No, I Don't Know Where You Are

Many of you may know that I'm famous for my panic attacks when I am lost. If I am lost, it's on. Sweats, heart races, shakes, tears, etc. I can't BE lost.
I also can't help YOU navigate. You are on your own.

As part of my job, I have to give directions sometimes.

Which works well.......until you start asking me stuff that isn't on my list of reference points handily provided by the company.

"What if I'm coming from Old Hillbilly Ferry?" ummmmmmmm???? "Well I turned at the Snotgrass expressway which highway do I take" ummmmmmmoooooohhhhh sweats start...."Now are you north or south of me?" ooooooh God stop asking me questions.........

I can't do it.

I can't give you directions.

I start to panic. I don't know where you are. Then I start feeling like I don't know where I am. And I don't know where I am in relation to you - and I'm lost. I'm not really lost. I'm sitting at my desk. But in relationship to the map and the world in general.....the heart is pounding and I nearly want to cry. I try the whole "I'm not from here" thing but no one ever seems to get it. I know now how foreigners feel because people universally speak SLOWER to me when I say that.

Speaking slower doesn't help me. I don't know where you are.
I don't know where I am.

This is my home but I don't know where I am.

And guess what, I don't know where you are either. MAPQUEST people. MAPQUEST.