A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Don't Make Me Whip Your Ass

Made with HAVE FUN!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Doctors are Not Salesmen, Apparently

Filing this information under "Things You Bastards in the Medical Community Should Have Told Us"........we have some news which is actually quite good, albeit infuriating.
We're in the process of doing developmental testing for my twin sweeties......through the schools. I know that I've shared that we've struggled to get MEDICAL testing because everyone wants a bajillion dollars and NO ONE takes insurance.
(Show me an developmental pediatrician who takes insurance and I'll eat my hat).
And we've struggled with this concept, of HOW we are supposed to pay for office visits that are frequently quoted to us as being OVER A THOUSAND DOLLARS PER CHILD.....HOW are we SUPPOSED TO GET THEM HELP at these sort of rates?

I've considered it the raping of the parents of autistic children, actually. They know you'll pay. It's your children. You'll pay anything, you'll bankrupt your life - won't you? If there is a chance, however small, that you can help them?

Well getting laid off just makes all that completely off the table. So things have waited. And now we have this awesome doctor who got us in with someone who WILL take insurance (psychologist who specializes in developmental delay and autism) and he wants $600....and we're just sort of LOOKING at each other like, even at $600 - HOW is a family supposed to AFFORD THAT?

I mean you can do it once but like........JESUS.

And then we find out, that once we get a diagnoses..........we can get them on medicaid via some program and FUCKING MEDICAID WILL PAY FOR EVERYTHING.

Deep breath.

Cuz see, I'm really happy. This is good news.

But it's news I needed two years ago.

And THIS is why I say, Doctors are NOT Salesmen. Because see, in SALES - when a customer balks at the cost, you FIND a way for them to afford it. You THROW out that MEDICAID INFO right away, because after all, Mr. Doctor - You're Just Trying to Get PAID! You help that person find a way to afford it, you get them in that NEW CAR/GYM MEMBERSHIP/WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.....or


It seems lame to me that someone making far less money would've moved the earth to find a way for me to join a gym but medical professionals who I am counting on to help me save my boys couldn't have helped me learn this.

If you're not "officially" a parent of autistic children, people just say "well have you had them tested" or locally "Were they in PEACHCARE?"........and well.........no. They were full term. They had no issues. In FLA they didn't QUALIFY for special services BECAUSE they were so healthy and so big. So no one noticed. No one realized.

No one listened. No one helped.

It feels like that has all changed. I'm just so terribly terribly ANGRY about what has gone before.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Things Which Are Not Breaking News

  • Anyone just doing their job -ie. Firefighters rescue someone. This is a good thing, but really, they are supposed to rescue people. Firefighters rescuing someone in the midst of breaking news size TRAGEDY are exempt and this is then BREAKING NEWS. (Example, Firefighters rescue me from a tree - NOT breaking news, Firefighters rescue me from the depths of a coal mine - THIS is breaking news.)
  • Weather which is not catastrophic - this includes thunderstorms. Tornadoes are breaking news, HAIL could be. Thunderstorms - not so much.
  • People on Capital Hill speaking about this or that, regardless of whether or not they are under subpoena. Really, breaking news used to be things you did not know were going to happen.
  • Governments Balancing Budgets - Like Chris Rock says "you don't get credit for doing what you are SUPPOSED to do".
  • Someone telling us the economy is bad. Duh, you're a retard and this is NOT breaking news.
  • Dick Cheney being mad at W - not breaking news. This is a personal squabble. And again, only unexpected things should be breaking news.

Here are my official guidelines for breaking news. I will appreciate it if CNN and all the lesser news agencies will please abide by them: (don't make me do a damned I-Report)

Breaking News IS:

  • Something unexpected
  • Something which effects more than the people immediately invovled (see Dick Cheney Mad at W above)
  • Something that has national impact - even if just on our hearts and minds
  • Something very very tragic
  • Something very very dangerous
  • Something very very good
  • Something bigger than it's bi-line.
  • Something that makes the person who reads it or hears it say "Oh my god......." and immediately want to share it.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

My Husband Sent Me An Email.....

Titled "Things You Will Never Get For Valentine's Day Part 1.

Yeah, thanks. I don't WANT this creepy gift.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

From My Family To Yours....Pass It On.

Friday, February 13, 2009

What Real Love Looks Like

  • Real love makes sure the coffee pot is filled for you every morning so that when you are getting ready for work you have some delicious hot Joe to drink.
  • Real love doesn't lie to you about how you look, it tells you that something doesn't make you look your best. (It Ain't The Jeans)
  • Real love is the first person you want to touch when you wake up, and the last one you want to touch as you fall asleep.
  • Real love has bad days and arguments and fights.
  • Real love lets each other down.
  • Real love picks each other back up.
  • Real love remembers what you like and buys that brand at the store.
  • Real love cries at the thought of living without you.
  • Real love forgives you even when you make them mad and you are wrong.
  • Real love is thoughtful more than one day in the year.
  • Real love sends something more interesting than red roses.
  • Real love is not beautiful.
  • Real love has zits in embarrassing places.
  • Real love is never a question, it's reality is solid.
  • Real love will tease you,but not hurt your feelings.
  • Real love remembers stories you tell about being little, and tries to bring them back to life for you.
  • Real love is so strong that even bad times seem OK when you are past them.
  • Real love has no fashion sense.
  • Real love looks forward to talking to you, but does not obsess about talking to you.
  • Real love gives you gifts like William Hung's CD for Easter, as a joke.
  • Real love doesn't have to like your friends. They just have to respect that you like them.
  • Real love doesn't talk crap about their mate on plur,twitter,blogs or elsewhere.
  • Real love eats Steak N Shake even when they are sick of it and tired of it being suggested. (TY Honey you rule)
  • Real love knows which farts are yours.
  • Real love involves things which are unpleasant and not pretty.
  • Real love cleans up the puke while you hose off the kids.
  • Real love runs to the store in the middle of the night for you, without a question. For PADS. And MIDOL.
  • Real love never lies about your hair. If it's bad, they tell you.
  • Real love holds your hand when you are scared.
  • Real love kills spiders.
  • Real love is what I have. And I am so unbelievably lucky - you just don't even know.

    I love you sweetheart. Thank you for being all of this AND MORE.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I remember vividly him getting that tooth. And all the others. Now I guess they start leaving, so much more peacefully than they came. I told him today that when he used to get teeth, he'd get more than one at a time, and he'd get a fever and diarhea. He thought that was a hoot.

So we did this.

Putting our little tooth into a pillow we bought at Disney World back on his first birthday - anticipating this day to come. (Here is a better picture of the pillow)

And the next morning guess what he found?

I told him that he's so big now, that it's going to kill me when some day he won't want to snuggle with me, or cuddle and give hugs and kisses. He kissed my cheek and snuggled his face into my neck and whispered,"I will always want to."

Best thing I've ever heard.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Tips On Getting Away With Crime - For 4 Year Olds

Well first of all, please remember you can't trust your older brother - he's a narc. I know this because I'm the one who made him a narc. That being said, there are some important factors to remember.
If you are comitting a very specific crime, like OH SAY......dumping out of the sugar onto a COOKIE SHEET........
  • First off don't leave any of your initials written in sugar. See, that's just a bad idea.
  • Don't go rushing OUT of the kitchen when you hear me arriving - you gotta play it off better than that.
  • But lastly, and this one is MOST important...........

IF you have dumped all of the sugar out onto a cookie sheet sitting on the stove........IT IS IMPERATIVE that you not stroll to the breakfast table crusted with sugar like a gum drop. Because when it is covering your face, your hands, your arms........well........the trail leads right to YOU.

But I do applaud your bravado in just acting like everything was cool.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

What is that? The 80s Or Something?

ME: Sigh. NO THAT'S NOT THE 80s! That is the 50s!

The boy: Well it looks really old like the 80s.


Monday, February 02, 2009

They Are Not Your Children

So, I realize that there may be an outcry of rage at these words, but I seriously just have to put it out there because I'm about to burst.
Your pets are not your children.

Let me back up a moment, because I don't mean to be OVERLY harsh to the childless nor to indicate that you don't love your pets unconditionally. But there are some very basic and irefutable differences that you're going to have to acknowledge.

  1. They are pets. I have pets. I adore them. They are precious to me and I've known them about 15 years. You own pets. You do not own children.
  2. They have a lifespan of less than 20 years (Human years don't convert and be annoying). In a pet thisis normal, in a child this is a tragedy.
  3. You can board a pet, and no that isn't the same as carting them off to Grandma's. You can think it's the same but I'm about 99% sure that Grandma loves the baby and the dog kennel people do not love your dog.
  4. When your pet dies, you grieve and are sad and eventually you'll probably get another pet and move on. When your child dies, your heart never heals - even if you have another child.
  5. Getting a dog or a cat (but usually it's a dog) does not prepare you for having a child. Not in any way shape or form. It is the equivalent of saying that boot camp prepares you for war. You learn a routine with a dog, and in boot camp. You learn real battle tactics in the field....just like parenthood.
  6. Your dog is cute. I don't like dogs no. But yours is cute. No, I don't want to pet him - because he smells like dog that's why.
  7. Getting a pet is not really a responsibility, it's a hobby. If it dies, you can replace it with one that looks nearly like it even. You will never know the meaning of your whole life being HAVE TO - unless you have a child. (And this is ok, not everyone SHOULD have a child).

So please, don't tell me that you got a dog because you're thinking about having a baby and you wanted to "have a sense of the responsibility" involved. I swear to GOD the AKC came up with that myth.

Let me make one last point.......just to illustrate how very DIFFERENT having a pet vs. having a child is.

There were two accidents on the floor of this house last week. One by a pet, one by a child. If the pet keeps it up, she's going to live outside.

The child on the other hand - well thats not even on the table now is it?

Get it?