Friday, January 01, 2016
Let me tell you what kind of morning it is.
It's a fucking Autism morning.
Miles will hurt himself. Miles claws and scratches. He'll also hurt Charlie but a lot of the time his efforts are aimed at himself. He shakes and moans and sometimes screams, but luckily at Macy's his efforts stayed in the moaning, shaking and clasping his hands too tightly repeatedly.
Why? Because AUTISM that's why.
I covet quiet and being alone just a little bit every day. I don't want it all the time, because the vacuum of silence can be overpowering. I don't like to be in my house alone actually. But just an hour or so in the mornings, before they all wake up, is precious to me. It sets my brain on right and helps me be mentally ready for my day. What I really like is slinking up and down the creaking stairs fetching endless cups of coffee, listening to the snoring in the bedrooms and knowing my family is near and safe, slumbering happily.
With that being said, it's all ok. It's a New Year and while nothing really changed in the past 24 hours except the printing on the calendar, I am mentally closing the door on a year that was full of horror and sadness. Those things are both over, and will never be over. But I like the idea that the year they happened in is gone.
So it's an Autism morning but hell, they're all Autism morning in one way or another around these parts. What changes is my ability to cope, and today I guess I'm rolling a bit low. That's ok, I'll drink more coffee and my super-powers should kick in, right?
That's how I roll.
Happy New Year. I don't know what kind of year it will be, but I know it won't be 2015, and that's good enough for me.