A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Friday, January 12, 2007


plat·i·tude (plāt'ĭ-tōōd', -tyōōd') Pronunciation Key n.
A trite or banal remark or statement, especially one expressed as if it were original or significant. See Synonyms at
Lack of originality; triteness.

You know, I realize that in times of grief, that platitudes come rolling in. "They're with the lord now." "God has a plan." "They've gone to a better place." etc etc etc. I also realize that when YOU are saying these things, you are making yourself feel better. You're imposing your belief system on a situation because it is how you are grieving, it is how you are dealing with the situation. And while I am a big jerk most of the time, I would never yank the metaphorical platitude carpet out from under you if we are mutually grieving. I know how much you need it, at those times. In my head, snarky comebacks and generally rotten remarks might fly unbidden but I would never hit you back with one.
Because I know that you are doing the best you can with the situation. As am I. No reason to make things worse.

But if you know me, at all, and you who fall under the category of friends should know me, you know that I don't buy into it. It not only doesn't comfort me to hear your false words - it enrages me when it is directed at me. Absolutely enrages me.
So called words of comfort like "You're so strong you're going to come out on top." "You knew this was coming, so you're okay right?" (hmmm, shall we say this to someone on the way to execution?) and other ridiculous words including "Congratulations you know you're actually lucky" make me pretty much hate your guts for your callousness. I am not kidding. Rage boils up when meaningless words are tossed at me lightly in times of stress. And I am struck to the heart that you have said such cold words to me.

When bad things happen to good people, how about "I'm sorry and I'm here if you need me." Or even an "I love you." Death and destruction take various forms, and everyone should really learn that we don't all want your mock comfort.

To quote Marsellus Wallace, "Nah, I'm pretty fuckin' far from alright."


Becky said...

Now I've got PF music running through my head. And, well, that picture makes me laugh.

How's this ... God thinks this totally sucks ass too and is ready to smite the assholes who deserve it.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Here's a platitude you won't hear very often (and deep down I mean this, and I think you know it).

At least this doesn't involve a ball gag and a gimp.

pete said...

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is she, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for she is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Gidge said...

Exactly my thoughts.