A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Now They Don't Have Acts Like THIS At the Circus Anymore

Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes........

I am nervous.
Change is imminent.
It's BEEN imminent........but now it's more imminent.

Is that possible?

I'm excited and nervous.

Regardless - there will most likely be some news soon.

If I can get out of SECOND LIFE long enough, I'll tell you.

It's big.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Harry Connick Jr.....prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Becky and I trooped out to see Harry Connick Jr.

If you haven't ever seen him - I highly recommend seeing his show. He's a quadruple threat - he can compose, he can arrange, he can conduct and he can perform. If you like him at all, seeing him in concert will make you just love him.

Because - on top of his talent and skill - he's just a cutie patootie.

On our way in to the theater we scoped out the buses - looking for signs of life in the form of New Orleans born cuties but came up short. We went inside and I had a glass of what they claimed was chardonnay before the show. At that point our plan was to tell Devra that we "rushed the limo" because she's a big fan and we thought that it would make her jealous.

I was completely prepared to BACK UP that story except that the night was even better than that. For you see, after the show, Becky says "let's go around and check out the buses again."

I was okay with that - not really much of a chance of seeing anything but roadies or members of the band, but okay. But when we got around to the back of the theater, there were about 30 people hanging around outside the gate. So we hung out, a little apart - to see what has happening. Initially our hope was just to get a snap as he left in the bus, he's a pretty down to earth guy - we were hoping he'd wave goodbye out the bus window as he left.
Here you see an adult woman hanging on a fence - waiting for a glimpse of Harry Connick Jr.
Then a manager type person came out and called that everyone in the party needed to form a line - that everyone would get to meet Harry and get an autograph.

We decided that we were in the party.

We stood in line like teenagers giggling with the 50somethings behind us about what we were going to say that wouldn't sound retarded. After all, when someone is practically a virtuoso it's probably nearly brain-dead of you to go up and drool, or giggle like you're 16 when in fact you are almost 40. And - it's a little disrespectful. We weren't there because he was cute, we were there because of the music - because of his talent and skill and how amazing it is every time you see him perform.
I considered pulling out the time honored "I Loved Your Show - it was much better than CATS" but on the off chance he didn't GET the reference, well - there I would go sounding like a goon. So when I got my chance to get an autograph and say hello, I thanked him for coming out to see all of us. In turn he flashed that famous smile and said thank you for coming to see HIM.


I'm sorry. I can't help it.

We considered asking him to say hello to Sarah on the cell phone - as she is terrified of him - but they were being a bit strict with the contact. And no photos were allowed. (sad). But we did get autographs and a few seconds with a legend.

I'll let you Becky tell you what she said over at her place.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Diarrhea Cha Cha Cha

After a very late night in Second Life with the Queen, Duchess Voom and the various members of the court I woke up even later to my oldest plagued by..........you guessed it.


He has now gone enough that we've put a diaper on him so as to quit throwing away underwear.

In Second Life, no one has ever had Diarrhea, that I can tell.

However, no one there snuggles on my lap and says "I love you Mommy" either.
Because if they did, well that would just be weird.

I am going to see Harry Connick Jr. tonight with Becky, it will probably be my luck that my own ass will start exploding by then, don't you think?

Friday, February 23, 2007

Weekly Words Challenge



Carnies are Bad Spellurz

I realize that an academic career isn't really on the course for most people who live the Carnie life, but I'd like to think that if you were going to go to the trouble of having TONS of signs made, that someone in your group might do just the littlest bit of spell checking. Oh, and to make sure it's the correct word, that would be good as well.

These are all from the same vendor who had set up a little "food court" with lots of festive signs.

If you think the spelling is bad, you should've seen the grey-brown hotdog they served us hidden in a corn dog. PLUS , it was a foot long - or it was supposed to be. It was in fact one regular hot dog PLUS one half of a regular hot dog hidden in the batter.


But the signs were funny.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Harvest Festivals of the Modern Age

People have been harvest festival-ing for a long time. You go, see the crops, the animals, know that everyone will have enough for the winter and all is well. Sacrifice an animal, maybe a virgin and let the celebration begin. I truly believe that the modern STATE FAIR is nothing more than our modern Harvest Festival.
I have a compulsion I can't explain other than to call it an archetypal requirement to see the animals - it's imprinted on me that we need to go see. Take my family and go to the place where the products of agriculture are on display - bear witness to the health of the land.
It's a little strange, as I'm not a fan of animals or the land - well not farmland, but it makes me so happy to go and see. It really does make me feel good to know that all is well. In Florida we do it in February and I don't know why - so that feels out of kilter to me. But it's still the same experience. Baby animals abound, 4H-ers have tons of stuff on display, examples of domestic arts are bursting from the walls. All is right with the world.
So what is the sacrifice for such a good life? No more bulls up on the pyre or virgins paying the price for another good year. I'll tell you what it is. It's this.
Someone who is otherwise a FOODNAZI gorging on deep fried chocolate bars.......there is your sacrifice. We throw common sense out the window and feast and feast and feast. They used to have the feast - but it was after the sacrifices. Since sacrifice isn't really socially acceptable, the feast has become the sacrifice. Seriously, we're at a place that has TURKEY SUNDAES.....

And we're celebrating COTTON CANDY for god's sake......we're rejoicing in COTTON CANDY, don't tell me there isn't something Pagan going on here whether we know it or not.
And I'm actually okay with whatever it is going on. It makes me happy and it makes my kids happy and the crops are good and the animals are birthing and all is right with the world.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Be Careful Out There Among Them English, Especially in Sarasota

The John Ringling Museum in Sarasota is a fun day trip if you live in the State of Florida. (If you live in the state, almost everything is a day trip potential). The Ringling's had an incredible house - the likes of which make you go DANG I wish I had more money, and imagine a Gatsby style party on the back patio. And wishing that I was invited.
I know exactly what I would wear.....
They also have an art collection that I've never seen rivaled.
I realize other people in the world have had and DO have better collections of art. But frankly, little ole me has never seen anything like this. Not from a PRIVATE collection. Did you know that Rubens painted on canvases bigger than the side of my house? I didn't. They were breathtaking. I don't even know how you keep a sense of scale or perspective and paint like that. There was so much to see, it was awesome.
My children however thought otherwise. One of them cried and fussed to such and extent the husband and I ended up taking them out and Griswalding the rest of the museum on our own in turns. They were having a special exhibit of Jewelry which I thought was fascinating.
Here is what I learned there.
Fashion comes and goes, but good taste in jewelry hasn't changed in the last 5000 years. Truly classic pieces keep being recreated - the things I saw from 5000 years ago were so similar to jewelry being made today it was striking. I really enjoyed it.
But the big attraction for the tiny humans was the Circus museum which has been dramatically upgraded. It used to be a building with a few circus wagons, some musty costumes and a rather wonderful miniature circus. They added a new pavilion and a huge, completely over the top miniature collection. So the whining and the fussing stopped directly and we took in the the Circus. It was almost as good as going to the Circus, without all the poop.

The art museum has a lot of the collection online. Which doesn't give the collection justice. The gardens are normally gorgeous but the roses were not in bloom yet so we didn't get to enjoy them really - however the courtyard at the art museum is always really nice.

After the big day at the museum we headed off for a surprise dinner, The Husband had secretly knowledge of a restaurant designed to delight - at least me. YODERS If you are from Indiana you know that Yoders = AMISH. That's right, an AMISH restaurant. I highly recommend it. It was a little unsettling - we turned a corner in Sarasota and were besieged by Amish. Okay we weren't besieged. They're not the besieging sort. But suddenly, there were AMISH/MENNONITES everywhere. The wonderful thing about eating Amish food is that the Amish don't really HAVE vices, so they put a lot of energy into the FOOD they serve as a PLEASURE.
Oh man. It was just fantastic. If you have the means or are in the area - SEEK IT OUT. SO good. We were good mannered and didn't snap any photos inside, as it is bad manners. However, I did take a picture of the pie we bought and brought home, just to taunt you.

Friday, February 16, 2007

A Rose by Any Other Name blah blah blah

My friend AJ sent me THIS.

And I just had to share.

Valentine's Swag

My hubby is usually Mr King of Surprises. That's MR King to you.

He's very good at remembering something little I've mentioned that I thought was cute or cool - or me reminiscing about something from the past that I wanted and making sure that I get it, especially on romantic holidays like Valentine's day.

So you can imagine my surprise this Valentine's Day when he let me pick out my own present. Not like him - not like him at all.

But, just like him - he let me pick out my hearts desire - which - being a material girl living in a material world was.........

Ahhhh COACH. How do I love thee?

Not quite as much as the hubby.
He did pull out a surprise though, and got me a new super cool briefcase and had these delivered.......

The kids made out alright too.......there was lots of love going around - including some for big bird.
The oldest got a GC for the Teddy Bear Factory and he and Mommy had a date at the mall to adopt a bear. I'm not sure that Big Bird counts as a BEAR but whatever. The lady asked him if he had named him and Lil Satchmo looks at her like she is crazy and said "Ummm, he already HAS a name, his name is BIG BIRD!"

No duh!

The little guys got some valentines love in some books and a cool learning toy that Daddy found at the Discovery Channel Store. Is that the coolest store or WHAT?

And just so you don't think we left him out, Daddy got a DVD of Harold and Maude which is a movie he really loves, and a CD of Yo La Tengo because I had read about them and thought they sounded interesting and the CD title cracked me up - "I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU AND I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS".
That says VALENTINE'S DAY - right?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Sic Semper Tyrannis

IZZY hit me with a Meme and if I had anything relevant to say I wouldn't do it but I'm just out here putzing around today, screwing up my sidebar and all......so I thought I'd do it.
Five ODD Things About Me:

  • I love Lima Beans. Love them. I think that they are completely delicious.
  • I hate the sound of anyone whistling who is not a perfect whistler - who is whistling a SONG/TUNE. If you are whistling random sounds, I might smack you one.
  • My first and middle name = 13 letters. Because my parents met on the 13th fo February. They consider 13 to be a lucky number for our family. (Happy Date-aversary Mom and Dad)
  • I think the Millenium Falcon is a sexier spaceship than the Enterprise (that was for you Kristine)
  • I think that red roses suck and that roses of other colors rule. Any other color.

Hmmm, out of spite I should Tag others.....and say that you will be cursed with bad luck for seven years if you don't also post a Meme....that's what we do on the net, right? Oh wait this isn't an good luck email.......never mind.

Regardless..........tagged are The Queen, Sarah, Becky, Wendy and KAJ if they want to play.

If they don't, Bill Gates won't send a free copy of Windows Vista to their house, though.

Oh, is that SO Mr Hawking?

I like it when I GET why things are stupid right off the bat. The husband was giggling at this little bit of stupidity and handed it off to me. It's from our Community Monthly Newsletter where they try to include lots of terribly interesting things. And recipes, don't forget recipes.
I guess being interesting and being correct are not always the same thing.

The Universe - eh? The ENTIRE Universe. Our sun, is the center?
I also ran down an interesting list of HOW YOU GOT HERE......well maybe only mildly interesting, but in the past two weeks or so some of you Googled this stuff and wound up here.

* Travis Tritt Favorite Social Club - Yeah I don't know.....we're not close.
* Slave with Large Penis on Rome - Man I am STILL getting the love from the people at Penis size links dot com. Love ya - smooches!
* When I run my hips hurt - stop running. It works for me.
* Sonny BBQ WW Points - First of all, just forget it. It's Sonny's. Secondly - you can find anything you need to know at Dottie's. Dottie rocks the house on WW points.
* Sailfin Dragon for Sale - YES - you want one of these. They are cuddly and good with children and are excellent at cleaning up your house. Okay, none of that is true. But it you like exotic lizards I actually do KNOW a guy. Go buy a lizard from him. Or two.
* Bear Bryant Brownies taste awful - are they actually MADE out of Bear Bryant?

And then in other news, I've grown a tail.

Monday, February 12, 2007

My Best Valentine Date

After 10 years of Valentine's Dates, it's really difficult to pin down which ONE was the best. My husband is pretty good at doing something romantic, something spontaneous and making sure that it's a girly day for me. I always would get roses sent to the office, and pretty different colored roses - not boring old red ones. Roses that thought went into.
But one of my truly favorite Valentine's memories was from when we still lived in Kentucky. I woke up for work, stumbled into the shower - realizing that he had just recently come to bed. After my shower I put on my robe to walk down stairs and when I got to the head of the stairs, I saw little Post It notes going down the steps. Each one had a red lipstick smooch on it. I picked them up as I went down the steps - and followed them to the kitchen were there was a card and flowers for me. He had left the romantic holiday channel playing music for me on the stereo - in short, he'd started my busy, hectic day with a huge swoosh of sweet, silly romance.
I went back up stairs to him and he was half sitting up in bed, with the covers pulled up to his nose.
I said something like "Oh honey......that was so sweet" when he dropped the covers, revealing his RED LIPSTICK SMEARED lips and face and says "I can't get this red lipstick off - it stained my skin!"

I still crack up if I think about it too much. It was hilarious.

They recently found this picture in an archaelogical dig. This couple had been buried together for 5000 years. To me, it is one of the nicest things I have ever seen. This is love. It isn't presents or chocolates or sex. It's this. Love.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Two Moments of Rage at Walmart

I've been remiss in posting this past week - we hopped off on a little family vacation and I've been enmeshed in enjoying my family more than being digitally attached. So I'm a little behind in reading you and obviously I haven't had anything to say.
However, I went to WalMart today and came home with lots of things to say......most of them angry.
I think I was in a cranky mood because I went to pick up some contacts and the vision center was closed. Then I went to the Pharmacy to pick up my Albuterol. After standing in line behind a Walmart employee WITHOUT HER LITTLE ID CARD and who no manager on duty seemed to know despite the number of them that were called over to identify her, for 20 minutes until someone DID recognize her that I learned that ALBUTEROL IS NO MORE in it's current form.
Because all of us asthmatics were tearing giant continent sized holes in the ozone because of the CFCs in our metered doses. All you fuckers who drive one block to go the grocery store and keep the AC on in your car all the time - sitting at the bank, in the drive throughs, etc etc etc you weren't having any effect at all I'm sure......and I'm sure that pharmaceutical companies aren't at all interested in the AWESOME sales increases that they are going to see now that they are getting to produce BRAND NAME NEW DRUGS and not have to take the loss on the generics that everyone was getting for $4 at Walmart. AWESOME. No special interest funding this change I'm sure. Especially those of us without health insurance - that won't be able to AFFORD the new brand name I'm sure. I am so freaking ANGRY about this. It's so blatantly just about the money. The TINY bit of CFC in our metered doses wasn't doing shit. And all you pharmaceutical company bastards know it.

So I'm standing in line at the Walmart, reduced to realizing that THIS is what terror is......not being able to afford the medicine you need to BREATHE. And that way too many people live this way all the time. I guess I'll stay off the inhaler I HAVE as much as possible - try not to get winded.....try not to be around strong odors and hope.......that I have medicine with me if something turns my lungs spongy and tight.

Then I putz around trying to shake off the impending tears of rage, pick up a few things here and there and while standing in the check out line I'm reduced to another fit of rage......but this one truly just baffled me. It is, without a doubt, the single most offensive to women magazine cover I've ever seen. What schizophrenic put this together?

Let me see if I got this right........these two lost a bunch of weight, here are some brownies you can make, fight the belly fat but it's okay to be a couch potato? Are there MORE conflicting messages you can send? So you're tantalizing the fatties with those delicious brownies on the front but also appealing to their FAT GUILT by putting all the weightloss crap on the cover. What a load of shit.
I bought the magazine to scan the cover but seriously, I hated giving these fuckers any of my money.

But I might make the brownies.

Monday, February 05, 2007


The New Ad Campaign......

Just to Show that There Is Love for Chicago

You know that I'm a Colts Fan, I bleed Blue and White and all that crap. But, had the Colts not been the AFC champions (as we are oh so accustomed to) I would've been jumping up and down and screaming for the Bears.
Because before we had the Colts in Indy - we had the Bears to watch. So for a lot of Hoosiers this Superbowl was a WIN-WIN - ONE of the teams you grew up with was going to win, and although it was going to be sweet if it was the Colts, you could love the Bears if they won too.

Just to prove that my love for the Bears is real, and not patronizing I'm re-posting a photo that I put on Draft Day Suit last year. This is Lil Sachmo at about 6 months old with........

WILLIAM "THE REFRIGERATOR" PERRY. He was appearing at a local BIG ASS FANS opening and I scooped up my infant son and ran over on my lunch hour to make sure that I didn't miss an opportunity to introduce my boy to a LEGEND - and to get a TOO cute picture.

So Chicago, be proud.


I think I'm still in SHOCK.

Hell is frozen and all that.........

I don't appreciate all of you twerps googling "Hell is frozen over, the COLTS WON THE SUPERBOWL."

Unless you were looking for that joke. Which you should already have known, as it's an old joke.

I like to believe that you weren't actually SEARCHING THE WEB for information as to whether or not hell had actually frozen over. Because clearly you would've needed just to go over to Weather.com and put in zipcode 666. Dorks.

Here is a lovely shot from Franklin College in my Hometown of Franklin Indiana. Old Ben here gets painted for various sporting events and holidays, but this is the first time I've ever seen him decorated as a specific person.

At our house, Baby Birdman had too many apps and applejuice. He was partied out EARLY dude.

*** - as an interesting postscript and just ONE more example of how the Web makes the world a creepier and smaller place, I picked that photo of Ben Franklin painted up as Manning off the web......turns out my SISTER IN LAW took it.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

The Fountain of Reliving Your Youth

Friday Night Kristine and I trekked our butts to St Petersburg Fla to see the LEMONHEADS at the State Theater. It said it was an ALL AGES show so we went prepared to be old enough to be everyone's mother or at least MUCH OLDER sister. We were pleasantly surprised. The show was pretty much full of our contemporaries and then some people who were REMARKABLY older than us . One of our favorite dudes at the show was BEEPERMAN and I wish one of us had taken our cameras, I'd have gotten a snap. No lie, this guy was wearing a beeper and a cell phone - when the beeper would go off - he'd snap open the PHONE to illuminate the beeper.
It had been quite a while since I had been to a show in a club like that, I've been to concerts but shows in clubs always have their crazy interactions - it's intimate, people seem to drink more, so you actually get people talking to you more than you do at regular BIG concert venues.
This exchange took place in the ladies room.
I am in line, there is another lady in line with me, we're both 30something grownups in our somewhat alt.com attire (okay, we're wearing black, leave us alone we're getting old) and we're waiting for one of three stalls in the cramped little ladies room.
This seriously drunk, over made up 20 something comes busting in (did I say it was small in there?) and announces "My friend left her Prada bag in here."
I say "Okay. Did you look in the stalls?"
20something says "Yes, but I wanted to tell you guys. It's a Prada, bag, you know. A PRADA bag."
Lady in line looks at me, then her.
Says nothing.
20something says "She's freaking out. It's a PRADA Bag. It's full of credit cards and money."
I say "okay well, we're keep an eye out."
20something says "She left it in here like a half our ago. It's a PRADA bag."
I say "Yeah, we know PRADA - if we see it, we'll let you know."
Lady in line finally says "How about if we find it we give it to the bartender?"
20something says "Oh thank you!" and leaves.
We stare at each other. I say "That purse is GONE!" She says "Oh my god, I almost wish I had stolen it now, I hear it was a PRADA bag......."

The show was really good, although Evan Dando did seem BORED OUT OF HIS MIND playing their hits. Which was sort of sad - let's face it, if it weren't for their hits, a lot of those people wouldn't have been there. Hey Evan - at least pretend not to be bored playing the stuff that made us love you, okay? Their new stuff was pretty good as well, very enjoyable although it sounded like THE LEMONHEADS - nothing new or really different.

The opening act was a band called VIETNAM. When they came on stage we said "Man, I didn't know Charlie had a band." Why? Because their lead singer looked like THIS.

They were okay. They didn't play any BEATLES so we felt safe.
After the show we braved the wilds of downtown St Pete (it's a little MADMAX down there) and found an open diner and feasted on a variety of appetizers (she loved the fried rueben balls- I liked the fried biscuits). While we were there a guy came over and chatted us up until he discovered we were married - at which point he promptly walked away. Because he was totally going to score up till that point - I'm sure. As we walked back to our cars a guy came up to us and asked us if we'd like to F his brother. He assured us he was very good looking. We told him not now, maybe later, which seemed to satisfy him.

We should've taken our cameras, there were so many crazy photo ops throughout the evening. Mostly I wish I'd have gotten a photo of us out on the town reliving our youth. If I'd have taken it - we'd have looked something like this.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Fluff N Stuff - Again

Man, WHY don't I get invited to weddings like this. ?
And how long did they freaking PRACTICE?

Note - put your gay friends who can dance up front. They make the ones in the back who can't less noticeable.

Was your Mom better at this?

Mine was. Is.

I mean, as I'm dashing around the kitchen peeling bananas and making toast and heating sausage and sipping coffee and opening fruit cups.......I'm thinking, my Mom NEVER looked like this. She didn't look harried. She looked like, even with bedhead and a faded nightie and robe, that she had it together. Motherhood was easy.......here, have a cup of tea I'll have a lovely breakfast of biscuits and gravy with eggs and toast on the side in a couple of minutes for you.

Is there some point where the COOL mom gene is going to kick in and I'm going to look like my shit it is together too?

Will I ever effortlessly do laundry and put it away once the dryer is done? Will I whip out the iron and press out wrinkles before I hang up my husband's shirts? I know that after 9 years of wrinkled shirts and messed up collars, this would please him.

Will I be able to look in the cupboard and whip up a tasty meal when the only things available are flour, sugar, butter and potatoes + some random meat?

Will I find a way to listen to every single train related statement my four year old tells me? Because right now I just can't......I swear I try to but do you know how many trains the kids sees in the course of the day? And how much information he is trying to pass to me? It's too much.

Will I find more patience, a more laid back way to be a mom? My mom was 23 when she had me. I was 34 when I had Lil Sachmo. I should be WAY more patient. I am not - I am like a ball of stress.

I don't know how she did it. Granted, she only had me for the first 10 years (and then Matt came along,making us 2), but still - even one is work. Having the twins on top is like some sort of blessing/curse that you can't describe to people who don't have them.

People will say to me out in public "I don't know how you do it."

I want to say back "Man, neither do I."

Maybe that is my Mom's answer too.

See, she's even laid back feeding Stingrays.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

A Football Family's Dream Comes True

Football is important in this house. When we were dating my husband used to tell people that he loved me because I understood football. We are both die-hard Colts fans, from back in the day. Back in the "Here comes our new football team (that we just stole from Baltimore) in MAYFLOWER MOVING TRUCKS" day. From back when the Colts were a joke, and everyone went from being happy to having Season Tickets for the new football team to giving them away because they sucked so much. From back when it was the HOOSIER DOME, not the RCA DOME.
We're fans. And if we had owned those season tickets we'd have never missed a game.
So when we added the tiny humans to the equation, it was uncertain how having them about would change our football life.
Our pregnancies all started around Football. It first occurred to me that I might be pregnant with Lil Sachmo at our Superbowl Party. February 3 2002, New England Patriots Vs. St Louis Rams. We were having a small party, a few good friends over, the husband was slaving away making wonderful foods and milling around with our guests when it hit me.......I hadn't felt good for days. What if? What if? I nursed one beer all night, feeling nervous and not wanting to drink.
When my water broke that September morning, one of the first things I noted was that my son had politely chosen to arrive on a BYE week - so that Mommy and Daddy didn't have to miss any of the COLTS Action. I jokingly told this to the OB on duty, whom I had never met, and immediately loved her when she said back "Yeah, well my Vikings aren't doing anything worth watching today either - so we're both in luck."
A year later I was sitting in a Beef O' Brady's with my then 1 year old and husband, and complaining about my upcoming Gyno appt with my new doctor. I had poured a beer and told him I hated how they always hassle you when you don't know when your last period was. And I started thinking. And thinking. And thinking. And the husband started thinking.
And I ordered a coke.
The following April, two little monsters called Baby Birdman and Baby Birth of Cool joined the football brigade.
By now we've usually had to tell the joke when people have to hassle us about the Colts getting knocked out of the playoffs......."Well, you know what all good Colts fans say this time of year? GO PACERS!"

Not this year.

This year the five of us will have the TV on all day and as a family will watch our team, the team around which this family really started, play in the Superbowl.

It may be one of the best things I'll ever see on Tv.