Heh-heh, You Said HARD CRACK

We've been promising Lil Satchmo caramel apples for a while, and since it's September and really getting to be time for fall treats to get underway, we decided to go ahead and make some.
Now you've made those easy caramel apples kits from the store - right? I mean, they are easy. You wrap the apple with a sheet of caramel, warm it up, pop in a stick and VOILA caramel apple! It's a rather nice treat!
But the husband, while shopping, discovered that our grocer was OUT of caramel apple kits - but there in produce they had a candy apple kit! So he picked it up.
I glanced at the box, but it didn't register - even when he mentioned that we needed to pick up a candy thermometer as I no longer have one.....it didn't register WHAT I was getting myself into.
Three words should've warned me - HARD CRACK STAGE.
That's real candy making, even if it comes outta a box, friends.
I am blessed. I have a Home Ec teacher for a mom, so I know soft roll from hard crack stages when it comes to making candy. Lil Satchmo was a little disappointed at how little he got to be involved, but I tried to lovingly explain that this process was going to involve hot molten lava and 5 year olds are not safe around such things.

So I let him stir when the temp was under 100 degrees, and then he contented himself stabbing the apples. Baby Birth of Cool helped out a bit.

And then when they were done, I proceeded with the hot molten lava candy of death.

Here is why candy making is a "lost art". It isn't because it is hard - it is not (if you understand basic principles of baking, in my mind candy falls into the baking category of cooking because of the strict adherence to instruction that is required). It is a lost art because it is a tremendous pain the ass. Do you know how LONG it takes to bring a big ass pot of goo up to hard crack stage? Good lord I could've done my nails and they would've DRIED! And I still would've had time to spare. It's because we are an impatient generation, and making candy is nerve wracking - you wait, and test and wait and test.....when it would just be easier to BUY it now wouldn't it?

But if you just go out and buy it, you don't get THIS.......

Delicious warm candy apples.

And here is a note - this box said it made 10 apples. I had 5 apples. NOT following instructions, I dipped each apple twice. Guess what - there was like a 1/4 inch of candy on each apple making them nearly inedible.

NEARLY inedible I say, not completely.

We had to have an emergency bath even though it was a late night, as all three boys were head to toe sticky red delicious candy mess.

Lil Satchmo was also the Candy Apple Statue of Liberty at one point in the evening.

And, for some unknown reason, I got the apple with a worm. A cooked worm who apparently met his demise in the pot of candy lava. It was fairly revolting. But the candy was still good.