I blame the Internet really. Stupid Internet bastards talking about stupid Internet shows that I couldn't get on cable. So it happened, we decided to check out streaming Netflix, and I sat down with the tablet one day and thought, "I'll check out Orange is the New Black, I hear that's good."
That's when the time suck started. Hours and hours sucked into a vortex of doom where I was motionless, glued to the story of Piper Chapman and her crew. I am an embarrassing number of episodes into the series, only two weeks into having Netflix.
This is how it happens. This is how we become the boneless slobs of Wall-E. It's NETFLIX. Why get up? In ten seconds the next episode will start. OH NO WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT OMG WHY IS PIPER IN MAX OMG CRAZY EYES IS SO SAD THIS STORY IS HEARTBREAKING WHY IS THE SYSTEM SO CRUEL WHAT IS DIAZ DOING THAT GUARD WON'T MARRY HER THIS IS ALL INSANE WHAT DID RED DO WHY IS SHE IN JAIL ....
Addiction. This is what addiction feels like.
I bring my tablet to work, and sit at the table, eating my food like a zombie and am glued to the next episode. I am reminded of ladies soap operas from back in the day. Let me tell you something, Edge of Night and Search for Tomorrow had NOTHING on this.
I can't stop watching.
I have lost 10 hours of my life or more. Maybe 12, I've lost track of where I am. Episode numbers mean nothing to me, I've melted into the story.
If I had worked out for 12 hours in the past two weeks vs sitting on my ass watching a show, I'd be that much healthier and fit. I could be working out right now. Instead, I'm writing, bitching about Netflix, which I love. Because I DO LOVE IT.
I also hate it. Mostly it's just the theme song I hate. I don't hate the theme song. I hate the time it takes up and the credits. I don't want to watch it. But I end up watching it because I'm on wifi and it will buffer and act stupid if I try to act stupid.
You know if I fired up an episode right now I could probably....wait no, no, focus. I'm writing. But really I am dying to know, did Alyx really get out? Is she in witness protection? Will they send her to North Dakota to work at a Payless?
You guys, I love OITNB. I am late to the party. But I may never need another show.
Until I find out what this House of Cards thing is all about...