So Close....

So I opted for an endometrial ablation vs. hysterectomy to stop the monthly horror show that is now affectionately and accurately known as SHARK WEEK. I started taking various drugs two days before to reduce inflammation and I guess make me feel better in general. The day before I took a drug called misprostol to make my cervix soften and thin so they could yank it apart and do what they needed to do.

The morning of I had some Xanax and Percocet. My first concern was that the Percocet was only 325 - what WUSS takes only 325 mg of Percocet? What pain is this supposed to help?

When I got to the doctor's office the nurse informed me I needed more Percocet so YAY. Then I looked like THIS.

So, that's me sort of "Hey man I am ok" but am beginning to feel more than a bit checked out. 

I went into the room after apparently plurking QUITE a bit to my friends online. I got all prepped up and the nurses held my hands while I got shots in the cervix - which were really like "damn that's annoying and not fun", rather than torture. I believe I said "WOW THIS REALLY SUCKS". The doctor also asked for the "longer" speculum, and I said "But not the circus freak size one, right?" and he burst out laughing and said "No, you don't need the circus freak size one....but we DO have one of those."

YAY for this piece of information right?

So then, what happened is, as the drugs were really washing over me and my entire crotch area felt weird and numb, is that apparently he got a look inside - I dunno wtf he was doing then, and said "Oh this isn't going to work."

I have mentioned it before, and he was aware of it, but I have this condition called a bicornuate uterus . 

Apparently when pregnant, it stretches out just fine, which is odd and it shouldn't. I shouldn't be able to carry 9  pound babies to term much less great big old twins but I did. So, never say never I guess. However, when not pregnant and not all stretched out, I apparently have a really pronounced septum dividing the uterus, and introducing a balloon into the uterus for the procedure wouldn't work.

So then, drugged, weirdly wet on the back of my shirt (wtf is that?), I called my hubby to come fetch me and have instructions to call the surgery scheduler next week so we can do it in the OR at the hospital with full on  drugs and stuff. 

Round 1, failure. I slept my day in a serious drug haze yesterday and lost my entire day basically. I woke up today crampy and feeling kind of bleh. 

Looks like we will do it again in a couple of weeks. Yippee Ki-YAY.

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