Lemme Tell Bout Sick - Part 1

So lemme tell ya......you kids think you know about sick?
How about this one? The big boy wants to ride in the car to school one day last week, for no particular reason just for fun so I acquiesce and we make our plans accordingly. When my alarm goes off at the obscene hour which is required for elementary education, I realize my left ear really hurts. It really really hurts. As in shit, "I must immediately consume to Advil to alleviate this skull crushing pain" hurts.
So I stumble downstairs with the boy, realizing I also have an obscene amount of sinus drainage. Ok, take care of that too while I'm at the medicine cabinet, we've got the drugs.......we've got the technology, we can build her better than before.........(sorry having a bionic woman moment).
As I'm driving the boy to school.......I realize I'm a little tummy rumbly. Not WORRISOME just worrisome.
Then I try dropping him off to school. Seen Mr Mom? When all the Mom's are screaming "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG?!?"
It was like that.
During the part where the lady who is in charge of telling Mommy's who are doing it wrong is telling ME that I'm doing it wrong, it occurs to me that I was incorrect, my tummy rumbly is indeed WORRISOME.
I make it home. Barely.
Here is what I am going to say about that part.

It was unpleasant. And I thought I was going to faint.

So I crawl back into bed. And out of bed. And into bed. And out of bed. And into bed. And out of bed.

Then I get up and feed the twins breakfast.

Shortly after breakfast it occurs to me that I'm going to vomit, and I rush to the downstairs restroom to do so. While hunched over the toilet, praying for the vile act to end, Baby Birdman runs into the bathroom, pulls down my pants from behind and slaps my butt. Then runs away laughing hysterically.

Shortly after that I put both the twins in their room and tell the husband I have stomach flu. Or something.

Or something indeed.....