There Will Be A Lot of Bruising.....

So I went to my physician today for a follow up from being sick last week, plus to have a gaggle of unsightly skin tags removed. I seem to have inherited them from the same grandmother who gave me asthma, thick ankles and wrists, and a propensity toward fatness. I like knowing who to blame stuff on. But regardless, I also had a big old cyst under my bra strap on my left shoulder I wanted removed. It developed back shortly after I had Louis. A dermatologist in KY had shot it full of cortisone and told me that would do the trick. Well it didn't, it came right back. So last week I inquired about getting the skin tags taken off and the cyst cut out. They took a cursory look and said no problem.
Now on my insurance plan I have to pay $25 to see a dermatologist, and they can only cut off like 5 skin tags a year (WHY DOES INSURANCE CARE??). My regular doctor said he could do it all under a regular office visit for $15. That included the cyst and like 10 or 12 of the skin nasties. I am all about economical.
I went in today and this PA did the skin tags. No real problem. It was sort of gross to hear it CRUNCH when she cut them off, but it didn't hurt bcse she numbed me up really well.
And then, the doctor came in for the big job.
The first thing he said was, "Oh, this is much bigger than I remember it being. Okay, though, no problem."
It was in fact probably the size of a quarter. Maybe not quite.
He has me lay on my side,numbs me all up.
So far so good.
He cuts, which was cool because I didn't feel or realize he was doing that, I just thought he was poking about still when he says "Oh, this is much much deeper than I thought it would be. Hmmmm. This is going to be hard to get out with such a small incision, but I don't want to make it any bigger - it will make a bigger scar. Hmmm"
So....
He begins what I can only describe as the process of squeezing out the biggest zit ever. Using the weight of his body, he begins pushing and squeezing and pushing and SHAKING ME....oh my GOD....like if someone squeezed a blackhead out using their fists.
I finally said "Yeah this is the worst deep tissue massage ever....I am never coming back to this spa." His PA says "Yeah I know it's bad....you should SEE all the stuff coming out of it."
Which, I finally did. It looks like a pile of somewhat melty candle wax, probably more than a thimbleful....and stinky. He says that it was just puss but they'll test it and the sack it was in (which he removed with more evil massaging and a q-tip).
He was thoughtful enough to use strips on my back to seal the incision and put a couple of bandaids on the tags that were the ickiest scabs.
And although I thought that they were hideous, one of the guys at work today said to me "You had skin tags on your neck? Man I never noticed them ever."
Louis told me that he hopes I didn't cry when they did that thing to me. I told him I didn't. To which he said "You were a good Mommy then. Good Mommy's don't cry at the doctor."
I suppose this is true.