A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Recycled Christmas Cookies

My husband had the most brilliant idea yesterday. You see I wasn't feeling well right before Christmas, so we BOUGHT (shudder) Christmas cookies this year to put out for Santa. He picked up a tin of fancy shmancy sugar coated, chocolate dipped butter cookies of various ilk.
The problem was, after the Coming of the Man in Red......we were sort of over them.
However, since they were for the Big Man, he hadn't picked up cheap crappie cookies -so we felt a little guilty about just tossing them. But they just lacked the, OOOMPH that homemade Christmas cookies have. They didn't inspire you to down them all in a feeding frenzy. In fact, they were just sort of "okay."
So the Husband started puzzling what to do with them. He hit upon the idea of somehow smashing them up and making a crust for something. To which I said "FOOD PROCESSOR! Like a graham cracker crust!"
So if you have some leftover random Christmas Cookies.....and hate to waste stuff, pick up a box of Jell-O Pudding and make yourself a Recycled Christmas Cookie Chocolate Pie.
I highly recommend it.
It's also an FDA recommended PMS Cure, I feel certain.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

I am Part of The Problem

I am completely not interested in Brittney Spears. I can't even believe that anyone is. The girl has issues. The main issue being that she is not a girl, rather she is a woman who does not seem to realize she is no longer a girl. Regardless, I seriously don't care. The degree to which I am uninterested is truly huge in scope. I don't keep up, I just don't care.
Yet, recently, flipping through the web version of the news I see this headline that says some crap about Brittney stealing a lighter. I dunno, it just struck me. My first reaction was "Wtf?" and my second was to click on the link.
So here is Brittney Spears, in a bodega of some sort looks like buying gas, smokes, I dunno. What strikes me, is that in this tiny store.........are what I can only describe as a throng of photographers. Video, still.....all shooting shooting shooting. She's fumbling in her wallet, she's exchanging smart ass comments with them as they all vie for attention - desperate to get her to look at them, to say something, to DO something.
And I'm thinking as I watch this, what the fuck is WRONG with you people? I mean - she's BUYING GUM for God's sake....or whatever the fuck she is buying. I understand you go to a fancy party, you got the Paparazzi. You go to an LA Hotspot, you got the Paparazzi.
But.....at a shitty bodega somewhere in LA.............
she's getting followed by 30 photographers?

Why? I'm not going to rant like that whack job to leave Brittney alone.....but still, I'm baffled as I watch. And then as a little fuck you to the world, to the Paparazzi........to whomever, she walks back in, takes a lighter and says "oooo I stole a lighter I'm bad" and walks back out. Like, she's so fucking sick of them that she is trying to GIVE them something in the hopes they'll be satiated and go the fuck away.

I remark to my husband,"I don't get this? Who CARES about this? Why do they follow her around like this?"

And his remark was quite poignant. "Well, you're watching it."

Because I watched the little ad in front of the news clip - I helped support whichever piece of crap photog shot this and sold it.....and now he has been fed and will continue to generate more video so that more people like me will randomly click on the video with real or passing interest....and it continues.

So I'm sorry Brittney Spears. I'm sorry that you can't buy gum without an entourage of jackasses following you. I'm sorry that me and my absent minded clicking continues to make your already fucked up life harder.

I am part of the problem.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

...and This Song of Mine, in Three-Quarter Time...

Baby Birth of Cool performs an interpretive version of Jingle Bells, complete with some dance moves.

Monday, December 24, 2007

I love Being a Mom Because...

Sometimes you wonder "What the hell is in my coat pocket?" and reach in and pull out a toy Cat in the Hat.

And then it makes you cry.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

The Boys Prove Me Wrong Again

So every parent with more than one child knows, it's next to impossible to get ALL of them to look at the camera at the same time. We settle for family holiday photos where one kid is twisted around, looking backward, looking down etc. We'd be THRILLED if the only problem was that one or two of them were screaming. That'd be great, because we MIGHT see their face in the deal! Every time we start off getting pics done, be it Santa or the Easter Bunny or whatever else we always say the same thing "Just shoot, they won't all look, don't worry."
So you can imagine our shock and delight, when upon Santa's knee, this was captured:

I'm a fan of this Santa, he looks pretty good and the big boy was enthralled. He's still talking about him this morning. We had to send him an email because he FORGOT to tell him some things.

I know Christmas is sneaking up, but I thought I'd share a really neat little website that has some fun Christmas recipes for cookies and treats. PUT THE ROLL COOKIES DOWN! They are the WORK OF THE DEVIL! Now. Bake something for real! I think we all know Santa will poop in your stockings if you leave him cookies off a roll.

Friday, December 21, 2007

The Hairs of a Billy Goat

I used to work with this woman who was always dressed to the nines. She always had the cute bag and shoes and accessories. She got her hair done frequently and was always well coiffed. She also had this mole.
It was about a half in long - meaning - it STUCK OUT FROM HER FACE about a half inch.

This monstrosity in itself might've been not so horrific, had it not also had about FIVE HUGE BLACK HAIRS jutting out of it.

It never made sense. She went to SO much trouble to look great. But couldn't even PULL THOSE FUCKING HAIRS out of her chin. They were mesmerizing. You couldn't look away. They were so insane - they made no sense. And when she smoked on breaks, it was like the cigarrette was illuminating them, just so you got a better view.

I bring this up, because last week.......I discovered that I too am becoming a billy goat. I sprouted a black hideous hair in a mole (a nice flat non-sticking up mole) on my face, and another on my cheek.

I'm horrified by this - my face is rebelling against me. I take a lot of care not to look like a total freakshow and now THIS.


Needless to say, I plucked the fuckers. And this is a warning to all of their heirs.......YOU TOO WILL BE PLUCKED. Don't MAKE ME GET ELECTROLYSIS!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

5 Years Married and 10 Years Together

You have a ceremony and it looks like this.

And then you go outside and they take more pictures and it looks like this.
But this isn't what makes it real. What makes it real are the days when things go wrong and despite being tired and frazzled yourself you end up holding a sleeping distraught child while he sleeps.
What makes it real are the endless days of babies sleeping at the foot of your bed, keeping you awake intermittently throughout the night, and you live through it together.

What makes it real is figuring out how to drag out three kids under the age of three to a symphony under the stars concert, because you really want to go and you used to do such things when you DIDN'T HAVE KIDS.

What makes it real is that where there was once only two apart, there were two together, then three, then five. And that this is how you always want it to be. When you wake up every day knowing that the space next to you is filled with the warmth from the one you love, and the sounds on the baby monitor are the sounds of the tiny humans you created together, your immortality sleeping soundly in toddler beds.
Happy Wedding Anniversary Family. One day of many, that made us who we are.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Clowns are People Too

The conversation went like this:
Lil Satchmo: Does Uncle Matt drive trains with just people or freight?
Me: Just Freight.
LS: But he might drive people sometimes.
Me: No he works for CSX, they only pull freight baby.
LS: But they might pull people, you never know.
Me: Yes I do know, AMTRAK pulls people, CSX pulls freight.
LS: But maybe somtimes they pull people.
Me: No, they never pull people. Only freight.

There is a pause.

LS: But what about clowns? Clowns are people.

Me: OH........yeah.

You see........this is my brother the famed Uncle Matt......pulling clowns, and trapeze artists, and jugglers, and high wire performers etc. You get the picture.

How COOL is his job?

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Binocular Soccer

Why do Japanese game shows do more fun stuff than ours?

The Little Blonde Boys of My Life

Once upon a time, about 28 years ago, a little blonde boy came into my life. As he grew, he started to love trains. He talked endlessly, ceaselessly, tirelessly about trains. Relentlessly he'd show you his Walthers catalogs, ask to watch shows about trains, look at books about trains. In short, he loved trains.
He looked a lot like this, when he was little.
Then later in my life another train lover arrived. He also talks endlessly and tirelessly about trains.
Ad nauseum. That's a lot of train cars, don't you think?

Is it any wonder, that when we get these two together, they are peas in a pod? The conversation goes something like this. "Train trains train train train, steam engine diesel trains diesel steam engine diesel trains."

Or something like that.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Beauty Queens and Band Geeks are Not the Same Group of People

This Video is confirmation.

It is however, screamingly hilarious.


Huge props to Xta for finding this nugget and sharing. You rock.

Friday, November 30, 2007

This Is the Day I Marry My Friend......

Okay so they make these wedding invitations that I have mocked since the first time I ever saw them. They start out with that line, "This is the Day I Marry My friend" which nearly made me pee my pants the first time I saw it. I think the corny "I am 18 and getting married to my boyfriend after we graduate" sort of sentiment it inspired was really what set me off. I also loved to mock the bobbin head people that were almost always on such invitations. (I believe these pieces of shit decorative items are actually called Precious Moments).

I even got a couple invitations WITH said saccharine sentiment on it.

And I didn't go to those weddings.

Why go to weddings of people who have no better sense than that, I say.

Anyway, the point of this is that the other night I was hanging out with my REAL best friend. We were doing shots, and absolutely cracking up. Connecting the way you actually DO with your friends, telling each other stuff that you only tell your friends with our faces and sides hurting from laughing so much. There was beer, and music and we played video games and we just had the best time. It'd been so long since I had hung out with a friend like that, just reveling in the joy of being together, I had forgotten what it was like.

The point though, is this.

I was with my husband. I turned into one of those people after all.

Apparently, I'm also going to have to start collecting bobbin head people now.

Crap. I hate those things.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Coats and Carseats

So my children have their first winter coats.
Which is an interesting thing to me.
My children have never had winter coats.
We had jackets, yes.
But never COATS.

So first off, thanks to Aunt April.

Second, How the F#$% do you get them in their CARSEATS with SAID COATS on?

I need to know! This is not a drill.
I mean,it's retarded to take their coats OFF and then put them back ON before they get out. And it's a pain in the ass. Do you just smooosh them in and make them fit?
Do you only put the coats on when you are really getting out of the car permanently but not bother with them for quick jaunts point A to point B?

Right now, we're opting to take them on and off as necessary but......this doesn't seem practical. How do all of you who are accustomed to the winter climate handle this?

Saturday, November 24, 2007

A Non-Family Friendly Thanksgiving Photo

Turkey neck? Or.....

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Today I am Thankful...

For the three big chunks that were stolen out of the side of the angel food cake I made for tomorrow's feast. They were pulled out by a three year old that couldn't wait one more second for a bite, who didn't realize that the cake had to be iced, and that it was for tomorrow.
For the GeoTrax layout taking up 1/3 of my living room, carefully planned by the five year old.
For the stool in the bathroom, which the other three year old drags up to the sink every day to sing some version of a beat box song that I'm blaming on Biz Markie. It goes something like "GO GO GO Pfffffffft".
For the feet that touch mine at night, for the leg thrown over my hip and the arm around my waist, that holds me close and keeps me protected in my dreams.

All the rest is gravy.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

I Can't I Can't I Can't Stand Losing.........

Okay so, here is what I learned last night.
The Police Rock.

And when I say that the Police ROCK, I mean......

You forgot, didn't you?

I mean, I know I did. And I'm a fan. A huge fan. I own all the Police CDs. Hell, I also own them all on TAPE. But, having been too young to catch them when Sting let his ego take him to a different place (or why-ever they broke up), I never got to see them live.

What you forget is that before the 16th Century Lute Music.......there was CAN'T STAND LOSING YOU which SHOOK THE RAFTERS of Philips Arena. I never imagined that the somewhat whiney New Wave Pop of THE POLICE would completely rock out. It was unlike ANY rock show I've ever seen. Maybe because it was a dream come true. I can say that it wasn't the most perfect Rock Show ever, but it was without a doubt the best one I've ever seen.

Before the show, the husband and I stepped into the SoBar tapas bar for a light dinner. Here you see me enjoying the jerk chicken. And the husband has an Ahi Tuna Taco

The food was really fantastic but umm, a note to the proprietors of SoBar. If I am eating your fancy good, I do not want damn Budweiser to drink. Stock some decent beer for god's sake.
And, our babysitter was like Mary Poppins. Board games, milkshakes and fun was had and apparently the little ones didn't miss us at all........well, I like to think they missed us a little. But considering we're a family who previously flew my MOM to Florida so we could go see WICKED, I'm amazed at the luck we had. She was truly wonderful. Not to be confused with Truley Scrumptious as that is a different movie.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen THE POLICE!!

Yeah, 2nite.
The Police.
In the ATL.

I will see you suckaz TOMORROW! WOOOOT!

(Thanks again to the Husband for getting me Tix to my favorite band of ALL TIME!)

Friday, November 16, 2007

Cheesy Snowman

Okay the hits have started again for the Martha Stewart Cheeseball Snowman....so here it is. Truly one of the coolest things ever - and MY HUSBAND made it for the Twins Club Christmas Party we hosted last year.
Yeah he rocks.
Go on. You know you want to make it. Here are the instructions.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage

"Sit tight I'm gonna need you to keep time just snap snap snap snap your fingers...."
I'm singing.
Because I'm nervous.
At least I was last night.
You probably remember that I have the getting lost fear/anxiety. I've added the fear of meeting new people to it. I don't know why.
So in my car I am gripped with anxiety last night, on my way to the local twins club meeting.
I wanted to go. I even knew where it was. I'd been once before several months ago. I needed to go. I need to meet people here. Yet, even getting in my car after work made me want to jump out of my skin in a total freak out.
So I'm driving.
I've put in my stress music - the SNAKES ON A PLANE SOUNDTRACK.
Track two by Panic in the Disco - and I'm SINGING. Loudly.
Driving down the Georgia highway, on my way to the town next to mine where I will walk into a room full of strangers and pretend like I belong.

When I get there, it doesn't go so well at first. I've messed up. I was supposed to see person X at the entrance who was supposed to give me a table assignment.......but I did see person X however she just stared at me as I walked by and I didn't know who she was so I just kept going.
Once everyone gets over me having completely destroyed their well laid plan of table assignment I'm found a seat.

So I sit there.

And wait.

The room is full of people that seem to know each other.
"Good good now we're making some progress just tap tap tap your toes to the beat" I'm singing in my head. I sit and read the notices on the table. I look at my purse calendar. And wait.

Finally other people start sitting down.

And there is food served.

And we start talking.

And things start to get better. We tell stories. We eat and talk about the food. We tell more stories. I meet another blogger. People are nice. I start to relax. We're having fun and cracking up. Then it' s over.

I drive home and miss Sarah. If I hadn't moved away also, I'd be unbelievably pissed off at her for moving away herself.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

But I Will Always Be Her Baby

Happy Birthday to the woman who always told me that I might not always be her little girl, but that I would always be her baby.
I love you mommy.

Those are possibly some of the best words anyone ever said to me.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

The Busy Weekend

It's been a busy weekend at the old homestead. Saturday we went to a model train show - and if you haven't been to one of these - wear your comfortable shoes. There is a lot of walking around, looking and watching. It was fun though, watching my little guy get to run an O scale train.
They had a completely cool Lego train construct, which if it didn't have 1000 little pieces I could completely support. My favorite piece of the lay out? Was this! That's my Midwestern upbringing coming through. That shit is hilarious. The boys didn't think it was as funny as I did, however. They were more into this monorail part of the layout. It was a fun day for little boys, and big boys too. On Sunday the friend I've known longer than any other, known affectionately as Fresdo came to visit. There is nothing better than falling right back into step with someone who truly is your longest term bestest friend. One of my favorite but not BEST Fred stories from back in the day, which we told the husband, was that we went to see Beaches when it was first released.

And broke out into hysterical laughter at the end when Barbara Hershey died, and laughed out asses off. People actually SAID stuff to us, and we laughed harder........Fred screaming "I'm gonna pee STOP!" and he fell DOWN outside he was laughing so hard, both of us nearly peeing our pants.


Not much has changed.

After coffee and visiting at the house (our first visitor since we moved to the ATL - we actually had to learn how the visitors keypad at the gate worked) we went out to lunch to our favorite kitschy diner and then Freddie zipped back to Houston to his life of carefree abandon. (I like to think of it that way anyway.) Lil Satchmo was so enamored of Uncle Fred he suggested that Uncle Fred stay for several days next time. I agree Uncle Fred - it was GREAT to see you!

When Fred went down the the airport we also headed into the ATL and went to the Fernbank museum to see the frog exhibit. We met this guy. I tried to get a couple of pics of those bad ass Amazon Poison Dart Frogs, because they had enough to take out the entire population of the perimeter, but alas all those pics came out fuzzy.

And we saw a Frog puppet show.

All in all, it was a great family weekend.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

In Case You Weren't Sure Who All Those People in the Billy Joel Song ARE.....

This guy has created something to help you.

Just a little nugget for your Saturday Night.

Friday, November 09, 2007

With My Pantyhose and My Breakfast In My Purse

If you know me in Real Life, you know that I have a tendency to be a little scattered. I'm always doing too many things at once, working too fast, running from here to there. My trips out the door to go to work are not casual graceful events but instead consist of me running from room to room snatching every thing I've missed. This is how I ended up running out the door the other morning, with my pantyhose and my breakfast stuck into my gaping open purse.

I can get things done, but they're haphazardly done and probably look like chaos as they're in progress. But the end result is usually OK.

But I was remembering, with a giggle, as I went running out of the door - pantyhose and breakfast in purse - about a Thanksgiving a few years ago.

The company I worked for was cooking a big Thanksgiving dinner for all the employees. We'd had the turkeys brought in from Honey Baked Ham - but we were actually cooking most of the sides, the exceptions being stuff people brought in hot from home. My good friend Renee was coordinating the company wide feast and I was helping her. We were fortunate that we had two REAL kitchens there, and could actually heat stuff up/cook it and send it out to the tables as people's lunch times rolled around. It was a pain in the ass, but it was also really fun.

My mission, take items out of the fridge and stick'em in the oven/on the stove top to heat up and then get someone to carry them out to the tables. Cook everything in the fridges - that was my direction. There had been signs on the fridges for two days telling people not to use these particular refrigerators because they were full of food for the company Thanksgiving dinner.

One of the things I also tend to be, when on a mission, is single minded.

Take items out of the fridge, cook them.

I embraced this mantra fully.

And cooked!

About halfway through the day, someone from the advertising department rolls into the kitchen, opens the fridge and says "Where is the dinner for the homeless family?"



Seems that the artsy types from advertising hadn't heeded the signs on the Fridge. They had thought that I would divine that their carefully packaged but unlabeled dinner purchased for a homeless family would escape my fervor to cook everything in said fridges.

"But where is the ham?"

I pointed to the banquet table outside the door, and the half devoured ham.

And the horror began to be cried to heaven! "SHE COOKED THE HOMELESS FAMILY'S THANKSGIVING DINNER!"

It's a story that still gets told, the time I cooked that poor family's meal.
I don't really think it's my fault though. You'd think that people smart enough to be employed by the advertising department of a major corporation could also heed signage on a refrigerator door.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

A Real Man's Birthday

What do real men do for their birthday? How do the celebrate? Do they fish? Do they hunt? Do they climb a mountain alone to commune with nature? Do they eat dinner at an exclusive Men's Club, taking cigars and brandy with friends afterward?


Do they take the entire family on a trip......

to Chuck E Cheese?

Looks like they go to Chuck E Cheese.
And make their special day a special day for their entire family.

The Force is Strong In This One.

Also - run don't walk over the Props and Pans where we are giving away a Kodak Easy Share! Click on this link - and just leave a comment between now and Nov 18!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Happy Birthday Baby!

Today is the birthday of the father of my children, the man whose feet I touch at night, the one I love.

I baked an angel food cake in the spirit of my grandmother and today we'll celebrate his birthday at a secret restaurant of his choosing. But he doesn't get "the day off". There will still be breakfast to serve, poopie diapers to change, toy battles to referee.

Yes he'll be in his office, like most of us who work, and not getting to relax the way some do. So stop by on your coffee break and say Happy Birthday. I'm sure he'll take a moment to read the comment, on his.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Melting Butter Between My Thighs

When I was a 20 something who went to work in tight sweaters and short skirts I used to eat lunch several times a week with the guys in my IT department. It was so long ago we didn't call it IT. We called it MIS - which stood for Management Information Systems - and they programmed the mainframe. It was so long ago, that we'd discuss the upcoming Y2K - that they were working on a couple of years before the big event.
We used to go to this one Italian place at least once a week, called Iaria's. The boys would religiously eat chicken parmigiana and I'd have chicken fettuccine Alfredo. To start the meal, they'd bring around baskets full of warm soft bread and pats of butter.
Except the butter was always ice cold. So when you spread it - it would just tear the CRAP out of the delicate bread.
At some point, I realized that I really wanted the bread and I really wanted nice smooth butter on it - so I took to taking a pat of butter as soon as I sat down, and put it between my thighs.

Inconspicuously - (and it was the kind of butter in a little tub, not wrapped up in foil) - I'd walk in grab a pat of butter as I sat down at the table and hide it as the boys were sitting down, getting settled, gabbing about the menu and pretending they were NOT going to order the chicken parmigiana. They'd gab and gab and as the waitress deposited our basket of bread I'd take my now melty butter and spread it across the warm bread.

It's weird how you remember things like that, because I hadn't thought of it at all in years, until yesterday. Sitting at the Cracker Barrel in the din of breakfast eaters with my little monsters around me I picked up a pat of butter that was ice cold.

Despite the warm smell of the fire, the breakfast dishes clanging and the steam coming off my coffee, I thought of the guys from MIS and their chicken parmigiana. And the fact that I had miniskirts I actually wore to work, and that I'd sit and listen to them talk almost nonstop at lunch just absorbing the guy-ness of them.
Guys talk differently. I liked to listen to them, like a fly on the wall, like a decoration at their man-lunch time. Sitting quietly, having a coke (I didn't have to order diet coke or iced tea when out to lunch with guys, guys don't CARE what you drink for lunch, there is no beverage peer pressure). They'd talk about football and basketball and work gossip and I'd sit there and interject infrequently, listening intently. Guys gossip differently. They don't chew over the details of the event - exacting karmic payback about whomever they were discussing the way women can. Guys gossip, but they just TELL it. Fact or fiction, they just tell it.

It's different, they way they communicate. There is no nuance, no shade of meaning hidden behind the story. Guys just communicate outwardly without secret agenda.
It's sort of nice.

I look around my breakfast table, as I spread the apple butter on a biscuit and consider the 4 males around me. I haven't changed my dining companions. I still like to sit at a table surrounded by boys.

Friday, November 02, 2007

More Halloweenie Stuff

Okay I'm still recapping the Halloween stuff.......we do a LOT OF STUFF PEOPLE!

First of all.......my BIG pumpkin this year was not just a pumpkin, I learned as I went to slay it.

It was in fact, a biosphere, growing it's own pumpkins INSIDE of itself. Anyone ever HEARD of this? Seriously, seeds had sprouted inside the pumpkin and there were VINES of pumpkin plant growing.......as shown here.

And I tell you something else, that bitch Martha Stewart might say that the different colored pumpkins are so chic this year, but clearly she didn't have to gut and CARVE the damn things. They were full of goo and guts like you would not believe. I carved and destroyed the 80 pound biosphere pumpkin in the less time than it took me to gut and carve EACH little fancy pumpkin.
But they looked cool.

In keeping with the family tradition, the boys also painted pumpkins so we had the combo thing going on.
Painting pumpkins is a big family tradition in this house that we've been doing since before there were little people to share it with, and I'm enjoying that the boys seem to like it too.
Darth Vader and the Clone Troopers cleaned up on Halloween night - to be sure. The second to the last house we went to was DONE for the nigh - and dumped all the rest of their candy on us. WOOHOO!

Holidays just seem to mean more, with these little rugrats around. Even with silly commercial events like Halloween, the family time that we create to do the special things together makes me so sentimental. And when I tuck Lil Satchmo into bed, and he tells me "This was the best Halloween I ever had." I get all weepy and emotional.

Now, someone explain to me why the black icing from my Haunted Gingerbread House made green poop.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

This Is How We Do It

Halloween is one of our favorite times of year around these parts.......and in addition to the big trip to the pumpkin patch we looooove to make yummy treats. So far this year's offering includes devil's food cupcakes with orange icing (not pictured cuz we ate them up), lime green spooky shaped Jigglers.....
and this undertaking.
Yeah it's a kit, no I didn't harvest ginger by the light of the moon like Martha Stewart would have me do. But it was fun to make, and in the course of making it, the boys and I ate our weight in icing. Mmmmmmmmm..........icing.........

Monday, October 29, 2007

When You Absolutely Postively Have to Kill Every Muther Fucker In The Room

Do it with Style.

Thanks to STYLEDASH for finding this thing. Now, do you think Sarah will play her Hello Kitty guitar while I fire this thing?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

And the Rain Rain Rain Came Down Down Down

If any of you doubt the validity of my new supreme being, Ted Turner, please behold what he sent me today as a gift.

Thank you Ted. The rain is really good for us here in the ATL.
Now could you send lightning to strike all fuckwads who continue to wash their cars despite the drought?

Monday, October 22, 2007

Ted Turner - My new Deity.

For those of you who live in caves there are two disasters racing across parts of the United States. One is the wildfires in California. The other, is the drought in Georgia.
We need rain like you would not believe.
We are days, if you believe the right people, away from being out of water.
We are lucky, we don't have a fire like those in SoCal to contend with. Cuz this place would go up WHOOOOSH.
Yesterday, I jokingly said,"Maybe Ted Tuner could buy us some rain. He's sure got the resources to buy some rain, right?" And casually thought to myself that if Ted could make it rain, I would make him my new personal Deity. After all, he's as valid as any other I know of. And he seems like a pretty good guy all in all.

I woke up this morning to a downpour.

Congratulations Ted Turner. You get all my Deity type requests from now on. Thanks man, you rule.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Thank You For Calling 911, Your Call Is Important To Us - Please Remain on the Line

So I'm home with the kids and my husband is taking a much deserved daddy rest at the movies when, suddenly my home is filled with the screaming of the fire alarm. A quick peak into the hall tells me it's the BUILDING alarm going off so I call 911 to summon the appropriate parties. You know "Hello, please send firetrucks" that sort of thing.
I dial. AND I GET PUT IN QUEUE. That's right. 911 is UNDERSTAFFED and I'm on hold.
Thank God I wasn't bleeding to death or about to lose consciousness.

Then, when Miss Helpful 911 Operator gets on the line she asks me if I can please move away from the fire alarm because it's hurting her ears. I tell her AGAIN no, I have nowhere to go - ALL the alarms are going off I can't get away from them and PLEASE JUST SEND THE FIRETRUCKS THANKS SO MUCH.

Now, ummm. I've got like approximately 20 years of callcenter experience under my belt so I realize I've got an advantage on you OH WAIT NO I DO NOT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE PROFESSIONALS RUNNING THOSE CENTERS......

So here, in a nutshell is what 911 needs.

Some Avaya switches. Several. Big ass Avaya switches with shitloads of bells and whistles. Pay the money. It is worth it.
All call routing should take place in the cloud. That this means to the laymen is that call routing would take place to the most available agent, vs to your local 911 which might be busy. Your call can effectively be answered by an agent ANYWHERE across the country who can THEN dispatch the appropriate first responder in your community based on the address databases which exist in 911. They can communicate any pertinent info TO those emergency response teams.
Cell phone calls can have those same teams dipatched based on their GPS if the phone HAS that technology.
It isn't brain surgery.

It would be, though, like reinventing a really wobbly wheel and replacing it with a racing slick. Efficiency. Twenty Four Hours a day Seven Days a Week.

911, get your shit together. I needed you. Thank god it was only some idiot pulled the fire alarm this time. How many people with REAL EMERGENCIES are getting fucked over by your total lack of organization?

Technology from the early 90s would make you an unstoppable force of lifesaving.
Why don't you have it?

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Let the Halloween Festivities Begin!

We fully embrace our inner child every year in October and this year is no exception. We trekked up to Burts Farm in the GA Mountains for a family day out at the Pumpkin patch. Breathing fresh air - letting everyone choose a pumpkin.........seriously man, it's like a 1950s wholesome family day out.
We did the HAYRIDE: and then we roamed the pumpkin patch to find the perfect family pumpkin. I think you'll agree that we found it.
But Martha Stewart has been preaching the gospel of pumpkins of OTHER colors besides orange. So after we obtained the FAMILY pumpkin (yeah had to drag that mofo upstairs via the STROLLER it weighs like 80 pounds). We set out to find our individual pumpkins. Baby Bird Man and Baby Birth of Cool didn't care about Martha, they went for orange.
But Lil Satchmo embraced Martha's edicts and chose something different!

Mommy and Daddy chose a blue and a red pumpkin. Martha would be proud of us, I think. Now if she would just send someone over to carve them all fancy.

The other part of Halloween I love is the making of the Halloween treats. This year I'm kicking it off with the Halloween Haystacks I made for the bake sale at work. Yeah they're just HAYSTACKS but hey, they are goooood.