Panty Spiders of North Georgia

I have progressive lenses, which I had to get a few months ago. They're pretty weird to get used to, with three different prescriptions in them and so sometimes if you tilt your head wrong the world slides a bit, or you get weird bits of things on your peripheral vision's edge that turn out to be nothing.

I might've remembered that, as I sat on the toilet at work, reading my phone, when I glanced down and saw A SPIDER IN MY PANTIES.

I leaped up, screaming and swatting at the crotch of my panties stumbling backward out of the stall in an awkward crab-walk, still flailing in an effort to escape something that was IN my clothes.

It was about then, pants around my knees, that I got a better look at the spider.

Which was a knot of long brown hair that had gotten tangled up in the wash and sort of wound into my panty elastic stitching.

It was nothing like this. I swear.

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