A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

My Favorite Vacation Image

Take a look. Do you know what this lineup means? To me, it means that the Brute Squad has unpacked their stuff and once again checked into a hotel for a weekend or vacaction adventure.
I take a lot of cute pictures of my kids and family while we vacation here or there, but it's when I have all the shoes lined up on the shelf that I feel like I'm on vacation.
"Here are our shoes, hotel room. We're ready for some fun."
That is what it looks like to me.
We're back now, after a few days doing the Disney thing and seeing Thomas the Tank Engine.
This picture makes me insanely happy.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Image is Everything

As I'm losing weight, I'm more and more conscious of body image. Mine. And yours. I'm terribly judgmental. I would say that before I lost weight I didn't like my body. I just kept it hidden under big clothes and let it go, out of sight out of mind. It was actually easier on the psyche than actually considering it, though. My mom always says that the things you don't like on other people's bodies are really the things you don't like on your own. I don't know if that is true, but the things I don't like on my own body are increasing.
Maybe it's because as I'm losing weight, I just want things to look good. And just because there is less of me, it does't mean the bit left behind looks good.
My arms are fat. I have matronly upper arms. I want them GONE NOW.
My stomach is flabby. I have developed some sort of hideous paunch. I am doing crunches. It keeps not leaving. I suppose that previously it was all full of fat and therefore not droopy, in some sick way that was preferable.
My thighs have cellulite, and they are just fat fat fat. I don't mind fat. But fat fat fat is too much fat. I do not have calves I have steers. I inherited my stupid Grandmother Brandon's lack of ankles. I have huge thick ankles that there are no workouts to improve.
And then there is my face. The face that is coming out under my fat isn't right. I can't identify with this person. Who the hell is she? Do I know her? I'm remembering the things that made me cry in high school. My lack of cheekbones (why the FUCK don't I have any cheekbones like normal people?) My stupid round face.

I always thought that I could easily be a person who never had any sort of plastic surgery. It's vain and lazy.
Now I'm considering how awesome it would be to wake up with so many of these flaws eradicated.
The first boy who ever said I was beautiful and sounded like he meant it was Kayo. The only person who has always said I was beautiful even at my giantest is my husband - and I have never doubted his truthfulness. His sanity.....maybe.....(kidding)

A friend of mine was recently telling me about a guy friend of his who just lost a bunch of weight and how it has sort of messed up his head.

I told him it's because once you start really losing weight, people start treating you like you are a human.

Realizing that you have not been treated like a human for X years is quite damaging to the spirit. Permanently damaging.

So I thought that as a gesture of positive energy to those I love, I thought I would tell some of you something about you that I love, or covet, or otherwise envy.

My husband, I love your legs. You have some really good, really sexy man legs.

Sarah , I have always thought you were slender like a classic model. Like the women who lunch at country clubs and play tennis.
Becky , I think you have the most girly figure. I totally envy you. How anyone can have boobs and not be fat is a huge accomplishment.

Xta , Xta first of all has the most infectious laugh and smile you've EVER run into. She can make your day with her giggle. Her mouth is what you would call generous. When Xta talks to you, she's giving you a lot of things - expression, emotions, usually giggles. Even when she's pissed off her mouth is very pretty. If she was a crazy make up junky like me, she's probably have to wear the brightest reds she could find, to properly dress up that mouth.

Eileen is blogless to my knowledge. But Eileen has the most gorgeous eyes you have ever seen. They are round and a kaleidescope of color. They would make a million if they could make contacts the colors of her eyes.

So, there. I envy all of you your gorgeous traits. There are more of you that I envy.

Maybe someday I will actually like the way I look enough to find that people should envy me. But by that would mean I'm an arrogant ass, so maybe it's better that I not.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Baby Ruth Rides Again

So tonight in a fit of misbegotten efficiency I decided that I would bathe all three boys together. Into the tub all three went. Bubbles (yea!) and scrubbing with fun fruity smelling soap and washing the hair. Charlie hates the tub so he was fussing about not wanting to sit down but all in all a good time was being had by all. Scott was in the living room doing some cleaning while the kids were all out of the cool pen (Louis's name for the living room which is gated off).
A fine evening was being had.....lots of giggles and bubbles and bath toys squirting.

And then.

"What is that?"


That is right. A poop. Floating in the tub.


I would've gotten my camera to document the floating horror......but by the time I rescued all the civilians and got them to safety, well an unpleasant disintregration had started.

I decided to jump in with the bleach and start cleaning rather than documenting for the web. Sorry.

I was also worried about people googling "poop" and getting a thrill out of a photo. You sick bastards.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Coffee,Chocolate, Potato Chips and Omega 3 Fatty Acids

I just read some retarded study online that said that if you are in a bad mood that you should eat fish - apparently the study supports a theory that the Omega 3 Fatty acids improve your mood in some way. Now people, when I am in a bad mood, it's almost always due to your stupidity or my own PMS.
Will they put fillets of tilapia in the wheel of death at my office for these emergencies? Instead of shouting at someone to go get me a mocha java and demanding to know if it was their first day at work, I could have just requested they run get me a nice piece of tilapia.......and some rice?
"Are you a complete idiot? No? Then get me some Tilapia - STAT!"
I used to have to be at work QUITE early on a regular basis, 6am some days. Those who know me know that I am an unpleasant beast at that hour. My team that had to work with me at that time always had the coffee going by the time I hit the door so that all I had to do was pour a cup.
Chocolate, and salty snacks like chips are a complete stressed out food in my world. In cases of stress I have been known to eat them together. That would probably explain my great big butt, but that's another topic.
Am I supposed to seek out fish now? Is this what the study is suggesting?
Alright I'm not really this much of a jerk...I know that there probably was some cause and effect relationship to Omega 3 consumption and mood.

But isn't it every week that there is some NEW thing that is supposed to cure your bad mood? Dark chocolate, wine, omega 3. Let's just start making a pill. A pill that contains all of these things. It can replace Prozac. Everytime we discover something new that made someone somewhere happy, we add it to the pill. It would end up being a big pill, people. We might have to make it the human equivalent of a salt lick.....we all just stop by and take a few licks on our way out the door every morning.

I'm in. They can build the feel good salt lick right outside my office.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

One Small Step

So although it isn't really a big deal on the great scale of things in the world, I did something tonight I haven't done in years. I bought something in a non-fat-girl store. A clothing something. Now given it was a larger size, as I still WARRANT a larger size. But for the first time in over 10 years I'm actually small enough to fit into clothes in a "normal" store.

It about made me cry. How amazingly lame that we let soceity put that sort of pressure on us to fit in. You'd think that at the ripe old age of 37 I wouldn't give a fig anymore.

When you Have Twins

People give you strange gifts. Take this for example.....this biggest set of TWIN grapefruit in the history of the Earth, I believe.....
There are a lot of jokes here....I'll leave them to Sarah and Gabe.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Alton Brown - Nose Picker?

So today driving home from work, down Hillsborough Avenue near the aiport I passed a tan mercedes sedan with someone in it who looked familiar. I pulled up next to him and stared. A lot. And despite the fact that my view was a little obscured by ALL THE NOSE PICKING going on, I think it was Alton Brown. I checked his website and there was nothing on there indicating that he was IN Tampa. But he was heading to the airport so he COULD have just been here for the day.
I am a huge Alton Brown fan. I am certain that even if he DID have a big booger he was trying to eradicate, he'd wash his hands before he started making us any GOOD EATS.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Strawberry Festival and News

So it's been a busy few days. We did the Pops (see the post below), we did the Strawberry festival where I chose these earrings as my strawberry souvenir and this bracelet for a fun purchase as well.
So it was a busy weekend. It's promising to be a busy week as I had dinner with Becky (see her blog for our Sarah tribute......we miss you Sarah), and we have about a billion family things coming up. So there is a lot going on in the McNeal House, A Day Out With Thomas is coming, we're planning a little family vacation, we want to go see BODIES at MOSI.....all in all.....a lot for a family of five to get accomplished.
I'm still adjusting to the Edgerrin James move and the Culpepper move was an interesting one. Should be a fun NFL season.
I lost a round to the fat fight this week and put on a pound but given my intake of fast food.....I need to claim a partial victory there. I feel like I have a ton of crap to write about but my brain is absolutely mush. Just mush.

In closing I just want to share words you never want to hear as a parent "Hey mommy, look what I can do with my penis."

Because that can NEVER be good.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Cipro and Box Wine

This post is about two things, Cipro, and Box Wine.
First, the Cipro. Yes I'm BACK on antibiotics with the sinus infection that ate Manhattan and once again it's the dreaded Cipro. I certainly hope this stuff cures ANTRHAX better than Sinus Infections as it seems like as soon as I'm off of it for two weeks I'm sick as hell again. But I'd like to complain most about one of it's instructions "Do not take with Dairy Products". What? What the hell? Nonfat Dairy is a staple food. I eat craploads of it. Nonfat yogurt, nonfat milk in my coffee....what are you DOING to me Cipro? Plus, if I don't take my yogurt then you give me the yeast infection from hell. I thank you for the good health and all, but you are annoying me for the 4th or 5th time, since JANUARY.

And now, the box wine. When we went to the park Saturday, we really thought that glass containers would not be allowed. I really wanted some wine, but in all honesty, I am not a wine expert. I am a joke of a wine drinker. Beer - now Beer I can talk. Wine......well, Riunite Royal Raspberry is okay with me. But while I had planned to pick up a chardonnay or pinot grigio (things I usually like) rather than a shiraz (the unknown...I just keep hearing that word) not being able to take in glass bottles would be a problem. So we said to hell with it and picked up a box of random blush box wine.
Dude, it's good.
I am embarrassed to say so, but I liked it.
There was a classy gay couple sitting on the blanket in front of us. They had candles and wine glasses and what looked like good wine. Well, it looked like good wine, how would I know?
But I can tell you that as I rolled around on the grass with my kids......the occasional sip of crappy box wine from a plastic cup made me pretty happy.

So don't invite me to your fancy wine party. I'll probably have a yeast infection and be all pissed off anyway.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Pops In the Park - an experiment

In the time before kids the husband and I were avid attenders of cultural events when they presented themselves. Jazz in the Park, Ballet Under the Stars, etc. We liked that stuff. But after we added munchkins to the brood, we have been somewhat hesitant to trot them out as well as all of the requisite GEAR to make it happen.
Tonight we went to Pops in the Park, a performance by the Florida Symphony. We packed a picnic with various goodies from chicken tenders to hummus to cannoli and packed up our strollers and met up with some friends.
It went remarkarbly well - the kids seemed to enjoy the music some and they feasted like little monkeys on all the treats we took. So, experiment - successful.


This is only a test.
If it had been a real post, it would have been about something.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Words that Got You Here

Here are some things that people Googled to reach my site
"Thick Stinky Puss" (did I say it was stinky?)
"Work at Disney"
"Biggest Zit Ever"

Plus several people just googling ME, which is sort of funny in a way. But I'm not sure why.

I think maybe I need to blog less about gross body stuff.

The Mystery of the Disney Sinks

This past weekend my way of helping my fellow man was showing them how to work the sinks at Walt Disney World. These sinks perplex even the most seasoned travelers. People from Europe, Asia and the US wave their hands in earnest in front of the faucet in hopes of a squirt of water coming out.
Let me just be clear.
The sinks at Disney are not MOTION sensitive. They are light sensitive. This may be true of ALL of these so called automatic faucets. But I only know it to be true of the DISNEY WORLD resorts.
If you want water, take your left hand (that is the side the sensor is on) and BLOCK THE LIGHT from the sensor. You get a mighty stream of water that lasts as long as the light is blocked. There is some manuevering that has to be done, switching of hands etc, and bottle washing out is a bit tricky.
But no less than 4 times this past weekend I reached over and blocked the light on another struggling person's sink sensor to be given the biggest grin you've ever seen as a response. One lady said "Oh thank you, I've been for four days and I haven't been able to figure these darn things out."

I mostly believe that people don't like to be messed with, and I try not to meddle in other people's adult activities....and sink usage SEEMS like a basic thing that you shouldn't get into, especially in the realm of the bathroom. But I finally decided that I'm doing the rest of the park a favor by cutting down on germs by TEACHING people how to use these sinks.

I think Disney should pay me consulting services for this. I would gladly STAND in bathrooms demonstrating efficient sink usage.

In exchange, I want Premium Annual Passes for my family.
For life.

(Yeah I'm waiting on THAT phone call........)

Oh well.