A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

No One Expects.......

I'd like to say the Spanish Inquisition but I'm not going that way.
I'm going to talk about BODILY FUNCTIONS. So if you can't handle that.......look away NOW.
It was Miss Swan #1 who clued me in (the one who praised my hairless belly and lack of "happy trail") during pre-op.

After wowing her with my intimate knowledge of the gall bladder, what it does and what they were going to do to me DURING surgery.

"And after." she inquired. "Do you know about AFTER?" I confessed I didn't. She started out gently, saying that some people still had some sensitivity to foods. I told her that I knew this, my Mom still has a hell of a time with some foods.

Then she dropped it on me. "Some people can't handle fat at all, afterward. Your liver will try to take over the job of your gallbladder. But until it adjust, or if it cannot adjust, you will experience terrible diarrhea and cramping when you eat fat. Some people never are able to consume fat again."

WHAT? WHAT? What the HELL are you telling me as I'm trussed up, medicated into submission? WHY WHY WHY is this the FIRST time I am hearing this?

She sighs, as I far more calmly expressed my concern about this detail having been omitted."Oh doctors,"she laughed."They never tell nobody, we nurses always have to make sure so that nobody is surprised."

So the first few days out of surgery I'm medicated and miserable. But as I start to climb out of the fog, I start to EAT. FOOD. You know, Normal Food.

I live in Georgia. We live on Fat here. Have you met us? Deep fried with cheese is just the way recipes start in cookbooks here.

I won't be grotesque and share with you the intimate details, but I've lost weight. Quite a bit. About 7 pounds in 10 days based on the difference between the hospital scale and my home scale so maybe it's in reality like 4 pounds. It's BECAUSE ALL MY FOOD IS RACING THROUGH ME IN A HORRIBLE FASHION PEOPLE!

I wonder if I should to back to broth and fat free yogurt for a few days just to see if I can right the wrongs going on internally.

Or maybe I'm going to get skinny, eh?


What does it sound like, when you stumble outside to pour your coffee grounds on your roses, and you see this green twig on the porch, and then that twig has a head and eyes and serpentines across your porch?
Don't get me wrong.
This wasn't a big snake. It was the size of a pencil.
See I'm OFF snake guard. When we lived in Florida, I had full power Snake-dar going all the time. You had water moccasins and pygmy rattlers there like leaves on trees. Ask SARAH!
Sarah will confirm for you that once I nearly peed in my pants bcse I got halfway up her walk, between her bushes, when she called down "OH hey watch for the snakes in the bushes."

Snakes are my mortal enemies. I hate them like I hate Hitler. Except I'd just slap Hitler and snakes, well they send me running screaming in the other direction.

Once at my old job in FLA, I was out for a walk when this large branch on the pathway in front of me raised it's head and looked at me. WATER MOCCASIN. As I ran SCREAMING in the other direction, back to the outdoor break area......I informed my co-workers that there was a huge snake.
"Yeah, we heard you screaming," was all they had to say.
The natives in Florida are numb to the killer beasts they live among, I swear.

I also, at the same job, was out to lunch with a co-worker and was stepping out of my car, when I just HAPPENED to look down and nearly put my put down ON a coiled up water moccasin. It was lounging in the parking lot bcse a hurricane had come through and filled all the ditches up with water to flooding It was VERY happy to be there. I was not. I shrieked and got into my car and screamed and refused to come out.


So as I went reeling back inside my house, to my husband and son telling me it was no big deal and BOTH stepping outside to check it out.....I didn't even care. He dumped the grounds on the roses and I stayed inside.

I will tolerate the snakes in the woods as they are eating vermin and keeping them out of my yard. I will tolerate the snakes in the yard as long at they have the SENSE to stay away when I am IN the yard.

But my PORCH?

The snakes are not welcome on my porch. Snake you and I do not have a deal and I am NOT Eve. I suggest you stay under the porch where I cannot see you or know you are there.

We'll both be happier.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

You've Got a Friend In Me

Once upon a time, when I was twenty-something and blonde and FAR too cool for IT ALL, I got trapped at MGM Studios during a parade. I was with my bestest Friend, Mrs Repressed - we had stopped for ice cream and wouldn't you know it - a damned parade started up.

It was at the HEIGHT of TOY STORY madness, when it was new and the Disney Parks were RESOUNDING with Buzz and Woody fever.

Disney parades, sans children, are some form of hell. You can't see and you get blocked in - if you aren't in the right spot you can't get from Point A to Point B so you had just better grab a seat and get comfy. You aren't going ANYWHERE till the Disney Police take down the barricades.

So there we sat, she and I, in the blistering Florida sun, eating our ice cream and watching some of the brattiest kids on the face of the Earth throwing various tantrums. We watched couples have fights (man some of the WORST FIGHTS ever take place at Disney) and we generally glared at the parade route willing it to JUST BE OVER.

To add to our hell, the freaking music was BLARING right near us. It was a lovely compilation of "Strange things are happening to me" or whatever it's called and "You've Got a Friend in Me." Sort of a medley, if you will.

It blasted and blared the same short set of bars that had been cobbled together to FORM this medley over and over and over until by the time the parade was over....we were nearly giddy from madness.

Going on our way, we both raged our annoyance and laughed, sarcastically singing the refrain from hell we'd been subjected to. "You've GOT A FRIEND IN MEEEEEEEEEEEE. YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN MEEEEEEEEEEEE." Sort of like that. With twenty-something sarcasm to spare.

But times change. Best friends meet boys, get married and move away. Babies come, more babies come and lives are altered by the movement of the calendar. I was never more aware of that when I was awakened to the tinkling music box melody of "You've Got a Friend In Me" coming from my children's room this morning.

I crept to the doorway, bed headed and in sweaty pajamas, and peeked in quietly, so as not to disturb what was going on.

There, standing alone by the toy box, a little blonde 5 year old boy had propped up a music box toy and was playing himself that song. He swayed and danced a little, quietly listening to the music.

And I was a little sorry that I had ever been so callous and uncaring.

It's amazing how little things mean, when you have no little things of your own - isn't it?

Monday, May 25, 2009

Recovery Continues

The Husband Snapped this on the way IN to surgery Thursday AM.
Yeah I wore my jammies. Hey they SAID to. Because they'd be more comfy cosey AND if I had to stay for some reason, I'd HAVE on my jammies!

I actually am feeling better. A LOT better than I was feeling on Friday. I can move, and I think that this is a huge plus. I went and walked around the house a couple of times - going all the way to the backyard and then back.

As you can see, the littlest kids weren't ALL that worried as I headed off to Surgery, though....

Good thing he's cute. I tell you what.

So I guess my opinion is that I'm better but no 100%. I've fought taking a nap today because I'm trying to start building some stamina. And I've tried not to take pain meds constantly. So it's going ok, all in all.

I got pretty flowers!

So I'm ok sort of, to those who wonder. I'm really tired, and a little grumpy, and really sore......but compared to Friday - I'm a new person.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Something Completely Not About Me

fail owned pwned pictures
see more Fail Blog

Now With Less Medication

Well I've survived 4 days post surgery and I think that's a win. The first 48 hours were fairly much a drug induced nightmare. The pain wasn't unmanageable, it was simply unknown and scary. My own disorientation due to the anesthesia and the massive amounts of pain killers and anti-nausea I was given at the hospital made that time just very disjointed to me. Time wasn't real.
I think I got up and posted various places and did stuff which was probably a mistake as I was completely coherent only for short patches of time.
Now I'm sort of settled into the ongoing real pain that's left behind. My own aches and pains at being lethargic and not moving around enough are also causing me discomfort.
But none of it is overwhelming or mind numbing sort of stuff.

My belly button looks bloodier than I remember it - but then I wonder if maybe I never looked at it properly a day or two ago. One of the twins jumped on my stomach yesterday, so that has me worried- is that why the belly button is bloody? But then back to the question WAS IT ALREADY BLOODY?

Sigh. I gotta ask the husband.

And it's so hard to be so grotesque in front of the one you love. I mean, giving birth is grotesque but you know, you're producing his CHILD so you gotta take the bad with the good. But this, this is just GROSS. There's nothing warm and fuzzy to bond you even closer when it's all done......just scars and bloody incisions.

"Honey, I can't poop - what do you recommend?"

Sigh, long term relationships are designed to kill romance aren't they?

Isn't it odd though, that despite my 4 days since a shower, bloody bandaged, smelly self I'm so in love the past three days. I never tell him enough. He takes care of me all the time, I'm like the most irresponsible adult on the planet when I'm at home. But I never notice until I've got stitches and he's literally waiting on me hand and foot.

When in fact it's probably only about a 20% increase in the amount of care he normally gives me.

I'm such a lame adult, I swear. But God I love him.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Post Surgery Post

*this post is fraught with typos.....I'm medicated leave me alone
So I'm home, none the prettier.
If this was minor surgery, screw major surgery, I'm OUT. I gotta say the staff was fairly wonderful (even if my pre-op AND post- nurses were both Miss Swan). I don't even remember going to sleep in the op room. I remember then telling me I was going to get something to help relax me and that after THAT I'd get the anesthesia and feeling a cold push into my hand - and wondering if THAT was the anethesia.
But then I woke up in recovery.
They kept me there a couple hours cuz just like always I having trouble with waking up out of anesthesia. So they gave me lovely pain meds for the burning fire in my tummy and something for nausea and I slept the time away. Then I spent, god like 7 hours or something, in a private room trying to recover enough to go home. Everytime they came to check on me I saw sound asleep.
I'm still pretty groggy and am only sitting up because my back was screaming from so much laying down. My tummy does not want to sit up.
Hightlights from my day yesterday are:
  • Having not one but TWO Miss Swan Nurses (see Mad TV if you don't know Miss Swan)
  • Having Nurse Swan 1 tell me she was glad she didn't have to shave my belly, that she has "the happy trail......"
  • Eating my liquid only meal at about 7pm which was cream of chicken soup strained (mmmmm) and pudding and sweet tea
  • Texting and calling people while completely medicated to the gills
  • Sleeping
  • Puking all over the road on the way home - yeah all that soup and pudding and tea - it came right baack up and I leaned out the window (which hurt to do) and vomitted it all back up.
  • Amber coming to visit me,which made me cry, because I was so happy that some visited me who didn't have to.

So I'm home, I feel terrible. And I'm going back to bed soon.

They removed an ORGAN from my body. In what world is that not major surgery?

oh and they wouldn't give me my gallstone! boooo!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Surgery Count Down Tminus 11 Hours.....

Yeah I should be in bed. Whatever. Why bother. I ate whatever I wanted today and I don't see the point in getting much sleep frankly. The way I see it I'll be sleeping aplenty tomorrow. Plus - if I have a gallbladder attack today, well......then I just have the surgery a few hours early then don't I?

I'm not bothered.

OK, I'm a little bothered. It hadn't occurred to me properly the vast array of things I'm not going to be able to do - as a six year old lay all over me poking elbows and knees and rolling around snuggling, it dawned - I can't DO this tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that.

That is going to be the worst part. I've got three very snuggly children and one big very snuggly man (don't tell that I said that part - it's a secret). And I'm going to be in snuggle isolation for at least a week.


OH Well....it's for the best. Bring on the chicken wings and beer. I think it's the perfect recipe for recovery. I'll have some blue cheese dressing with that - thank you!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

My Inner Cave Woman - Satisfied

Last night was a ground breaking event here at our household.
We cooked meat. OVER FIRE.

Yes that's right - we COOKED OUT!

Why is that such a big deal? Because it was the first ever cook out in our new house. First ever time we cooked meat over fire in a cave of our own. There is something fantastically primal and wonderful about that - isn't there?

Here is what else is great, I sat on the deck of my own backyard looking out into my own forest (yeah that's right, we OWN a forest) and listened to the Earth sing itself to sleep. It was very peaceful and quiet, there was not interwebs bothering me and some part of me could have sat out there all night, if it weren't so feckin' spooky when the sun goes all the way down.
There was only a little wildlife that came out to see me, frogs and bunnies mostly. I got a bunny pic though!

And now for my favorite part,besides the meat and fire.
The frogs. I couldn't get a picture of them because by the time they really got singing it was pitch black in the backyard and forest area and well - I was skeered.
But I took a video so if you turn up your sound you can HEAR the frogs singing!


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

So How Was Your Mothers Day?

Mine was quite lovely. We have this tradition of going to the Renaissance Festival on Mother's Day where we run madly around doing all the things the kids want to do.
It's actually quite fun.

One of the great things is that I get to see how much they're grown. How much braver they are and what they can do that they couldn't do last year. Like - JOUST! On a GRIFFIN!

There's lots to do and see, like all of these sorts of festivals, but I think the thing I like most, the thing that makes it special on Mother's Day is really just watching THEM. They're so hilarious.
They make being a Mom so easy. Even when it's not.
I leave you with a boy, dancing in the rain......

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Mother's Day Dinner For......Cthulu?

Ummmmm. Ummmmmm. Nobody does Mother's Day Like They Do It In Dixie!

Thursday, May 07, 2009

An Action Shot from Sunday Early AM

I couldn't sleep with the woman across the hall screaming. So you know, I was taking pics. Good thing my nails dressed for the occasion.

Gidge -sent from my non-iphone

Sunday, May 03, 2009


I am not sure you are aware, but you gallbladder has ninja-like forces waiting to do you harm. It's true. You'll be sitting about(or sleeping), minding your own business and WHAM......suddenly it's 4am and you're in screaming agony without explanation and then the next thing you know it's all flashing lights and men in blue uniforms asking questions quietly as they load up up to take you away.
I've had this PAIN I get every once in a blue moon, and a doctor told me it was probably ulcer, given my history of reflux and bad acid issues.
But early this AM......well, it wasn't like it was in the past. It was the same PAIN, in fact - but it wasn't going away, it wasn't subsiding or calming. It was getting fiercer and fiercer and well.......it was that cliche they use - IT WAS BLINDING.
I could barely think through it.
You know you're in a lot of pain when the EMTs are repeatedly poking you and commenting on your small veins, and you don't much care. By the time I got to the hospital, the pain killer I had taken in vain at home had kicked in - exactly enough to make me tired but still in pain.
I told them I thought it was an ulcer but as soon as they heard I'd never had official ulcer diagnosis they pulled all out all the big guns for testing and came back with the unexpected
"you have a large gallstone in the NECK of your gallbladder."

My gallbladder has a neck? What?
I had wondered if something unusual was up during the ultrasound when the tech kept trying "to see if it was moving" but truthfully, by then I'd had more pain killer and this and that pumped into the IV and well......I didn't much care.

So I've slept the day away, eaten broth, baked potato and toast and in general felt kinda crummy. But the agony is gone. They say it was moving, that this was causing the pain.

And I have to go see the surgeon this next week or soon. Because I have to have it dealt with.

I am so not excited.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Above the Smog Line

When we moved up here, further away from our OUTSIDE THE PERIMETER previous residence,the first thing I noticed was that the AIR smells so good. Like sweet pine, and some sort of flower I can't name.
It's fresh.
I think that there are mornings,like this morning....that are so good and I am so happy here - that I wonder if other people feel this kind of contentment wandering around their own homes in a bathrobe?
I love that I have deer who are eating my petunias and I have bunnies who hop through my backyard as though it's their own personal kingdom. I love that my neighbor is outside chopping down plants on the border of our yard which I thought were mine (no really it's cool bcse NOW I don't have to deal with them).
I love that I wandered onto my porch this morning to give my roses the coffee grounds in my robe,and it's all fresh air and birds chirping and quiet. I like that I HAVE roses,thanks previous owner-it's like the only cool thing you did regarding this house.
I think it's great that at night,even with the house buttoned up I can hear a chorus of bullfrogs all calling for mates.
It's not perfect here, but something about it fits us so well. Even on days when we're crabby and out of sorts - we've obviously come home.

It feels really nice.

Friday, May 01, 2009

There Was a Birthday

Two birthdays - actually.

There were presents.

And there was excitement.

Then there was Chuck E Cheese where there was dinner theater.

And a general good time had by all.

Happy Birthday Babies.
They will not always be my little boys. But they will always be my babies.