A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Friday, January 20, 2006

There Will Be A Lot of Bruising.....

So I went to my physician today for a follow up from being sick last week, plus to have a gaggle of unsightly skin tags removed. I seem to have inherited them from the same grandmother who gave me asthma, thick ankles and wrists, and a propensity toward fatness. I like knowing who to blame stuff on. But regardless, I also had a big old cyst under my bra strap on my left shoulder I wanted removed. It developed back shortly after I had Louis. A dermatologist in KY had shot it full of cortisone and told me that would do the trick. Well it didn't, it came right back. So last week I inquired about getting the skin tags taken off and the cyst cut out. They took a cursory look and said no problem.
Now on my insurance plan I have to pay $25 to see a dermatologist, and they can only cut off like 5 skin tags a year (WHY DOES INSURANCE CARE??). My regular doctor said he could do it all under a regular office visit for $15. That included the cyst and like 10 or 12 of the skin nasties. I am all about economical.
I went in today and this PA did the skin tags. No real problem. It was sort of gross to hear it CRUNCH when she cut them off, but it didn't hurt bcse she numbed me up really well.
And then, the doctor came in for the big job.
The first thing he said was, "Oh, this is much bigger than I remember it being. Okay, though, no problem."
It was in fact probably the size of a quarter. Maybe not quite.
He has me lay on my side,numbs me all up.
So far so good.
He cuts, which was cool because I didn't feel or realize he was doing that, I just thought he was poking about still when he says "Oh, this is much much deeper than I thought it would be. Hmmmm. This is going to be hard to get out with such a small incision, but I don't want to make it any bigger - it will make a bigger scar. Hmmm"
He begins what I can only describe as the process of squeezing out the biggest zit ever. Using the weight of his body, he begins pushing and squeezing and pushing and SHAKING ME....oh my GOD....like if someone squeezed a blackhead out using their fists.
I finally said "Yeah this is the worst deep tissue massage ever....I am never coming back to this spa." His PA says "Yeah I know it's bad....you should SEE all the stuff coming out of it."
Which, I finally did. It looks like a pile of somewhat melty candle wax, probably more than a thimbleful....and stinky. He says that it was just puss but they'll test it and the sack it was in (which he removed with more evil massaging and a q-tip).
He was thoughtful enough to use strips on my back to seal the incision and put a couple of bandaids on the tags that were the ickiest scabs.
And although I thought that they were hideous, one of the guys at work today said to me "You had skin tags on your neck? Man I never noticed them ever."
Louis told me that he hopes I didn't cry when they did that thing to me. I told him I didn't. To which he said "You were a good Mommy then. Good Mommy's don't cry at the doctor."
I suppose this is true.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Does this make me a Queen?

I'm getting a crown today, in about an hour. I've already had done what I hope to be the BAD part which were the Root Canals. Those weren't bad. So I'm sort of nervous about Ye Old Crown. I don't really know how they do it. I confess I didn't ask - I didn't really WANT to know. But now I wish I did. I'm only doing one crown right now. I need two, one on each side. But I'm hoping that I can get this one done and then in a couple of months do the other one. At least with one done I can chew on one side without worrying about breaking off what is left of the tooth from the root canal procedure.
I hate dental work. I just hate it.
The thing that makes me nervous is that she said she has to do a "gingivectomy" as well because the gum grew partially over where she has to attach the crown.
Oh hell....she's going to CUT ME. She has to remove park of the gum.....and not by magic I bet.
It's going to be a lovely day I am sure.
Pity all you fools who work for me, I do.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Can you tell me if she has a nice house?

So Louis has had some passing curiosity about babies being born lately. A few weeks ago, looking at my stomach he asked me "Where is your scar?" and I asked "What Scar?". He said "From where the doctor took the babies out of your tummy." I certainly hadn't planned on having that conversation so soon...but I thought it was best to be honest but leave out the details. I reminded him that we had gone to the hospital, and explained that babies come out of mommy's vagina, and the doctor helps mommy at the hospital. Well he accepted that and went on his way.
But apparently he's been talking to Daddy about it, and Daddy threw in some details, such as there is a lot of blood and yucky stuff. Which is true, so you can't be mad at Daddy, and Louis seemed pretty accepting of this information. Which brings us to my most recent "Birth" Conversation.
Louis says "Remember when you went to the hospital and the babies came out of your vagina and there was a lot of blood and yucky stuff?"
Me "Yes...."
"Mommy I have a question".
Oh lord, what can it be.........
"Mommy, does the doctor have a car?"
"Ummmm, yes."
"What kind of car?"
"Ummm, a Lexus SUV thing."
"But where did she park it? Did she park it in the garage?"
"I don't know......"
"I didn't see her car."

Yeah. She has a car.

This conversation courtesy of my sweetie who also will wake me up in the middle of the night putting a finger to my face "Mom.....booger!"

Could I love him anymore?

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Colts Fans Unite

There is just one thing to say this time of year, if one is a Colts Fan.

Evil Antibiotics

Okay no, they're not actually evil. Antibiotics are actually a good thing- in case you've lived ina cave for 50 years. And I'm glad I don't live in a mud hut with no access to them. But DAMMIT why do they have to make you so sick?
I'm taking something new for my bronchitis and sinus infection (oh and ear infection did I mention that one?) and among it's side effects are "Drowsiness, dizzyness, nausea...". Good god. Why do antibiotics have to make me drowsy and dizzy? The nausea I sort of understand, but the other two? Whose idea was THAT?
Combined with the decongestant I have to take, which gives me insomnia, I'm really enjoying this course of meds.
Better than being dead though.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

A couple of Catch Up Items

Okay so it's National Delurking week or whatever.
So SAY something already. I promise not to club you like a baby seal.
I haven't posted in days because I've been sick . I am now medicated and getting better....so sorry if everyone got weary of the Rice Krispie story.
Anyway, DeLurk all you Lurkers!
Becky told us what little songs she sings........
I will confess that I have one diaper changing song. I sing "Poop Machine" to the tune of "Love Machine" when I'm changing poopie diapers. "You're just a poop machine, and you don't poop for nobody but me."
Ah, parenthood.

A Patriotic Moment

I'd like to preface this post by saying that I think W. is an idiot. I don't think he's stupid - but I do think he's an idiot, if you make the distinction. So let's say I'm not a fan. But this is something so unlike me that happened a while back that I thought I should share it (I sort of just realized that I hadn't). Several months ago W. was in town here in Tampa. He spoke at NuAir, doing some sort of Rah Rah for small businesses or SOME bullshit like that. What it meant to me was that my entire route to work was LINED with state troopers, some roads were blocked (NuAir is RIGHT down the street from my office) and where the corners and crossing weren't manned by troopers, there were "men in suits" that I assume were Secret Service. Once the motorcade arrived we were TRAPPED in our building essentially for part of that time. The inner office traffic of stuff that goes between our warehouse and our corporate office was halted and no one could do anything of that nature.
Well by the end of the day, I had sort of FORGOTTEN that old W. had been in town. He'd created me sort of a spectacle on the way in to work, and an inconvenice for people who were NOT me during the work day, but mostly by the end of the day it was no big deal. The President is a mile away. Oh yeah? And?
So as I left work that night, probably going through my list of things to pick up at the store, as usual I was listening to airplanes and watching airplanes take off. (My office is situated DIRECTLY between two flight paths and runways at Tampa International). And I see this PLANE.
It was the most beautiful plane I had ever seen. I see tons of planes all day long, I can GLANCE at them and tell you what airline it is. I never saw anything LIKE this plane. It was the most beautiful blue, the the sun made it seemed like it was glowing or something, it was majestic. So of course I was like "man what the hell airline is THAT?" And I strained to read the letters "THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA" on the side.....I was completely choked up. Oh my god, that's the PRESIDENT! I mean seriously, I hit my NEXTEL for other people to run out to see this thing. Have you ever seen Air Force One? They built the White House to intimidate other people, they wanted a residence that looked imposing and in charge. Whomever painted AIR FORCE ONE had the same design. Don't fuck with us, it says. Check out our bad ass plane, it says. If we have a plane THIS FUCKING COOL can you imagine what else we have? Seriously, I was as excited as I've ever been in a patriotic fashion. Completely unlike me, to be moved to tears, just to see a beautiful blue plane transporting an idiot - don't you think?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Romance is Not Dead

And just in case you THOUGHT romance was dead........I woke up this morning to a sore throat, a running nose, a pounding headache.......and a large pan of rice krispy treats sitting on my kitchen counter.
They were marked with a post it that they were all for me.
I love that man.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Ovulating for Your Pleasure

So I'm Ovulating. I know this because I'm getting the tell tale ache in my side. It's in my right side. Right Ovary, reporting for duty. I should have known I was getting ready to have SOME sort of hormonal event because I have a zit bigger than my nose growing on my chin, also on the right side. I once told a doctor that every once in a while I felt like I was ovulating on BOTH sides......because I'd get the aches on both sides that month. He seemed to think I was being a silly woman. How silly WAS I - I ask you, with the products of my over-active ovaries currently messing about in their baby beds, wearing the cutest INCREDIBLES jammies I've ever seen?
Oh no, I wasn't ovulating on both sides......producing FRATERNAL twins. NO no. Imagination.
I had a rice krispie treat tonight which brings me to a secret.
I am a rice krispie treat addict. I don't make them......because I don't want to share them. I can't ever possibly make ENOUGH Of them to eat all of them that I want AND share them with you. And that would just be rude. SO as I shared the big Mickey Mouse shaped one that Santa brought with the family(okay my hubby was eating it,and HE shared it me).......let me just say that these people have no idea what sort of good manners this ovulating overly hormonal woman was using. I think I could have eaten the whole thing in one big bite.
I could eat 10 rice krispie treats right now. And no store bought ones. To hell with that.
I was the homemade kind.....made with just a LITTLE extra marshmallow.
Oh HELL I may make a pan tomorrow.
I have a new digital camera. Maybe I'll even take a picture of my ZIT for you!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

How Many Baby Beds fit in YOUR Master Bedroom?

In my house, the answer is 2!!! Here is the view, sitting up on my bed, looking down toward the foot of my bed. The bed on the LEFT is the one by Dad bought 26 years ago.......for my brother Matt. The one on the right if our new one, if you look closely, you can see where Miles kicked one of the slats out, next to the wall. Glamorous stuff- eh?