A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

No One Expects.......

I'd like to say the Spanish Inquisition but I'm not going that way.
I'm going to talk about BODILY FUNCTIONS. So if you can't handle that.......look away NOW.
It was Miss Swan #1 who clued me in (the one who praised my hairless belly and lack of "happy trail") during pre-op.

After wowing her with my intimate knowledge of the gall bladder, what it does and what they were going to do to me DURING surgery.

"And after." she inquired. "Do you know about AFTER?" I confessed I didn't. She started out gently, saying that some people still had some sensitivity to foods. I told her that I knew this, my Mom still has a hell of a time with some foods.

Then she dropped it on me. "Some people can't handle fat at all, afterward. Your liver will try to take over the job of your gallbladder. But until it adjust, or if it cannot adjust, you will experience terrible diarrhea and cramping when you eat fat. Some people never are able to consume fat again."

WHAT? WHAT? What the HELL are you telling me as I'm trussed up, medicated into submission? WHY WHY WHY is this the FIRST time I am hearing this?

She sighs, as I far more calmly expressed my concern about this detail having been omitted."Oh doctors,"she laughed."They never tell nobody, we nurses always have to make sure so that nobody is surprised."

So the first few days out of surgery I'm medicated and miserable. But as I start to climb out of the fog, I start to EAT. FOOD. You know, Normal Food.

I live in Georgia. We live on Fat here. Have you met us? Deep fried with cheese is just the way recipes start in cookbooks here.

I won't be grotesque and share with you the intimate details, but I've lost weight. Quite a bit. About 7 pounds in 10 days based on the difference between the hospital scale and my home scale so maybe it's in reality like 4 pounds. It's BECAUSE ALL MY FOOD IS RACING THROUGH ME IN A HORRIBLE FASHION PEOPLE!

I wonder if I should to back to broth and fat free yogurt for a few days just to see if I can right the wrongs going on internally.

Or maybe I'm going to get skinny, eh?


rabidxdisease said...

oh dear.

Anonymous said...

my daughter had hers out in Nov Her body is still not right every thing she eats comes right back out.

Frank said...

If you get skinny, I'm going to tape pillows to your ass and pretend you're still fat.