A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

The New Mandatory - 2 Kids or No Kids

Okay I've decided that, after consuming beers with Sarah and raving on about the things and people we hate (and love).............that I think there should be a rule.
It's about your reproduction.

You need to have at least two kids, or none.

Now, stay with me, I've got a reason. It's a good one.

When you just have the ONE kid, well - you're a freak. You worry about shit that doesn't matter, you flip out over the littlest stuff, you're ridiculously over protective - because you have the luxury of being so.

And well, it isn't productive. Or even reasonable.

Example? Oh, ever see those people who completely cover up the baby carrier if there is the slightest wind? Or, just a light rain? Because we all know human babies can't HANDLE a little bit of rain or a slight wind on them - it might DAMAGE them in some way that is irreparable.

Or the people who FLIP STRAIGHT OUT if their kid eats some sugar. Unless your kid is a diabetic or has some wild food allergy - well, ummm.....your kid is fine. Don't let them live on sugar. Be a parent. I'll even admit this - I WAS GUILTY OF THIS SIN.

That's right. When I had the luxury of being a singleton's parent (I didn't know they called a baby born on it's OWN a special name but they do,it's a singleton) - I once about STROKED OUT because my best friend spooned some cake with icing into my 9 month old son's mouth. Inside myself I about SCREAMED "HE'S NEVER HAD SUGAR OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" and felt all righteous about my incredibly brilliant and superior parenting and she obviously had NO FUCKING CLUE what she was doing because MY BABY DIDN'T EAT SUGAR.


As Sarah so aptly put it, now I'm more of the "Yeah my kids are outside licking dirt and then we'll be hitting the McDonald's - later."

When you have more kids, you have to become more practical. Okay licking dirt is bad most likely but in the grand scheme of things, you learn to prioritize. IS THIS GOING TO KILL THEM being the big distinguisher. If it's not going to kill them, you just learn to deal with it differently and are less MANIC and PARANOID - and it's a little easier on you even if it's more hectic.

I think that there are a lot of really NORMAL parents out there who have just one kid, I think it's responsible to look out for what you perceive to be your kids best interest - example, you kid isn't feeling well and you can't put your finger on it - so you say you're gonna be cautious/protective with them.......that's LOGIC. That's a good time not to play with other kids and we other parents appreciate it. We don't want your germs or the possibility of your germs.

But covering up your 8 month old with 3 blankets over their FACE so the WIND doesn't blow on them - well that borders on the insane.

I promise you, evolution has equipped us with the ability to handle WIND. Or, if you like - YOUR LORD GOD has also given you this gift. He also made the wind, so you know, really - enjoy the wind. It's a gift.

OK rant over. I'm having another beer now.

Shut Up - my kids are in bed.


Cajsa Lilliehook said...

I have it on the highest authority (my sister's pediatrician) that eating dirt is good for kids. All that bacteria builds up their immune system.

The Redheaded Lefty said...

OMG. This is brilliant. And it sounds just like Sarah. Hilarious!

Amanda said...

I've had this conversation with my co-workers. And we have come to the same conclusion. Its not fair for the kid to be an only child. Plus, as a parent, you miss out on all the fun stuff...like figuring out which one really broke the vase.