Please Don't Hump Aunt Suzie

You know, we look normal enough from a distance. It's kind of like our family is a Monet. So lovely from a distance. People even remarked, as we took an early evening stroll through the park on our way to the playground "What a lovely family you have." Then you get up close and you're like OH HELL WTF?

We have our adventures and our tears, our gains and our losses. But we also have, this ridiculous thing called AUTISM that drives behaviors that I'm starting to wonder how we're even supposed to handle.

The oldest boy is 10 and I'm 100% sure he knows he's a boy. I've never had to have the "please don't grope your crotch in front of other people" conversation with him. I think he would die of embarrassment if I did.

But the twins? Oh god. They've discovered that they are are boys, and can take around with them their favorite new toy. How do you react against this behavior with a child you can't actually CONVERSE with?

I mean, redirection only gets you so far. I've had screaming, raving tantrums when I suggested that one of them stop humping a pillow in the living room. Alas, I can't say "Why don't you go hump that pillow in the privacy of your bedroom, my little prince?"

Well, I could say it. It'd be pointless but I could say it.

So when one of them, in the midst of a very excited hug for their visiting Aunties became TOO excited, well then the most embarrassing phrase of my parenthood was born.

"Please don't hump Aunt Suzie."

I have an arsenal of tactics for "typical children". Don't make it a big deal. Don't make sex dirty. Stress privacy and healthy body conscious behaviors. Yadda yadda yadda yadda.

But my mostly nonverbal 8 year old humping a Tonka truck? THERE IS NO BOOK FOR THAT.

I wrote this blog post, because, no one talks about it. I can't be alone. Even higher functioning kids on the spectrum, it has to be an issue. But, I'm going to talk about everything because someone has to.

And if I figure this out - I'll be sure to let you know.




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