With tons of tears running down my face I loaded up my tortoise shell kitty and took her to a vets office that I'd never been to. Seems kinda rotten, dying someplace you don't even know - but I guess no one gets to choose anyway.
I learned that they had a special room, just for pets that might be euthanized - and it had it's own exit - so you don't have to cart out your dead through the waiting room of healthy happy animals. I was escorted there without much to-do when I walked into the office sobbing - they seemed to know JUST who I was and led me right back.
The nurse came in and discussed some very preliminary blood work that would let them figure out if she had system failure vs. illness - and of course I agreed.
I didn't have any HOPE - but I agreed.
The took the blood out of her NECK - and I about threw up.
After about 30 minutes the vet came in with the test results.
None of her systems were failing - she was, obviously at 18 - an OLD CAT - but her systems were in better shape than they would've expected at her age. No what they found was a very very sick cat. Upper respiratory infection plus kidney/bladder infections had taken her perilously close to death.
With no other option, other than to just put her down, I agreed to IV fluids and antibiotics shots and surprise surprise, I brought home a meowing and pissed off kitty.
Due to her age, and the severity of her illness, it's still quite possible she will die. But if she gets better, the vet felt she would get BETTER and return to her quality of life she had before which was just fine.
So we'll wait. The vet says that if she isn't better in 3-4 days she might not get better and to be prepared for that. And so we are.
All I know is that today I made the worst decision of my life, to take the life of my friend - because I thought she was suffering. If I had been right, I know that it would've been the right thing to do for her. But I don't know how I would've ever lived with the overwhelming guilt of denying her life,and of watching the life leave her little furry body.
I got off this time. And I'd like to thank whomever for that.
I wasn't ready.