So it's been two weeks. The toe is finally getting better. But not without having to go to the doctor one more damn time because suddenly it went numb.
Which was kind of scary - suddenly - toe is numb and doesn't feel like it's part of my foot.
Turns my toe was just swollen and the pressure of said edema was pressing on the nerves causing the numbness. Put your foot up and drink water and stay off of it.
Great.
I couldn't do anything fun with my family even though it's the end of spring break so it was a bummer of a week. I had hoped to be able to go down to this fun event at the Atlanta History Center with sheep shearing and old time farm fun (candle dipping and biscuit making I'm sure) and well, my oldest child informed me that my foot was hurt and that I needed to rest.
He told me that no, I didn't need to go out walking.
And that was that.
Tweet
Sunday, April 14, 2013
The Broken Toe Is The Stupidest Injury Ever
So it's been two weeks. The toe is finally getting better. But not without having to go to the doctor one more damn time because suddenly it went numb.
Which was kind of scary - suddenly - toe is numb and doesn't feel like it's part of my foot.
Turns my toe was just swollen and the pressure of said edema was pressing on the nerves causing the numbness. Put your foot up and drink water and stay off of it.
Great.
I couldn't do anything fun with my family even though it's the end of spring break so it was a bummer of a week. I had hoped to be able to go down to this fun event at the Atlanta History Center with sheep shearing and old time farm fun (candle dipping and biscuit making I'm sure) and well, my oldest child informed me that my foot was hurt and that I needed to rest.
He told me that no, I didn't need to go out walking.
And that was that.
Tweet
Which was kind of scary - suddenly - toe is numb and doesn't feel like it's part of my foot.
Turns my toe was just swollen and the pressure of said edema was pressing on the nerves causing the numbness. Put your foot up and drink water and stay off of it.
Great.
I couldn't do anything fun with my family even though it's the end of spring break so it was a bummer of a week. I had hoped to be able to go down to this fun event at the Atlanta History Center with sheep shearing and old time farm fun (candle dipping and biscuit making I'm sure) and well, my oldest child informed me that my foot was hurt and that I needed to rest.
He told me that no, I didn't need to go out walking.
And that was that.
Tweet
Tuesday, April 09, 2013
She's Not Two
I've been trying to teach Julia about how old she is. People ask how old she is and she doesn't seem to know the answer. So I've been telling her about birthdays (birthday parties she TOTALLY is down with) but the AGE and BIRTHDAY MEANING doesn't seem to sink in.
I say "You are two. You are going to be three."
She say "I'm not two, I'm JULIA."
She puts her hands on her hips and says it defiantly. She is ageless. She is not DEFINED by age.
She is Julia.
Maybe I should be more like this.
Tweet
She's Not Two
I've been trying to teach Julia about how old she is. People ask how old she is and she doesn't seem to know the answer. So I've been telling her about birthdays (birthday parties she TOTALLY is down with) but the AGE and BIRTHDAY MEANING doesn't seem to sink in.
I say "You are two. You are going to be three."
She say "I'm not two, I'm JULIA."
She puts her hands on her hips and says it defiantly. She is ageless. She is not DEFINED by age.
She is Julia.
Maybe I should be more like this.
Tweet
Friday, April 05, 2013
6 am is Charlie's hour
When you are one of four children, born third, you have very few hours in the day that are yours alone. Your space has always been occupied by at least the two children that came before you, if not also by the one that came rolling along when you were six.
But my Charlie has the time, Monday thru Friday, from 6:20 am until 7:00 am that is his alone. His with his Mommy, and he doesn't have to share her with anyone.
We spend that time watching Sesame Street, and giggling at Cookie Monster, and giggling harder at Grover. We put on shoes and jackets. Sometimes we share coffee. He sits on my lap, sometimes he hugs and kisses me, sometimes he just sits as close as he can.
But Charlie's favorite mornings are the ones when it's not TOO cold, and he and I go out to the porch to swing and wait for that little bus to come. We swing, and listen to the birds. Sometimes the wind blows too hard and we shiver. Sometimes there are squirrels and once I was certain I saw a coyote dart away.
I watch the trees sway and listen to the wind sing in the fir trees and Charlie laughs and giggles at our morning fun. I note which trees are finally going to bloom and try to sip my coffee as an excited 8 year old keeps hopping on and off the porch swing.
Until 7am, it's just us on the planet. It's a quiet but giggle filled world most days. I am glad we have this, despite how early an annoying it feels sometimes. It's nice once in a while, to just do nothing but observe the world and my Charlie in it.
Tweet
But my Charlie has the time, Monday thru Friday, from 6:20 am until 7:00 am that is his alone. His with his Mommy, and he doesn't have to share her with anyone.
We spend that time watching Sesame Street, and giggling at Cookie Monster, and giggling harder at Grover. We put on shoes and jackets. Sometimes we share coffee. He sits on my lap, sometimes he hugs and kisses me, sometimes he just sits as close as he can.
But Charlie's favorite mornings are the ones when it's not TOO cold, and he and I go out to the porch to swing and wait for that little bus to come. We swing, and listen to the birds. Sometimes the wind blows too hard and we shiver. Sometimes there are squirrels and once I was certain I saw a coyote dart away.
I watch the trees sway and listen to the wind sing in the fir trees and Charlie laughs and giggles at our morning fun. I note which trees are finally going to bloom and try to sip my coffee as an excited 8 year old keeps hopping on and off the porch swing.
Until 7am, it's just us on the planet. It's a quiet but giggle filled world most days. I am glad we have this, despite how early an annoying it feels sometimes. It's nice once in a while, to just do nothing but observe the world and my Charlie in it.
Tweet
6 am is Charlie's hour
When you are one of four children, born third, you have very few hours in the day that are yours alone. Your space has always been occupied by at least the two children that came before you, if not also by the one that came rolling along when you were six.
But my Charlie has the time, Monday thru Friday, from 6:20 am until 7:00 am that is his alone. His with his Mommy, and he doesn't have to share her with anyone.
We spend that time watching Sesame Street, and giggling at Cookie Monster, and giggling harder at Grover. We put on shoes and jackets. Sometimes we share coffee. He sits on my lap, sometimes he hugs and kisses me, sometimes he just sits as close as he can.
But Charlie's favorite mornings are the ones when it's not TOO cold, and he and I go out to the porch to swing and wait for that little bus to come. We swing, and listen to the birds. Sometimes the wind blows too hard and we shiver. Sometimes there are squirrels and once I was certain I saw a coyote dart away.
I watch the trees sway and listen to the wind sing in the fir trees and Charlie laughs and giggles at our morning fun. I note which trees are finally going to bloom and try to sip my coffee as an excited 8 year old keeps hopping on and off the porch swing.
Until 7am, it's just us on the planet. It's a quiet but giggle filled world most days. I am glad we have this, despite how early an annoying it feels sometimes. It's nice once in a while, to just do nothing but observe the world and my Charlie in it.
Tweet
But my Charlie has the time, Monday thru Friday, from 6:20 am until 7:00 am that is his alone. His with his Mommy, and he doesn't have to share her with anyone.
We spend that time watching Sesame Street, and giggling at Cookie Monster, and giggling harder at Grover. We put on shoes and jackets. Sometimes we share coffee. He sits on my lap, sometimes he hugs and kisses me, sometimes he just sits as close as he can.
But Charlie's favorite mornings are the ones when it's not TOO cold, and he and I go out to the porch to swing and wait for that little bus to come. We swing, and listen to the birds. Sometimes the wind blows too hard and we shiver. Sometimes there are squirrels and once I was certain I saw a coyote dart away.
I watch the trees sway and listen to the wind sing in the fir trees and Charlie laughs and giggles at our morning fun. I note which trees are finally going to bloom and try to sip my coffee as an excited 8 year old keeps hopping on and off the porch swing.
Until 7am, it's just us on the planet. It's a quiet but giggle filled world most days. I am glad we have this, despite how early an annoying it feels sometimes. It's nice once in a while, to just do nothing but observe the world and my Charlie in it.
Tweet
Thursday, April 04, 2013
Bad Parenting Karma
Everyone has those bad parent moments. That moment where you are inattentive, or you're too short of patience. You get annoyed or quick tempered when you shouldn't and then you feel like a jerk.
It happened to me on Monday. Very specifically I got very angry with a two year old girl who turned off the computer I was working on. In truth, I was playing WoW so I wasn't working at all. WOOOOP computer was logged out. "JULIA!" I said angrily. And then I blathered on like a cartoon parent "YOU NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER TOUCH THAT BUTTON ON MOMMY'S COMPUTER! NEVER NEVER NEVER!!"
About 20 minutes later, full of regret because I'd just yelled at my beloved girl for killing my VIDEO GAME, I launched into I WILL BE A BETTER MOTHER mode. She was being silly and turning on the radio so we could dance, and how could I refuse? I swooped her up and we laughed and danced around, singing her version of Old McDonald which actually seems to involve McDonald's not OLD McDonald when suddenly...
CRASH SNAP.
A wave of numb blasted through my foot. I looked down, and saw that my right pink toe was laying horizontally inward. Nearly perfectly horizontally. It didn't hurt. Julia cried "MOMMY YOUR TOE!" and I sat down hard on the hope chest at the end of my bed, and took in the damage. I gently pushed it back over a bit, more into the place where such a toe might go.
This was when it looked like THIS:
I called my GP but he referred me to an orthopedic surgeon who declared it broken and dislocated.
I wasn't all that worried about what they were going to do, which was a small mistake, as the shots to numb it up hurt as much as breaking it. But after they let it all get good and numb, I didn't feel anything when they straightened it all out. Yank pop crack and voila - it was all straight. I went home and took painkillers and tried to be a bit restful.
I felt pretty good yesterday, honestly. Felt fine being on it, especially without my shoe on, and so gave the kids a bath, emptied the dishwasher nothing big (but hey for that it's like massive housework).
Today? Not so much. It's swollen and bruised and just yuck.
Today it's swollen and horrible. And it hurts. I'm writing with ice on it, on the laptop watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with the little ones.
I feel like this is karma overdose, Universe.
Just saying.
Btw to those who asked - yes INDEED SAME TOE
Tweet
It happened to me on Monday. Very specifically I got very angry with a two year old girl who turned off the computer I was working on. In truth, I was playing WoW so I wasn't working at all. WOOOOP computer was logged out. "JULIA!" I said angrily. And then I blathered on like a cartoon parent "YOU NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER TOUCH THAT BUTTON ON MOMMY'S COMPUTER! NEVER NEVER NEVER!!"
About 20 minutes later, full of regret because I'd just yelled at my beloved girl for killing my VIDEO GAME, I launched into I WILL BE A BETTER MOTHER mode. She was being silly and turning on the radio so we could dance, and how could I refuse? I swooped her up and we laughed and danced around, singing her version of Old McDonald which actually seems to involve McDonald's not OLD McDonald when suddenly...
CRASH SNAP.
A wave of numb blasted through my foot. I looked down, and saw that my right pink toe was laying horizontally inward. Nearly perfectly horizontally. It didn't hurt. Julia cried "MOMMY YOUR TOE!" and I sat down hard on the hope chest at the end of my bed, and took in the damage. I gently pushed it back over a bit, more into the place where such a toe might go.
This was when it looked like THIS:
I called my GP but he referred me to an orthopedic surgeon who declared it broken and dislocated.
I wasn't all that worried about what they were going to do, which was a small mistake, as the shots to numb it up hurt as much as breaking it. But after they let it all get good and numb, I didn't feel anything when they straightened it all out. Yank pop crack and voila - it was all straight. I went home and took painkillers and tried to be a bit restful.
I felt pretty good yesterday, honestly. Felt fine being on it, especially without my shoe on, and so gave the kids a bath, emptied the dishwasher nothing big (but hey for that it's like massive housework).
Today? Not so much. It's swollen and bruised and just yuck.
Today it's swollen and horrible. And it hurts. I'm writing with ice on it, on the laptop watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with the little ones.
I feel like this is karma overdose, Universe.
Just saying.
Btw to those who asked - yes INDEED SAME TOE
Tweet
Bad Parenting Karma
Everyone has those bad parent moments. That moment where you are inattentive, or you're too short of patience. You get annoyed or quick tempered when you shouldn't and then you feel like a jerk.
It happened to me on Monday. Very specifically I got very angry with a two year old girl who turned off the computer I was working on. In truth, I was playing WoW so I wasn't working at all. WOOOOP computer was logged out. "JULIA!" I said angrily. And then I blathered on like a cartoon parent "YOU NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER TOUCH THAT BUTTON ON MOMMY'S COMPUTER! NEVER NEVER NEVER!!"
About 20 minutes later, full of regret because I'd just yelled at my beloved girl for killing my VIDEO GAME, I launched into I WILL BE A BETTER MOTHER mode. She was being silly and turning on the radio so we could dance, and how could I refuse? I swooped her up and we laughed and danced around, singing her version of Old McDonald which actually seems to involve McDonald's not OLD McDonald when suddenly...
CRASH SNAP.
A wave of numb blasted through my foot. I looked down, and saw that my right pink toe was laying horizontally inward. Nearly perfectly horizontally. It didn't hurt. Julia cried "MOMMY YOUR TOE!" and I sat down hard on the hope chest at the end of my bed, and took in the damage. I gently pushed it back over a bit, more into the place where such a toe might go.
This was when it looked like THIS:
I called my GP but he referred me to an orthopedic surgeon who declared it broken and dislocated.
I wasn't all that worried about what they were going to do, which was a small mistake, as the shots to numb it up hurt as much as breaking it. But after they let it all get good and numb, I didn't feel anything when they straightened it all out. Yank pop crack and voila - it was all straight. I went home and took painkillers and tried to be a bit restful.
I felt pretty good yesterday, honestly. Felt fine being on it, especially without my shoe on, and so gave the kids a bath, emptied the dishwasher nothing big (but hey for that it's like massive housework).
Today? Not so much. It's swollen and bruised and just yuck.
Today it's swollen and horrible. And it hurts. I'm writing with ice on it, on the laptop watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with the little ones.
I feel like this is karma overdose, Universe.
Just saying.
Btw to those who asked - yes INDEED SAME TOE
Tweet
It happened to me on Monday. Very specifically I got very angry with a two year old girl who turned off the computer I was working on. In truth, I was playing WoW so I wasn't working at all. WOOOOP computer was logged out. "JULIA!" I said angrily. And then I blathered on like a cartoon parent "YOU NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER TOUCH THAT BUTTON ON MOMMY'S COMPUTER! NEVER NEVER NEVER!!"
About 20 minutes later, full of regret because I'd just yelled at my beloved girl for killing my VIDEO GAME, I launched into I WILL BE A BETTER MOTHER mode. She was being silly and turning on the radio so we could dance, and how could I refuse? I swooped her up and we laughed and danced around, singing her version of Old McDonald which actually seems to involve McDonald's not OLD McDonald when suddenly...
CRASH SNAP.
A wave of numb blasted through my foot. I looked down, and saw that my right pink toe was laying horizontally inward. Nearly perfectly horizontally. It didn't hurt. Julia cried "MOMMY YOUR TOE!" and I sat down hard on the hope chest at the end of my bed, and took in the damage. I gently pushed it back over a bit, more into the place where such a toe might go.
This was when it looked like THIS:
I called my GP but he referred me to an orthopedic surgeon who declared it broken and dislocated.
I wasn't all that worried about what they were going to do, which was a small mistake, as the shots to numb it up hurt as much as breaking it. But after they let it all get good and numb, I didn't feel anything when they straightened it all out. Yank pop crack and voila - it was all straight. I went home and took painkillers and tried to be a bit restful.
I felt pretty good yesterday, honestly. Felt fine being on it, especially without my shoe on, and so gave the kids a bath, emptied the dishwasher nothing big (but hey for that it's like massive housework).
Today? Not so much. It's swollen and bruised and just yuck.
Today it's swollen and horrible. And it hurts. I'm writing with ice on it, on the laptop watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with the little ones.
I feel like this is karma overdose, Universe.
Just saying.
Btw to those who asked - yes INDEED SAME TOE
Tweet
Wednesday, April 03, 2013
I Didn't Light It Up Blue
Autism Awareness Day came and went. I was somewhat medicated on this day, as I broke a toe (more about that later). But, I struggled with the day, with the month, for the weeks leading up to it.
My best friend summed it up on Facebook last night. She said "That's because every day is Autism awareness day for you."
That kind of nails it.
I used to know this blogger - well in a cursory way from her blog, we didn't hang out or anything), but she had cancer. And she would RAGE at all the pink. Screw you and your pink, she'd say on her blog. It puzzled me a little. After all, if I pinned on a pink ribbon, I felt like I was being supportive of her. I felt like, I was saying CANCER IS IMPORTANT AND WE SHOULD FIX IT. But, where she sat, it was just this never ending reminder of CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER and as her hair fell out, and her body betrayed her by getting sicker and sicker, it was the last thing she wanted to see.
I get it, kind of, now. It's a weird sensation, having a "day" to recognize something completely WRONG in your life. And no, not one of you gets it. Unless you have a severely autistic child, or two, you don't get it. You don't get what it's like to spend most of your baby's first birthday kneeling in bathroom stalls to change your twins diapers. Your twins who are six. You don't get what it's like to have 8 year olds still in those diapers. You don't know what it's like to have to put on your makeup and work clothes and smile and pretend like everything is awesome and that you're hitting on all cylinders when one child insisted on singing until 3am in his room, for no reason. Perhaps a child has screamed until your nerves are fraught. That child is screaming about nothing. Or something you cannot divine.
Like all the wear pink events, having this awareness event is probably not doing anything about autism except make you think about it more than you are comfortable with. I'm here today to tell you why this is ok.
Because of the MACHINE that is Susan G Komen, we are AWARE of breast cancer. Yeah it's kind of mind numbing. But, I promise you - you weren't this aware 20 years ago. They made it a mission. I don't know anything about their finances but I'd be stunned if they were non-profit - but maybe they are. But what does this awareness do? It makes us SCARED if our mammograms come back bad. It makes us more aggressive about seeking screenings. It reminds us AD NAUSEUM that breast cancer is NO JOKE. Look, if it can kill Linda McCartney who had all the money in the world, it can and kill the rest of us if we aren't diligent.
And so we are diligent.
What will lighting it up blue do for any of us?
It's my hope that this become a machine - a FORCE. I don't care if it scares the shit out of people. Why? Because maybe you WILL get early intervention then. Maybe you won't deny it and deny it and deny it, only to have a doctor tell you one day what you already knew. Maybe it will cause parents to INSIST on better therapies at schools. Maybe if we simply THINK about it more - it will seem like something we must not only find a way to help our children with, but something we must learn to accept and create lives for them despite it.
Every year, I have two or three people come to me and tell me about symptoms their children have, wanting me to tell them it's not autism. Well I'm not a doctor, but guess what - it's ALWAYS autism. If everyone knew, like that lump in your breast, what they were looking for, how much BETTER of a life could their children have? If your child had access to services, and was simply treated for their needs and helped along their journey - wouldn't it be better?
We didn't know what we were looking for. We had an aching, heart stopping feeling something was wrong. It breaks my heart every single day to this day. But my Miles and Charlie are simply who they are. They are little boys with severe autism, and I am their mom.
And Autism Awareness is important. Not just for them. But for you, and for everyone you know.
Tweet
My best friend summed it up on Facebook last night. She said "That's because every day is Autism awareness day for you."
That kind of nails it.
I used to know this blogger - well in a cursory way from her blog, we didn't hang out or anything), but she had cancer. And she would RAGE at all the pink. Screw you and your pink, she'd say on her blog. It puzzled me a little. After all, if I pinned on a pink ribbon, I felt like I was being supportive of her. I felt like, I was saying CANCER IS IMPORTANT AND WE SHOULD FIX IT. But, where she sat, it was just this never ending reminder of CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER and as her hair fell out, and her body betrayed her by getting sicker and sicker, it was the last thing she wanted to see.
I get it, kind of, now. It's a weird sensation, having a "day" to recognize something completely WRONG in your life. And no, not one of you gets it. Unless you have a severely autistic child, or two, you don't get it. You don't get what it's like to spend most of your baby's first birthday kneeling in bathroom stalls to change your twins diapers. Your twins who are six. You don't get what it's like to have 8 year olds still in those diapers. You don't know what it's like to have to put on your makeup and work clothes and smile and pretend like everything is awesome and that you're hitting on all cylinders when one child insisted on singing until 3am in his room, for no reason. Perhaps a child has screamed until your nerves are fraught. That child is screaming about nothing. Or something you cannot divine.
Like all the wear pink events, having this awareness event is probably not doing anything about autism except make you think about it more than you are comfortable with. I'm here today to tell you why this is ok.
Because of the MACHINE that is Susan G Komen, we are AWARE of breast cancer. Yeah it's kind of mind numbing. But, I promise you - you weren't this aware 20 years ago. They made it a mission. I don't know anything about their finances but I'd be stunned if they were non-profit - but maybe they are. But what does this awareness do? It makes us SCARED if our mammograms come back bad. It makes us more aggressive about seeking screenings. It reminds us AD NAUSEUM that breast cancer is NO JOKE. Look, if it can kill Linda McCartney who had all the money in the world, it can and kill the rest of us if we aren't diligent.
And so we are diligent.
What will lighting it up blue do for any of us?
It's my hope that this become a machine - a FORCE. I don't care if it scares the shit out of people. Why? Because maybe you WILL get early intervention then. Maybe you won't deny it and deny it and deny it, only to have a doctor tell you one day what you already knew. Maybe it will cause parents to INSIST on better therapies at schools. Maybe if we simply THINK about it more - it will seem like something we must not only find a way to help our children with, but something we must learn to accept and create lives for them despite it.
Every year, I have two or three people come to me and tell me about symptoms their children have, wanting me to tell them it's not autism. Well I'm not a doctor, but guess what - it's ALWAYS autism. If everyone knew, like that lump in your breast, what they were looking for, how much BETTER of a life could their children have? If your child had access to services, and was simply treated for their needs and helped along their journey - wouldn't it be better?
We didn't know what we were looking for. We had an aching, heart stopping feeling something was wrong. It breaks my heart every single day to this day. But my Miles and Charlie are simply who they are. They are little boys with severe autism, and I am their mom.
And Autism Awareness is important. Not just for them. But for you, and for everyone you know.
I Didn't Light It Up Blue
Autism Awareness Day came and went. I was somewhat medicated on this day, as I broke a toe (more about that later). But, I struggled with the day, with the month, for the weeks leading up to it.
My best friend summed it up on Facebook last night. She said "That's because every day is Autism awareness day for you."
That kind of nails it.
I used to know this blogger - well in a cursory way from her blog, we didn't hang out or anything), but she had cancer. And she would RAGE at all the pink. Screw you and your pink, she'd say on her blog. It puzzled me a little. After all, if I pinned on a pink ribbon, I felt like I was being supportive of her. I felt like, I was saying CANCER IS IMPORTANT AND WE SHOULD FIX IT. But, where she sat, it was just this never ending reminder of CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER and as her hair fell out, and her body betrayed her by getting sicker and sicker, it was the last thing she wanted to see.
I get it, kind of, now. It's a weird sensation, having a "day" to recognize something completely WRONG in your life. And no, not one of you gets it. Unless you have a severely autistic child, or two, you don't get it. You don't get what it's like to spend most of your baby's first birthday kneeling in bathroom stalls to change your twins diapers. Your twins who are six. You don't get what it's like to have 8 year olds still in those diapers. You don't know what it's like to have to put on your makeup and work clothes and smile and pretend like everything is awesome and that you're hitting on all cylinders when one child insisted on singing until 3am in his room, for no reason. Perhaps a child has screamed until your nerves are fraught. That child is screaming about nothing. Or something you cannot divine.
Like all the wear pink events, having this awareness event is probably not doing anything about autism except make you think about it more than you are comfortable with. I'm here today to tell you why this is ok.
Because of the MACHINE that is Susan G Komen, we are AWARE of breast cancer. Yeah it's kind of mind numbing. But, I promise you - you weren't this aware 20 years ago. They made it a mission. I don't know anything about their finances but I'd be stunned if they were non-profit - but maybe they are. But what does this awareness do? It makes us SCARED if our mammograms come back bad. It makes us more aggressive about seeking screenings. It reminds us AD NAUSEUM that breast cancer is NO JOKE. Look, if it can kill Linda McCartney who had all the money in the world, it can and kill the rest of us if we aren't diligent.
And so we are diligent.
What will lighting it up blue do for any of us?
It's my hope that this become a machine - a FORCE. I don't care if it scares the shit out of people. Why? Because maybe you WILL get early intervention then. Maybe you won't deny it and deny it and deny it, only to have a doctor tell you one day what you already knew. Maybe it will cause parents to INSIST on better therapies at schools. Maybe if we simply THINK about it more - it will seem like something we must not only find a way to help our children with, but something we must learn to accept and create lives for them despite it.
Every year, I have two or three people come to me and tell me about symptoms their children have, wanting me to tell them it's not autism. Well I'm not a doctor, but guess what - it's ALWAYS autism. If everyone knew, like that lump in your breast, what they were looking for, how much BETTER of a life could their children have? If your child had access to services, and was simply treated for their needs and helped along their journey - wouldn't it be better?
We didn't know what we were looking for. We had an aching, heart stopping feeling something was wrong. It breaks my heart every single day to this day. But my Miles and Charlie are simply who they are. They are little boys with severe autism, and I am their mom.
And Autism Awareness is important. Not just for them. But for you, and for everyone you know.
Tweet
My best friend summed it up on Facebook last night. She said "That's because every day is Autism awareness day for you."
That kind of nails it.
I used to know this blogger - well in a cursory way from her blog, we didn't hang out or anything), but she had cancer. And she would RAGE at all the pink. Screw you and your pink, she'd say on her blog. It puzzled me a little. After all, if I pinned on a pink ribbon, I felt like I was being supportive of her. I felt like, I was saying CANCER IS IMPORTANT AND WE SHOULD FIX IT. But, where she sat, it was just this never ending reminder of CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER and as her hair fell out, and her body betrayed her by getting sicker and sicker, it was the last thing she wanted to see.
I get it, kind of, now. It's a weird sensation, having a "day" to recognize something completely WRONG in your life. And no, not one of you gets it. Unless you have a severely autistic child, or two, you don't get it. You don't get what it's like to spend most of your baby's first birthday kneeling in bathroom stalls to change your twins diapers. Your twins who are six. You don't get what it's like to have 8 year olds still in those diapers. You don't know what it's like to have to put on your makeup and work clothes and smile and pretend like everything is awesome and that you're hitting on all cylinders when one child insisted on singing until 3am in his room, for no reason. Perhaps a child has screamed until your nerves are fraught. That child is screaming about nothing. Or something you cannot divine.
Like all the wear pink events, having this awareness event is probably not doing anything about autism except make you think about it more than you are comfortable with. I'm here today to tell you why this is ok.
Because of the MACHINE that is Susan G Komen, we are AWARE of breast cancer. Yeah it's kind of mind numbing. But, I promise you - you weren't this aware 20 years ago. They made it a mission. I don't know anything about their finances but I'd be stunned if they were non-profit - but maybe they are. But what does this awareness do? It makes us SCARED if our mammograms come back bad. It makes us more aggressive about seeking screenings. It reminds us AD NAUSEUM that breast cancer is NO JOKE. Look, if it can kill Linda McCartney who had all the money in the world, it can and kill the rest of us if we aren't diligent.
And so we are diligent.
What will lighting it up blue do for any of us?
It's my hope that this become a machine - a FORCE. I don't care if it scares the shit out of people. Why? Because maybe you WILL get early intervention then. Maybe you won't deny it and deny it and deny it, only to have a doctor tell you one day what you already knew. Maybe it will cause parents to INSIST on better therapies at schools. Maybe if we simply THINK about it more - it will seem like something we must not only find a way to help our children with, but something we must learn to accept and create lives for them despite it.
Every year, I have two or three people come to me and tell me about symptoms their children have, wanting me to tell them it's not autism. Well I'm not a doctor, but guess what - it's ALWAYS autism. If everyone knew, like that lump in your breast, what they were looking for, how much BETTER of a life could their children have? If your child had access to services, and was simply treated for their needs and helped along their journey - wouldn't it be better?
We didn't know what we were looking for. We had an aching, heart stopping feeling something was wrong. It breaks my heart every single day to this day. But my Miles and Charlie are simply who they are. They are little boys with severe autism, and I am their mom.
And Autism Awareness is important. Not just for them. But for you, and for everyone you know.
