A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Why We're Not Friends

***Those of you who enjoy Drama, Please Pull Up A Chair***
I had this friend who was one of my best friends. I loved her dearly. And she fucked me. Metaphorically speaking, that is. Now - you might say that her intentions were good and that's all fine and dandy.
But you know what the road to hell is paved with? That's right boys and girls - GOOD INTENTIONS.
Because of her little stunt, she unleashed a sociopath back into my life when I had him nicely caged and being a good boy. She created havoc and mayhem in my personal life that continues to this day. But here, as I mull things over and think about how angry I am about so many things in my life........what I find most ironic is this.

She and I are not friends - not because of the bullshit she pulled.

But because she would not call me.

You see at that time I worked at a place full of asshats. It was unbelievably restrictive - and I had shared that with people, don't call casually - don't call to hang out and visit and most certainly don't call to discuss DRAMA with me on the phone. Why? Because the senior manager there was alerted EVERY TIME someone got a personal phone call, and if she didn't have time to listen to you live right then - she'd just record it and play it back later for her own personal pleasure. This was a place that let me know it was inappropriate for me to receive a personal phone call - when I got a phone call that my son broke his arm.

So you see, I asked you to call me. You - who out of ALL OF THE DRAMANISTAS INVOLVED were like a best friend to me.

And you refused.

See you were all feminist and empowered and you weren't going to call me AT HOME you were going to do it on YOUR TERMS weren't you? Does that make you feel good? Does that make you feel righteous and sooooo self satisfied? You see other, lesser friends CALLED ME. Some of them and I have lost touch or found points of disagreement and are not really friends anymore.

But everyone else, people who were supposed to love me far less than you - CALLED ME. They talked to me.

Not you baby. Oh no, up on your pedestal of righteousness you sat. Trying to destroy my family.

Guess what? You failed.

Guess what? I hate you. TO THIS DAY, I hate you with the full venom I felt then. It hasn't waned. I wish you ill. If I hear that something bad happened to you - I smile a little bit inside. I'll never do ill to you, I'll never actively seek to harm you. But you know what - if I can cause you sadness by an act of omission or neglect - I WILL.

I hope you read these words and they make you sad.

I stepped away with grace and didn't say anything at the time. My days of being silent about things that upset me are over.

Everybody else, buckle up.


Frank said...

I'll put the cap on the toothpaste, I swear! HELP!

Emma said...

I heart you.