The Secret of Pizza and Reptiles

Our weekend was filled with making homemade pizzas, and attending a reptile show. There are important things I should share about these things.

I've been a ball of stress all weekend and I don't know why. Delayed reaction to Chuck's death? PMS. General stress over life with four kids and a tight budget? I don't know. But despite the fun of the pizza making it was peppered with STOP IT! DON'T DO THAT! Don't EAT THAT! Don't do that! Stop eating so many pepperoni.

Maybe it's lack of sleep. Maybe it's being 45. But they managed to have a fun time making what turned out to be really tasty pizza despite me. I also messed up the pizza dough, possibly because of the small print on the package (I was supposed to prebake them) or possible because I had a herd of tiny humans jabbering and making excited noise while I was throwing it together. I'm not sure which. Possibly both.

The point being, they are having fun despite me and I wasn't a cool fun mom last night. I was stressed out and annoying.

Today was a fools errand, as I am completely terrified of snakes. Did I mention I am completely terrified of snakes? What did the guy taking money have wrapped around his arm? Snake.

Lizards I cam somewhat deal with. Mostly. If I don't have to touch them. I can appreciate that some of them are downright pretty. But snakes, no.

Bunnies, however, are AOK and meeting this one was lovely. I could have a bunny. I don't want something to take care of. But this bunny was adorable.

I am unsure what sort of lizard this is, but it's been consigned to the closet due to nonstop fighting about it.

Charlie got his own kind of snake while we were there, and of course I don't mind this kind either.

My stress level mounted the whole time we were there. I kept nearly walking into people wearing snakes. Or backing into people wearing snakes. Or having to see snakes. Snakes that were loose and wrapped around a human. I went outside with Miles more than once, to have a sweet tea and get some air. The place would become oppressive and sweltering and hot and did I mention hot and it seemed smaller and swaying sometimes.

My temper grew shorter.

I became stressed, even when not pressed by snakes. Everywhere had danger, obstacles. The twins were clinging to me, Julia wouldn't stay nearby. They were driving me nuts. Eventually we headed out to the car while their Daddy sorted out the last few things to pick up.

In the car I could feel my own stress mounting.

I'm sitting here now, feeling the stress just laying there under the surface. Miles is yelling about something. It's a happy yelling. Charlie may be asleep.

When we came home I made my husband a coffee, and then Louis decided he wanted one, and I burned the shit out of my fingers emptying the refillable keurig thing. Note to self you can't go two in a row.  I really wanted a coffee. I did not want to burn myself again emptying it. So I poured a water and came upstairs to escape.

Except there is no escape. This chaos is my life. Today I'm not handling it that well. Possibly with some dinner and a good night's sleep I will feel better.

What really matters is that despite it all, despite this day which was weird and not so good for me (just for me, I think the others had fun), I wouldn't be anywhere else right now. This would always be what I choose, despite it's wear and tear on my soul sometimes. I would always choose to be sitting here with a sadly empty Tervis tumbler of water, with a 10 year old singing the PBS Kids jingle over and over. I'd be annoyed that my Sims3 is taking so long to download. I'd be thinking about something else to play instead.

But no matter what, I'd be right here.



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