I've realized over the past few days how much I did every day was for mom. Snapping pics of the kids and putting them on FACEBOOK or emailing them over to her. Sometimes maybe even what I wrote. My mom being apart from my kids is my greatest regret, because they won't ever know a fraction of how amazing she was. Their version of her is diminished because distance. I know I did my best, with phone calls every day and visits when we could get her here or we could go home, but that's my biggest regret.
I had the luxury of being able to go to MY grandparents every day. I wish my kids had that. They aren't scarred or damaged because they didn't, but they missed something and now it's over.
It's a longer answer. "Because my best friend, the one person in the world who knew me inside and out, the one person I could always count on, the deepest love I ever knew, the first person I ever wanted to tell everything my entire life, the person I trusted infinitely, the best friend I will ever have, my PERSON....died."
I can't explain to anyone who died, not accurately. Saying "Because Mom died" is the shortest wrongest answer despite how right & concise it is. It does not even remotely cover my loss.
So I'll do life things with my four children and find my mom in each of them, and remember how she always told me that your children are your immortality.
We made our hike another opportunity to do my kids favorite activity - hunting mushrooms. Our finds this time were pretty good.