A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Dream Talk

5:58 AM
Me to Husband: Night Ranger is coming over, they want to have a meeting in our bedroom."
Him: Oh man, no.- He rolls over and groans disgustedly.

6:30 AM
I look around: Where is Night Ranger?
Him: What?

Ohhhhh, that was a dream........They're NOT coming over.

Got it.

Monday, March 28, 2011

These Eyes

Something is wonky with me.

It's my eyes.

When I first got glasses, I was sixteen and had to get them to drive.
I had gone my entire life unable to see, it turned out. As the tallest kid in the class usually, I always had to sit in the back of the room. It had never occurred to me that I was supposed to be able to see the things on the walls or the blackboard. After all - those things were far away.

It became more of a challenge as I got older and was expected to take notes. But, I had this awesome teacher in seventh grade who taught us and expected us to take notes as he lectured. He, in fact, taught the art of taking formal notes in class. So, I didn't have to see.

I took notes. I took awesome notes.

But when I was sixteen it turned out I could see perfectly up close but far away, I couldn't see a damn thing. So they ordered me bifocals which was pretty annoying as a sixteen year old.

As time went by my vision got bad enough not to warrant the bifocals but most doctors agreed I didn't have to wear the glasses for close reading, which I often wouldn't, especially when reading in bed.

Now though, something has started to happen. When I'm working on something at my desk, like signing something, or reading papers - I'm reading UNDER my glasses. Filling out forms at the doctor's office? Reading UNDER my glasses.

I can't see up close - through my glasses.

Dammit. Bifocals, you're coming back - aren't you?

Sunday, March 27, 2011

What Is a Perfect Day?

I might've said yesterday that it was dancing around my kitchen making brownies with my son, while we shook our butts and sang along to LOW RIDER.
In fact, it was the boy who started the dancing. I piped up with the singing cuz you know...
But more of a perfect day is a day when you get to try something HORRIBLE yet FANTASTIC like a BACON MAPLE SUNDAE.

And then at the Antique Fair you find not ONLY a SPACE 1999 Lunch Box but also a PLANET OF THE APES Trash Can!

I MEAN FOR REALS DAWG how awesome is that?????
I also got that painted window that I'm going to do SOMETHING with I dunno what.

Also obtained were festive cocktail plates and an Aunt Jemima cast iron bank. It's not a reproduction so it looks like we got a good deal based on the prices on Ebay which rocks.
Honestly I just wanted it because they're kind of a silly collectible but I was glad to find an older one.
I picked up two necklaces which aren't vintage but were made by one of those artsy people who sells things at fairs.
They were MUST HAVES as you can see.

Now I wish I had a cupcake.

It was a pretty amazing Sunday. I might survive this week coming up. I really might.

Howzit with all of you? Leave comments I like comments!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Scene:Bedroom 6:27 AM

Husband mublingly makes a comment about being the troll I married.

I say "I feast on the bones of trolls."

Him: "Ok Beowulf."

Me: "It's Charlie Sheen actually."

Him: "Beowulf, Charlie Sheen, it's all the same."


Saturday, March 19, 2011

Eleven Months Pass

So there is this story that I'll tell you about something that happened eleven months ago today.

Eleven months ago today, I got up early and put my twins on the school bus. Then I drove my oldest boy to school. I wanted to do all of those things, because in theory I wasn't going to be able to do them again for a long time.
On the way to school, I tried to talk to my oldest son about important things. I don't know what they were now. He wanted to talk to me about Lego Star Wars. I was so very upset with him at the time. I was trying to say goodbye to him, just in case.
He was seven, he didn't get it.

Then, I went home and took a shower and the husband did the same and we got into our car and drove to the hospital.

That's when it happened, on the way to the hospital. At the Gwinnett Arena, the sign said LADY GAGA APRIL 18.

Now, it was April 19th. First off I thought it was odd that I hadn't heard she was coming to town. Second off, I thought how weird they didn't change the sign. The concert was YESTERDAY.

All I could think as we drove past was, "THOSE STUPID ASSHOLES. They didn't change the sign. Now, that stupid sign is going to be one of the last things I see."

Because see, I don't know why, but I was pretty sure I was going to die. Call it premonition, call it unreasonable fear, but mentally I wasn't prepared for life post-c-section. I didn't think there was going to be one, because simply I was sure I was going to stroke out right there on the table. Or bleed out. Or just simply DIE because I couldn't handle what was happening.

I wrote about a lot of it then.

But it turns out, there is life post c-section. And she is our joy.
And today, she is eleven months old.


Friday, March 18, 2011

Why Don't We Eat Bears?

My neighbors across the street had their fishing boat out this morning when I went outside to drive the oldest boy to school.
"What's all that stuff on their boat?" he asked.
I looked closer and....I don't know how to describe it. Like - their boat had all this fringe and tassles and crap hanging from it. The best I could figure, it was some sort of camouflage - for tall grass or something.
I honestly have no clue.
I suggested maybe they weren't going fishing maybe they were going duck hunting.
I don't know why, this just seemed more plausible.
As we drove by the boat, he asked "Is it duck season?" and I shrugged.
Why would I know what hunting season is what?
Before I could compose a non-smartmouth answer he asked,"When is bear season?"

I was stumped.

"Ummmm, I'm not sure....I'm not sure we still hunt bears. Maybe we do. I don't really know. I mean, Dad and I don't think you should hunt anything you don't eat. So, I don't think you should hunt bears regardless."

Just as dead pan as can be he replies. "You can eat bears."

I told him that just didn't sound right to me. I'd never heard of anyone eating bears.

"No Mom," he said as we pulled up to the car-rider lane at school. "Native Americans didn't waste anything and they wore bear fur so they ate bears."

Can you eat bears?

I guess I'll trust the boy. Maybe he learned this in Scouts...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Stuff I Bet You NEVER Say

I bet you never, never say "NO NO NO NO Don't PUT YOUR PUT IN THE POOP!"

I bet you never say "OMG STOP JUMPING ON THE POOP!"

I hope you don't wonder on a regular basis who has pooped their pants only to discover that it's 75% of the minor population.

We have a lot more poop talk than I think any family except maybe those Duggar people who have like 30 kids or whatever it is. I would think that given the number of kids in diapers they have at any given time, they've got us beat.

I don't really have a point. But as I was just wondering WHO JUST POOPED THEIR PANTS....it crossed my mind...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Sick Is The New Black

Ok really it must be. Because I really only like fancy and fashionable things, and I've been sick over a week now. I had this glimmer, on Friday into Saturday of "wow I'm feeling good."
I think I actually said that to my girlfriend "Hey, I think I'm feeling better!" and then......well.

I'm not.

I can't imagine that being this sick is anything less than a fancy accoutrement to the already completely elegant life I call mine. It must be some new mandatory form of fancy.

I wouldn't BE this sick on my own, without cause. Right?

At this juncture I've passed sounding like Kathleen Turner and am just living in hurty-voice land. My throat feels like red fire. My lungs hurt. My head hurts on and off. Other stuff hurts. Today my butt exploded like 5 times. Or more.

I've gotta get better now, right?

This is live blogging at it's best. I should take my phone to the restroom and post from there tomorrow - post coffee.

Ok, let's think of two positive things to share.

Spring is coming!

Nice of the lady who used to own this house to plant these, wasn't it?
She also planted daffodils, which up north they say will keep away the deer.
Apparently that's only Yankee Deer because from what I can tell Confederate Deer eat them.
But what can you expect.....(wait for it......)



Monday, March 07, 2011

If You Could Use A Gig

Charlie Sheen Needs an Intern. I'm Just sayin'.

Rock it Charlie. Keep Winning.

Friday, March 04, 2011


Ok so I rarely go over to my twitter account but there is something important about it I should tell you.
I've been on twitter so long.......I'm GIDGE.
That's right. I got on TWITTER before ANYONE ELSE could register Gidge.
This makes me perversely happy.
I'm usually not on Twitter HOWEVER......the Charlie Sheen Craze drug me back.

I hear through the social media network that like most people of Fame and Fortune, Charlie isn't tweeting his own tweets which gives me a sad. I want him to have his iPhone on tapping out the crazy.

But then, if he's using a service, how would that work. Does he give them ideas? Are they just making stuff up? Is there like a daily call or email where they blue sky concepts?

I want that to be true. Like he shoots them an email with really broad concepts and they work them in through out the day.

I have some suggestions, for tweets over the weekend. Mind you, these are BROAD CONCEPTS and not specific tweets. But I think his people could spin them into some real entertainment for the rest of us. Charlie can stay home and do lines and be all bi-winning. I got the social media content right here.

Some ideas for HIS PEOPLE! Feel free to use them.......

  • Spanish Inquisition
  • Hypoallergenic
  • Flame Retardant
  • Avatar
  • Apes That Sign
  • Foot Fungus
  • 800 thread count sheets
  • 3g vs 4g
  • White iPhones - myth?
  • Human hunting hat
  • Remake of WARLOCK
  • Mormon Garments
  • Zoom Zoom
Keep winning Charlie.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

How'd You Get Here?

I haven't done one of these in so long. Usually, I find them to the last bastion of a blogger who is compelled to blog but has nothing to say. But, I hadn't LOOKED in so long to see how people got here, that I nearly shot snot out my nose laughing as I looked.
SO - I had to share.
And here they are.......some of the lovely search terms that landed you on my little creative outlet.
  1. Ed Hardy Steering Wheel Cover Can Cause Cancer - ummm, no.
  2. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah sex - ok.......
  4. The Return of Mothra
  5. Dr Zaritsky - Tampa - YES he RULES go to him
  6. Baked beans and potato chips - from google.ca - hello Canadians!
  7. the Last great Ape - I STILL HATE APES THAT SIGN
  8. Large Penis is always welcome - yeah baby again that's TWO
  9. National Diaper Day - what's that?
  10. Penthouse Hot Moms - YEAH BABY - wait.....?
That last one is concerning me......../me looks at my ex boyfriend.......GIVE BACK THE PICTURES!!!!