And to the makers of Cold Medicine - A Raspberry

Children's cold medicine is wildly unfair. You have kids, they get the sniffles and a little fever. So you buy the product that you think will allow them to breathe, reduce their fever and let everyone get some sleep. But you have THREE children. And two of them react nicely - settling into their sickbeds like cherubim, with red cheeks and boogery noses but SLEEPING soundly. Thanks to this you are able to relax, watch a little ROME (new episode tomorrow, so I was re-watching the season premiere!) and have a couple of beers and stay up later than you had planned to. But your guard is down. Because #3 is disguised as one of the other two, also sleeping.
And it's been so long since anyone was sick, that you've pushed out of your mind all the long nights when the twins were babies.....when #3 became a statistic because he REACTS TO THE SIDE EFFECTS of his meds. That's right "may cause hyperactivity" should be stamped in HUGE LETTERS on the front of every bottle containing a medicine with the remotest chance of this side effect. A small stylus should pop out of the box, prick your finger to get your attention and then a recording should play "MAY CAUSE HYPERACTIVITY" whenever one of these boxes are picked up by a well meaning parent. I would still purchase the product despite my bloody finger, for offspring #1 and #2. But for #3 I would find an alternative, or decide if he really needs it or if I'm just dosing him because I'm dosing everyone else (don't give me that look you do it too).

Because you see, at 5:30 am this morning, Baby Birdman came bouncing out of sleep. Bouncing off the walls. Singing. Howling. Running around his room. Bashing trucks on the dresser near his monitor. Picking up his monitor and yelling "YEA!" into it.

I waited. I rolled over. So sleepy, hadn't been in bed ALL that long. Decided if he hadn't chilled out and gone to sleep by 7:30 I'd take him to the living room. But noise didn't even subside. He laughed maniacally running around his room. I heard dresser drawers start to open at ten till 7 and gave up.

First we came into the living room and I tried to get him to lay down with me on the sofa. I would've had better luck getting an oiled cat to lay down with me. So then I think, well, I'll turn the kitchen light on so that there is LOW light in the living room and just let him play, and I'll sleep on the couch. Except that I forgot that every single Fisher Price Little People toy in our living room play a LOUD DAMN SONG. Some of them MORE THAN ONE. This is what it looks like. Those of you who are parents know what I mean. And you probably know the damn songs I am talking about. You can't sleep through them. A heroin addict couldn't sleep through them, particularly the bird in the Little People Zoo who chirps the loudest, most annoying version of "THE MORE WE GET TOGETHER" in the land.

And I can't be upset with him, as I sit here with my coffee listening to Moose A. Moose talk about shapes. First of all, it's not his fault. He's turning somersaults all around my living room as I type because he's medicated by something that turns him into a ball of energy. Second of all.......
he gets it from me.

Yeah you heard me. You'd think I'd be more of an expert on which drugs do which, but I've always been more in tune to brand names that I took as an adult with the exception of Guafenesin. Guafenesin is the drug they love to give you to clear out your lungs. After the second dose I am officially on insomnia watch.....I about come out of my skin when it sets in. I toss, I turn, sometimes I cry because I'm so physically sleepy and sleep will not come. There are a couple of things I can take that knock me right out, Coricidin D being one of them. NyQuil with it's big death Q being another. But many decongestants make me a crazy person, denying me sleep and making me miserable.

And now they're doing it second hand.

So I made some coffee, turned on Noggin and logged into the Web. Must take a nap today. Must have energy for the COLTS GAME!

Please let this child collapse in sleep in the next hour.