I think it's the transition from being irretrievably sick, cramping, in danger of miscarriage to totally smooth sailing that's got me flummoxed.
I keep forgetting I'm pregnant.
Now, don't get me wrong. My already gigantic G size cup boobs are even bigger and my round ligaments are stretching and hurting.....I've got the pregnant aches and pains.
I can feel the baby moving when it suits her (still saying HER)......but like.......
I guess all that constant vomitting was validating the pregnancy to me somehow. And now it's stopped.
I put a rational mind to it earlier, and realized that the last two pair of slacks I can WEAR used to be so BIG on me my husband would say they looked like CLOWN pants, and now they fit. And suddenly - I swear JUST tonight - my jeans are too tight.
I know part of it is anxiety because of the past two miscarriages and I can digest that ok. I can look at it objectively and say "You're looking for something to be wrong." But in fact.....if I'm sitting still like I am now.....
I don't feel pregnant.
Now of course, to make me a liar the little 16 week old human just flooped around but you get what I mean. If I took my bra off - I'd feel it. I'd be wishing I had a midget to walk in front of me to hold up my boobs. A strong midget, might I add.
But there are these weird moments, when I forget - until some ache or pain brings me back to it.
Maybe I felt this way before, but I sure don't remember it. Maybe I'm just worried or nervous because of all this ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE talk.
I go tomorrow for my next visit to the HIGH RISK OB where they are again going to rave about my ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE and then we are going to have one long drawn out ultrasound while they hunt for neural tube defects. Personally I am against these, and have decided we won't have any.
What I am looking for is the wiener. Or lack thereof, more specifically.
This, according to baby center is what my tiny human looks like.
My ass looks really good, don't you think?
I can wait to see her or him tomorrow. And yeah, I'll admit it. I'll feel a twinge of sad if it's a him. But it'll pass - and all I will be is excited about another beautiful boy in my life. All I want is healthy. Healthy will do.