Pregnant at 40

There shouldn't be, in my mind, a big difference in being pregnant at 40 vs. being pregnant at 34 as I was the first go round. Yet biologically speaking, my body seems to have different ideas.
The bed rest was the first difference, and the random, painful bleeding around weeks 5 and 6 which then just ZAP stopped.
Based on what the doctor had to say, WHICH WAS A LOT, the real issue is not getting pregnant at 40 (for normal people - not people like me) it's

1. Staying pregnant - we kick out bad eggs more often at this age
2. The list of real problems and complications is seriously longer at this age.

I'm not really terribly WORRIED about this list, the possible complications. Maybe I'm bizarrely optimistic, or foolishly hopeful. But I feel GOOD about the baby. I feel good that she is fine. She's kicking my ass as far as my sleepyhead status goes.......but I feel like we're putzing along ok, she and I.

Then I started getting this pain in my right side yesterday. Hormones doing what they do, joints get looser and my hips traditionally ache during pregnancy. Yesterday I ate Tylenol all day. Today however the tap was turned on high and it was serious pain. Then I went to the bathroom and.....

blood.

Bright red blood. The BAD KIND. The kind you don't want to see when you are 9 weeks pregnant. And more. And pain.

I ended up back at the OBGYN getting an ultrasound and we're all old friends by now. The baby is fine, superfast hearbeat - over 180 - and looking great. (An aside, I noted she still has her tail as she should, and the tech says "I don't like to think of it as a tail" - WHAT? It's a TAIL! All medical books and writings refer to it as the tail good grief.......I know that was an anti-evolution thing and it was cracking me up cuz then I kept talking about it)

Anyway, she's fine. I apparently, from what they can see - had a cyst rupture. Thus the pain.

The bleeding? Well........that's where it gets tricky. Am I trying to miscarry? The baby doesn't give any signs. Is it bleeding behind the placenta as it implants? Hard to say. Is it my bicornet uterus? Possibly. They say one side can bleed while the other is growing a baby. Mine isn't as crazy as the one pictured, not quite as big of a divide between the two sides, more like a close heart. Regardless, it's a defect in me that apparently usually keeps people from going to term or from even getting pregnant,much less carrying twins or delivering a baby boy over 9 pounds. My new OBGYN apparently put the ultrasound tech THROUGH it because he didn't believe I could have that condition AND my childbirth history.

But I promise you, both things are true.

So anyway......the bleeding stopped. And now.............

We dunno. I go back on Friday for another ultrasound and another check up. We discussed if the worst happens, if I suddenly have no fetal heartbeat I opted for an immediate D&C vs. last year's nightmare. He feels we will prepare for the worst and assume we'll have the best.

But she looks great. I could see her little arms today - and I have no reason to believe that I won't see them again on Friday.

And kiss them in April.