on if you stop him, he LOSES HIS MIND. He'll directly disobey you to get to Charlie to hurt him. Charlie who stands a head taller than him doesn't seem to know he's got 40 pounds on him or more and could take him. Charlie cries, Miles screams, and mom & dad LOSE THEIR DAMN MINDS.

Last night at bed time, he kept leaning down and grabbing at Charlie and making the faux raptor noise and Charlie would scream. About midnight I sent Miles down to spend time with his dad, thinking he just need "something". Unsure what. But being in that bedroom wasn't it AT ALL.

When I got home from work this evening I learned that last night he had a fever. He was sick.

Regular children act out when they are sick all the time. How much more so autistic children who lack the language to tell you they don't feel good? It's so hard, having these little guys who can't tell me. I have to remember to check for fever, just like a baby.

Parents 0, Autism 1

Next time Autism. Next time.


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Sometimes It's Not Autism

Sometimes it's not, no really.

For instance, yesterday, my Miles could not be soothed. He was upset on and off all day. He's got this new thing he'll do. He lets out this closed mouth yell, which to me sound s a bit like the bark of the raptors in Jurassic Park.

Ok maybe not exactly like that but it grates on my nerves the same.

Miles makes this noise, and then Charlie screams. Then after that Miles goes after Charlie, to pull his hair, to pinch him or scratch him. This happened about 6542 times yesterday. It's like the sound is a battle cry. IT'S ON! he's saying. And it IS on as soon as he does it. From that point on if you stop him, he LOSES HIS MIND. He'll directly disobey you to get to Charlie to hurt him. Charlie who stands a head taller than him doesn't seem to know he's got 40 pounds on him or more and could take him. Charlie cries, Miles screams, and mom & dad LOSE THEIR DAMN MINDS.

Last night at bed time, he kept leaning down and grabbing at Charlie and making the faux raptor noise and Charlie would scream. About midnight I sent Miles down to spend time with his dad, thinking he just need "something". Unsure what. But being in that bedroom wasn't it AT ALL.

When I got home from work this evening I learned that last night he had a fever. He was sick.

Regular children act out when they are sick all the time. How much more so autistic children who lack the language to tell you they don't feel good? It's so hard, having these little guys who can't tell me. I have to remember to check for fever, just like a baby.

Parents 0, Autism 1

Next time Autism. Next time.


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Some Achievement Awards Are Real

I am not a fan of Achievement Awards or Participation Awards. I don't think kids need an award for showing up. That doesn't develop them into people who think they have to WORK for anything. If everyone gets a ribbon or trophy, why are the ones for the winners special? They aren't.

However, I need to add an asterisk to this statement because every once in a while an Achievement Award is real. It's not just because it's my kid, this goes for the other kids like him who got this award last night at Fifth Grade Graduation (also not a real thing in my book but I got teary eyed there anyway.)

Miles got an achievement award last night, and his teacher spoke briefly of the things that he had accomplished in the three years he'd been with him. In truth, he's accomplished an amazing amount of things since we started him and his brother in Autism Pre-K all those years ago.

• He learned to speak.
• He can ask for things - I want this, I want that. Etc.
• He can read.
• He can do math.
• He can tell time.
• He can make change.
• He can follow multi part instructions.
• He learned to take turns.
• He learned to play board games.
• He learned to play the xylophone.
• He learned sign language (on his own might I add)
• He became about halfway potty trained (still working on it)

This is the short list. He started out as a four year old who screamed his wants and needs, who tantrummed all the time like Helen Keller for the most part and while being an affectionate, sweet baby was really just that - a giant baby. There was no willingness on his part to ever understand us, or listen and follow instructions. Today he has pretty much perfect receptive language skills, meaning - he TOTALLY understands us. 

He isn't a perfect child, in fact sometimes he's a complete a-hole. I can say that, I'm his mom. He is. If he were a typical child I think he'd be a real brat. Possibly not, but he's a handful. However, he's also smart, and funny, and he loves books now. He loves to snuggle. He plays, really plays, by himself. HE LOVES YOUTUBE. It's hilarious he's learned that he can enter in anything and watch videos. He must love to travel, and to go to McDonalds because he watches hotel videos from the major chains, and McDonalds commercials all the time. 

He probably won't ever be a child I get to have an actual conversation with, but in the time since we handed him over to the school system I think it's fair to say he has achieved an amazing amount. Next year for the first time in years he'll be in the same school with Charlie which I'm hoping reduces some of the scheduling crazy around here. 

So that's a real achievement award. My kid learned to talk. And pee in the potty. I'm glad to accept an award for that. 

Thank you Gwinnett County Schools. You are amazing.

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Some Achievement Awards Are Real

I am not a fan of Achievement Awards or Participation Awards. I don't think kids need an award for showing up. That doesn't develop them into people who think they have to WORK for anything. If everyone gets a ribbon or trophy, why are the ones for the winners special? They aren't.

However, I need to add an asterisk to this statement because every once in a while an Achievement Award is real. It's not just because it's my kid, this goes for the other kids like him who got this award last night at Fifth Grade Graduation (also not a real thing in my book but I got teary eyed there anyway.)

Miles got an achievement award last night, and his teacher spoke briefly of the things that he had accomplished in the three years he'd been with him. In truth, he's accomplished an amazing amount of things since we started him and his brother in Autism Pre-K all those years ago.

• He learned to speak.
• He can ask for things - I want this, I want that. Etc.
• He can read.
• He can do math.
• He can tell time.
• He can make change.
• He can follow multi part instructions.
• He learned to take turns.
• He learned to play board games.
• He learned to play the xylophone.
• He learned sign language (on his own might I add)
• He became about halfway potty trained (still working on it)

This is the short list. He started out as a four year old who screamed his wants and needs, who tantrummed all the time like Helen Keller for the most part and while being an affectionate, sweet baby was really just that - a giant baby. There was no willingness on his part to ever understand us, or listen and follow instructions. Today he has pretty much perfect receptive language skills, meaning - he TOTALLY understands us. 

He isn't a perfect child, in fact sometimes he's a complete a-hole. I can say that, I'm his mom. He is. If he were a typical child I think he'd be a real brat. Possibly not, but he's a handful. However, he's also smart, and funny, and he loves books now. He loves to snuggle. He plays, really plays, by himself. HE LOVES YOUTUBE. It's hilarious he's learned that he can enter in anything and watch videos. He must love to travel, and to go to McDonalds because he watches hotel videos from the major chains, and McDonalds commercials all the time. 

He probably won't ever be a child I get to have an actual conversation with, but in the time since we handed him over to the school system I think it's fair to say he has achieved an amazing amount. Next year for the first time in years he'll be in the same school with Charlie which I'm hoping reduces some of the scheduling crazy around here. 

So that's a real achievement award. My kid learned to talk. And pee in the potty. I'm glad to accept an award for that. 

Thank you Gwinnett County Schools. You are amazing.

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I Think One Of Those Apocalypse Seals Just Got Broken

You know the ones. The ones where the Angel breaks one and something crazy happens. Like the moon turns to blood, or the seas boil, right? Or, a child gets out of the tub to pee. That's one of them, right?

It probably isn't that abnormal for a TEN YEAR OLD unless of course you're one of my special little guys, and for whatever reason, autism doesn't really help you learn that pull ups at the age of ten are gross. It also doesn't seem to help you realize that peeing in the tub is SO GROSS.

It is doubly gross when you are in there with your brother.

I'd like to pretend that this is an out of the ordinary incident, this tub peeing, but it's not. I do PUT them on the potty and heck sometimes they even GO before the tub. And then the tub comes and it's all WATER WATER EVERYWHERE and yeah sometimes it happens.

Today however, I was toweling off Charlie in the bedroom and Miles was still floating around the tub like a glutton of water and singing something about Y is for Yellow when I looked away and heard the toilet seat clink.

I hopped up and ran in the bathroom to see what had happened.

The child was peeing in the toilet. ON HIS OWN.

There may be hope yet folks. There may be hope yet.
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I Think One Of Those Apocalypse Seals Just Got Broken

You know the ones. The ones where the Angel breaks one and something crazy happens. Like the moon turns to blood, or the seas boil, right? Or, a child gets out of the tub to pee. That's one of them, right?

It probably isn't that abnormal for a TEN YEAR OLD unless of course you're one of my special little guys, and for whatever reason, autism doesn't really help you learn that pull ups at the age of ten are gross. It also doesn't seem to help you realize that peeing in the tub is SO GROSS.

It is doubly gross when you are in there with your brother.

I'd like to pretend that this is an out of the ordinary incident, this tub peeing, but it's not. I do PUT them on the potty and heck sometimes they even GO before the tub. And then the tub comes and it's all WATER WATER EVERYWHERE and yeah sometimes it happens.

Today however, I was toweling off Charlie in the bedroom and Miles was still floating around the tub like a glutton of water and singing something about Y is for Yellow when I looked away and heard the toilet seat clink.

I hopped up and ran in the bathroom to see what had happened.

The child was peeing in the toilet. ON HIS OWN.

There may be hope yet folks. There may be hope yet.
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Double The Birthdays

My big twin boys turned nine this week. With their sister having a birthday just ten days earlier there was a lot of Chuck E Cheese and kid related fun to be be had two weekends in a row. Watching them turn nine was a little sad, because chronology doesn't not tell you anything about how mature they are. It's just how many years they've been alive. 

But despite a bit of motherly wistfulness, their birthday was greeted with kisses and excitement and joy. Birthdays are happy days. Even if they don't quite get WHAT a birthday is, they do understand that when we say it's birthdays there will be presents and cake.

They don't like cake but whatever.

One of the bus drivers drew the Minion card as a gift and there were books and gifts that made them both smile and giggle. Plus there were balloons. Who doesn't like balloons?

Sometimes exciting things happen, as we celebrate the three birthdays in April. They're things you might not even notice - but a little boy painting his name at the painting activity is a big deal at our house.

So Happy Birthday Miles and Charlie. I hope your day was special, and you always know that we love you. 

Even if you are never the age you actually are.

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Double The Birthdays

My big twin boys turned nine this week. With their sister having a birthday just ten days earlier there was a lot of Chuck E Cheese and kid related fun to be be had two weekends in a row. Watching them turn nine was a little sad, because chronology doesn't not tell you anything about how mature they are. It's just how many years they've been alive. 

But despite a bit of motherly wistfulness, their birthday was greeted with kisses and excitement and joy. Birthdays are happy days. Even if they don't quite get WHAT a birthday is, they do understand that when we say it's birthdays there will be presents and cake.

They don't like cake but whatever.

One of the bus drivers drew the Minion card as a gift and there were books and gifts that made them both smile and giggle. Plus there were balloons. Who doesn't like balloons?

Sometimes exciting things happen, as we celebrate the three birthdays in April. They're things you might not even notice - but a little boy painting his name at the painting activity is a big deal at our house.

So Happy Birthday Miles and Charlie. I hope your day was special, and you always know that we love you. 

Even if you are never the age you actually are.

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Too Weird To Make Up

Every bath, Miles gets out last. He likes to watch the whirpool of water as it drains out the end of the life of the bath. He laughs and squeals every time.

Today, when there was still about two or more inches of water left in the tub, I noticed him swirling his hand in the water just over the drain, kicking up the whirlpool early - which I thought was kind of impressive. He swirled and swirled until a large whirlpool had grown.

He stood up.

And peed into it.

You can't make this stuff up.


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Too Weird To Make Up

Every bath, Miles gets out last. He likes to watch the whirpool of water as it drains out the end of the life of the bath. He laughs and squeals every time.

Today, when there was still about two or more inches of water left in the tub, I noticed him swirling his hand in the water just over the drain, kicking up the whirlpool early - which I thought was kind of impressive. He swirled and swirled until a large whirlpool had grown.

He stood up.

And peed into it.

You can't make this stuff up.


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He Has Christmas Wishes

Something amazing happened a couple of days ago and I'm still reeling from it. I'm not sure you other parents can fathom this but I have never known really what my twins want for Christmas. I have a general idea of things they "like" but, you never really know.
Your neuro typical children get dreamy eyed and try to tell you all the reasons they want this or that or the other thing. But, my sweet twins open what they are given and often just wait for something else to open. Opening is fun on Christmas but usually only one or two things catches their eye.

And I've never had a Christmas list, or been able to have that "So tell Mommy what you want for Christmas" talk with them.

Until NOW.

He is getting every damn thing on this list by God.

We already have the PlayStation. I am guessing he wants to play. So I told my oldest son we're going to teach him how to play.

I sat and cried and cried when I saw this. He has a Christmas list. For the first time in his life.

I think it's amazing.
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He Has Christmas Wishes

Something amazing happened a couple of days ago and I'm still reeling from it. I'm not sure you other parents can fathom this but I have never known really what my twins want for Christmas. I have a general idea of things they "like" but, you never really know.
Your neuro typical children get dreamy eyed and try to tell you all the reasons they want this or that or the other thing. But, my sweet twins open what they are given and often just wait for something else to open. Opening is fun on Christmas but usually only one or two things catches their eye.

And I've never had a Christmas list, or been able to have that "So tell Mommy what you want for Christmas" talk with them.

Until NOW.

He is getting every damn thing on this list by God.

We already have the PlayStation. I am guessing he wants to play. So I told my oldest son we're going to teach him how to play.

I sat and cried and cried when I saw this. He has a Christmas list. For the first time in his life.

I think it's amazing.
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Crazy Days And Kisses

I wish there was a book, for how crazy parenting is. I don't mean those "How to not kill your baby" books that are out there. There are lots of those. I also don't mean those "If you don't do all these things you are a bad parent and your baby won't get into Harvard or the right pre-school" books. I mean, it could be a short book. Very small. Maybe just two pages, a forward from the author and a second page. It would say something like,"Parenting is crazy and you will never, ever figure it out so just roll with it."

My day starts out with "Mommy carry my dinosaurs" which is actually a pair of bongo drums turned upside down and filled with small plastic dinosaurs. This is apparently the preferred method of transporting dinosaurs.
Both yesterday and today were filled with fights about these same dinosaurs. What they should go into - a pumpkin from Halloween, the bongos, a purse, a coaster caddy? And Miles would dump them out and Julia would scream and pinch him and he'd pull her hair and....

I lit a fire last night. I look up from my magazine and see my three littlest ones sitting on the hearth enjoying the heat and the popping log, and realize Miles is saying "Kiss baby!" and she is saying "I love you Miles!" She ran around, stopping to kiss him and they'd laugh and giggle as though the battle of the dinosaurs and their appointed container had never occurred.

Then I woke up this morning, and apparently detente was over and it was back to it.

He does not prefer the bongos, she does.

It was another day of battles large and small. But my mind keeps wandering back to those kisses by the hearth and the secret love they have for one another. You'd never know it, but they are in fact quite fond of one another.

That makes me really happy.

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Crazy Days And Kisses

I wish there was a book, for how crazy parenting is. I don't mean those "How to not kill your baby" books that are out there. There are lots of those. I also don't mean those "If you don't do all these things you are a bad parent and your baby won't get into Harvard or the right pre-school" books. I mean, it could be a short book. Very small. Maybe just two pages, a forward from the author and a second page. It would say something like,"Parenting is crazy and you will never, ever figure it out so just roll with it."

My day starts out with "Mommy carry my dinosaurs" which is actually a pair of bongo drums turned upside down and filled with small plastic dinosaurs. This is apparently the preferred method of transporting dinosaurs.
Both yesterday and today were filled with fights about these same dinosaurs. What they should go into - a pumpkin from Halloween, the bongos, a purse, a coaster caddy? And Miles would dump them out and Julia would scream and pinch him and he'd pull her hair and....

I lit a fire last night. I look up from my magazine and see my three littlest ones sitting on the hearth enjoying the heat and the popping log, and realize Miles is saying "Kiss baby!" and she is saying "I love you Miles!" She ran around, stopping to kiss him and they'd laugh and giggle as though the battle of the dinosaurs and their appointed container had never occurred.

Then I woke up this morning, and apparently detente was over and it was back to it.

He does not prefer the bongos, she does.

It was another day of battles large and small. But my mind keeps wandering back to those kisses by the hearth and the secret love they have for one another. You'd never know it, but they are in fact quite fond of one another.

That makes me really happy.

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Children With Ninja Stealth

I had one of those moments this morning. Those "Oh my god" and visions of Elizabeth Smart race through your head moments.
I got up, beep beep beep alarm going off, and wandered to the bathroom. Then I threw on some clothes so I wasn't greeting bus drivers in my nightie and wandered to the bedroom directly next to ours where the three boys sleep.
We have a toddler bed which is a fire truck that Miles has adopted again, and a bunk which is a double on the bottom and a twin on the top. On the bottom is Charlie - awake and waiting for me, and on the top is Louis, snoring like an old man.
But - where is Miles?

I walk into the room and he isn't in the firetruck bed. He isn't in the double bed. I turn on my FLASHLIGHT app and look under the bed - he's slept under there before.

He isn't there.

My panic was pretty instant but I start playing out logic in my head. My husband is a night owl and has been in bed less than an hour. The gate we recently installed to our hallway is so noisy and hard to work - there is NO WAY someone got through it without waking me. I wake up every time it's touched, at least I think I do.

Miles could be downstairs, he wanders. Maybe he went downstairs to sleep on the sofa...

I walk into the master bedroom trying to be calm to tell Charlie I was going downstairs....

and there is Miles.

Snuggled into bed with his Daddy, piled under the covers so that I hadn't noticed him when I walked through before.

Ninja skills.  My kids have them.

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Children With Ninja Stealth

I had one of those moments this morning. Those "Oh my god" and visions of Elizabeth Smart race through your head moments.
I got up, beep beep beep alarm going off, and wandered to the bathroom. Then I threw on some clothes so I wasn't greeting bus drivers in my nightie and wandered to the bedroom directly next to ours where the three boys sleep.
We have a toddler bed which is a fire truck that Miles has adopted again, and a bunk which is a double on the bottom and a twin on the top. On the bottom is Charlie - awake and waiting for me, and on the top is Louis, snoring like an old man.
But - where is Miles?

I walk into the room and he isn't in the firetruck bed. He isn't in the double bed. I turn on my FLASHLIGHT app and look under the bed - he's slept under there before.

He isn't there.

My panic was pretty instant but I start playing out logic in my head. My husband is a night owl and has been in bed less than an hour. The gate we recently installed to our hallway is so noisy and hard to work - there is NO WAY someone got through it without waking me. I wake up every time it's touched, at least I think I do.

Miles could be downstairs, he wanders. Maybe he went downstairs to sleep on the sofa...

I walk into the master bedroom trying to be calm to tell Charlie I was going downstairs....

and there is Miles.

Snuggled into bed with his Daddy, piled under the covers so that I hadn't noticed him when I walked through before.

Ninja skills.  My kids have them.

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Blogging As The Baby Screams In The Background

Oh don't look at me like that. She's fine. It's bed time. She doesn't want to go.

This post isn't about her anyway.

No, it's about the bus driver.

Well, one bus driver.

Whom I have decided is an a-hole and I don't like.

One boy who was promoted to "moderate" autism was moved to a different school. It's fairly impressive. He LEARNS things, like how to write letters, and to spell. He speaks some.

(and no he's not "creative" or a savant, Rainman is a movie not reality)

But he also wants to do the things that he's learned.He wants to do them, ALL THE TIME.

So, he's learned how to unbuckle his seat belt.

And apparently, started doing it ON THE BUS.

The afternoon bus driver didn't ever bother to mention this. Nope. She apparently let it happen several times, and then just decided she was done and promptly kicked my special needs child off the bus.

No warning.

So his teacher promptly responded that NO, there are solutions and that just kicking him off the bus isn't the answer.

Apparently, something like THIS is.

Add a few more straps under the legs and around him and this is what we have now.
The morning bus driver,who apologized profusely and said he didn't know what was wrong with that woman, he'd never had a problem like this he'd just turn the buckle over and he'd never had a kid figure it out.

But here we are.

This boy who is the more developed of the twins, who has learned the mystery of language is now being strapped down every morning into this harness that upsets him. He looks even more special than he is and has to parade out in front of our neighborhood wearing his HARNESS.

I want to slap this bus driver.

You know my real issue here, isn't that we had to land here. I want him to be safe. I understand she's driving a bus and she can't have a kid running around on the bus but OH MY GOD. Could she have said SOMETHING? Could she have mentioned it? Could we have worked together on this to ATTEMPT some other solution?

See, because this kid of mine, he learns routines and learns them well. He could've learned exactly what to do. Now he's labeled as some sort of bus hooligan that has to be literally STRAPPED DOWN into his seat like an animal.

He's my child. He's not an animal. It makes me angry he was too much trouble to even try something else with.

He learned to say Happy Halloween this year. He counts. He's a person too.

Blogging As The Baby Screams In The Background

Oh don't look at me like that. She's fine. It's bed time. She doesn't want to go.

This post isn't about her anyway.

No, it's about the bus driver.

Well, one bus driver.

Whom I have decided is an a-hole and I don't like.

One boy who was promoted to "moderate" autism was moved to a different school. It's fairly impressive. He LEARNS things, like how to write letters, and to spell. He speaks some.

(and no he's not "creative" or a savant, Rainman is a movie not reality)

But he also wants to do the things that he's learned.He wants to do them, ALL THE TIME.

So, he's learned how to unbuckle his seat belt.

And apparently, started doing it ON THE BUS.

The afternoon bus driver didn't ever bother to mention this. Nope. She apparently let it happen several times, and then just decided she was done and promptly kicked my special needs child off the bus.

No warning.

So his teacher promptly responded that NO, there are solutions and that just kicking him off the bus isn't the answer.

Apparently, something like THIS is.

Add a few more straps under the legs and around him and this is what we have now.
The morning bus driver,who apologized profusely and said he didn't know what was wrong with that woman, he'd never had a problem like this he'd just turn the buckle over and he'd never had a kid figure it out.

But here we are.

This boy who is the more developed of the twins, who has learned the mystery of language is now being strapped down every morning into this harness that upsets him. He looks even more special than he is and has to parade out in front of our neighborhood wearing his HARNESS.

I want to slap this bus driver.

You know my real issue here, isn't that we had to land here. I want him to be safe. I understand she's driving a bus and she can't have a kid running around on the bus but OH MY GOD. Could she have said SOMETHING? Could she have mentioned it? Could we have worked together on this to ATTEMPT some other solution?

See, because this kid of mine, he learns routines and learns them well. He could've learned exactly what to do. Now he's labeled as some sort of bus hooligan that has to be literally STRAPPED DOWN into his seat like an animal.

He's my child. He's not an animal. It makes me angry he was too much trouble to even try something else with.

He learned to say Happy Halloween this year. He counts. He's a person too.

Two Good Things

The first one is just good because I'm a Mommy and a sucker for such thing.s


That was just Mommy good stuff.

But I have something better to show you. Yes, something better than a little girl just being cute.

How about a little boy who doesn't talk, talking?

Two Good Things

The first one is just good because I'm a Mommy and a sucker for such thing.s


That was just Mommy good stuff.

But I have something better to show you. Yes, something better than a little girl just being cute.

How about a little boy who doesn't talk, talking?