A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Making Friends Through Adversity

I rarely make my friends in the usual ways. There is never the "Hey I like Star Wars do you like Star Wars?" "Yes I do let's be friends." sort of set up. Never a great connection right off the bat where you just know that the friendship is solid and is going to be a great one.
Usually, I meet them in strange places, in strange ways.
There's Tim, who I met by fainting in his arms. True, we were in marching band together and I would've met him eventually - but a case of band members fainting in 100+ degree heat while wearing double wool uniforms brought us together quickly.
There's Jaymie who I met because she annoyed the shit out of me by decorating my desk for holidays at my old job. She MOVED my stuff. Repeatedly. It was her job, in all fairness - but still - I don't like people touching my stuff.
There's Laura who I KNEW in High School and sort of liked, we were casual friends but we were bonded into lifelong friendship after a mutual case of exploding ass we obtained at the Ponderosa one weekend while we were visiting our boyfriends at Ball State. "I have to go to the ladies room." "Oh I'll go with you," and we casually wander into stalls as far apart as possible yet it made no difference. Passers by would've heard the explosions, the horrible sounds as the poison wrenched itself from our bodies. Eventually we were nearly hysterical with laughter - which helped drown out the sounds of exploding asses.

We've laughed about it ever since.

Last night I went to a fancy dinner with people from my work. Steaks were consumed and so was fancy dessert. Some shrimp thing was the appetizer. About halfway through the dinner, my stomach began to rumble.
Just a bit.

Toward the end of dinner, I felt like I had cramps, and I was thinking crap I can't be getting my period I just GOT my period. Ugh!

When we stood up to leave - I realized OMG.....it's ON.

One of my co-workers who I really like said "I need to hit the ladies room" and I agreed so we went off to the fancy ladies room to take care of business.

This bathroom, to my delight and chagrin mutually, had those ACTUAL private rooms with doors that close. So I was able to go inside and let'er rip in privacy with minimal embarrassment.
But then I'm wondering........is she sick too?

Maybe all this fancy privacy just cost me a bonding moment with a potential friend.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Jimmy Kimmel loves Ben Affleck

Okay Jimmy Kimmel might've outdone Sarah Silverman on this one.
Where can I get one of those bumper stickers?

You Get a Line and I'll Get a Pole Honey......

You Get a Line and I'll Get a Pole Babe......

You Get a Line
And I'll Get a Pole
We'll Go Down to the Crawdad hole....

Congratulations to Miss Madison.....on her first Catch and Release.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Welcome To Atlanta - Have You Seen Our Dinosaurs?

Grandma, Aunt Suz and Debbie rolled into town on Thursday. You KNOW we had to take them down to the Fernbank to see the Dinos!

We took them to the IN THE DARK EXHIBIT and made them try to do projects blind.
Heehee! There is no escape until you solve our puzzle in the dark!

It's fun to bring your family to town and then make them do puzzles. While I was looking at these pictures I was thinking "BEFORE YOU LEAVE ATLANTA YOU MUST SOLVE MY RIDDLES MORTAL!"
I dunno, it just made me laugh.

Don't forget to pop over to Props and Pans to enter to win some PIN UP BALM! Totally the best lip balm I have ever used in the history of the world.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Mussolini Was Slightly Evil Also

This was the Forecast today.


This is a version of slight I am unfamiliar with.

(check out the % chance in the window).

More Euphemisms

Lil Satchmo had some shorts rip at the seam yesterday as he cleaned in preparation for Grandma's arrival. He thought it was fairly funny, bcse you know - it's FUNNY to show your butt. (Back me up Sarah).
Anyway, at the end of the evening he asked me WHY they ripped.
So I just mumbled "oh you wear them a lot they're old etc etc these things happen...."
To which he said,"Hmm, maybe my butt got too big for them."
And I laughed and said,"Well Maybe......."

Then he broke into a grin and said,"Mom, maybe my PACKAGE to got big for them."

Yes. I'm sure that's it. Your PACKAGE got too big.

And so it begins......

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

A New Found Respect for Matt Damon

Okay I always liked him.
And now I love him.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Today I Learned

  • A family of Five does not fit into a bathtub comfortably.

  • Tornadoes are only cool and fun when you can watch them with a beer instead of little hands in yours.

  • Letting small boys pile up stuffed animals in the bathroom so that they will be safe comforts them a lot.

  • Taking the pillows and the blankets and the flashlights to the bathroom is really just bullshit to make you feel better, like boiling water when a baby is being born. If it hits the fan - maybe the blanket will help. Maybe.

  • I have more children than I can feasibly hold on to, if I were required to hang onto all of them alone. I believe I worked out how to hold onto one with my legs and the other two with my arms but then again, I wasn't actually tested.

  • I sound far more confident that I actually am, when questioned by a five year old.

This is what rolled through the ATL today - the radar picture about 5 hours before it got to us. The entire ATL metro was lit up like a Christmas tree with the damn doppler radar and watch boxes. Yeah. It sucked a lot.Much love to my husband for SPOTTING the rotation in the clouds and sending us to the bathroom for safety. It was scary, and it never materialized into a tornado. But you saw it, and protected us. And while I was in the bathtub holding onto our children, after I had worked out how to hold onto them - I began to worry about who was going to hold onto YOU.

I need one more arm people. Maybe even two.

Beauty Routines for The Saved

Mega props to the husband for sending me the info on these beauty products. I mean, the tote is quite handy and sassy....

and it is a KING SIZE TOTE after all.
But I think it's the individual beauty products that rock my world the most. I mean, this lip gloss says you will be worthy! Excellent!
Of course you need a little something to carry around your spending money in. So much for "Render unto Caesar...." eh?

And I think this last product really just sums it eh, PLEASE HIM FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

I am so buying these if I ever find them. Or, feel free to send them to me.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Amy Winehouse's Illegitimate Children

Or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine's '08 - I lied there is more.

When I got home from work the husband had a surprise waiting for me. He had created Red Velvet Cake COOKIES (oh my god if you know me you know I LOVE Red Velvet Cake) and decorated them as you see.

Can I reiterate that I LOVE Red Velvet Cake?

We had homemade cards all around this year.

His card from me, in the middle, was a bit of a project at my office toward the end of the day.
Yes that's Elvis on the left - you don't even want to know who is in the middle (hint loyal reader I recently dreamed about him). And on the back, a special something........

The husband selected PARENTHOOD to watch as our romantic time together. We held hands and laughed hysterically at things that never used to be so funny. And then when the movie was over, Baby Birdman woke up,came to the living room, and vomitted red velvet cake cookies all over the place.

Valentine's Day '08

All you need is love.

- The Beatles.

That's really all I've got.
But I think it about covers it.

Happy Valentines Day everyone!
Especially to my love.......Thank you for 11 wonderful Valentine's Days.
I hope they let us have candy in the nursing home some day!

Monday, February 11, 2008

It'll Be Bigger Than BITCHCAKES!

My husband taught Lil Satchmo what a Euphemism is.
I feel this was counterproductive as now they are less EFFECTIVE around him but since he really focused on those boys think are funny, poop and farting, probably no harm done.

So for a while I was treated to being asked if I had dropped some kids off at the pool or if an elephant had run under my chair.

But now, Lil Satchmo has announced that he has CREATED a euphemism. Which he'd like us all to please use.

So if you please, may I present the new euphemism for FART!

"Blasting a Grumpy."

Here, let me help you to use it in a sentence.
"WOW who Blasted a Grumpy."

Okay internet, it's all yours. I'm gonna wait back and see how long it takes me to hear Paris Hilton say it on TV.

Friday, February 08, 2008

The Almost Vindication of Anthony

When I lived in Kentucky I worked with a dude who was relatively cool and hung out with the husband and I quite a lot. One night as he and my husband had a long conversation about foods they loved the conversation drifted to Jack In The Box, which you may recall, the husband loves.
As the two of them bonded over their love of the JITB Anthony expounded "And they put those EGGS on EVERYTHING!"



The husband was surprised, I of course had NO idea what they were talking about, but Anthony very confidently pronounced that he loved JITB because of the delicious eggs they put on everything.

Here you see the family dining at the JITB which is in Nashville TN, where we stopped on our way home from Indiana in September. Please note the conspicious lack of egg on any of our food.

Anyway, over the years we had relegated this tale of "egg on everything" to some bizarre story someone we USED to know told. The Husband actually used to LIVE out West so he knew damn well JITB does NOT put egg on everything.

The Husband had a revelation yesterday - it's not JITB that offers egg...it's FAT BURGER. Please refer to the ADD ONS at the bottom of the menu.

Anthony, my friend. FATBURGER. NOT JACK IN THE BOX.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

And Then I Thanked Hitler

The Husband and I have, since time immemorial, gone to bed separately. I go first usually, to read, to crash, to drift off alone. We both however, prefer to slide into sleep without the rustling and shifting of another person who is also trying to get to sleep. It works for us.
The other night, as he slipped into bed beside my snoring, drooling self, I apparently said,"What about Hitler?"

He laughed, and asked me if I was dreaming about Hitler, and then asked if I Thanked Hitler. I apparently mumbled something more about Hitler, that I was talking about Hitler etc and rolled over to more snoring and drooling.

Then I apparently waited until he was settled in comfortably to roll back over and ask "So what about Hitler?"

I dunno. I've got issues apparently.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008


Today I did one of my favorite things. I voted.

I don't talk politics and I won't talk them with you, chances are. Most people don't have a fucking clue and they annoy the shit out of me. But I'm a little excited today, because today I took the first step toward changing the world.

I told Erin some time ago that I truly believe that the Richard Nixon factor is in effect this election. Any douche-bag can get elected, if they just promise to end the war.

I'm a reformed republican which means I was raised republican and then grew a heart. I've sat back and listened to the rhetoric and waited for the magic words. I've read the odd story, waiting for the magic words. I have waited to hear someone say it - not in a place where those following every word of the election would hear it, but in a place for the masses. For someone to really hang out their NADS and SAY IT.

And during the SUPERBOWL Obama said them.

We can end the war.

So today I put my sons in the car and together with my husband we took our children and showed them what it means to be American. We showed them what it means to vote, to make a choice, to use the power we have as citizens.

My ancestors fought in the Revolutionary War.

My great-grandfather fought in the Spanish American War.

My grandfather fought in World War 2.

I am a patriot.

And I have had enough.

Oh, and voting means you get stickers! YIPPEE!

Totally unrelated postscript.
Go Vote for my Friend Greg at this site. He is listed at Internet Marketing Gorilla.
Please go vote for him, if you don't, you're a pinko-commie bastard. I'm sure of it.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Won't You Be My Neighbor? Urban Chic or Ghetto Fabulous? - YOU Decide!

One of the perils of moving to a town where you have absolutely NO bearings or clue as to what is what is that you don't have a good idea what is the good vs. the bad part of town. After you've been unemployed for months on end and you relocate several hundred miles away so that your family doesn't STARVE to death you do your best to find a nice looking area, with good cars in the drive and decent external features to the buildings in the area.
Despite these efforts, you can make a mistake or two.
Mrs Repressed and I once moved to an apartment where our downstairs neighbors used to scream at each other (apparently her mother thought he was a failure and she could have married better if memory serves) and our NEXT DOOR neighbors used to have very loud oral sex. Which is only better if you know that there were an elderly couple. The apartments had just been completely refurbished, they looked lovely, we lived on a lake. Yet - we had our "colorful" neighbors. Disturbing but colorful. A little creepy, but colorful.
I mention this, because when we moved to the ATL - we chose a location in what seemed like an acceptable part of town and because of it's proximity to my new job.

We've had some annoying neighbors since we moved but now, as of today, we've reached the point where they are no longer colorful - and quite frankly,

To put not too fine a point on it, and to sum up the events of the last 24 hours:

* Every apartment in the building spent last night fighting - screaming and yelling.

* The drug dealer who lives downstairs spent the late night fighting with another male and doing what sounded like beating the crap out of his wife but who would know?

*The wife deposited their baby with the TEENAGER next door.

*The drug dealer called 5-0 HIMSELF who somehow then did NOT go to jail.

*All the wife's stuff is sitting outside.

*The drug dealer is now entertaining and getting baked out on his balcony - loudly.

I'm not made of money, and I need to move. Anything you can do to help is appreciated. PayPal Donation button has been set up on the side.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Happy Groundhog's Day - Let's EAT!

I decided to help everyone out who wasn't sure what to do with that little bastard that just consigned us to 6 more weeks of winter.

I like sweet potatoes. How about you?

This one doesn't really make stuff OUT of Groundhogs but I thought it was cute.

I have to question Groundhog falling under the category of GAME. I mean, we HUNT GAME. Hunting a groundhog is sort of like hunting a COW to me. Not much SPORT in it.

But, my Modest Proposal is this - let's eat that little bastard. 6 more weeks of winter indeed.