The first time, he was the FIRST. He was the one they told me wouldn't ever be. So he was wondrous, and precious....and everything about him was a mystery. He was catered to like a newborn prince and I fretted over him constantly.I READ everything. I constantly second guessed myself.
The second time - there were two of them. And while I might've been better had it been only one, with it being a double set of joy - it was overwhelming. The joy that you might have normally is replaced with the hell of sleep deprivation and the 24/7 man to man operation of newborn care X2. It was epic suck until they were about six months old. It's still not easy. But we've got a groove six years later and have learned to deal.
But now - the third time......what a difference.
There were things about this time that were amazingly WORSE for me. The C-section. The post-partum. The recovery. But the baby?
The baby is a cake walk.
I'd like to say she's a super laid back baby - and that's partially true. But I think that this time around, we're more laid back parents. I don't think I have to hold her all the time,but when I do I really really enjoy it. I'm learning not to flip out when she is denying me sleep, as a matter of fact at 1am or later when she just won't sleep - I'm just opening AMERICAN GODS and re-reading it while she squirms in my arms. It's a win because I get to relax and read,and she is being held which is what she wants. Suddenly she's zonked, and we can both go to bed.
It's a pity that we don't, as humans, have our babies later in life when we are more mature, more stable and better to handle stress.
I know I would've been SHIT as a parent in my twenties. I was too selfish. But now?
I'm still selfish. But I can give up my selfishness for them without resenting them.
My mom always says my brother Matt had a better mom than I did. I finally figured out what she means.
Yup - those are my kids running around like loonies having fun. I love it.