Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

So tonight Sarah and Becky and I sat around Sarah's Mom's kitchen table and drank beers. We told stories, and laughed, and shared pictures, and laughed, and visited and tried to pretend like it wasn't the end of something. And although it isn't the END of anything, it's the end of this version of us, as friends. It's weird, isn't it? As kids you make friends based on who you like to play with. But as adults, it's hard to meet anyone that isn't "someone from work" so it was unusual to make such good friends - I wasn't planning to meet you guys. We met as we all three sat big bellied at Bamoms meetings, staring at each other wide eyed at the madness we were undertaking having these twin babies. Those babies are all 19 months old and Becky and Sarah are the best girlfriends I ever made as an adult. They are, in fact, the only girlfriends I ever made as an adult that I didn't meet at work. And even though we can still email every day and keep up I'm going to miss Sarah so very very much. I sat and cried my eyes out in my office when I got the email that it was official that she was leaving. Becky and I will have to each drink one more beer when we go out. That way it will be like Sarah is still here. And we'll have to swear more.....which won't be difficult for me at all. Bye Sarah........be safe. We'll miss you for always.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

So tonight Sarah and Becky and I sat around Sarah's Mom's kitchen table and drank beers. We told stories, and laughed, and shared pictures, and laughed, and visited and tried to pretend like it wasn't the end of something. And although it isn't the END of anything, it's the end of this version of us, as friends. It's weird, isn't it? As kids you make friends based on who you like to play with. But as adults, it's hard to meet anyone that isn't "someone from work" so it was unusual to make such good friends - I wasn't planning to meet you guys. We met as we all three sat big bellied at Bamoms meetings, staring at each other wide eyed at the madness we were undertaking having these twin babies. Those babies are all 19 months old and Becky and Sarah are the best girlfriends I ever made as an adult. They are, in fact, the only girlfriends I ever made as an adult that I didn't meet at work. And even though we can still email every day and keep up I'm going to miss Sarah so very very much. I sat and cried my eyes out in my office when I got the email that it was official that she was leaving. Becky and I will have to each drink one more beer when we go out. That way it will be like Sarah is still here. And we'll have to swear more.....which won't be difficult for me at all. Bye Sarah........be safe. We'll miss you for always.

Feeding My Inner Fat Girl

Okay she's still pretty much outer Fat Girl as well..........but let's just say, that the punishment for eating like a hog for three days was visited on me last night. And all day. I've been enjoying the season, eating sweets and fatty foods and just not worrying about it. Then yesterday, I started feeling bad. Kind of achy, stomach crampy.
I went to the bathroom. Barfed. Felt a little better. Went to bed so Scott could help Santa. Got up a few hours later, barfed more. Went to bed, had the chills, and the aches and cramps. Got up, opened presents and stockings and had to run to the bathroom every 10 minutes as everything made it's exodus out the other end.
Took Immodium.
Took a nap (shivered, cramped but nothing nasty). Got up, felt better.
Ate.
Sick more.

Blech. Considering I just had one of the best Christmases ever I am miserable.

Perhaps this is some sort of yin/yang balancing of the universe. I received many fantastic material things. So I must physically suffer........

Ugh. I can't wait to go back to bed.

Feeding My Inner Fat Girl

Okay she's still pretty much outer Fat Girl as well..........but let's just say, that the punishment for eating like a hog for three days was visited on me last night. And all day. I've been enjoying the season, eating sweets and fatty foods and just not worrying about it. Then yesterday, I started feeling bad. Kind of achy, stomach crampy.
I went to the bathroom. Barfed. Felt a little better. Went to bed so Scott could help Santa. Got up a few hours later, barfed more. Went to bed, had the chills, and the aches and cramps. Got up, opened presents and stockings and had to run to the bathroom every 10 minutes as everything made it's exodus out the other end.
Took Immodium.
Took a nap (shivered, cramped but nothing nasty). Got up, felt better.
Ate.
Sick more.

Blech. Considering I just had one of the best Christmases ever I am miserable.

Perhaps this is some sort of yin/yang balancing of the universe. I received many fantastic material things. So I must physically suffer........

Ugh. I can't wait to go back to bed.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

We took the Brute Squad to Disney (obvious from previous post) for a family vacation for five days, and to do all of the Disney Christmas stuff. It was extremely fun, actually. The freaking FREEZING cold weather plus all of the beautiful Disney decorations really put me into the Christmas spirit.
A few pics of us doing Disney stuff... Here Charlie checks out the lights at the Osborne FamilyLights at MGM (Just incredible if you've never been - I guarantee you have NEVER seen ANYTHING like this).

Miles is just hanging out at Epcot, enjoying the lovely fountain. And then here is Louis meeting a nice Goat. All in all, a great 5 Family Days together.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

We took the Brute Squad to Disney (obvious from previous post) for a family vacation for five days, and to do all of the Disney Christmas stuff. It was extremely fun, actually. The freaking FREEZING cold weather plus all of the beautiful Disney decorations really put me into the Christmas spirit.
A few pics of us doing Disney stuff... Here Charlie checks out the lights at the Osborne FamilyLights at MGM (Just incredible if you've never been - I guarantee you have NEVER seen ANYTHING like this).

Miles is just hanging out at Epcot, enjoying the lovely fountain. And then here is Louis meeting a nice Goat. All in all, a great 5 Family Days together.

Christmas Wish

Here you see a little boy dreaming of everything he wants for Christmas......at the Happiest Place on Earth.

Christmas Wish

Here you see a little boy dreaming of everything he wants for Christmas......at the Happiest Place on Earth.

File Me Under WTF?

I blatantly stole this off of Kristine's blog, but man......I found about 10 things on here that were just SO wrong I had to share.
And on the SKYDIVING picture.......if the chicks boobs are doing THAT....is the guys DICK MADE OF LEAD that it isn't doing the same or is this some photoshop trick?
I am fascinated by this whole thing.......ew.....and Grandma and Grandpa. Yuck.
Grandma and Grandpa are completely grossing me out. Ewwwwww.

File Me Under WTF?

I blatantly stole this off of Kristine's blog, but man......I found about 10 things on here that were just SO wrong I had to share.
And on the SKYDIVING picture.......if the chicks boobs are doing THAT....is the guys DICK MADE OF LEAD that it isn't doing the same or is this some photoshop trick?
I am fascinated by this whole thing.......ew.....and Grandma and Grandpa. Yuck.
Grandma and Grandpa are completely grossing me out. Ewwwwww.

Hey I know that Dude - Or how the Internet Makes the World Smaller

So I was on the internet reading email about my Liberian relatives who need my asistance, college girls whose daddies aren't home and really great mortgages when a friend of mine popped up online and started chatting. I was in sort of a bleh mood, kind of tired and overwhelmed and basically crabby when he started babbling about this LIZARD he likes. I was like "gee that's fascinating" and I guess to further FASCINATE me he pushes me this link to look at. I looked at this random lizard, I can't even believe I actually pulled up the page - it would be more like me NOT to pull it up and then go "oh yeah that's interesting" because that is the sort of asshole I can be. But I DID pull it up, and I was like "yeah blue lizard, whatever" when I noticed the caption. I said "hey, I think I know that dude" which was deemed unlikely by my friend.
What were the odds, after all, that someone a bajillion miles away would send me a link with a picture of someone I met since I've moved to Florida? It was even suggested that I wasn't "cool" enough to know someone like this.
Well guess what party people? I am cool enough. That link is indeed my friend and his lizard so there.
And the internet makes the world a little smaller........and a little CREEPIER!

Hey I know that Dude - Or how the Internet Makes the World Smaller

So I was on the internet reading email about my Liberian relatives who need my asistance, college girls whose daddies aren't home and really great mortgages when a friend of mine popped up online and started chatting. I was in sort of a bleh mood, kind of tired and overwhelmed and basically crabby when he started babbling about this LIZARD he likes. I was like "gee that's fascinating" and I guess to further FASCINATE me he pushes me this link to look at. I looked at this random lizard, I can't even believe I actually pulled up the page - it would be more like me NOT to pull it up and then go "oh yeah that's interesting" because that is the sort of asshole I can be. But I DID pull it up, and I was like "yeah blue lizard, whatever" when I noticed the caption. I said "hey, I think I know that dude" which was deemed unlikely by my friend.
What were the odds, after all, that someone a bajillion miles away would send me a link with a picture of someone I met since I've moved to Florida? It was even suggested that I wasn't "cool" enough to know someone like this.
Well guess what party people? I am cool enough. That link is indeed my friend and his lizard so there.
And the internet makes the world a little smaller........and a little CREEPIER!

The Grown Up Boyfriends

STEVE
My first real grown up boyfriend is the second Steve. I have to blog sensitively on this topic......because I still feel bad about the ways things fell apart between S2 and me. They were mostly my fault, or perhaps they were both of our faults but I didn't really act very nicely at the end. Steve and I were friends as part of a group that all hung out together and had gone to highschool together. Sometime I think we just started dating because we were the odd two out. But despite the "convenience" factor of us dating........Steve was nice. He was well read, had interest in art, movies, music etc. He didn't like to do all of the things I did - he preferred quiet things, more cultured things sometimes, but sometimes just more geeky intellectual things. But regardless he was fun to hang out with. And I think I loved him a lot. I'm not sure that I was ever IN love with him, though - which was a distinction I wasn't mature enough to make at the time. We dated for what seemed like a long time.......it was in fact probably a couple of years. Maybe as many as three. At one point we decided we were engaged.....that it only made sense to get married. No formal proposition took place, we just decided it was what we'd do after he graduated from Ball State. I started buying Brides magazines, picking out patterns and bridesmaid dresses secure in the knowledge that at some point in the future Steve and I would get married.
Things began to fall apart between us when I moved into an appt with Laura. My own independence began to be important to me. It didn't seem important to Steve - this independence I was craving. There were probably a lot more things wrong between us, but I still like him enough not to air them publicly. I think a lot can be said to the fact that I was just a jerk to him at the end. I broke up with him once......I don't remember why or how. But he launched a campaign to win me back, playing the "let's be friends" cards and I went with it for a while. Probably because I liked him and I DO like him. We went out one night to the SLIPPERY NOODLE and I had a couple of drinks and sobbed that I missed him and that I had planned my life with him ("Well I've been afraid of changing, 'cause I've built my life around you").......and we were back together, whammo.
We broke up again about 6 months later........maybe less. Because by that time I realized I wasn't in love with him and I wasn't going to meet anyone, and neither was he, if we kept on like this. I wasn't very nice to him and while I'll laugh about it and act like I'm "just that mean" in reality I've always felt quite bad. Steve is a good guy he deserves someone who is not a jerk like me. I was the wrong girl for him, and I still am. I hope he has found someone and just hasn't bothered to tell me, because he still hates me - which I deserve.
Kayo -
Kayo was only a boyfriend in the loosest of terms.......but one of my litmus for whether or not you fall under the "boyfriend" or "hook up" category is whether or not we actually had dates, which we did. Also - he used the L word on me, a lot. And I used it back. Kayo is his own entity and if you would like to meet him I will introduce you and then you will know why I'm still amused by him. I consider him a friend and always will, even if he's like the horniest boy I know. He's a good guy despite his faults, which are legion, but he has heart a big heart, and a good heart, even if he's running on a set of social morales that aren't quite the same as society's.
I won't even go into why we are friends and not anything else, I suppose it's because one of us wasn't nearly as in love as the other one thought. Or perhaps it's because we define love differently. But that's okay - I don't regret any of it, because if there had been no Kayo, I would have never met Scott.

And if I had never met Scott, my house would not be populated by three monkeys named Louis, Miles and Charlie. And I wouldn't trade those little toads for anything in the entire world.

The Grown Up Boyfriends

STEVE
My first real grown up boyfriend is the second Steve. I have to blog sensitively on this topic......because I still feel bad about the ways things fell apart between S2 and me. They were mostly my fault, or perhaps they were both of our faults but I didn't really act very nicely at the end. Steve and I were friends as part of a group that all hung out together and had gone to highschool together. Sometime I think we just started dating because we were the odd two out. But despite the "convenience" factor of us dating........Steve was nice. He was well read, had interest in art, movies, music etc. He didn't like to do all of the things I did - he preferred quiet things, more cultured things sometimes, but sometimes just more geeky intellectual things. But regardless he was fun to hang out with. And I think I loved him a lot. I'm not sure that I was ever IN love with him, though - which was a distinction I wasn't mature enough to make at the time. We dated for what seemed like a long time.......it was in fact probably a couple of years. Maybe as many as three. At one point we decided we were engaged.....that it only made sense to get married. No formal proposition took place, we just decided it was what we'd do after he graduated from Ball State. I started buying Brides magazines, picking out patterns and bridesmaid dresses secure in the knowledge that at some point in the future Steve and I would get married.
Things began to fall apart between us when I moved into an appt with Laura. My own independence began to be important to me. It didn't seem important to Steve - this independence I was craving. There were probably a lot more things wrong between us, but I still like him enough not to air them publicly. I think a lot can be said to the fact that I was just a jerk to him at the end. I broke up with him once......I don't remember why or how. But he launched a campaign to win me back, playing the "let's be friends" cards and I went with it for a while. Probably because I liked him and I DO like him. We went out one night to the SLIPPERY NOODLE and I had a couple of drinks and sobbed that I missed him and that I had planned my life with him ("Well I've been afraid of changing, 'cause I've built my life around you").......and we were back together, whammo.
We broke up again about 6 months later........maybe less. Because by that time I realized I wasn't in love with him and I wasn't going to meet anyone, and neither was he, if we kept on like this. I wasn't very nice to him and while I'll laugh about it and act like I'm "just that mean" in reality I've always felt quite bad. Steve is a good guy he deserves someone who is not a jerk like me. I was the wrong girl for him, and I still am. I hope he has found someone and just hasn't bothered to tell me, because he still hates me - which I deserve.
Kayo -
Kayo was only a boyfriend in the loosest of terms.......but one of my litmus for whether or not you fall under the "boyfriend" or "hook up" category is whether or not we actually had dates, which we did. Also - he used the L word on me, a lot. And I used it back. Kayo is his own entity and if you would like to meet him I will introduce you and then you will know why I'm still amused by him. I consider him a friend and always will, even if he's like the horniest boy I know. He's a good guy despite his faults, which are legion, but he has heart a big heart, and a good heart, even if he's running on a set of social morales that aren't quite the same as society's.
I won't even go into why we are friends and not anything else, I suppose it's because one of us wasn't nearly as in love as the other one thought. Or perhaps it's because we define love differently. But that's okay - I don't regret any of it, because if there had been no Kayo, I would have never met Scott.

And if I had never met Scott, my house would not be populated by three monkeys named Louis, Miles and Charlie. And I wouldn't trade those little toads for anything in the entire world.

The College Boys

You know, the college boys weren't really that abundant. I didn't date much, I hung around with girl friends, went to parties and danced with a lot of guys but spent most of my time with my girls. I am not sorry about that, it was a lot of fun. As I reckon it, I actually only had two boyfriends during the years that fell under COLLEGE

• Donn X - again, another X. He played Baseball for Indiana State University and apparently was pretty good because he talked to major league scouts pretty regularly. Maybe he ended up playing in the majors, I have no idea. I remember he spelled his first name with 2 NNs which was pretentious and annoying. He was mostly vain and prissy, terribly interested in his body (which was FINE) and how people looked. But he was sort of cool to a Freshman Co-Ed, he was playing Varsity Ball and was good looking. I don't even have a good memory of what he looked like except that he was good looking and everyone thought so. Donn and I started going out right after school started, dating through fall break and then we broke up right after the first of the year, so that was about 5 months of dating or so, maybe four. One of the most memorable things about Donn was not Donn himself, it was dance that he was SUPPOSED to go with to, but since we broke up my friend Tim went instead. (I had a much better time with Tim, I am sure!) But since I had talked Donn and his animal prowess up to all my sorority sisters (I had just pledged) they all assumed Tim was Donn and were giving him the KNOWING EYE. Tim eventually fashioned himself a sign that said "My name is not Donn" and wore it around all night. At the end of the night we made a "man" out of tinsel and foil decorations and hung the sign around it's neck. I have a picture of it somewhere. How did we break up? He quit calling, and quit returning calls. The most chicken-shit of all break up tactics.
• One interlude - my one and only blind date. I don't even know his name. This annoying pseudo-friend who lived on the floor below me had her home town honey boyfriend coming in from Cornfield county and wanted me to double date with his "best friend" who was coming in. We met a Denny's. I have never in my life smelled a person who smelled like this. He looked like Napoleon Dynamite, only NOT AS GOOD LOOKING, and he smelled like ASS, FEET and ARMPITS. Oh god. We walked back to their hotel from Denny's, the girl and the boyfriend asked us to go get some sodas adn when we got back they had locked the door and were going at it. I ended up walking back to the dorm like four miles in the rain, because El Stinko asked if he could kiss me. Ummmmm, no.
• Steve the First - Steve the first was a complete twit who worked at the pizza joint I worked with. (what is with all the TWITS I dated?) He was sort of ugly in a Steve Perry way but I was fascinated with him for reasons I don't understand. Then at some point in the time of dating, I figured out he was still dating this girl in HIGHSCHOOL, ewwww. He wouldn't break up with her........and well we never spoke again. I don't think we ever broke up, we just stopped short.

The College Boys

You know, the college boys weren't really that abundant. I didn't date much, I hung around with girl friends, went to parties and danced with a lot of guys but spent most of my time with my girls. I am not sorry about that, it was a lot of fun. As I reckon it, I actually only had two boyfriends during the years that fell under COLLEGE

• Donn X - again, another X. He played Baseball for Indiana State University and apparently was pretty good because he talked to major league scouts pretty regularly. Maybe he ended up playing in the majors, I have no idea. I remember he spelled his first name with 2 NNs which was pretentious and annoying. He was mostly vain and prissy, terribly interested in his body (which was FINE) and how people looked. But he was sort of cool to a Freshman Co-Ed, he was playing Varsity Ball and was good looking. I don't even have a good memory of what he looked like except that he was good looking and everyone thought so. Donn and I started going out right after school started, dating through fall break and then we broke up right after the first of the year, so that was about 5 months of dating or so, maybe four. One of the most memorable things about Donn was not Donn himself, it was dance that he was SUPPOSED to go with to, but since we broke up my friend Tim went instead. (I had a much better time with Tim, I am sure!) But since I had talked Donn and his animal prowess up to all my sorority sisters (I had just pledged) they all assumed Tim was Donn and were giving him the KNOWING EYE. Tim eventually fashioned himself a sign that said "My name is not Donn" and wore it around all night. At the end of the night we made a "man" out of tinsel and foil decorations and hung the sign around it's neck. I have a picture of it somewhere. How did we break up? He quit calling, and quit returning calls. The most chicken-shit of all break up tactics.
• One interlude - my one and only blind date. I don't even know his name. This annoying pseudo-friend who lived on the floor below me had her home town honey boyfriend coming in from Cornfield county and wanted me to double date with his "best friend" who was coming in. We met a Denny's. I have never in my life smelled a person who smelled like this. He looked like Napoleon Dynamite, only NOT AS GOOD LOOKING, and he smelled like ASS, FEET and ARMPITS. Oh god. We walked back to their hotel from Denny's, the girl and the boyfriend asked us to go get some sodas adn when we got back they had locked the door and were going at it. I ended up walking back to the dorm like four miles in the rain, because El Stinko asked if he could kiss me. Ummmmm, no.
• Steve the First - Steve the first was a complete twit who worked at the pizza joint I worked with. (what is with all the TWITS I dated?) He was sort of ugly in a Steve Perry way but I was fascinated with him for reasons I don't understand. Then at some point in the time of dating, I figured out he was still dating this girl in HIGHSCHOOL, ewwww. He wouldn't break up with her........and well we never spoke again. I don't think we ever broke up, we just stopped short.

All the Boys - PART Deux

After the tumultous middle school romances I went on to high school and tumultous high school romances. My first and many-time boyfriend in High School was the infamous

• Simon The BIGGER. Simon was famous for his irreverant wit and his goofy sense of humor. Simon wasn't good looking by any conventional standards, but he had a charming smile and sparkling eyes that went with his personality. He also smelled like Finesse shampoo. Simon sent me a note while I was home sick with mono our freshman year. He had composed a silly poem in his BASIC class (remember BASIC?) and ended it with "WILL YOU GO WITH ME?" Simon would write me notes telling me how much he loved me every day, composing poetry of a dubious nature on 3 x 5 cards always extolling my beauty and how much he loved me. I think one of the best parts of being Simon's girlfriend was HOW MUCH his mother hated me. She caught us making out at a basketball game once and shrieked at him in front of everyone that we were "breaking school rules". Simon and I made out and held hands all the time, but despite his very amorous behavior he much more of a gentleman than my previous boyfriend........and I always thought that this meant that Simon really DID love me. And then....one day, it happened. Danica. The EVIL Danica showed up at Speech Team practice wearing Simon's Police Concert Buttons....buttons that could only have been gotten at the Synchronicity Tour Concert which only Simon went to.......NOT THE EVIL Danica. Danica was wearing Simon's buttons on her denim jacket. Buttons he had NEVER allowed me to wear, buttons he had STEADFASTLY refused to allow me to wear........and later that day there was another tearful scene in a bandroom, as Simon told me that he wanted to be friends and lied to me about the evil Danica. Later that day, to cheer me up, some of his friends told me that Simon had really been in love with me.........he had even considered joining the marching band to spend time with me.
• Simon Blight - Simon 2 was clearly my Simon rebound. He was English and nice to me and pretty much a twit in most ways. He was older, had his own car and looked a lot older so he could buy booze...which was cool. However he was also possesive and annoying and although we dated for most of the year and the next summer....he got on my last nerves when he started talking about when we got married that I wasn't going to the hospital to have our babies, that I'd have them at home. I broke up with him after watching the Miss America pageant. I never really liked the Pageant but I watched it that night to get on his nerves. Then I told him I didn't want to date him anymore and he was the one who cried for a change. I felt sort of bad about that, because I probably didn't love him at all....or maybe I did but then he became annoying.
• Clark Atkins - Clark Atkins was the older brother of one of my friends, Brian Atkins. He was in college when I was as Junior, and I can't for the life of me remember how we ran into each other to start dating. But his brother and I were always good friends, so it's possible that we ran into each other at their house when Clark was home from college. Clark and I went to the movies a lot when he was home, and he called me all the time running up a CRAZY phone bill that got him into a lot of trouble with his dad. Clark would send me boxes of presents and sent me the BIGGEST box of Valentines presents I've ever received. He agreed to go to Prom with me it was the coolest thing in the world. I bought a lovely pink dress to wear (as scene on Christa in her Promapalooza pic with Fred) and we went out to dinner at the Eagle's Nest at the Hyatt Regency and then we went to Prom and After prom, in the youthful glow of love. After Prom he drove me back to my house, dropped me off and said "Good night." walking away without so much as a kiss. He never returned another call or wrote another letter. I never knew what happened or why he broke up with me. I ran into him once in a Denny's three or four years later and he popped over to be all chummy. I blew him off so rudely "Did I make a mistake and ask you to sit here?" he left (did he deserve it? - YES!) Then I ran into him again at his brother's wedding in 1999 or 2000 in Kentucky. He was there with his wife and little boy and sat down at my table with a glazed "nostalgic lust" look on his face, leaned forward and said "You know I think about you all the time." Scott was sitting next to me, Clark has no idea how close he came to getting popped, but I don't think that Scott heard him.
• Simon Big Simon - Simon made a brief return after Clark and the Prom incident, but once again decided that he'd rather be friends. I wasn't heart broken, but it was amusing how many people were "so happy" we wer back together again. I think it was about 3 months of back together, and then back apart again.
• Mike Dahl - Mike is the mullethead in my Promapalooza photo. Mike was my boyfriend ever so briefly, we were friends who started "dating" when we went to Spring break together with a group. We dated through spring break and then a few weeks after, just long enough to confirm our date for prom. Then he promptly broke up with me but didn't understand why I didn't want to go to Prom with him. I went, but it was an annoying drag.
• Back to Simon Big Simon AGAIN - I was older and far more bitter the last time around with Simon. And we were even more short lived. It was almost immediately after Prom if not before and we went to the Academic decathalon together. He was dating some other random girl but came over and started talking about getting back together. I demanded he go and break up with her RIGHT THEN, and then come back and tell me it was done. Then I took him to the library to spend quality time alone together. But I wasn't amused by him anymore and I thought he was sort of a twit at this point in time. The best part of being with Simon that LAST time around was hooking up in his evil mother's bed (of course shortly thereafter we found out she was quite sick, so that isn't a nice thing to say, but she was never nice to me regardless). I took great satisfaction in that.....being in the bed was better than being with Simon. I don't even remember how we broke up that last time, but I'm about 100% sure I didn't even care.

And that is the end of High School Boyfriends......................

Next Up - College

All the Boys - PART Deux

After the tumultous middle school romances I went on to high school and tumultous high school romances. My first and many-time boyfriend in High School was the infamous

• Simon The BIGGER. Simon was famous for his irreverant wit and his goofy sense of humor. Simon wasn't good looking by any conventional standards, but he had a charming smile and sparkling eyes that went with his personality. He also smelled like Finesse shampoo. Simon sent me a note while I was home sick with mono our freshman year. He had composed a silly poem in his BASIC class (remember BASIC?) and ended it with "WILL YOU GO WITH ME?" Simon would write me notes telling me how much he loved me every day, composing poetry of a dubious nature on 3 x 5 cards always extolling my beauty and how much he loved me. I think one of the best parts of being Simon's girlfriend was HOW MUCH his mother hated me. She caught us making out at a basketball game once and shrieked at him in front of everyone that we were "breaking school rules". Simon and I made out and held hands all the time, but despite his very amorous behavior he much more of a gentleman than my previous boyfriend........and I always thought that this meant that Simon really DID love me. And then....one day, it happened. Danica. The EVIL Danica showed up at Speech Team practice wearing Simon's Police Concert Buttons....buttons that could only have been gotten at the Synchronicity Tour Concert which only Simon went to.......NOT THE EVIL Danica. Danica was wearing Simon's buttons on her denim jacket. Buttons he had NEVER allowed me to wear, buttons he had STEADFASTLY refused to allow me to wear........and later that day there was another tearful scene in a bandroom, as Simon told me that he wanted to be friends and lied to me about the evil Danica. Later that day, to cheer me up, some of his friends told me that Simon had really been in love with me.........he had even considered joining the marching band to spend time with me.
• Simon Blight - Simon 2 was clearly my Simon rebound. He was English and nice to me and pretty much a twit in most ways. He was older, had his own car and looked a lot older so he could buy booze...which was cool. However he was also possesive and annoying and although we dated for most of the year and the next summer....he got on my last nerves when he started talking about when we got married that I wasn't going to the hospital to have our babies, that I'd have them at home. I broke up with him after watching the Miss America pageant. I never really liked the Pageant but I watched it that night to get on his nerves. Then I told him I didn't want to date him anymore and he was the one who cried for a change. I felt sort of bad about that, because I probably didn't love him at all....or maybe I did but then he became annoying.
• Clark Atkins - Clark Atkins was the older brother of one of my friends, Brian Atkins. He was in college when I was as Junior, and I can't for the life of me remember how we ran into each other to start dating. But his brother and I were always good friends, so it's possible that we ran into each other at their house when Clark was home from college. Clark and I went to the movies a lot when he was home, and he called me all the time running up a CRAZY phone bill that got him into a lot of trouble with his dad. Clark would send me boxes of presents and sent me the BIGGEST box of Valentines presents I've ever received. He agreed to go to Prom with me it was the coolest thing in the world. I bought a lovely pink dress to wear (as scene on Christa in her Promapalooza pic with Fred) and we went out to dinner at the Eagle's Nest at the Hyatt Regency and then we went to Prom and After prom, in the youthful glow of love. After Prom he drove me back to my house, dropped me off and said "Good night." walking away without so much as a kiss. He never returned another call or wrote another letter. I never knew what happened or why he broke up with me. I ran into him once in a Denny's three or four years later and he popped over to be all chummy. I blew him off so rudely "Did I make a mistake and ask you to sit here?" he left (did he deserve it? - YES!) Then I ran into him again at his brother's wedding in 1999 or 2000 in Kentucky. He was there with his wife and little boy and sat down at my table with a glazed "nostalgic lust" look on his face, leaned forward and said "You know I think about you all the time." Scott was sitting next to me, Clark has no idea how close he came to getting popped, but I don't think that Scott heard him.
• Simon Big Simon - Simon made a brief return after Clark and the Prom incident, but once again decided that he'd rather be friends. I wasn't heart broken, but it was amusing how many people were "so happy" we wer back together again. I think it was about 3 months of back together, and then back apart again.
• Mike Dahl - Mike is the mullethead in my Promapalooza photo. Mike was my boyfriend ever so briefly, we were friends who started "dating" when we went to Spring break together with a group. We dated through spring break and then a few weeks after, just long enough to confirm our date for prom. Then he promptly broke up with me but didn't understand why I didn't want to go to Prom with him. I went, but it was an annoying drag.
• Back to Simon Big Simon AGAIN - I was older and far more bitter the last time around with Simon. And we were even more short lived. It was almost immediately after Prom if not before and we went to the Academic decathalon together. He was dating some other random girl but came over and started talking about getting back together. I demanded he go and break up with her RIGHT THEN, and then come back and tell me it was done. Then I took him to the library to spend quality time alone together. But I wasn't amused by him anymore and I thought he was sort of a twit at this point in time. The best part of being with Simon that LAST time around was hooking up in his evil mother's bed (of course shortly thereafter we found out she was quite sick, so that isn't a nice thing to say, but she was never nice to me regardless). I took great satisfaction in that.....being in the bed was better than being with Simon. I don't even remember how we broke up that last time, but I'm about 100% sure I didn't even care.

And that is the end of High School Boyfriends......................

Next Up - College

To All The Boys I've Loved Before........

I have decided that I will make a list of all of my failed relationships and how they ended. I am unsure WHY or HOW this came into my mind.....but I have been thinking about all the boys who came before a lot lately and wondered what happened to them? It's weird how at one point in your life someone can mean EVERYTHING and now suddenly you're like "man, who was that guy?" Let's start at the beginning. (for those of you counting, this only counts BOYFRIENDS not random dudes I hooked up with regardless of how frequently)

• Greg Mead. Greg Mead was my boyfriend for a ridiculous amount of time, something like 5th through 7th grade. He lived way far out in the country but went to school with me and church with me. He was first chair Trombone, I was second chair trombone. Greg and I were allowed to walk downtown together. This sounds so quaint, but we actually used to go to this little soda fountain, get ice cream sodas and SHARE Them....we'd hold hands and talk about music and movies and books (the NARNIA books were the rage with our set.) "Greggy" was actually one of the first words my brother Matt could say as a baby, Greg was around a lot. One of the hijinks that WE used to think was BAAAD behavior was that we'd sneak chocolates into our band concerts, and when the other bands would play, we'd sit and eat them. And for some reason Greg was always the kid who snuck a centerfold onto the conductor's score...he was a funny kid. I didn't actually break up with Greg or vice versa....I just moved away. It's weird to think about it, because I don't think I actually ever told him goodbye. I remember the day my cat died, and Greg came running across the cafeteria to give me the biggest hug while I sobbed about it.......but I don't remember telling him goodbye on my last day of school. You would think I would have.
• Scott X - I don't remember Scott X's last name. Wow, he was memorable. I met him when I was at Ball State for a weekend, I think with Job's Daughters. DeMolay were having their Conclave there that weekend and we had a mixer (for those non-masonic raised children, Job's Daughters and DeMolay are masonic organizations for your girls and boys). I was in 8th grade. He used to ride his bike all of the way to my house that summer (it was actually before 8th grade - the summer before). I just remember he'd show up all hot and sweaty and sort of gross. It was extremely sweet.....but still gross because he'd had to ride like 10 miles to get to my house from where he'd live. Our dates consisted of going to Taco Bell and going to Rax. I think I used to let him kiss me but he slobbered too much. He gave me a ring. It was a little gold ring (10k!) that I think he had pilfered out of his mothers jewelery box, it has three diamond chips on it. When I broke up with him he was really pissed off at me that I didn't have it ......I had lost it in what can only be described as my own mindlessness. I didn't actually ever break up with him.....I think I just stopped taking the calls when he called and then stopped calling him back. He showed up a few times all pissed off and wanting the ring. He actually showed up like TWO YEARS later demanding the ring, at one of my highschool marching band practices. The low brass guys about beat him down because he got into my face in front of them. Don't mess with low brass guys. They are usually big and mean.
• John Bunte - John Bunte was my boyfriend for 8th grade. I actually went to some dance with him. He was my first horny boyfriend. I had previously probably HAD horny boyfriends but they were too shy or nervous or whatever to let me know what was up. John was not shy. John had an erection any time I was near him and he was INTO it.....which is sort of funny now that I think about it. It's possible John had had sex and I didn't know it, but I don't know. I know he was the first real penis I ever saw hard, and he was the first boy that I ever let see my boobs. I used to torture my girlfriends with tales of his giant penis, but in fact I can't really remember if it was giant. It SEEMED giant. But I suppose it probably wasn't. John and I went to a dance together, I wish I knew were the picture was, I think it was a sock hop or some such awful thing. John broke up with me one morning while I was putting my books away in my cubicle in the bandroom. He walked over and said "Hey I was thinking, we should break up and be friends, okay?" OKAY? OKAY? I showed you my boobs! I touched your disgusting man thing, MORE THAN ONCE! But alas, I stood with tears running down my face and said okay no problem and then was sad for the rest of the day. I was probably over it by the end of the day, I don't remember long term sadness........but I do remember standing at the cubicles where we kept our books, with my mascara running, and holding a red folder while he babbled on about how it would still be cool to be friends. I sort of always hated him in high school but was never sure why I didn't like him. I suppose it had a lot to do with that red folder incident.

coming soon........HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIENDS.........including the incredible repeating SIMON WHOSE NAME SHALL NOT BE SPOKEN AT HIS REQUEST AS HE IS SHAMED BY HIS BAD BEHAVIOR........(okay not actually shamed but I think he was horrified at how good my memory was)

To All The Boys I've Loved Before........

I have decided that I will make a list of all of my failed relationships and how they ended. I am unsure WHY or HOW this came into my mind.....but I have been thinking about all the boys who came before a lot lately and wondered what happened to them? It's weird how at one point in your life someone can mean EVERYTHING and now suddenly you're like "man, who was that guy?" Let's start at the beginning. (for those of you counting, this only counts BOYFRIENDS not random dudes I hooked up with regardless of how frequently)

• Greg Mead. Greg Mead was my boyfriend for a ridiculous amount of time, something like 5th through 7th grade. He lived way far out in the country but went to school with me and church with me. He was first chair Trombone, I was second chair trombone. Greg and I were allowed to walk downtown together. This sounds so quaint, but we actually used to go to this little soda fountain, get ice cream sodas and SHARE Them....we'd hold hands and talk about music and movies and books (the NARNIA books were the rage with our set.) "Greggy" was actually one of the first words my brother Matt could say as a baby, Greg was around a lot. One of the hijinks that WE used to think was BAAAD behavior was that we'd sneak chocolates into our band concerts, and when the other bands would play, we'd sit and eat them. And for some reason Greg was always the kid who snuck a centerfold onto the conductor's score...he was a funny kid. I didn't actually break up with Greg or vice versa....I just moved away. It's weird to think about it, because I don't think I actually ever told him goodbye. I remember the day my cat died, and Greg came running across the cafeteria to give me the biggest hug while I sobbed about it.......but I don't remember telling him goodbye on my last day of school. You would think I would have.
• Scott X - I don't remember Scott X's last name. Wow, he was memorable. I met him when I was at Ball State for a weekend, I think with Job's Daughters. DeMolay were having their Conclave there that weekend and we had a mixer (for those non-masonic raised children, Job's Daughters and DeMolay are masonic organizations for your girls and boys). I was in 8th grade. He used to ride his bike all of the way to my house that summer (it was actually before 8th grade - the summer before). I just remember he'd show up all hot and sweaty and sort of gross. It was extremely sweet.....but still gross because he'd had to ride like 10 miles to get to my house from where he'd live. Our dates consisted of going to Taco Bell and going to Rax. I think I used to let him kiss me but he slobbered too much. He gave me a ring. It was a little gold ring (10k!) that I think he had pilfered out of his mothers jewelery box, it has three diamond chips on it. When I broke up with him he was really pissed off at me that I didn't have it ......I had lost it in what can only be described as my own mindlessness. I didn't actually ever break up with him.....I think I just stopped taking the calls when he called and then stopped calling him back. He showed up a few times all pissed off and wanting the ring. He actually showed up like TWO YEARS later demanding the ring, at one of my highschool marching band practices. The low brass guys about beat him down because he got into my face in front of them. Don't mess with low brass guys. They are usually big and mean.
• John Bunte - John Bunte was my boyfriend for 8th grade. I actually went to some dance with him. He was my first horny boyfriend. I had previously probably HAD horny boyfriends but they were too shy or nervous or whatever to let me know what was up. John was not shy. John had an erection any time I was near him and he was INTO it.....which is sort of funny now that I think about it. It's possible John had had sex and I didn't know it, but I don't know. I know he was the first real penis I ever saw hard, and he was the first boy that I ever let see my boobs. I used to torture my girlfriends with tales of his giant penis, but in fact I can't really remember if it was giant. It SEEMED giant. But I suppose it probably wasn't. John and I went to a dance together, I wish I knew were the picture was, I think it was a sock hop or some such awful thing. John broke up with me one morning while I was putting my books away in my cubicle in the bandroom. He walked over and said "Hey I was thinking, we should break up and be friends, okay?" OKAY? OKAY? I showed you my boobs! I touched your disgusting man thing, MORE THAN ONCE! But alas, I stood with tears running down my face and said okay no problem and then was sad for the rest of the day. I was probably over it by the end of the day, I don't remember long term sadness........but I do remember standing at the cubicles where we kept our books, with my mascara running, and holding a red folder while he babbled on about how it would still be cool to be friends. I sort of always hated him in high school but was never sure why I didn't like him. I suppose it had a lot to do with that red folder incident.

coming soon........HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIENDS.........including the incredible repeating SIMON WHOSE NAME SHALL NOT BE SPOKEN AT HIS REQUEST AS HE IS SHAMED BY HIS BAD BEHAVIOR........(okay not actually shamed but I think he was horrified at how good my memory was)

Misbegotten Pecan Bars

Dammit.
Why does everything require an 8 X 8 pan now? CRAP! I had these pecan bars (like a pecan pie) only a bar thing that I was making to take to Kurt's for Louis and Lily's play date and DAGGONE IT it required a stupid pan I didn't have.
I have SUCCESSFULLY built a dam about of aluminum foil many a time though. I know how to bank up the crust against the foil.
FAILURE.
My delicious treat ran all out one side while I had to run to the bathroom with Louis. I had been watching it carefully as there had been MINOR spillover but I had propped up the pan with foil so it leaned a bit to the good side. Alas.........there will be no treats taken to Lily's for our playdate. I cannot describe how sad it is to see the gooey sweet center all leaked over to the WRONG side of the pan.

Misbegotten Pecan Bars

Dammit.
Why does everything require an 8 X 8 pan now? CRAP! I had these pecan bars (like a pecan pie) only a bar thing that I was making to take to Kurt's for Louis and Lily's play date and DAGGONE IT it required a stupid pan I didn't have.
I have SUCCESSFULLY built a dam about of aluminum foil many a time though. I know how to bank up the crust against the foil.
FAILURE.
My delicious treat ran all out one side while I had to run to the bathroom with Louis. I had been watching it carefully as there had been MINOR spillover but I had propped up the pan with foil so it leaned a bit to the good side. Alas.........there will be no treats taken to Lily's for our playdate. I cannot describe how sad it is to see the gooey sweet center all leaked over to the WRONG side of the pan.

New Jeans.....and smaller too

So I think I've posted this at some point, but in case you were ignoring me, let me tell you about this clothes shopping issue I have. I have a love hate thing going on with clothes shopping. I love clothes, I hate them on me. I don't like to try things on, being a big fat person pretty much allowed me to just go in and buy the biggest thing they had and that really usually would work out just fine. Even if it WAS a little too big, let's face it who cares? Obviously that's some sad psychology, "I'm too fat to look good in clothes so I'll just buy big clothes but instead of doing something about it I'll just stay fat.....and thus the circle begins again." Well, I've had this JEAN problem for a couple of months. Well, longer than that. Almost since I bought them. I didn't try on my previous jeans, I just picked them up off the shelf at Wal-Mart, some 10.99 Faded Glory specials in whatever was biggest, I think they were like a 26, so I expected them to be a little big. But from the first time I put them on, they were weird. Like they were supposed to be "low riders" for big old fat girls or something. Some ill conceived notion, anyway. But what I disliked most about them was that every time I sat down they would slide down my ass, exposing my big ass and whatever ridiculous underwear I had on that day. Scott would say it looked like I had a LOAD in my pants. So we were shopping yesterday and I piped up "Hey, let's look for me some jeans, I need some new jeans." We went to Dillards and I picked up a pair of jeans in a 24, the biggest size. Scott says "Oh those are WAY too big, go smaller." So I picked up a 22......and he thought those were too big too but I really thought they would be okay but just in case I picked up a 20. In the dressing room, the 22s were HUGE. I couldn't believe it. So I put on the 20s. Slightly too big. Just slightly. Like, a few pounds more and an 18 would fit. But I was thinking wash/dry/shrink and these will fit perfectly. So I bought a pair of jeans in a 20. And despite the fact thatI STILL Had to buy them in the fat matron section......I think I look pretty feckin good in them........

New Jeans.....and smaller too

So I think I've posted this at some point, but in case you were ignoring me, let me tell you about this clothes shopping issue I have. I have a love hate thing going on with clothes shopping. I love clothes, I hate them on me. I don't like to try things on, being a big fat person pretty much allowed me to just go in and buy the biggest thing they had and that really usually would work out just fine. Even if it WAS a little too big, let's face it who cares? Obviously that's some sad psychology, "I'm too fat to look good in clothes so I'll just buy big clothes but instead of doing something about it I'll just stay fat.....and thus the circle begins again." Well, I've had this JEAN problem for a couple of months. Well, longer than that. Almost since I bought them. I didn't try on my previous jeans, I just picked them up off the shelf at Wal-Mart, some 10.99 Faded Glory specials in whatever was biggest, I think they were like a 26, so I expected them to be a little big. But from the first time I put them on, they were weird. Like they were supposed to be "low riders" for big old fat girls or something. Some ill conceived notion, anyway. But what I disliked most about them was that every time I sat down they would slide down my ass, exposing my big ass and whatever ridiculous underwear I had on that day. Scott would say it looked like I had a LOAD in my pants. So we were shopping yesterday and I piped up "Hey, let's look for me some jeans, I need some new jeans." We went to Dillards and I picked up a pair of jeans in a 24, the biggest size. Scott says "Oh those are WAY too big, go smaller." So I picked up a 22......and he thought those were too big too but I really thought they would be okay but just in case I picked up a 20. In the dressing room, the 22s were HUGE. I couldn't believe it. So I put on the 20s. Slightly too big. Just slightly. Like, a few pounds more and an 18 would fit. But I was thinking wash/dry/shrink and these will fit perfectly. So I bought a pair of jeans in a 20. And despite the fact thatI STILL Had to buy them in the fat matron section......I think I look pretty feckin good in them........

Waiter, there's food under my butt!

It wasn't that I waited until I had my own children to ever take a child out of a high chair and clean them up. I had a little brother ten years younger than me. I baby-sat other people's children. Children make crazy messes.
But it seems that my very own Heckle and Jeckle have a special gift.
No matter how careful you are not to actually place any food there, they somehow both manage to get the majority of their dinners stuck under their butts. You might worry that they are digesting far too quickly and having massive diaper failure. Oh no, that's not it. They just put the food in their mouths, slobber it around a bit, then somehow it is teleported under their butts.
Just waiting for me to stand them up.
At Thanksgiving dinner Gabe told us that he's found chicken nuggets INSIDE Ian's diaper. How do they do this? What is this madness? I am sitting there, I am watching them. I feel certain either Gabe or Sarah is around for their twins eating as well. You'd think we'd NOTICE them stashing food in diapers or under their butts.
But no, this food just appears.
I feel that the Space Time Continuum may be involved.......and in that case, I can never understand it. (or disturb it!)

Waiter, there's food under my butt!

It wasn't that I waited until I had my own children to ever take a child out of a high chair and clean them up. I had a little brother ten years younger than me. I baby-sat other people's children. Children make crazy messes.
But it seems that my very own Heckle and Jeckle have a special gift.
No matter how careful you are not to actually place any food there, they somehow both manage to get the majority of their dinners stuck under their butts. You might worry that they are digesting far too quickly and having massive diaper failure. Oh no, that's not it. They just put the food in their mouths, slobber it around a bit, then somehow it is teleported under their butts.
Just waiting for me to stand them up.
At Thanksgiving dinner Gabe told us that he's found chicken nuggets INSIDE Ian's diaper. How do they do this? What is this madness? I am sitting there, I am watching them. I feel certain either Gabe or Sarah is around for their twins eating as well. You'd think we'd NOTICE them stashing food in diapers or under their butts.
But no, this food just appears.
I feel that the Space Time Continuum may be involved.......and in that case, I can never understand it. (or disturb it!)

On the Night Shift

So on Thursdays I have to work nights until the end of "Peak Season" (for those of you not in the catalog business, Peak Season is the time of you all you shoppers buy your christmas presents to mail to your far off relatives). It's sort of cool - because I got to sleep in this morning like I haven't done in a long time. It sort of sucks, because I get home at 10:30 at night and I feel like it's about 6pm. So the babies just went to bed and Lou and I are hanging out. I'm making some Slippery Noodle Cheese Fries and just trying to unwind as well as doing laundry to try to get ready for the next few days. For someone who usually has zero on their social calendar I'm completely booked the next few days. I'm looking forward to some fun family time over the next few days, though. I am hoping that working nights this one day a week does not send my sleep schedule into a spin, though. Because my ass has to be at work bright and early tomorrow I assure you.

On the Night Shift

So on Thursdays I have to work nights until the end of "Peak Season" (for those of you not in the catalog business, Peak Season is the time of you all you shoppers buy your christmas presents to mail to your far off relatives). It's sort of cool - because I got to sleep in this morning like I haven't done in a long time. It sort of sucks, because I get home at 10:30 at night and I feel like it's about 6pm. So the babies just went to bed and Lou and I are hanging out. I'm making some Slippery Noodle Cheese Fries and just trying to unwind as well as doing laundry to try to get ready for the next few days. For someone who usually has zero on their social calendar I'm completely booked the next few days. I'm looking forward to some fun family time over the next few days, though. I am hoping that working nights this one day a week does not send my sleep schedule into a spin, though. Because my ass has to be at work bright and early tomorrow I assure you.

Holiday Photos..........DONE

So we embarked on a new holiday tradition and went and had family portraits done for our christmas cards. Man, who would ever think it would be THAT hard to get three kids to ALL sit still, all look ahead and all smile? Geez Louise. I cannot post a picture, I must wait until after I have sent out all of the Christmas card versions and then I can post....which is killing me because I want to show everyone how freaking cute they are right now.
I look a bit odd in them, like I'm not plugged in or something. Like I'm smiling only because my medication is really good. Which is not true......I think I was just confused and not really ON when he snapped because the kids were wild. I'm also a little self conscious about my teeth, they're kind of ugly and I don't like to have a big toothy showing smile and I suppose that was probably part of the problem - me being self conscious.
Regardless, I shall check this off our list of things to do and say YIPPEE. I can't wait to show everyone!

Holiday Photos..........DONE

So we embarked on a new holiday tradition and went and had family portraits done for our christmas cards. Man, who would ever think it would be THAT hard to get three kids to ALL sit still, all look ahead and all smile? Geez Louise. I cannot post a picture, I must wait until after I have sent out all of the Christmas card versions and then I can post....which is killing me because I want to show everyone how freaking cute they are right now.
I look a bit odd in them, like I'm not plugged in or something. Like I'm smiling only because my medication is really good. Which is not true......I think I was just confused and not really ON when he snapped because the kids were wild. I'm also a little self conscious about my teeth, they're kind of ugly and I don't like to have a big toothy showing smile and I suppose that was probably part of the problem - me being self conscious.
Regardless, I shall check this off our list of things to do and say YIPPEE. I can't wait to show everyone!

The Fat Situation

Recently Tyra Banks did a thing on her show where she put on a fat suit and went around living as a fat person for a day to find out what it was like. Wow, people were rude to her. While I appreciate the gesture - I actually did see her in an interview about it and she seems like a pretty genuine person who was really surprised at how she was treated, I've been thinking a lot about what it's like to be fat as I try to journey out of that land.
It really really really sucks.
There are double standards in place that I don't understand as well. Men can be fat, to a point, and it's okay, it's just a joke - they're "Fat Bastards" but somehow that also implies success and money, obviously they can afford to eat that way so they're successful. And black women seem to be immune.......there is this stereotype that black men like a "big woman" and honestly that does seem to be true from my own experience. Equally, I sort of find that even though Playboy models are the official accepted female body type in America, real human women who are overweight are okay with guys on some level.....but God don't let ANYONE find out that they slept with you.......I know that anytime a man starts telling me that Marilyn Monroe wore a 16 he's mine.
I think about my own experiences in being overweight and the cruelty I've experienced and that I've had to watch my friends experience (we fat girls run in packs you know). Mostly I don't care when stuff happens to me but sometimes it really gets to me. I think that one of the most humiliating personal experiences that ever happened actually happened more than once and it wasn't a person being cruel - it was that I couldn't fit into rides that I loved. The last year I lived in KY I found that suddenly I couldn't get into rides I have always loved at King's Island. The last time I went to Disney before I moved here I couldn't get into the Virtual Space Mountain ride. But were those wake up calls? No, my feelings were hurt, but nothing a coney dog piled high with cheese couldn't cure.
I've had someone yell "Get some Jenny Craig" at me from a passing car, and various other statements on diet plans or what a fat bitch I am. Yelling at fatties from a car is apparently a HOT activity. Clearly this must be some attempt to help me and not just the unmitigated cruelty it seems like.
I've actually had friends experience these situations:

• Friend A called me once at 3am because a guy she had picked up at a bar had (once they got to her place) said he was going to the bathroom and then bailed. My own personal thought was that she had passed out a bit and he had just left bcse of that. But it was so sad listening to someone I love so much WAIL into the phone "Do you think he left because I was fat?" and then to have to comfort her as she sobbed inconsolably, certain her own flaws had made her undesireable.
• Friend B showed up at my house unannounced at 11pm. She had been at a pretty wild party and had been about to engage in some sort of sex thing with several guys (willingly) when as she got naked one of them said "Hey check out the fat pussy" at which time she fled in shame to my house, another friend sobbing to me about their fat and questioning their own state of hideousness (friend B, like friend A, - NOT HIDEOUS at all).
• Friend C was and is a REALLY big girl. I love her dearly, but let me just say, she's really really big. She has some health problem that she says cause it, but in fact she also has some health problems because of it. I wouldn't emphasize how really really big she is, except it's important to the tale, as I am also a big girl I want to emphasize that this girl makes me feel petite. Back in the day when we used to go out to the clubs, it was a mystery to many of us HOW she could snag so many guys. She could ALWAYS hook up. Initially we thought that she was just getting lucky and hitting guys who were into the really large women (so called Chubby Chasers) and so that was nice for her. But then one night were hanging out with some guys we had seen around before and that she had hooked up with a few times but she wasn't with us. One of them asked us where she was. We said she wasn't out with us and expected it to drop but then they started talking about how they'd have to "find another one". And then when questioned, they explained how they (and some men apparently?) always hawk for the fattest girl in a bar, buy her drinks, treat her like a princess and then take her home and fuck the shit out of her because a fat girl will be SO grateful she'll do anything you want. ANYTHING. Very nice.
• Friend D emailed me for a list of rides that I couldn't get in to at King's Island (I had told these stories at work as a joke so that it wasn't so sad to me apparently) because she didn't want to have to be embarrassed when she got there. I sent her the list.

These aren't really tales of amusement, these are sad things that happened to me and people I care about and love. I think about them a lot as I'm exersizing, as I'm eating my fat free yogurt, as I'm standing in line at Weight Watchers to weigh in praying that giant dinner at Outback didn't add a pound after I worked so hard all week.

But what I think about most is how did all of us get here? I didn't start out fat. I wasn't a fat kid. I was a really skinny kid. I'm learning a lot on my journey to the other side. I feel like I'm in the Swamp with Yoda. I'm learning that "normal" people get hungry between meals. In my first Weight Watchers meeting the leader asked "What does it feel like when you get hungry" and my friend joked "I don't know, I don't let it get that far." But that was true. Fat people don't let it get that far. I didn't realize it. I never let myself get hungry. Now I'm hungry all the time between meals. But it feels sort of good. I'm not sick with low blood sugar as though I didn't eat enough, I'm just sort of hungry as in "Hey I'm incredibly fat, go see if Shannon has some candy in her office." and I feel proud when I don't go.

There are things about our mindset that have to change, we fat girls. We have to stop eating. Seriously, that sounds so simple, but it's NOT. I have a coffee break every morning with a friend. I used to eat breakfast and get some coffee on my way in (load up the cream and sugar please) and THEN have a coffee break at 9:30 again with loaded coffee and eat some sort of sweet. Now I just eat a fat free yogurt with water, and then at break we share a biscotti and I drink BLACK coffee. Is that big deal? No. But it nearly freaking killed me the first two weeks. But now it's routine.

Also we have to stop thinking of how we can fit in treats. Stop eating the fucking treats, fat girls. In the Weight Watchers Complete Food Companion there are 11 pages of COOKIE point conversions. 11 pages! Everytime I can't find a damn food in there I get completely bitter. I think that they should change 10 of those pages to REAL food information, and on the 11th page just put a note with big black letters "HEY FAT GIRLS QUIT EATING THE COOKIES. THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SO FAT."

I'm not disparaging my people, but we all need a good smack to wake up. Instead of trying to figure out that we can fit in 11 cookies into our points, maybe we should just have two, enjoy them and then stop. We really have to work out. We have to change. Our bodies are crying out to us. They give us bad backs, acid reflux and issues with our blood sugar as warnings, but we don't listen.

I'm not completely idealistic about what I'm going to look like in one year. In April 2004 I went over 300 pounds while pregnant with my twins and now I'm about 50+ pounds lighter than that. Which is still much fatter than I'd like to be. But the truth is I'm built on a pretty big frame. I won't ever be a 2 unless you dress my skeleton up post mortem, and that's okay with me. I'd like to wear a 14 or a 16. I'd just like to be able to buy SOME things at Victoria's Secret. I don't mind if I still MOSTLY have to shop at Lane Bryant, but I'd like to be able to occasionally buy some things somewhere else, and not in the Matron's Department. I hope my health improves and my energy level goes up. And I hope I'm happy.

But mostly, I hope people quit screaming rude things at me from passing cars.

The Fat Situation

Recently Tyra Banks did a thing on her show where she put on a fat suit and went around living as a fat person for a day to find out what it was like. Wow, people were rude to her. While I appreciate the gesture - I actually did see her in an interview about it and she seems like a pretty genuine person who was really surprised at how she was treated, I've been thinking a lot about what it's like to be fat as I try to journey out of that land.
It really really really sucks.
There are double standards in place that I don't understand as well. Men can be fat, to a point, and it's okay, it's just a joke - they're "Fat Bastards" but somehow that also implies success and money, obviously they can afford to eat that way so they're successful. And black women seem to be immune.......there is this stereotype that black men like a "big woman" and honestly that does seem to be true from my own experience. Equally, I sort of find that even though Playboy models are the official accepted female body type in America, real human women who are overweight are okay with guys on some level.....but God don't let ANYONE find out that they slept with you.......I know that anytime a man starts telling me that Marilyn Monroe wore a 16 he's mine.
I think about my own experiences in being overweight and the cruelty I've experienced and that I've had to watch my friends experience (we fat girls run in packs you know). Mostly I don't care when stuff happens to me but sometimes it really gets to me. I think that one of the most humiliating personal experiences that ever happened actually happened more than once and it wasn't a person being cruel - it was that I couldn't fit into rides that I loved. The last year I lived in KY I found that suddenly I couldn't get into rides I have always loved at King's Island. The last time I went to Disney before I moved here I couldn't get into the Virtual Space Mountain ride. But were those wake up calls? No, my feelings were hurt, but nothing a coney dog piled high with cheese couldn't cure.
I've had someone yell "Get some Jenny Craig" at me from a passing car, and various other statements on diet plans or what a fat bitch I am. Yelling at fatties from a car is apparently a HOT activity. Clearly this must be some attempt to help me and not just the unmitigated cruelty it seems like.
I've actually had friends experience these situations:

• Friend A called me once at 3am because a guy she had picked up at a bar had (once they got to her place) said he was going to the bathroom and then bailed. My own personal thought was that she had passed out a bit and he had just left bcse of that. But it was so sad listening to someone I love so much WAIL into the phone "Do you think he left because I was fat?" and then to have to comfort her as she sobbed inconsolably, certain her own flaws had made her undesireable.
• Friend B showed up at my house unannounced at 11pm. She had been at a pretty wild party and had been about to engage in some sort of sex thing with several guys (willingly) when as she got naked one of them said "Hey check out the fat pussy" at which time she fled in shame to my house, another friend sobbing to me about their fat and questioning their own state of hideousness (friend B, like friend A, - NOT HIDEOUS at all).
• Friend C was and is a REALLY big girl. I love her dearly, but let me just say, she's really really big. She has some health problem that she says cause it, but in fact she also has some health problems because of it. I wouldn't emphasize how really really big she is, except it's important to the tale, as I am also a big girl I want to emphasize that this girl makes me feel petite. Back in the day when we used to go out to the clubs, it was a mystery to many of us HOW she could snag so many guys. She could ALWAYS hook up. Initially we thought that she was just getting lucky and hitting guys who were into the really large women (so called Chubby Chasers) and so that was nice for her. But then one night were hanging out with some guys we had seen around before and that she had hooked up with a few times but she wasn't with us. One of them asked us where she was. We said she wasn't out with us and expected it to drop but then they started talking about how they'd have to "find another one". And then when questioned, they explained how they (and some men apparently?) always hawk for the fattest girl in a bar, buy her drinks, treat her like a princess and then take her home and fuck the shit out of her because a fat girl will be SO grateful she'll do anything you want. ANYTHING. Very nice.
• Friend D emailed me for a list of rides that I couldn't get in to at King's Island (I had told these stories at work as a joke so that it wasn't so sad to me apparently) because she didn't want to have to be embarrassed when she got there. I sent her the list.

These aren't really tales of amusement, these are sad things that happened to me and people I care about and love. I think about them a lot as I'm exersizing, as I'm eating my fat free yogurt, as I'm standing in line at Weight Watchers to weigh in praying that giant dinner at Outback didn't add a pound after I worked so hard all week.

But what I think about most is how did all of us get here? I didn't start out fat. I wasn't a fat kid. I was a really skinny kid. I'm learning a lot on my journey to the other side. I feel like I'm in the Swamp with Yoda. I'm learning that "normal" people get hungry between meals. In my first Weight Watchers meeting the leader asked "What does it feel like when you get hungry" and my friend joked "I don't know, I don't let it get that far." But that was true. Fat people don't let it get that far. I didn't realize it. I never let myself get hungry. Now I'm hungry all the time between meals. But it feels sort of good. I'm not sick with low blood sugar as though I didn't eat enough, I'm just sort of hungry as in "Hey I'm incredibly fat, go see if Shannon has some candy in her office." and I feel proud when I don't go.

There are things about our mindset that have to change, we fat girls. We have to stop eating. Seriously, that sounds so simple, but it's NOT. I have a coffee break every morning with a friend. I used to eat breakfast and get some coffee on my way in (load up the cream and sugar please) and THEN have a coffee break at 9:30 again with loaded coffee and eat some sort of sweet. Now I just eat a fat free yogurt with water, and then at break we share a biscotti and I drink BLACK coffee. Is that big deal? No. But it nearly freaking killed me the first two weeks. But now it's routine.

Also we have to stop thinking of how we can fit in treats. Stop eating the fucking treats, fat girls. In the Weight Watchers Complete Food Companion there are 11 pages of COOKIE point conversions. 11 pages! Everytime I can't find a damn food in there I get completely bitter. I think that they should change 10 of those pages to REAL food information, and on the 11th page just put a note with big black letters "HEY FAT GIRLS QUIT EATING THE COOKIES. THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SO FAT."

I'm not disparaging my people, but we all need a good smack to wake up. Instead of trying to figure out that we can fit in 11 cookies into our points, maybe we should just have two, enjoy them and then stop. We really have to work out. We have to change. Our bodies are crying out to us. They give us bad backs, acid reflux and issues with our blood sugar as warnings, but we don't listen.

I'm not completely idealistic about what I'm going to look like in one year. In April 2004 I went over 300 pounds while pregnant with my twins and now I'm about 50+ pounds lighter than that. Which is still much fatter than I'd like to be. But the truth is I'm built on a pretty big frame. I won't ever be a 2 unless you dress my skeleton up post mortem, and that's okay with me. I'd like to wear a 14 or a 16. I'd just like to be able to buy SOME things at Victoria's Secret. I don't mind if I still MOSTLY have to shop at Lane Bryant, but I'd like to be able to occasionally buy some things somewhere else, and not in the Matron's Department. I hope my health improves and my energy level goes up. And I hope I'm happy.

But mostly, I hope people quit screaming rude things at me from passing cars.

Han Solo

It's a solo weekend for both Scott and me. He is solo, as in without any of us, for the first time in three years except his little stint in the hospital. He's at Epcot living La Vida Loca, or at least enjoying himself.
And the kids and I are hanging out, doing kids and mom stuff like baking cupcakes, playing hide and seek and Candyland and otherwise just being homebound but happy.
It's amazingly quiet here without two adults in the house.

Han Solo

It's a solo weekend for both Scott and me. He is solo, as in without any of us, for the first time in three years except his little stint in the hospital. He's at Epcot living La Vida Loca, or at least enjoying himself.
And the kids and I are hanging out, doing kids and mom stuff like baking cupcakes, playing hide and seek and Candyland and otherwise just being homebound but happy.
It's amazingly quiet here without two adults in the house.

Oh Ye of Little Faith -Promapalooza Teaser

Okay, did you really think I didn't have the STUFF to be a big 80s queen?
Did you REALLY?
This is Tim and me - looking extremely cool if I must say so.
I am currently unsure where my Promapalooza shot will be posted, it might be over on Sarah's page - I will you all know. I am going to have a new PC being set up and anticipate my internet access being down for a day or two.

Oh Ye of Little Faith -Promapalooza Teaser

Okay, did you really think I didn't have the STUFF to be a big 80s queen?
Did you REALLY?
This is Tim and me - looking extremely cool if I must say so.
I am currently unsure where my Promapalooza shot will be posted, it might be over on Sarah's page - I will you all know. I am going to have a new PC being set up and anticipate my internet access being down for a day or two.

Flat Panel-itis

A few months ago I went to Las Vegas. On the day I returned there was a GORGEOUS black 19 inch flat panel monitor on my desk. I was perplexed. Why was it there? That sort of serious hardware usually lived on the desks of the company ownership, not the call center director. I fell in love with it. Previously I had been very unconcerned about the shitty state of my monitor. It was old, the images were faded and hard to see no matter what you did, it was a piece of crap - not to put too fine a point on it. But it worked and hell, work is work, why do I need PRETTY graphics THERE?
But I knew it couldn't be right, so later in the day - long after I was deeply in love with it, I made the mistake of grabbing the Manager of MIS and asking him what was up with the awesome monitor. He told me that it had been requisitioned by me. Now I am not sure in what WORLD he lives that he actually thinks I can just turn in a request for a 19 inch flat panel monitor "just because" but man I should have done that years ago. (don't be fooled people, that request would NEVER be filled). So as we're talking my boss comes along and says to the MIS Manager "Hey where is my 19 inch flat panel?"
Crap. Crap crap crap.
SO off it went to my bosses office, where I could covet it in meetings and long for it's clear display and remarkable resolution.
But on the upside my MIS manager took pity on me and made sure that when they installed the first wave of flat panels in the regular offices and cubicles, that I got the first one. Which ruled.
So I have become a flat panel snob. I've secretly longed for one at home, but haven't brought it up. I am sitting on a 17 inch Gateway monitor that is very servicable.
However, due to crazy behavior on the part of my CPU we decided to invest in a new pc.
And while we were there........
well let's just say she's sitting in a box beside me. All 19 inches, flat and charming. Ready to play SIMS2 or any other game in stunning resolution and clarity.

I can hardly wait to fire her up.
Goodbye Gateway Monitor. You've been grand.

Flat Panel-itis

A few months ago I went to Las Vegas. On the day I returned there was a GORGEOUS black 19 inch flat panel monitor on my desk. I was perplexed. Why was it there? That sort of serious hardware usually lived on the desks of the company ownership, not the call center director. I fell in love with it. Previously I had been very unconcerned about the shitty state of my monitor. It was old, the images were faded and hard to see no matter what you did, it was a piece of crap - not to put too fine a point on it. But it worked and hell, work is work, why do I need PRETTY graphics THERE?
But I knew it couldn't be right, so later in the day - long after I was deeply in love with it, I made the mistake of grabbing the Manager of MIS and asking him what was up with the awesome monitor. He told me that it had been requisitioned by me. Now I am not sure in what WORLD he lives that he actually thinks I can just turn in a request for a 19 inch flat panel monitor "just because" but man I should have done that years ago. (don't be fooled people, that request would NEVER be filled). So as we're talking my boss comes along and says to the MIS Manager "Hey where is my 19 inch flat panel?"
Crap. Crap crap crap.
SO off it went to my bosses office, where I could covet it in meetings and long for it's clear display and remarkable resolution.
But on the upside my MIS manager took pity on me and made sure that when they installed the first wave of flat panels in the regular offices and cubicles, that I got the first one. Which ruled.
So I have become a flat panel snob. I've secretly longed for one at home, but haven't brought it up. I am sitting on a 17 inch Gateway monitor that is very servicable.
However, due to crazy behavior on the part of my CPU we decided to invest in a new pc.
And while we were there........
well let's just say she's sitting in a box beside me. All 19 inches, flat and charming. Ready to play SIMS2 or any other game in stunning resolution and clarity.

I can hardly wait to fire her up.
Goodbye Gateway Monitor. You've been grand.

Homecoming 1985

That's right. I am COMPLETELY looking great in this photo. You don't even want to KNOW how many hot curlers it took to DO that mess.
While this isn't the crazy PROM photo I am hunting.....this is my only bona fide date with a football player. His name was Scott Johnson, he played Varsity Football and his locker was right next to my friend Tim's. I thought he was the coolest dude in the world - for about two weeks.
It was a lame retarded date. His friend ended up getting dumped by HIS date, so he ended up tagging along with us..........Thus ruining any chances for true love to develop.

Homecoming 1985

That's right. I am COMPLETELY looking great in this photo. You don't even want to KNOW how many hot curlers it took to DO that mess.
While this isn't the crazy PROM photo I am hunting.....this is my only bona fide date with a football player. His name was Scott Johnson, he played Varsity Football and his locker was right next to my friend Tim's. I thought he was the coolest dude in the world - for about two weeks.
It was a lame retarded date. His friend ended up getting dumped by HIS date, so he ended up tagging along with us..........Thus ruining any chances for true love to develop.

I love you Baby

This is what it looks like, when you still go on dates, before your whole life is HAVE TO.
I love you baby, and I'm so glad that you are okay.
(This is us doing Beers Around the World at Epcot - circa 2000)

I love you Baby

This is what it looks like, when you still go on dates, before your whole life is HAVE TO.
I love you baby, and I'm so glad that you are okay.
(This is us doing Beers Around the World at Epcot - circa 2000)

Update

A short update......
Scott had his endoscopic procedure this morning. We are amazingly lucky so far......although he apparently has a crapload of ulcers (hey I got to see them on his chart when I signed him out, ulcers are very icky looking) from his esophagus, stomach and duodenum....this won't require surgery and he'll just have to take drugs and reduce is "bad for you" food intake.

I am relieved like you would not believe.

Despite the fact that we probably fight and bicker too much......when considering the loss of him I was terribly, terribly distraught last night and this morning.

I guess I'll keep him after all.

Update

A short update......
Scott had his endoscopic procedure this morning. We are amazingly lucky so far......although he apparently has a crapload of ulcers (hey I got to see them on his chart when I signed him out, ulcers are very icky looking) from his esophagus, stomach and duodenum....this won't require surgery and he'll just have to take drugs and reduce is "bad for you" food intake.

I am relieved like you would not believe.

Despite the fact that we probably fight and bicker too much......when considering the loss of him I was terribly, terribly distraught last night and this morning.

I guess I'll keep him after all.

Halloween Cuties

Okay so I DID promise some Halloween Cuteness......I don't think I took a snap of our pumpkins, oh well, Maintenance will have taken them away by now I'm sure. They were extremely cute.
My Halloween Honeys were as follows......Louis chose his OWN costume, he wanted to be the "wicked witch from the ding dong song". That's right, he wanted to be the Wicked Witch of the West. Far be it for me to stifle his creativity. Charlie and Miles had to tolerate parental influence costumes for one more year. We picked costumes to match their personalities.....Charlie is the Devil, and Miles is and Angel. It might be a BIT of an exaggeration.....but it's pretty close to right!

Halloween Cuties

Okay so I DID promise some Halloween Cuteness......I don't think I took a snap of our pumpkins, oh well, Maintenance will have taken them away by now I'm sure. They were extremely cute.
My Halloween Honeys were as follows......Louis chose his OWN costume, he wanted to be the "wicked witch from the ding dong song". That's right, he wanted to be the Wicked Witch of the West. Far be it for me to stifle his creativity. Charlie and Miles had to tolerate parental influence costumes for one more year. We picked costumes to match their personalities.....Charlie is the Devil, and Miles is and Angel. It might be a BIT of an exaggeration.....but it's pretty close to right!

All Hallows Eve

So as Louis and I sit here and slowly dismantle our Halloween Gingerbread House (just how many POINTS IS a house made of sugar and goodness?) I'm emotionally recovering from a serious and scary conversation.
Scott is having his endoscopy tomorrow and they do it under general anesthesia. That seems pretty severe to me. We don't know what will happen next. Is it his gall bladder? Is it something else?
So we sat down and went through the bills, what has to be paid when.
What to do if he isn't here.
Seriously, have you ever had that conversation? Like, cover all the things that the other person takes care of - in case tomorrow that person never comes home again?
It was surreal....here is when to pay this bill, these are the passwords, this is when they are due....here is what you need to know about all the things that you don't ever actually worry about.
Here is what to do if he dies.
If he dies.
Logistically, logically, and strategically - this is the plan.

If he dies.

If he were to die....I suppose it's now emcumbant upon me to actually keep my shit together and pay these bills.

So anyway, we had a fun family Halloween and now we plunge back into this health issue that could be very simple and happily taken care of, or could be terribly serious.

We find out tomorrow.

All Hallows Eve

So as Louis and I sit here and slowly dismantle our Halloween Gingerbread House (just how many POINTS IS a house made of sugar and goodness?) I'm emotionally recovering from a serious and scary conversation.
Scott is having his endoscopy tomorrow and they do it under general anesthesia. That seems pretty severe to me. We don't know what will happen next. Is it his gall bladder? Is it something else?
So we sat down and went through the bills, what has to be paid when.
What to do if he isn't here.
Seriously, have you ever had that conversation? Like, cover all the things that the other person takes care of - in case tomorrow that person never comes home again?
It was surreal....here is when to pay this bill, these are the passwords, this is when they are due....here is what you need to know about all the things that you don't ever actually worry about.
Here is what to do if he dies.
If he dies.
Logistically, logically, and strategically - this is the plan.

If he dies.

If he were to die....I suppose it's now emcumbant upon me to actually keep my shit together and pay these bills.

So anyway, we had a fun family Halloween and now we plunge back into this health issue that could be very simple and happily taken care of, or could be terribly serious.

We find out tomorrow.

The McNeals Do Halloween

One my favorite parts of being Bridgette and Scott has been that for the last 8 years, we have DONE the holidays. Even when we didn't have kids, we dyed eggs, carved pumpkins, hung garland....whatever the season called for. We love holidays. Halloween is no exception. Here are a few shots to show you how this year's celebration is shaping up!
First Lou and I decorated some Pumpkin shaped PEEPS!
And here is Charlie chilling out in front of our SPOOKY Halloween Playhouse!
VERY SPOOKY!!!
And in case you doubted my status as a domestic goddess - check out the ROCKIN' Haunted Gingerbread House!
On tap for Halloween Night? Trick or Treating and making caramel apples!
I'll post shots of costumes, pumpkins and festivities tomorrow!

The McNeals Do Halloween

One my favorite parts of being Bridgette and Scott has been that for the last 8 years, we have DONE the holidays. Even when we didn't have kids, we dyed eggs, carved pumpkins, hung garland....whatever the season called for. We love holidays. Halloween is no exception. Here are a few shots to show you how this year's celebration is shaping up!
First Lou and I decorated some Pumpkin shaped PEEPS!
And here is Charlie chilling out in front of our SPOOKY Halloween Playhouse!
VERY SPOOKY!!!
And in case you doubted my status as a domestic goddess - check out the ROCKIN' Haunted Gingerbread House!
On tap for Halloween Night? Trick or Treating and making caramel apples!
I'll post shots of costumes, pumpkins and festivities tomorrow!

Billy Blanks Understands That You are Fat and Lazy

So as a Mom and someone who works outside the home about a million hours a week, I am faced with a frustration that I suppose a lot of people have. I have no time. I have no time to do much of anything, and anything I do that isn't a chore seems like I'm wasting time.
But lately, I've started doing something very me-centric and I'm totally digging it. Simone at work loaned me Billy Blanks BOOT CAMP DVD.
Let me tell you something. Billy Blanks understands that you are fat and lazy.
While he's encouraging you to stick it out, do all the reps with him, it's almost like he's comforting you. Letting you know HE knows it's hard. That it's okay to get a drink if you need one. I mean seriously, this may be corny, but he's totally encouraging you. It's like he's saying "I know you are fat and lazy and that you don't want to be.....and this is going to be hard but It's OKAY."
And I think that's why I'm doing it almost every night, more than once if I have time. Right now it's after midnight and I'm sitting here drenched in sweat, completely happy. I was too worn out to do the whole DVD tonight because it's so late......but I did more sets than I have ever done in the calistenics section. It's weirdly satisfying.
It also is awesome for your frustrations........
I read somewhere that it is better to exercise either in the morning or at night but I forget which. I don't care, this is my free time so this will just have to be it.
I don't want to be a skinny person. I just want to be a less flabby person. That's really all I'm going for here.
I think Billy is showing me the way.