Please Don't Hump Aunt Suzie

You know, we look normal enough from a distance. It's kind of like our family is a Monet. So lovely from a distance. People even remarked, as we took an early evening stroll through the park on our way to the playground "What a lovely family you have." Then you get up close and you're like OH HELL WTF?

We have our adventures and our tears, our gains and our losses. But we also have, this ridiculous thing called AUTISM that drives behaviors that I'm starting to wonder how we're even supposed to handle.

The oldest boy is 10 and I'm 100% sure he knows he's a boy. I've never had to have the "please don't grope your crotch in front of other people" conversation with him. I think he would die of embarrassment if I did.

But the twins? Oh god. They've discovered that they are are boys, and can take around with them their favorite new toy. How do you react against this behavior with a child you can't actually CONVERSE with?

I mean, redirection only gets you so far. I've had screaming, raving tantrums when I suggested that one of them stop humping a pillow in the living room. Alas, I can't say "Why don't you go hump that pillow in the privacy of your bedroom, my little prince?"

Well, I could say it. It'd be pointless but I could say it.

So when one of them, in the midst of a very excited hug for their visiting Aunties became TOO excited, well then the most embarrassing phrase of my parenthood was born.

"Please don't hump Aunt Suzie."

I have an arsenal of tactics for "typical children". Don't make it a big deal. Don't make sex dirty. Stress privacy and healthy body conscious behaviors. Yadda yadda yadda yadda.

But my mostly nonverbal 8 year old humping a Tonka truck? THERE IS NO BOOK FOR THAT.

I wrote this blog post, because, no one talks about it. I can't be alone. Even higher functioning kids on the spectrum, it has to be an issue. But, I'm going to talk about everything because someone has to.

And if I figure this out - I'll be sure to let you know.




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Please Don't Hump Aunt Suzie

You know, we look normal enough from a distance. It's kind of like our family is a Monet. So lovely from a distance. People even remarked, as we took an early evening stroll through the park on our way to the playground "What a lovely family you have." Then you get up close and you're like OH HELL WTF?

We have our adventures and our tears, our gains and our losses. But we also have, this ridiculous thing called AUTISM that drives behaviors that I'm starting to wonder how we're even supposed to handle.

The oldest boy is 10 and I'm 100% sure he knows he's a boy. I've never had to have the "please don't grope your crotch in front of other people" conversation with him. I think he would die of embarrassment if I did.

But the twins? Oh god. They've discovered that they are are boys, and can take around with them their favorite new toy. How do you react against this behavior with a child you can't actually CONVERSE with?

I mean, redirection only gets you so far. I've had screaming, raving tantrums when I suggested that one of them stop humping a pillow in the living room. Alas, I can't say "Why don't you go hump that pillow in the privacy of your bedroom, my little prince?"

Well, I could say it. It'd be pointless but I could say it.

So when one of them, in the midst of a very excited hug for their visiting Aunties became TOO excited, well then the most embarrassing phrase of my parenthood was born.

"Please don't hump Aunt Suzie."

I have an arsenal of tactics for "typical children". Don't make it a big deal. Don't make sex dirty. Stress privacy and healthy body conscious behaviors. Yadda yadda yadda yadda.

But my mostly nonverbal 8 year old humping a Tonka truck? THERE IS NO BOOK FOR THAT.

I wrote this blog post, because, no one talks about it. I can't be alone. Even higher functioning kids on the spectrum, it has to be an issue. But, I'm going to talk about everything because someone has to.

And if I figure this out - I'll be sure to let you know.




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Mother Son Bonding - 2013 Edition

We invest a lot of ourselves into our children. You have to in this world, or in any world. I think that it's likely  that in ANY time or place, children that weren't invested in grow up poorly.

While it's important to us to bring him along and show him the world, I think it's also important for us to do things WITH him that he wants to do, including video games.

I always sort of shudder when I hear people talk about games their kids play, when in fact as parents they don't know ANYTHING about them. How do you KNOW what's going on if you don't play it yourself?

It happens that the husband and I are gamers. So this isn't a stretch for us at all, in fact it's right in our bailiwick. But what's interesting is the bonding time that has come from us playing with him. The boy and I have had lots of questing adventures. We've made toons on both sides, done special events, done battlegrounds and now tonight he and I did dungeons together.

What are we playing?

World of Warcraft. Yes we're nerds. But we're also learning social lessons (some people are asshats) and we're simply spending time together. We laugh hysterically, we cheer each other on. I can play this with him when I'm 80 (if it's around). We're learning about sportsmanship, and rules of engagement, and that well - pandas can be good or bad. And once you roll toons on both sides, you learn that good and bad are really quite based on your point of view.

Video games aren't the BEST way in the world to spend time with your kid. But I think as responsible parents, knowing your kids were playing video games, you'd do better to be involved and in control of what is going on. We don't play First Person Shooters. We play make believe, with imaginary stories of demons and trolls. Where good and evil battle for power, you'll find us some Saturday afternoons.

We play both sides though. :)



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Mother Son Bonding - 2013 Edition

We invest a lot of ourselves into our children. You have to in this world, or in any world. I think that it's likely  that in ANY time or place, children that weren't invested in grow up poorly.

While it's important to us to bring him along and show him the world, I think it's also important for us to do things WITH him that he wants to do, including video games.

I always sort of shudder when I hear people talk about games their kids play, when in fact as parents they don't know ANYTHING about them. How do you KNOW what's going on if you don't play it yourself?

It happens that the husband and I are gamers. So this isn't a stretch for us at all, in fact it's right in our bailiwick. But what's interesting is the bonding time that has come from us playing with him. The boy and I have had lots of questing adventures. We've made toons on both sides, done special events, done battlegrounds and now tonight he and I did dungeons together.

What are we playing?

World of Warcraft. Yes we're nerds. But we're also learning social lessons (some people are asshats) and we're simply spending time together. We laugh hysterically, we cheer each other on. I can play this with him when I'm 80 (if it's around). We're learning about sportsmanship, and rules of engagement, and that well - pandas can be good or bad. And once you roll toons on both sides, you learn that good and bad are really quite based on your point of view.

Video games aren't the BEST way in the world to spend time with your kid. But I think as responsible parents, knowing your kids were playing video games, you'd do better to be involved and in control of what is going on. We don't play First Person Shooters. We play make believe, with imaginary stories of demons and trolls. Where good and evil battle for power, you'll find us some Saturday afternoons.

We play both sides though. :)



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Iago On The Horizon

We spent the day making plans for a winter storm. Iago, named after the infamous liar and deceiver from Othello seems to have once again proven to be false.

Because three hours ago a huge storm was rolling toward me. And now - it's gone.

I am likely to chalk it up to my own powers. You see, I spent most of my day making PLANS for the storm. Getting extra remote coverage for work, checking on this and that and making lists and to-do's in case of THE WORST.

It was my plan you see, that by doing so much planning and thinking through all of the What If's - that then we wouldn't have to do ANY of it.

I have to admit though, I'm a little bummed now. Because the big kid in me might've been hoping for a snow day. Just one.

According to Weather.com we're getting next to nothing.

But then I check local weather and...

Iago.

You cannot trust that bastard, I tell you what.
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Iago On The Horizon

We spent the day making plans for a winter storm. Iago, named after the infamous liar and deceiver from Othello seems to have once again proven to be false.

Because three hours ago a huge storm was rolling toward me. And now - it's gone.

I am likely to chalk it up to my own powers. You see, I spent most of my day making PLANS for the storm. Getting extra remote coverage for work, checking on this and that and making lists and to-do's in case of THE WORST.

It was my plan you see, that by doing so much planning and thinking through all of the What If's - that then we wouldn't have to do ANY of it.

I have to admit though, I'm a little bummed now. Because the big kid in me might've been hoping for a snow day. Just one.

According to Weather.com we're getting next to nothing.

But then I check local weather and...

Iago.

You cannot trust that bastard, I tell you what.
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Dear Mother Nature

It is not spring.

Dear Mother Nature

It is not spring.

Almost Cookies

My oldest child woke up before me on Saturday and RAN downstairs, suddenly mixing and stirring and getting out ingredients and insisting that I stay out of the kitchen.

Once in the over, he let me know that "he didn't quite have enough ingredients, but he just put in what he had."

This was the result.

Well, they were supposed to be peanut butter with chocolate chip cookies it turns out.


They were more like ummm, peanut brittle.

I laughed but I also almost cried because he made them for me because we never have peanut butter cookies since he is allergic (only slightly). It went awry, but he is so very sweet.

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Almost Cookies

My oldest child woke up before me on Saturday and RAN downstairs, suddenly mixing and stirring and getting out ingredients and insisting that I stay out of the kitchen.

Once in the over, he let me know that "he didn't quite have enough ingredients, but he just put in what he had."

This was the result.

Well, they were supposed to be peanut butter with chocolate chip cookies it turns out.


They were more like ummm, peanut brittle.

I laughed but I also almost cried because he made them for me because we never have peanut butter cookies since he is allergic (only slightly). It went awry, but he is so very sweet.

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Regarding Avocados

Ok so, let's get this part out of the way. I don't eat a lot of vegetables. Or, any of them. (Ok exaggeration). But, some of them are just so much grosser to me than the others, that I can barely even stand them.

A recent addition to this list is avocados. Not because of anything the avocados have done. They're still laying about being green with the big pit and rather innocuous.

No.

It's the gawdawful commercials.

On the radio several times a day during my ATL commute, I have to hear these nauseating commercials about avocados. Seriously, do avocados NEED better PR? That's my first question. Because people who love them seem to truly just BE MAD FOR THEM. Secondly, PLEASE MAKE LESS ANNOYING COMMERICALS.

The one with the lady pretending to have a cooking show? She's saccharine and annoying during her make believe, and then it's just sort of pitiful and embarrasssing for her when she gets caught by her kid playing make believe, please knock that one off.

But the worst one? The lady who who made chicken salad and chopped up avocados in it and brought it to work. Her boss steals her sandwich and then I SWEAR you give me like, 15-20 seconds of me LISTENING TO HIM EAT IT? I can HEAR HIS SALIVA and every chomp. It's VILE.

Literally, it's sickening. If he was sitting next to me in a  restaurant I'd have to hum loudly to get that sound out of my own head so that I could eat. Who thought this was a great idea?

You might think oh well there they are successful because they've got you thinking about avocados but I'd disagree. Because you see, they didn't convert me - which should be their goal by spending advertising money. They should be seeking out us NON-avocado consumers and making us COVET their product. Instead, I think "Why would I want an avocado? Apparently you live in fantasy land and eat like a foul pig if you eat them."

Also, I have PMS. Can you tell?
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Regarding Avocados

Ok so, let's get this part out of the way. I don't eat a lot of vegetables. Or, any of them. (Ok exaggeration). But, some of them are just so much grosser to me than the others, that I can barely even stand them.

A recent addition to this list is avocados. Not because of anything the avocados have done. They're still laying about being green with the big pit and rather innocuous.

No.

It's the gawdawful commercials.

On the radio several times a day during my ATL commute, I have to hear these nauseating commercials about avocados. Seriously, do avocados NEED better PR? That's my first question. Because people who love them seem to truly just BE MAD FOR THEM. Secondly, PLEASE MAKE LESS ANNOYING COMMERICALS.

The one with the lady pretending to have a cooking show? She's saccharine and annoying during her make believe, and then it's just sort of pitiful and embarrasssing for her when she gets caught by her kid playing make believe, please knock that one off.

But the worst one? The lady who who made chicken salad and chopped up avocados in it and brought it to work. Her boss steals her sandwich and then I SWEAR you give me like, 15-20 seconds of me LISTENING TO HIM EAT IT? I can HEAR HIS SALIVA and every chomp. It's VILE.

Literally, it's sickening. If he was sitting next to me in a  restaurant I'd have to hum loudly to get that sound out of my own head so that I could eat. Who thought this was a great idea?

You might think oh well there they are successful because they've got you thinking about avocados but I'd disagree. Because you see, they didn't convert me - which should be their goal by spending advertising money. They should be seeking out us NON-avocado consumers and making us COVET their product. Instead, I think "Why would I want an avocado? Apparently you live in fantasy land and eat like a foul pig if you eat them."

Also, I have PMS. Can you tell?
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Best Smelling Soap Ever

Thank you Kristine !

Best Smelling Soap Ever

Thank you Kristine !

Starting It Off Right

Starting off my New Year's Day baking with my children was possibly the best thing I could think of to do, to start 2013. It got me thinking, while two of them were stirring and the other two were having a bit of a Gangnam Style dance around the kitchen, that my good friend is right, I hold back stuff that other autism parents might like to know.
I thought of this, when I was taking out cups for water.

It isn't a decision that seems that monumental. All parents move their kids from sippy cups to regular cups.

Except that, I moved mine at about age 7.

That's not something I have ever felt good about sharing. So weird, but - my 8 year olds aren't that great with regular cups. When we go out to eat, we still give them sippy cups for their soda because CHAOS. Soft cups get squished in over excited hands, cups go flying if hands are flapping. Their hands do flap and flail a bit sometimes, especially when excited or upset.

My oldest son built our fire by himself last night. That's not a skill my twins are ever likely to pick up. But, they gathered close (after I took this picture of course), and waited for marshmallows to burn up crispy for our New Year's Eve treat of smore's while we watched Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve.

It's not a perfect life. But it's ours and I like it. I even like it on the days I don't like it at all.

I think that's the trick.

So it's 2013. Time for another year of adventure. I hope you enjoy it as much as I will.
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Starting It Off Right

Starting off my New Year's Day baking with my children was possibly the best thing I could think of to do, to start 2013. It got me thinking, while two of them were stirring and the other two were having a bit of a Gangnam Style dance around the kitchen, that my good friend is right, I hold back stuff that other autism parents might like to know.
I thought of this, when I was taking out cups for water.

It isn't a decision that seems that monumental. All parents move their kids from sippy cups to regular cups.

Except that, I moved mine at about age 7.

That's not something I have ever felt good about sharing. So weird, but - my 8 year olds aren't that great with regular cups. When we go out to eat, we still give them sippy cups for their soda because CHAOS. Soft cups get squished in over excited hands, cups go flying if hands are flapping. Their hands do flap and flail a bit sometimes, especially when excited or upset.

My oldest son built our fire by himself last night. That's not a skill my twins are ever likely to pick up. But, they gathered close (after I took this picture of course), and waited for marshmallows to burn up crispy for our New Year's Eve treat of smore's while we watched Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve.

It's not a perfect life. But it's ours and I like it. I even like it on the days I don't like it at all.

I think that's the trick.

So it's 2013. Time for another year of adventure. I hope you enjoy it as much as I will.
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