A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.
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Friday, July 31, 2009

We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Blog Posts

It's a real trick, when you have autistic twins, to get out of the house. Those of you with just one special needs child probably understand this very well. Now, double your dramaz and that's my house. It's hard, it's hard to even think about burdening anyone else with your kids nutty behavior.......but then again.....


You need to get out and be a couple and have time together.



We're so so lucky in having my friend Emma.


Emma loves my kids and they love her. I should say WE love her. What is so refreshing is that she's fascinated by their minds and their quirks, and finds them a challenge........a source of interest but not a burden.


She isn't terrorized by them - which is always my greatest fear when I think about someone else watching them.


Because she loves them, she watched for them for us last night so that we could step out on the town........TO SEE THE BOB DYLAN SHOW



First Up.......










Followed by.....













AND THEN........







Bob Dylan was amazing although I say he sang a song about Zombies and Scott says he did NOT. John Mellencamp truly blew us away, he totally just rocked and it was like being home to me......that Hoosier in him was having a blast of a time. It was awesome.



Willie Nelson was baked. That's all I'm saying. Ok, maybe he wasn't baked because I would have no way of knowing THAT. However, he played in time with the band but sang on some other time signature all night. That's all I'm saying.



Regardless, hearing Willie Nelson sing GEORGIA in GEORGIA was a little amazing. And you know we're in the bible belt when the tune of Nelson's that brings them to their feet for the entire song is "I SAW THE LIGHT".



Storms rolled through the greater Atlanta metro during the concert. We were sitting under the canopy and escaped the fate of those on the lawn!






We also feasted on festival foods which may or may not have contributed to my illness at 3am on. Or it could've been the Awful Waffle we stopped at AFTER. I dunno. All I know is, I was unpleasant and unfit for human interaction after about 3am last night.


a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lRsbr_jxAzo/SnON_BPQ9AI/AAAAAAAADa8/epRorlpCg6I/s1600-h/Picnik+collage.jpg"> It was a great evening out of the house. Thank You Emma, for all that you do as a friend! We really appreciate you!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Hey outdoor concert!

Gidge -sent from my non-iphone

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Why We're Not Friends

***Those of you who enjoy Drama, Please Pull Up A Chair***
I had this friend who was one of my best friends. I loved her dearly. And she fucked me. Metaphorically speaking, that is. Now - you might say that her intentions were good and that's all fine and dandy.
But you know what the road to hell is paved with? That's right boys and girls - GOOD INTENTIONS.
Because of her little stunt, she unleashed a sociopath back into my life when I had him nicely caged and being a good boy. She created havoc and mayhem in my personal life that continues to this day. But here, as I mull things over and think about how angry I am about so many things in my life........what I find most ironic is this.

She and I are not friends - not because of the bullshit she pulled.

But because she would not call me.

You see at that time I worked at a place full of asshats. It was unbelievably restrictive - and I had shared that with people, don't call casually - don't call to hang out and visit and most certainly don't call to discuss DRAMA with me on the phone. Why? Because the senior manager there was alerted EVERY TIME someone got a personal phone call, and if she didn't have time to listen to you live right then - she'd just record it and play it back later for her own personal pleasure. This was a place that let me know it was inappropriate for me to receive a personal phone call - when I got a phone call that my son broke his arm.

So you see, I asked you to call me. You - who out of ALL OF THE DRAMANISTAS INVOLVED were like a best friend to me.

And you refused.

See you were all feminist and empowered and you weren't going to call me AT HOME you were going to do it on YOUR TERMS weren't you? Does that make you feel good? Does that make you feel righteous and sooooo self satisfied? You see other, lesser friends CALLED ME. Some of them and I have lost touch or found points of disagreement and are not really friends anymore.

But everyone else, people who were supposed to love me far less than you - CALLED ME. They talked to me.

Not you baby. Oh no, up on your pedestal of righteousness you sat. Trying to destroy my family.

Guess what? You failed.

Guess what? I hate you. TO THIS DAY, I hate you with the full venom I felt then. It hasn't waned. I wish you ill. If I hear that something bad happened to you - I smile a little bit inside. I'll never do ill to you, I'll never actively seek to harm you. But you know what - if I can cause you sadness by an act of omission or neglect - I WILL.

I hope you read these words and they make you sad.

I stepped away with grace and didn't say anything at the time. My days of being silent about things that upset me are over.

Everybody else, buckle up.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I Do Not Envy Their Massage


So as previously stated I WON this massage. I won it FROM the owner of a local Massage Envy store. It's a chain but really, that shouldn't matter if it's a licensed massage therapist. It shouldn't matter at all.

Ahhhhhh but here's the rub. (good pun).

I called to make my appointment. Ready? Wait for it...........


They require a CREDIT CARD to hold your appointment.


For a FREE massage?


Gee.....let me see, since it's my first day as a consumer Mr Scammy McScammstor...........I give you my credit card to "hold" the appointment and then what. You ACCIDENTALLY process a payment that takes me weeks to get resolved? You run an authorization because "Oh well that's standard procedure and get let me guess the system automatically runs authorizations on all credit cards that are holding appointments?"


Oh and then it can take up to 20 days for the authorization to lift off my card - then releasing those funds back to me.


It seems like what I won was not a free massage - I won the chance to let you have my CREDIT card! Wooohooo!



Well here's what's up, everyone doesn't have credit cards any more. Some of us are trying to live more frugally and while I would've given you my debit card, ummmm NO.


A Therapeutic massage is supposed to be relaxing, de-stressing and good for the heart, soul and mind.


I suppose this is true, if these things exist within your credit card.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

What Does Joy Look Like?

I think that it looks something like this. It's nearly been one year since I signed a stack of papers that made this pink house ours. And in that year, we've spent a fortune trying to get the pool working.
I suspect that if you BUY a pool it comes with instructions, maybe even some sort of cursory training. But if you buy a house which COMES WITH a pool.......well then, the training you get is "There are some chemicals in the shed."
For one year we've added chemicals, fixed things, added more chemicals, cleaned it.......and when I say WE I mean THE HUSBAND.
There was the great tadpole extinction of '09 where we had to kill literally thousands of tadpoles that had decided to grow in it - because in our ignorance we hadn't kept enough chemical in it. There have been trips to the pool shop and HELL even a pool GUY came out.
The pool has been, in short, a feckin nightmare.

Everything changed this evening, when it went from a blight to a luxury.......when we stepped into it's water and discovered that THIS was what owning a pool was like.


Suddenly it occured to us what it means, the luxury of it - the sheer pleasure of swimming had us all a little giddy I'm afraid. We have a pool. We can swim every day if we want. We can swim ANY day if we want. Or night.

Suddenly this house just became an even better bargain.





And in the water, my hips don't hurt, my feet don't hurt......my aches and pains that seem to be chronic just vanish. Part of me would like to smack the previous owners for not giving us better information on how to make the pool work. But based on some of the nonsense that they did around my house (ask me about the sparkles embedded in the textured walls of my kitchen) I suspect asking them would not be the best plan.

Is it silly or primal the comfort that you get in a pool of water? We've all just been in this ecstatic place all evening - planning the LONGER swimming session tomorrow. I thought the kids would drop straight off but they're giggling in their room. One has been giggling forever, something like a joyous cackle that he can't turn off.

I guess he had a good time swimming too.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Neither a Steinem Nor a Cleaver Be

So I sit in this group I belong to, a group of women with whom I reproductive tendencies in common, and I am listening to a speaker. We often have a speaker and sometimes they are good and sometimes they are bad but what NEVER fails to blow my mind is how they don't seem to have any clue WHO we are or anything about WOMEN who exist in the year 2009.

This idiot, for instance.

He seems like a nice enough man - until he talks for a while. And he's talking about getting massages, and about the therapeutic/real world/medicinal benefits to your overall being blah blah blah. Yes, we get it - MASSAGES ARE GOOD FOR YOU.

This is when he trips up, because the question is posed to the group "Why don't you regularly get massages" and everyone giggles and mentions price.

I suppose we giggle because we're girls and girls are supposed to giggle. It's the herd mentality at work.

This is when he then goes astray........puts a foot wrong, as far as I'm concerned.

He starts telling us that OUR HUSBANDS ARE OUT SPENDING MONEY! Oh YES THEY ARE!


And that WE DESERVE something nice for our selves.

We deserve to get our hair and nails done! We deserve massages and shopping trips!

Because.......are you ready?



HE KNOWS THAT THIS IS IMPORTANT TO WOMEN.





Blink.


He keeps talking. (I had him a metaphorical shovel).



He goes on about how if we're going to have to make sure our men have pressed shirts, and that we get dinner on the table.........well then that we deserve some luxuries to. AGAIN........he goes BACK to the hair and nails analogy. Again he insists that our husbands are out WASTING money and we don't know it.

Now.........I'm no Gloria Steinem. I'm not burning my bra, cuz I need it to hold up my tits. I like girly things, I like getting my hair and nails done. But basically what I was being told was that these were things I needed.......TO FUNCTION. That for me, as a woman, I had to have these things for my own personal satisfaction.


I suppose so that I'd be less likely to bitch about making his dinner, ironing his shirts and getting him that blow job he needs right after the kids go to bed. "But honey, you got your nails and toes done today - now get to work!"


Cuz that's equality at work! I suppose if I get a massage it's an all anal Friday night then eh? Clearly it's all about quid pro quo at that point.


Which doesn't seem like much of a marriage to me. And no my husband isn't out "blowing money" and guess what NEITHER AM I. If we want things, we make room in the budget for them, we discuss them like grown ups.


So I sat there and stewed about what an a-hole this guy was, and how even though his prices were good I was really sooooo not impressed - that although his wife might be greeting him at the door with a drinkee - really even my barely feminist self was offended at this throwback attitude to women. Basically - I was sitting there hating him and wishing he'd just up and quit pandering to us like a group of females slobbering for male attention.



And then they did the door prize drawing for a one hour massage.

And I won.

So you know, how bad a guy can he really be?


Who knew?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Look Out Snuggie! You've Got Competition!

My husband has alert me to the fact that my beloved Snuggie has competition...THE SLANKET.
Looks like the Slanket has a wider array of colors to meet your cult's needs - as well as reaching out to the cross dressing crowd. AndGuys with fake afro's love the Slanket! That guy apparently works out IN the Slanket - dig the free weight in his hand?!?!
Smart marketing!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Cross Training Is Not Dead




Why one of my boys spent this afternoon cross training to his hearts content! Football and baseball - just like Bo!



He's got to work on his use of the protective gear though.







And wearing a cup vs. pullups might be advisable.





OK OK OK OK You can wear PULLUPS GEEEZ!



Tuesday, July 07, 2009

The Evian Babies Are Rocking My World



Props to my plurkbuddies who first posted this.

It's a scream.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Thank You For Your Interest In Our Funeral.....

I have bad news people. Guess what event we WON'T BE ATTENDING? WAAAAAH!

Ok seriously - the IMAGE that came in the email is called MJ_No. If you hover - it says THANK YOU.........but I think the image name is a SCREAM.





If you are using a mobile device or can't see the images, click here.




Thank you for your registration.

Sorry, we regret to inform you that your registration to attend the Public Memorial Service for Michael Jackson was not selected.

Hundreds of thousands registered, but only a few can be in attendance.











Do Not Reply to this email. This is an unattended email box and your inquiry will not be answered.

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Nutty!

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Something New for the 4th



We decided to go check out a small town 4th of July this year - but as the sun went down they all packed up their party and went home. WHAT? Yes - this cute little small town event just packed it up and went home. We were forced as the sun was setting to hit the road and ran over to our plan B place which was a local vineyard - Chateau Elan.



Sitting among the vines as the sun set was actually quite lovely.






We just putzed around and let the kids run while the sun went down. It made me want wine.











The air was cool and despite not actuallly having anything to do, the kids all had a good time. I might like to go back there next year prepared to spend more time, with stuff to do and food to eat.









When the fireworks started, the little guys weren't quite certain about it - even though they were practically weened on the huge displays at Disney, they just didn't seem to remember them. Eventually we adjusted ok thought!






It was a lovely 4th with the family - I hope yours was as well!




Saturday, July 04, 2009

A Welcome To The Blogroll - Fleurde-Licious

I've got a new bloggy friend that I'm welcoming to the blogroll - and it reminds me that a clean up is more than overdue. I think there are some dead links on there.

Regardless - Welcome Fleurde-Licious to the blogroll and check her out.

Her blog is full of good things!

We Get Our Physics Lessons from James Bond

Here is the conversation:

The Boy:When that giant window breaks in Empire Strikes Back - why did Luke and all that stuff fly out? Were there giant fans?

Me: Ummm, no (shuffles to fill coffee) ummmm.......it was a pressurized room. It's called pressure - outside the window was just like, oh like high altitude atmosphere ....(gets coffee) you know, like on a plane.

The Boy: Oh you mean like, if you get a hole in a plane?

Me: Yes exactly - like if there is a hole in a plane you get sucked out until the pressure stabilizes or something.

The Boy:Unless you hold on.

Me: Ummm, I don't know that you CAN hold on. It depends on the pressure I think which would probably have something to do WITH the altitude but I'm not sure.......

The Boy:No, you just hold on if that happens.

Me:I'm not sure that works.

The Boy (insert Disgusted Tone): Mom, I SAW Goldfinger. Goldfinger got sucked out and James Bond held on. That's how it works. You just hold on.

Me: (surrenders to six year old logic) Yes. I'm sure that's it.

The Boy: Luke Skywalker never saw Goldfinger - because it wasn't made yet. Star Wars was a long time ago, remember?

Me: Yes, and Far Far Away.

The Boy:Right.


How can you argue?


Friday, July 03, 2009

We Had Company



Our good friends came up from Tampa bringing with them Lil Satchmo's playmate from when he was little, and A DOG!


I'm not sure who he was happier to see.


Ok that's a joke, he was ecstatic to see his playmate again - and it was just icing on the cake that she brought a four legged friend with her.

We had a cookout of more types of wurst than you can shake a stick at and sat on the deck to enjoy the cool Georgia evening. It was so nice to have our old friends around, even if only for a day.


We consigned the kids to a kids table in the living room and let them watch Ghostbusters during dinner - a total departure from the usual. We learned how well the twins adjusted as Baby Birdman sat and ate with his toes. I suppose we'll chalk this one up as a PARTIAL success in terms of adjusting to change, eh?





Ok so now everyone else has to come visit. We've been officially broken in. Who is coming next?

Yes, I'm looking at YOU!




Wednesday, July 01, 2009

I'm Not Saying Michael Hutchence Was My Baby Daddy


I'm just sayin'..........