I am Better At This The Third Time Around

The first time, he was the FIRST. He was the one they told me wouldn't ever be. So he was wondrous, and precious....and everything about him was a mystery. He was catered to like a newborn prince and I fretted over him constantly.I READ everything. I constantly second guessed myself.

The second time - there were two of them. And while I might've been better had it been only one, with it being a double set of joy - it was overwhelming. The joy that you might have normally is replaced with the hell of sleep deprivation and the 24/7 man to man operation of newborn care X2. It was epic suck until they were about six months old. It's still not easy. But we've got a groove six years later and have learned to deal.

But now - the third time......what a difference.

There were things about this time that were amazingly WORSE for me. The C-section. The post-partum. The recovery. But the baby?

The baby is a cake walk.

I'd like to say she's a super laid back baby - and that's partially true. But I think that this time around, we're more laid back parents. I don't think I have to hold her all the time,but when I do I really really enjoy it. I'm learning not to flip out when she is denying me sleep, as a matter of fact at 1am or later when she just won't sleep - I'm just opening AMERICAN GODS and re-reading it while she squirms in my arms. It's a win because I get to relax and read,and she is being held which is what she wants. Suddenly she's zonked, and we can both go to bed.

It's a pity that we don't, as humans, have our babies later in life when we are more mature, more stable and better to handle stress.

I know I would've been SHIT as a parent in my twenties. I was too selfish. But now?

I'm still selfish. But I can give up my selfishness for them without resenting them.

My mom always says my brother Matt had a better mom than I did. I finally figured out what she means.

Yup - those are my kids running around like loonies having fun. I love it.