The One With Allergies From Hell

I have had this thing going on for weeks where allergies break out all over my skin. Well, not allergies but rather the result from allergies - rash, hives, whatever you want to call it. I'm allergic to something. Something erupts on my skin several times a day in a most disconcerting fashion. It makes me feel like this.

Ok that's a Fiji Mermaid. But that's about how I feel despite the fact that I have to remain civil and attend meetings and act like a grown up all day. First my skin starts to burn. That's the herald that it's incoming. You can't see it when the burn starts, but I could outline where it's going to erupt based on that burn. Then up it comes, in red splotches, dots, stripes etc. It stretches up and down my arms, my neck, back, legs, abdomen. Hell once it crawled up my neck and onto my face - during a meeting.

I thought my boss was going to have a heart attack, he looked up and said "Oh my god are you okay?" I smiled and glanced back at my laptop, "Yeah it's just allergies." Move forward- nothing to see here.

But WHAT allergy? WTF is doing this to me? I went to my primary doctor and he ran the gauntlet of tests. My SED rates were all nice and low so it's not autoimmune in nature. He put me on three different antihistamines to keep it under control This had the effect of pushing me into a zombie like trance,and doing nothing for the hives.

Well that isn't completely true - I had some serious relief for about 3 days. About day 3 whatever the allergen is said AH HA HERE I AM! Then my arms blew up in deep red burning and itching rash.

It seems likely that's its a food allergy. According to the internets, where everything is true and nothing is ever wrong or blown out of proportion, DAIRY is the most common food allergy because of all the shit they do to fuck with cows and our milk. So...I've given up dairy. I'm on day five I think? I don't know. I'm not counting per se - it's just recent so not hard to keep track of.

Once again I had three days of relative improvement, much like when I started antihistamines. Then yesterday my arms blew up like there was some "Miss Rash of 2017" contest they were participating in. My shoulders and armpits had a go as well. It was delightful.

I'm going to the allergist on the 18th so 11 more days until I hopefully learn something. If she says "contact dermatitis" I'll pretty much throw myself off a building as that's clearly not it. But allergist and dermatologists love to say that. Here, have some cortisone cream. You'll feel better.

It burns and it itches and it looks like shit.  As I lay in bed at night succumbing to the two benadryl required at bed time, I can't help but wonder if this is my new normal because folks if so we may have found the thing I'm not stronger than. I can't sustain with this level of sedating drug inside me. It's exhausting me. I'm struggling.

The Fiji Mermaid knows. That's why she's making that face.

The One With Allergies From Hell

I have had this thing going on for weeks where allergies break out all over my skin. Well, not allergies but rather the result from allergies - rash, hives, whatever you want to call it. I'm allergic to something. Something erupts on my skin several times a day in a most disconcerting fashion. It makes me feel like this.

Ok that's a Fiji Mermaid. But that's about how I feel despite the fact that I have to remain civil and attend meetings and act like a grown up all day. First my skin starts to burn. That's the herald that it's incoming. You can't see it when the burn starts, but I could outline where it's going to erupt based on that burn. Then up it comes, in red splotches, dots, stripes etc. It stretches up and down my arms, my neck, back, legs, abdomen. Hell once it crawled up my neck and onto my face - during a meeting.

I thought my boss was going to have a heart attack, he looked up and said "Oh my god are you okay?" I smiled and glanced back at my laptop, "Yeah it's just allergies." Move forward- nothing to see here.

But WHAT allergy? WTF is doing this to me? I went to my primary doctor and he ran the gauntlet of tests. My SED rates were all nice and low so it's not autoimmune in nature. He put me on three different antihistamines to keep it under control This had the effect of pushing me into a zombie like trance,and doing nothing for the hives.

Well that isn't completely true - I had some serious relief for about 3 days. About day 3 whatever the allergen is said AH HA HERE I AM! Then my arms blew up in deep red burning and itching rash.

It seems likely that's its a food allergy. According to the internets, where everything is true and nothing is ever wrong or blown out of proportion, DAIRY is the most common food allergy because of all the shit they do to fuck with cows and our milk. So...I've given up dairy. I'm on day five I think? I don't know. I'm not counting per se - it's just recent so not hard to keep track of.

Once again I had three days of relative improvement, much like when I started antihistamines. Then yesterday my arms blew up like there was some "Miss Rash of 2017" contest they were participating in. My shoulders and armpits had a go as well. It was delightful.

I'm going to the allergist on the 18th so 11 more days until I hopefully learn something. If she says "contact dermatitis" I'll pretty much throw myself off a building as that's clearly not it. But allergist and dermatologists love to say that. Here, have some cortisone cream. You'll feel better.

It burns and it itches and it looks like shit.  As I lay in bed at night succumbing to the two benadryl required at bed time, I can't help but wonder if this is my new normal because folks if so we may have found the thing I'm not stronger than. I can't sustain with this level of sedating drug inside me. It's exhausting me. I'm struggling.

The Fiji Mermaid knows. That's why she's making that face.

The Places You'll Go: Go Karts, Bears and Breakfast In The Cold

On the day it snowed it was around 28 degrees in the morning. I don't really remember how cold it was, what I do remember was that we didn't have winter coats with us AND that we decided to go drive Go Karts.
Why? I'm not sure. We went to breakfast and ate it shivering a bit despite the nearby heater. The breakfast place was Gatlinburg famous and the food was really good.

After breakfast we ambled down to a tourist trap to view bears who had an enclosure they were living in. We'd steadfastly avoided such places in the past because who the HELL would approve of such a thing? But then we learned the story, of how these bears were rescued from a HUNTING CAMP where they lived in a special reserve where they only lived there to be hunted. WHICH IS FLIPPING HORRIBLE. Was their enclosure as awesome as living out in nature and being free? Of course not. But there wasn't any doubt that they were loved and cared for - and their enclosure was large and nicely made. So yeah, not the best - but definitely better than what fate had in store for them initially.

Also at the tourist trap we purchased fudge, tervis tumblers and some other stuff. Why is it we have to buy fudge when we travel? Fudge is always the same, always with some sort of "local" flair on one or two flavors right? I wonder why it's a thing but I don't really even care. Fudge is really good.

By the time we were done shopping and seeing bears the snow was not only stopped, you couldn't tell it had happened that morning at all. It was cold but not the worst.

The oldest boy and I drove a car with the girl riding along with me to help me steer. She was tremendously helpful.

I have to say that there was something about flying around that track in the blistering cold, feeling my hands getting chapped and numb, letting the back end of that car get loose as we hit the remaining ice patches, that was in it's way life affirming. I'm alive. We're alive. Feel that wind, let it come so hard it HURTS. Feel the rush as you slide around the corners, as you barely miss your own kid in his own car. Death wasn't there. I'd put miles between me and death.

At least for the time being.

What do we say to the God of Death? 

NOT TODAY.

The Places You'll Go: Go Karts, Bears and Breakfast In The Cold

On the day it snowed it was around 28 degrees in the morning. I don't really remember how cold it was, what I do remember was that we didn't have winter coats with us AND that we decided to go drive Go Karts.
Why? I'm not sure. We went to breakfast and ate it shivering a bit despite the nearby heater. The breakfast place was Gatlinburg famous and the food was really good.

After breakfast we ambled down to a tourist trap to view bears who had an enclosure they were living in. We'd steadfastly avoided such places in the past because who the HELL would approve of such a thing? But then we learned the story, of how these bears were rescued from a HUNTING CAMP where they lived in a special reserve where they only lived there to be hunted. WHICH IS FLIPPING HORRIBLE. Was their enclosure as awesome as living out in nature and being free? Of course not. But there wasn't any doubt that they were loved and cared for - and their enclosure was large and nicely made. So yeah, not the best - but definitely better than what fate had in store for them initially.

Also at the tourist trap we purchased fudge, tervis tumblers and some other stuff. Why is it we have to buy fudge when we travel? Fudge is always the same, always with some sort of "local" flair on one or two flavors right? I wonder why it's a thing but I don't really even care. Fudge is really good.

By the time we were done shopping and seeing bears the snow was not only stopped, you couldn't tell it had happened that morning at all. It was cold but not the worst.

The oldest boy and I drove a car with the girl riding along with me to help me steer. She was tremendously helpful.

I have to say that there was something about flying around that track in the blistering cold, feeling my hands getting chapped and numb, letting the back end of that car get loose as we hit the remaining ice patches, that was in it's way life affirming. I'm alive. We're alive. Feel that wind, let it come so hard it HURTS. Feel the rush as you slide around the corners, as you barely miss your own kid in his own car. Death wasn't there. I'd put miles between me and death.

At least for the time being.

What do we say to the God of Death? 

NOT TODAY.

The Places You'll Go: Day Four

In the spirit of going places, remembering Aunt Debbie's legacy and putting some positive memory to end our trip we decided to stop for a couple of days in Gatlinburg on our way home. Nothing says "We're in Gatlinburg" like posing with a great big ass bear statue I think.

My husband and I were chased out of our hot tub during our honeymoon by a bear here in Gatlinburg. Maybe that's why I'm amused by taking photos of bears with my children.

I feel like it was probably more along the size of this latter one. I can't tell you, however, as our naked butts were busy running and carrying our booze as fast as we could back into our cabin. Stupid bear.

Besides taking pictures with bears we did the requisite touristy things. We went to the aquarium where I decided I wanted to touch a jellyfish as much as the kids did. It was REALLY kind of neat to touch them. They feel quite lovely and smooth. Little bastards of pain of suffering in disguise is what they are.

There were also stingrays to pet - a lot has changed here since we came on our honeymoon. Or maybe it hasn't and we were just in "we just got married" shock at the time. I can't even say.

The kids always love aquariums but I think I love them most of all. I still have this intense desire to get in the water with these beasts and know them, like some Aquatic Dr. Doolittle.

Oh my god - it just OCCURRED TO ME THAT THIS IS WHAT AQUAMAN IS - he's AQUATIC Dr. DOOLITTLE. How odd. Anyway...

I don't have a lot of profound take aways from our trip to the aquarium. It was a nice decompression from the stress and sadness that came before.

Maybe it was just a respite from the world. It served us well if so.

The Places You'll Go: Day Four

In the spirit of going places, remembering Aunt Debbie's legacy and putting some positive memory to end our trip we decided to stop for a couple of days in Gatlinburg on our way home. Nothing says "We're in Gatlinburg" like posing with a great big ass bear statue I think.

My husband and I were chased out of our hot tub during our honeymoon by a bear here in Gatlinburg. Maybe that's why I'm amused by taking photos of bears with my children.

I feel like it was probably more along the size of this latter one. I can't tell you, however, as our naked butts were busy running and carrying our booze as fast as we could back into our cabin. Stupid bear.

Besides taking pictures with bears we did the requisite touristy things. We went to the aquarium where I decided I wanted to touch a jellyfish as much as the kids did. It was REALLY kind of neat to touch them. They feel quite lovely and smooth. Little bastards of pain of suffering in disguise is what they are.

There were also stingrays to pet - a lot has changed here since we came on our honeymoon. Or maybe it hasn't and we were just in "we just got married" shock at the time. I can't even say.

The kids always love aquariums but I think I love them most of all. I still have this intense desire to get in the water with these beasts and know them, like some Aquatic Dr. Doolittle.

Oh my god - it just OCCURRED TO ME THAT THIS IS WHAT AQUAMAN IS - he's AQUATIC Dr. DOOLITTLE. How odd. Anyway...

I don't have a lot of profound take aways from our trip to the aquarium. It was a nice decompression from the stress and sadness that came before.

Maybe it was just a respite from the world. It served us well if so.

The Places You'll Go: Day Three

Once upon a time a married couple with a very young daughter bought their first house. They bought a fixer-upper that needed a LOT of fixing-uping. That was okay as the man built houses for a living, and his brother owned a brick mason company and between them they had both the tools and the talent for turning any house into a lovely place. The home they bought was pretty large, possibly too large for a couple with one child and no more to come, but still they got it cheap because it was in such disrepair.
In their large detached two car garage were many pianos. It seemed to be storage for a couple dozen pianos made at the Starr-Gennett piano factory. Many were water damaged, or had other damage and were hauled away. One though was kept and cleaned up. A lovely upright of deep mahogany, with real ebony and ivory keys.
When I was about 3 or 4, the man - whom I called Grandpa because he was mine, told me that if I learned to play it I could have it.
It's one of those pieces that a person hauls around with them. I once broke into my grandmas house when her house was being auctioned off by some evil lawyers (which is a story for a different time) and with some friends made off with as much as I could in the way of family keepsakes - foremost being my piano. I've dragged it across the country from state to state.
I don't think I've had it tuned in 20 years.

The factory burned down, they stopped making pianos and focused on recording for a time - first as Starr-Gennett then as Gennett records. What's left now are just the shells of the buildings that manufactured one of the great "material possession" loves of my life, my piano.

After Aunt Debbie's funeral we drove over there and I wandered through the graveyard of this great place, wishing I had seen it sooner but glad I got the chance to finally walk around at this place.
It's lovely, they've made it a park.

There is a greenway people run on and bike on, and apparently they rent the building out for events. We met a lady who told us they held her prom there. I kind of like the idea of that, the music lives on in the shell of the building now.

Some of my favorite things around the little park at the factory were the many murals.There are murals all over Richmond and I have to kind of love a little town who embraces color and art in this way.

It was a fun walk down memory lane, to a place I had never been. I guess that's how you know you're home.

The Places You'll Go: Day Three

Once upon a time a married couple with a very young daughter bought their first house. They bought a fixer-upper that needed a LOT of fixing-uping. That was okay as the man built houses for a living, and his brother owned a brick mason company and between them they had both the tools and the talent for turning any house into a lovely place. The home they bought was pretty large, possibly too large for a couple with one child and no more to come, but still they got it cheap because it was in such disrepair.
In their large detached two car garage were many pianos. It seemed to be storage for a couple dozen pianos made at the Starr-Gennett piano factory. Many were water damaged, or had other damage and were hauled away. One though was kept and cleaned up. A lovely upright of deep mahogany, with real ebony and ivory keys.
When I was about 3 or 4, the man - whom I called Grandpa because he was mine, told me that if I learned to play it I could have it.
It's one of those pieces that a person hauls around with them. I once broke into my grandmas house when her house was being auctioned off by some evil lawyers (which is a story for a different time) and with some friends made off with as much as I could in the way of family keepsakes - foremost being my piano. I've dragged it across the country from state to state.
I don't think I've had it tuned in 20 years.

The factory burned down, they stopped making pianos and focused on recording for a time - first as Starr-Gennett then as Gennett records. What's left now are just the shells of the buildings that manufactured one of the great "material possession" loves of my life, my piano.

After Aunt Debbie's funeral we drove over there and I wandered through the graveyard of this great place, wishing I had seen it sooner but glad I got the chance to finally walk around at this place.
It's lovely, they've made it a park.

There is a greenway people run on and bike on, and apparently they rent the building out for events. We met a lady who told us they held her prom there. I kind of like the idea of that, the music lives on in the shell of the building now.

Some of my favorite things around the little park at the factory were the many murals.There are murals all over Richmond and I have to kind of love a little town who embraces color and art in this way.

It was a fun walk down memory lane, to a place I had never been. I guess that's how you know you're home.

The Places You'll Go: Day Two

It seems like the places we've gone have been too much for sad reasons lately. It isn't entirely true, but you know how harsh words loom larger than kind ones? Sad trips loom larger than happy ones as well.
We rolled north, returning to our homeland to say goodbye to someone we loved and with it came all the stress of travel, the joy of reunion and the heartbreak of death.
Pretty typical trip to Indiana lately, I must say.

We rolled into the church right at 10 am on the dot, running late as is our usual in a family with two special needs children, and I was directed into an ante room where we barged straight in on the whole family and Aunt Debbie's casket. The worshipers in the sanctuary were praying, and the processional inside had not begun. As we stumbled in, the twins, Julia and I, I gave Aunt Suzie a hug and right at that moment Miles chose to shout "Poop! I need diaper!"

Well if that's just not a circle of life moment I don't know what is.

I abandoned two of three children with Aunt Suzie and IN HEELS tore back out of the church to find my husband and oldest coming in, deposit Miles with them "He's pooped!" and run BACK into the church just in time to direct my own children to the back of the church. It's always better to be close to an exit when you have two severely autistic children, you never know when someone is going to begin shouting about poop, obviously.

The funny part is, I wasn't embarrassed. I've lived this life long enough that I can't be embarrassed by autism anymore. I felt bad that other people had to be part of the crazy at such a sad and stressful time but, that's also LIFE STUFF and life isn't always tidy and reverent.

I also happen to know Aunt Debbie would've laughed.

The little town where the girls lived (we called them the girls, grown ass almost 70 year old women and we called them the girls, I don't know why) is a little sleepy town on it's way to really damn hip. After the funeral we decided to go wander a bit and see what we could find to see and do, and to let the kids relax a little bit.

We found what might actually be the very worst ice cream shop in the world. I mean, there might be worse, but one usually expects a certain LEVEL of ice cream at these sort of artisan little creamery places right? First see how GRAINY that ice cream is? OMG IT IS TERRIBLE RIGHT? It tasted worse than it looks. It was GRAINY. As though it were Ice Milk which is something you probably never had unless you diet or grew up poor. My grandmother wasn't poor but had a weird thing for it.
It's garbage.

My kids however, thought it was amazeballs.

Trying to use hip words. Go with me.

Here was the really amazing part of our day, however, the moment of meaning in the sorrow that happened as we said goodbye to someone we loved. Julia said "We're just like Aunt Debbie like that man said." That man was the preacher at the funeral and he had talked about the way she loved to travel, and how she was always going places, seeing the world, and visiting he friends along the way. "We like to go lots of places and see the world too," Julia told me. "We are just like Aunt Debbie."

Really, that's one of the best things I've ever heard. And I know she would approve.

The Places You'll Go: Day Two

It seems like the places we've gone have been too much for sad reasons lately. It isn't entirely true, but you know how harsh words loom larger than kind ones? Sad trips loom larger than happy ones as well.
We rolled north, returning to our homeland to say goodbye to someone we loved and with it came all the stress of travel, the joy of reunion and the heartbreak of death.
Pretty typical trip to Indiana lately, I must say.

We rolled into the church right at 10 am on the dot, running late as is our usual in a family with two special needs children, and I was directed into an ante room where we barged straight in on the whole family and Aunt Debbie's casket. The worshipers in the sanctuary were praying, and the processional inside had not begun. As we stumbled in, the twins, Julia and I, I gave Aunt Suzie a hug and right at that moment Miles chose to shout "Poop! I need diaper!"

Well if that's just not a circle of life moment I don't know what is.

I abandoned two of three children with Aunt Suzie and IN HEELS tore back out of the church to find my husband and oldest coming in, deposit Miles with them "He's pooped!" and run BACK into the church just in time to direct my own children to the back of the church. It's always better to be close to an exit when you have two severely autistic children, you never know when someone is going to begin shouting about poop, obviously.

The funny part is, I wasn't embarrassed. I've lived this life long enough that I can't be embarrassed by autism anymore. I felt bad that other people had to be part of the crazy at such a sad and stressful time but, that's also LIFE STUFF and life isn't always tidy and reverent.

I also happen to know Aunt Debbie would've laughed.

The little town where the girls lived (we called them the girls, grown ass almost 70 year old women and we called them the girls, I don't know why) is a little sleepy town on it's way to really damn hip. After the funeral we decided to go wander a bit and see what we could find to see and do, and to let the kids relax a little bit.

We found what might actually be the very worst ice cream shop in the world. I mean, there might be worse, but one usually expects a certain LEVEL of ice cream at these sort of artisan little creamery places right? First see how GRAINY that ice cream is? OMG IT IS TERRIBLE RIGHT? It tasted worse than it looks. It was GRAINY. As though it were Ice Milk which is something you probably never had unless you diet or grew up poor. My grandmother wasn't poor but had a weird thing for it.
It's garbage.

My kids however, thought it was amazeballs.

Trying to use hip words. Go with me.

Here was the really amazing part of our day, however, the moment of meaning in the sorrow that happened as we said goodbye to someone we loved. Julia said "We're just like Aunt Debbie like that man said." That man was the preacher at the funeral and he had talked about the way she loved to travel, and how she was always going places, seeing the world, and visiting he friends along the way. "We like to go lots of places and see the world too," Julia told me. "We are just like Aunt Debbie."

Really, that's one of the best things I've ever heard. And I know she would approve.