A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Parenting /WIN

I'm watching this show on Nickelodeon with the oldest boy. The show is called BIG TIME RUSH and if you haven't seen it, it's a boy band show. It has random,not funny jokes and too beautiful people and the guys can sing but they'll never be stars because they are on a crappy show.

I see this show like every day. And it's not funny like iCarly which YEAH I DO THINK IS FUNNY and will watch by myself. There I said it.

Anyway, BIG TIME RUSH is just maybe awright on a good day. However, yesterday, the episode had one character getting "Hollywood Fever" and spray tanning himself into an icky orange tan mess. The entire show centered on getting him back to "normal"...with a lot of predictable gags and jokes and bad writing.

About halfway through the show, my boy pauses it and says,"I don't understand why this matters."

I answered that the recording company didn't want him to look like that, that he looked crazy and wouldn't be popular with fans/girls etc.

And that was when I got my parenting WIN of the day. He says,"But his friends are being really mean to him. He's the same person. It doesn't matter what someone looks like. If they are a nice person, or are a good singer, they're still the same person. I think his friends are being jerks. It doesn't make sense."

Man. I think we did something right.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

I am Better At This The Third Time Around

The first time, he was the FIRST. He was the one they told me wouldn't ever be. So he was wondrous, and precious....and everything about him was a mystery. He was catered to like a newborn prince and I fretted over him constantly.I READ everything. I constantly second guessed myself.

The second time - there were two of them. And while I might've been better had it been only one, with it being a double set of joy - it was overwhelming. The joy that you might have normally is replaced with the hell of sleep deprivation and the 24/7 man to man operation of newborn care X2. It was epic suck until they were about six months old. It's still not easy. But we've got a groove six years later and have learned to deal.

But now - the third time......what a difference.

There were things about this time that were amazingly WORSE for me. The C-section. The post-partum. The recovery. But the baby?

The baby is a cake walk.

I'd like to say she's a super laid back baby - and that's partially true. But I think that this time around, we're more laid back parents. I don't think I have to hold her all the time,but when I do I really really enjoy it. I'm learning not to flip out when she is denying me sleep, as a matter of fact at 1am or later when she just won't sleep - I'm just opening AMERICAN GODS and re-reading it while she squirms in my arms. It's a win because I get to relax and read,and she is being held which is what she wants. Suddenly she's zonked, and we can both go to bed.

It's a pity that we don't, as humans, have our babies later in life when we are more mature, more stable and better to handle stress.

I know I would've been SHIT as a parent in my twenties. I was too selfish. But now?
I'm still selfish. But I can give up my selfishness for them without resenting them.

My mom always says my brother Matt had a better mom than I did. I finally figured out what she means.

Yup - those are my kids running around like loonies having fun. I love it.

Friday, June 25, 2010

To The Jerks Robbing Our Neighborhood

I have an important message to the robbers who are terrorized my neighborhood over the past 9 days by breaking in and ransacking houses.

You are going to get shot.

See, it's like this.

My cracker neighbors are ALL armed. The Marines at the end of the street can pretty much be counted on to have an ARSENAL and well, the men of my street are not amused by you.

You can count on this.

So between the Marines at the end of the street, the Navy guy next door and every other cracker IN the neighborhood having a weapon and now, you are their #1 Interest.

If it were me, I might go rob someone elses houses. You might get out alive. Or not.

It's Georgia after all.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Because the BIG TOP CUPCAKE was such a hit with my friends, at Laura's suggestion I've jumped the gun on the AS SEEN ON TV people and created the BIG ASS BROWNIE PAN so that instead of those little pesky brownies, now you can have ONE BIG ASS BROWNIE.

Big Ass Brownie pans works with the 2010 CONVECTION OVEN technology to provide firm delicious crusts while having a delicious moist chocolately center.

It's fun to use at parties and makes a fantastic children's activity!

Here is what you do.

Make your brownie mix as normal. Pour it into THIS........

THEN - after following the baking instructions on the box, allow BIG ASS BROWNIE to cool for ten minutes and then DUMP IT OUT ONTO A PLATE!
And there you go. Now you have a BIG ASS BROWNIE.
You are welcome. As Seen On TV People - I get a 10% cut of this product. KTHXBAI.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

For When a Regular Cupcake Just Won't Do

So since all of my gifts for Mother's Day come from the AS SEEN ON TV Store, I think it's only fitting that HIS Father's Day Treats be made with the same.

Such as.........THE BIG TOP CUP CAKE!

After all, why be bother with those PESKY CUP SIZED CUPCAKES when you can make one as BIG AS YOUR HEAD!?!?!?!!?

That's a lot more convenient, I think everyone will agree.

I am making a Boston Cream Pie Cupcake. That's right. It's a pie-cupcake. I'm American. We make things up, what do you want from me?

Yes I used canned icing because I was too lazy to make a ganache. Leave me alone. I'll make a ganache another time I swear.

Here it is.......THE BIG TOP CUPCAKE BOSTON CREAM PIE! Or is it the BOSTON CREAM PIE BIG TOP CUPCAKE? I have no idea. But I bet it's gonna be good.......

Friday, June 18, 2010

This Is Why I Hate Toys That Make Noise

Seriously, why is this fun?


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The One Where I Join the Herd

In what I consider to be a very annoying turn of events, I've been diagnosed with post-partum depression.

Truth be told, I pretty much already knew I had it. My complete disinterest in everything in the world, my lack of interest in blogging, my lack of desire for changing my clothes for days on end - yeah - I'm not an idiot. I knew I was wallowing in depression. Then there was the agoraphobia which may or may not be settling in. I had a panic attack in a shop in North Carolina, I was convinced someone in there was going to speak to me - WHICH I DID NOT WANT. I don't know why. I just desperately did not want them to talk to me.

I also felt overwhelmingly like I did not know how to BE in a shop.

Which makes no sense. I realize this. I didn't know........how to shop. What I was supposed to be doing. And I felt like everyone was staring at me.

It also happened at Walmart with the exception that I KNEW how to be at Walmart, I just again was gripped by the sense that everyone was staring at me, and that someone was going to speak to me.

So I went to my OBGYN yesterday and he asked me how I was and I rather burst into tears.

And he said "Yeah,that's what I thought. I could tell you weren't yourself when I walked in."

So I walked out with a prescription for Lexapro which has a list of side effects a mile long. And while he said it's the consensus that it's safe to take while you breastfeed - the bottle says DO NOT TAKE WHILE BREASTFEEDING and let's face it, how BRIGHT could it possibly be to take on the off chance it could even slightly alter my beautiful girl?

I'm supposed to be aware when driving or using heavy machinery. NO FORKLIFT FOR ME!

I haven't taken any yet.


I don't want to.

I WILL take them. I just have to get my mind around it. I used to work at a place where EVERY SINGLE FEMALE PEER was on some sort of anti-depressant. It was more fashionable than the FGWP at Clinique. I have always held fast to the belief that being depressed was a signal to make changes, to examine your life and do what you needed to do to improve - NOT TO MEDICATE YOURSELF.

And yeah, I do realize that some people are truly chemically imbalanced. But I don't think we all can be.

So I dunno what to think. I had a good day at work. I wasn't scared or worried while I was there. I came home reasonably happy and I'm holding the small pink love of my life in my arms. (Not to be confused with the small blue loves of my life or the larger blue love of my life).

But....I realize I need something. I'm not right. Dear god no one should get nervous at the Walmart - except from the sight of the damn PEOPLE of Walmart, not the place.

So.....this should be interesting. To say the least.

I leave you, with a vid of my big boy - jousting at the Renn Faire.


Monday, June 14, 2010

Back To Work

So tomorrow I head back to work.

I am glad, because it'll give me an excuse to shower every day, so that'll be a win. Plus I think my brain is jellying here at home, so it'll be good to stop that process as well.

But I've spent a lot of today babying the baby. Because as of tomorrow, I'll miss the firsts.

You see I saw the first real smile and heard the first real laugh. I rocked her through her first episodes of gas and gave her the first bath.

But I'll miss the first sitting up, the first step, the first word. I will miss those things. Because I won't be here.

The up side is that her Daddy won't miss them, he'll be here with her to see them all and someone who loves her will take it all in. Heck her big brother, who is her biggest fan,will even seem some of them this summer.

I have to share her now.

I am not good at sharing my things. I was an only child too long.

But when the sun comes up tomorrow then the wheel spins and everything changes.

We'll see how I do.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Cancer In The State of California

I swear the state of California is wearing me out. I'm liberal. But the ridiculous warnings and crap we get on products because THAT state decides it causes cancer is starting to be too much to stand.
Our steering wheel cover actually says "May cause cancer in the state of California."

Well I live in Georgia so PHEW. I'm safe.

See here is the deal. Chemicals are bad for you. They probably cause cancer in some people, and not in others - based on the way things look. (Otherwise we'd ALL GET CANCER RIGHT?). But California, I don't go OH NO I CAN'T BUY THAT PRODUCT when I see these ridiculous warnings on products.

I laugh at your ridiculousness and buy it anyway. I think that sometimes I buy it specifically FOR the good times of owning the warning sticker.

And, I know better than to take the product into California. Cuz, youknow, I don't want cancer.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Jelly Blogrant

I don't understand liking jelly.

I'm serious. I mean, I GET liking the taste of it - which is an improvement because as a kid I wouldn't even eat it. It just seemed, sticky and gross. I've gotten over that, and I agree it's tasty but my issue with it is this.

It destroys bread.

Bread which has been toasted. Unless you are getting rock hard restaurant toast, bread just disintegrates under jelly. Ok that's an over statement. But it tears up the bread a bit. Rather unpleasantly.

It annoys me. I completely accept that I've got issues, and how something looks plays a huge part in HOW and WHETHER I will eat it. And I just don't quite understand eating something that has been partially destroyed in an effort to spread cold jelly on it.

And why DO we keep the jelly in the fridge? I don't really know. I should ask the husband,as I'm more than partially jelly-ignorant. Restaurants keep jelly on the table but it's in different packaging so perhaps this is why.

I was so frustrated yesterday, I swear I glopped out two lumps of jelly onto the toast and told the seven year old GOOD LUCK as I handed him his toast. Of course, he thought that was a riot, and some how conjured magic and spread it around.

Jelly. You VEX ME. VEX I SAY.

*Photo Courtesy of THEMAYFLY.COM