Eleven months ago today, I got up early and put my twins on the school bus. Then I drove my oldest boy to school. I wanted to do all of those things, because in theory I wasn't going to be able to do them again for a long time.
On the way to school, I tried to talk to my oldest son about important things. I don't know what they were now. He wanted to talk to me about Lego Star Wars. I was so very upset with him at the time. I was trying to say goodbye to him, just in case.
He was seven, he didn't get it.
Then, I went home and took a shower and the husband did the same and we got into our car and drove to the hospital.
That's when it happened, on the way to the hospital. At the Gwinnett Arena, the sign said LADY GAGA APRIL 18.
Now, it was April 19th. First off I thought it was odd that I hadn't heard she was coming to town. Second off, I thought how weird they didn't change the sign. The concert was YESTERDAY.
All I could think as we drove past was, "THOSE STUPID ASSHOLES. They didn't change the sign. Now, that stupid sign is going to be one of the last things I see."
Because see, I don't know why, but I was pretty sure I was going to die. Call it premonition, call it unreasonable fear, but mentally I wasn't prepared for life post-c-section. I didn't think there was going to be one, because simply I was sure I was going to stroke out right there on the table. Or bleed out. Or just simply DIE because I couldn't handle what was happening.
I wrote about a lot of it then.
But it turns out, there is life post c-section. And she is our joy.
And today, she is eleven months old.