Sleep Lay Behind Me Like a Broken Ocean

It's 5:19 am and I've been awake for more than an hour. Traditionally I go to sleep fast. I can wake up ten times a night and then immediately roll over and be back to sleep in nothing flat. Often I don't recall that I've awoken. Not tonight.

First I realize I'm in the grips of aches and pains. I ache. I pain. No position is comfortable except flat on my back and I don't want to sleep on my back I am a side sleeper. Then I keep drifting into almost dreams, that are more like thoughts but you realize you are awake quickly and make note that

• Louis is never allowed to base jump
• Strangers need to stop asking to hug and or hold Julia
• I need to weed the front garden
• Most of my clothes don't fit me
• I need to clean my desk
• and so on and so forth

About 10 minutes ago I realized that in addition to my brain being in overdrive, I'm STARVING. I'm straight up hungry as hell. I have no reason to be hungry as hell. I ate about 1800 calories yesterday. But I'm ravenous. So I've given myself two Viactive chews and some almond milk, and now I'm having a coffee. I would have fed myself but omg it's five am I can't make food right now. I can barely sit up.

I'm tired you see. I'm legitimately tired as hell.

But my brain, my brain won't stop. I'm so busy at work. It's another full calendar day. But I think that one meeting is wrong so YAY I just gained and hour shhhh don't tell anyone. I have so much to do, I don't know how to even get it done.

I'm worried about my dad. My father is failing. I'm trying to get home to see him, before he's so far gone that it doesn't matter. I've wondered repeatedly if he's died, in the past hour, and that this is why I'm awake. Maybe some universal energy woke me up to say YOUR FATHER IS DEAD. I wonder if my brother would call me at 4 am, or just let me sleep knowing that there is nothing to gain from waking me up? I don't know which I would prefer. 

I used to get insomnia the night before I got my period. But I haven't HAD a period in years now thanks to the endometrium ablation I had. However we've learned that while they used to think they are 100% effective - like when I had mine, now they know that they aren't. Am I getting my period? This thought annoys me and makes me more awake. I remember that stupid internet tests I keep taking keep suggesting I am having a baby in the next year. I have to remind myself I had my tubes tied. I'm worried that the internet is self aware, and has powers of precognition.

Maybe it's the coffee I had at Marlowe's tavern last night with the twins club mom's night out. I'm awake. I'm SO SO SO SO FUCKING AWAKE. But I went to sleep just fine. So no, that can't be it.

Of course now I've had coffee, so that's probably why I'm so damn sharp and awake right now.

Now Charlie is up, because I'm a loud typist. I think that comes from having learned to type on a typewriter back when you had to hit the keys like you meant it. I strike the keys with intention, consequently I am probably annoying five others right now.

It feels like the right thing to do, to have stop being frustrated and just get the hell up, however. Mentally the angst of desperately wanting sleep is slipping away. It's just sleep, I'll get some tonight. If I feel like I can't sleep I'll take a benadryl or something. 

This is my insomnia face. 

I'm not smiling, because I am damned tired.

Tweet

Sleep Lay Behind Me Like a Broken Ocean

It's 5:19 am and I've been awake for more than an hour. Traditionally I go to sleep fast. I can wake up ten times a night and then immediately roll over and be back to sleep in nothing flat. Often I don't recall that I've awoken. Not tonight.

First I realize I'm in the grips of aches and pains. I ache. I pain. No position is comfortable except flat on my back and I don't want to sleep on my back I am a side sleeper. Then I keep drifting into almost dreams, that are more like thoughts but you realize you are awake quickly and make note that

• Louis is never allowed to base jump
• Strangers need to stop asking to hug and or hold Julia
• I need to weed the front garden
• Most of my clothes don't fit me
• I need to clean my desk
• and so on and so forth

About 10 minutes ago I realized that in addition to my brain being in overdrive, I'm STARVING. I'm straight up hungry as hell. I have no reason to be hungry as hell. I ate about 1800 calories yesterday. But I'm ravenous. So I've given myself two Viactive chews and some almond milk, and now I'm having a coffee. I would have fed myself but omg it's five am I can't make food right now. I can barely sit up.

I'm tired you see. I'm legitimately tired as hell.

But my brain, my brain won't stop. I'm so busy at work. It's another full calendar day. But I think that one meeting is wrong so YAY I just gained and hour shhhh don't tell anyone. I have so much to do, I don't know how to even get it done.

I'm worried about my dad. My father is failing. I'm trying to get home to see him, before he's so far gone that it doesn't matter. I've wondered repeatedly if he's died, in the past hour, and that this is why I'm awake. Maybe some universal energy woke me up to say YOUR FATHER IS DEAD. I wonder if my brother would call me at 4 am, or just let me sleep knowing that there is nothing to gain from waking me up? I don't know which I would prefer. 

I used to get insomnia the night before I got my period. But I haven't HAD a period in years now thanks to the endometrium ablation I had. However we've learned that while they used to think they are 100% effective - like when I had mine, now they know that they aren't. Am I getting my period? This thought annoys me and makes me more awake. I remember that stupid internet tests I keep taking keep suggesting I am having a baby in the next year. I have to remind myself I had my tubes tied. I'm worried that the internet is self aware, and has powers of precognition.

Maybe it's the coffee I had at Marlowe's tavern last night with the twins club mom's night out. I'm awake. I'm SO SO SO SO FUCKING AWAKE. But I went to sleep just fine. So no, that can't be it.

Of course now I've had coffee, so that's probably why I'm so damn sharp and awake right now.

Now Charlie is up, because I'm a loud typist. I think that comes from having learned to type on a typewriter back when you had to hit the keys like you meant it. I strike the keys with intention, consequently I am probably annoying five others right now.

It feels like the right thing to do, to have stop being frustrated and just get the hell up, however. Mentally the angst of desperately wanting sleep is slipping away. It's just sleep, I'll get some tonight. If I feel like I can't sleep I'll take a benadryl or something. 

This is my insomnia face. 

I'm not smiling, because I am damned tired.

Tweet

On Any Other Day

Yesterday was a milestone x3 and the first day of school around here. I'm up early at 0'Dark Hundred because due to said milestone, I didn't get one single free "me" moment yesterday and if I don't get some silence I go crazy.

This is me attempting sanity by creating sleep deprivation. Don't try to understand it.

Our biggest event yesterday was Julia's very first day of school. Kindergarten beware, she is in you. She tells me she went to the wrong room while showing her friend where to go. She tells me this confidently, she was leading the way, got lost but hey no problem because a nice teacher helped her. She tells me she "did learning" but can't seem to quite tell me what she learned except the bumblebee song.

I was so proud of her yesterday morning. What I wanted was for her to be confident and walk away from us without a hesitation. I wanted her to head off into the world in a way that showed me we'd done it right, despite the fact that we realized we've never let her use scissors in all this time, I wanted to see that the PERSON she is can handle the world I'd just sent her into.

She didn't disappoint. The bus pulled up and she didn't even say goodbye. She turned and walked away, only casting one look back at her friend like "Why aren't you coming?" while her friend hugged her mom again. She got on the bus like a boss, and like that she was gone, into new independence and freedom. Into a world where she got lost and didn't even blink.

THAT'S what I wanted.

Not to be completely overshadowed, it was the twins first day of sixth grade. We got a reprieve from school system chaos and both boys are in the same school this year (although not the same one as Louis). They are on the same bus so that's only ONE thing for me to deal with YAY.

They are in separate classes and I really like both of their teachers. Both boys are in for three years of being challenged to grow and I find that exciting. Charlie was doing potty training day one - and Miles brought home a work sheet that he WROTE the answers on himself. They seemed very happy but tired yesterday. We hardly had ANY fighting.

As for my big boy, my Louis, my first baby? Well he's in 7th grade and while he's just as excited as we are taking pictures and videos of the little ones going to school, when it's his turn you know he's too cool for all of that. SO MUCH TOO COOL FOR IT. When we went to his bus stop he says "WHAT You're COMING TO THE BUS STOP?" and we were like yep, get over it. We're ALWAYS COMING TO YOUR BUS STOP ON DAY ONE.

My husband suggested if he didn't like it, he cold come to school to follow him around on his first day. I think he decided to roll with us being at the bus stop.

So now we're on day two, and I'm sitting at the computer rather than getting ready like I should. I think I've got a plan however, for getting them ready and out the door starting in 28 minutes. First bus is at 7:50, then there is one at 8:15 then Louis has to leave right then to head to HIS bus stop and then I'm off to work.

I'm kind of glad school is back. I'm ready for this next chapter of adventure.

Goodbye summer.
Tweet

On Any Other Day

Yesterday was a milestone x3 and the first day of school around here. I'm up early at 0'Dark Hundred because due to said milestone, I didn't get one single free "me" moment yesterday and if I don't get some silence I go crazy.

This is me attempting sanity by creating sleep deprivation. Don't try to understand it.

Our biggest event yesterday was Julia's very first day of school. Kindergarten beware, she is in you. She tells me she went to the wrong room while showing her friend where to go. She tells me this confidently, she was leading the way, got lost but hey no problem because a nice teacher helped her. She tells me she "did learning" but can't seem to quite tell me what she learned except the bumblebee song.

I was so proud of her yesterday morning. What I wanted was for her to be confident and walk away from us without a hesitation. I wanted her to head off into the world in a way that showed me we'd done it right, despite the fact that we realized we've never let her use scissors in all this time, I wanted to see that the PERSON she is can handle the world I'd just sent her into.

She didn't disappoint. The bus pulled up and she didn't even say goodbye. She turned and walked away, only casting one look back at her friend like "Why aren't you coming?" while her friend hugged her mom again. She got on the bus like a boss, and like that she was gone, into new independence and freedom. Into a world where she got lost and didn't even blink.

THAT'S what I wanted.

Not to be completely overshadowed, it was the twins first day of sixth grade. We got a reprieve from school system chaos and both boys are in the same school this year (although not the same one as Louis). They are on the same bus so that's only ONE thing for me to deal with YAY.

They are in separate classes and I really like both of their teachers. Both boys are in for three years of being challenged to grow and I find that exciting. Charlie was doing potty training day one - and Miles brought home a work sheet that he WROTE the answers on himself. They seemed very happy but tired yesterday. We hardly had ANY fighting.

As for my big boy, my Louis, my first baby? Well he's in 7th grade and while he's just as excited as we are taking pictures and videos of the little ones going to school, when it's his turn you know he's too cool for all of that. SO MUCH TOO COOL FOR IT. When we went to his bus stop he says "WHAT You're COMING TO THE BUS STOP?" and we were like yep, get over it. We're ALWAYS COMING TO YOUR BUS STOP ON DAY ONE.

My husband suggested if he didn't like it, he cold come to school to follow him around on his first day. I think he decided to roll with us being at the bus stop.

So now we're on day two, and I'm sitting at the computer rather than getting ready like I should. I think I've got a plan however, for getting them ready and out the door starting in 28 minutes. First bus is at 7:50, then there is one at 8:15 then Louis has to leave right then to head to HIS bus stop and then I'm off to work.

I'm kind of glad school is back. I'm ready for this next chapter of adventure.

Goodbye summer.
Tweet

Walking In Your Footsteps

There is a place south of us that Louis has wanted to go to for YEARS. He saw a show about it, or read about it, or something - I don't even remember. All I know is the remnants of the story as he told it, a bear, lion and tiger were seized as cubs from a drug dealer. They had been raised together, and were best friends. They were called the BLT, and had been moved to a refuge called NOAH'S ARK. 

They all three still live together, best friends forever. I couldn't get a good picture of the three of them because it was Africa hot, and all three were seeking shade. Shere Khan was wasn't anywhere to be seen, I think she was in her playhouse. 

Baloo was accommodating in that he chose to nap up next to the fence. 

Leo however, well, I wish I had a picture. We were scanning the enclosure, thinking "Ok were is the damn lion" when suddenly I saw what looked like a sofa up on the porch of their playhouse (yes, they HAVE a playhouse). As my eyes came into focus I realized what I was seeing - literally the BIGGEST cat I have ever seen in my life. All I could see was the back and haunches as it was naptime for the lion as well, but this was a massive animal. 

I grabbed an adorable picture of the three of them off the refuge's website.

This photo does not doe justice to the size of that lion. It's an AMAZING animal.  I still kind of love that they live together and still love each other. I thought perhaps they would live NEAR one another, not still together as adults.

The entire place was amazing. It's free, so I was expecting one enclosure for the BLT and maybe a few small animals to pet. No. This place is massive, like a zoo - but did I mention FREE. People have donated large animals they couldn't care for (and shouldn't have had) and they have accepted animals from drug raids besides the BLT. 

I was really impressed by their enclosures also - there were really roomy for a place run on donations - very impressive.

This is just part of an enclosure - it expands out quite far. There is a huge tiger in there. Not Shere Khan alas but a huge tiger regardless. He has a friend in there to hang out with, and both seemed very content.

This is a gorgeous white tiger relaxing next to some chickens that have been left behind for it to eat. There was a big information sign about how terrible it is to breed white tigers because due to their inbreeding they have tons of health problems and often many deformities - and the "bad" ones are often just killed. 

Ugh - Siegfried and Roy I blame you. 

There were more peacocks roaming the grounds of this place than the sum total of peacocks I have ever seen in my life. It was also a fun time to get to remind Louis that he used to be terrified of them, and taunt him accordingly. I'm an awesome parent, yo.

In addition to the serious number of dangerous carnivores who call the place home, there were lots of other animals, emu and ostrich, goats, cows, miniature horses, and so on, for us to pet and say hello to. 

The heat was miserable but the animals were fun and awesome to see. 

Eventually the heat was too much for these six humans, it was close to 100 and we were all dying of too hot so we decided to head back inside and have some AC and see the indoors animals. Julia declared this statue at the door a "spider dog".

I asked her why it's a spider dog and she said "JUST LOOK AT IT MOM!"

Ok then.

The indoors smelled so bad it barely made the AC worth it. I don't know what smells, these tiny furry creatures or something else. It was like a massive sewer back up, in hell. It was vile and we only lasted a little bit inside then we headed out to the next part of our adventure for the day.

There is a huge picnic area that stays open later than the rest of the park and we made our way over there, laden with picnic basket and cooler packed full of goodies in secret by Daddy!

But before we opened the basked of goodies - the snow cone vendor was accepting one last customer - US. OH god is anything better than a snow cone on a day were the heat is almost 100? NO. Nothing is better.

We thanked her profusely and took our treasures back to the table to feast upon the sugary ice and drop our internal body temperatures. Thank you snow cone lady, we were so very, very hot.

Our picnic was an assortment of crackers, cheese, fruit and meat and everyone dove in like it was a feast. What is it about a picnic that makes simple things like pepperoni feel like a major treat?

It was our end of summer send off, as today we'll be preparing for the big day tomorrow. Back to school, twins go to Middle School, and Julia starts school. I can't believe summer is over but I think we all need to get back to a schedule and a more normal life. 

I'm really glad Louis asked us every weekend forever about going to this place. It was really worth the 90 minute drive. It was a great family day together. 

And now, time to get ready to start school. 

Walking In Your Footsteps

There is a place south of us that Louis has wanted to go to for YEARS. He saw a show about it, or read about it, or something - I don't even remember. All I know is the remnants of the story as he told it, a bear, lion and tiger were seized as cubs from a drug dealer. They had been raised together, and were best friends. They were called the BLT, and had been moved to a refuge called NOAH'S ARK. 

They all three still live together, best friends forever. I couldn't get a good picture of the three of them because it was Africa hot, and all three were seeking shade. Shere Khan was wasn't anywhere to be seen, I think she was in her playhouse. 

Baloo was accommodating in that he chose to nap up next to the fence. 

Leo however, well, I wish I had a picture. We were scanning the enclosure, thinking "Ok were is the damn lion" when suddenly I saw what looked like a sofa up on the porch of their playhouse (yes, they HAVE a playhouse). As my eyes came into focus I realized what I was seeing - literally the BIGGEST cat I have ever seen in my life. All I could see was the back and haunches as it was naptime for the lion as well, but this was a massive animal. 

I grabbed an adorable picture of the three of them off the refuge's website.

This photo does not doe justice to the size of that lion. It's an AMAZING animal.  I still kind of love that they live together and still love each other. I thought perhaps they would live NEAR one another, not still together as adults.

The entire place was amazing. It's free, so I was expecting one enclosure for the BLT and maybe a few small animals to pet. No. This place is massive, like a zoo - but did I mention FREE. People have donated large animals they couldn't care for (and shouldn't have had) and they have accepted animals from drug raids besides the BLT. 

I was really impressed by their enclosures also - there were really roomy for a place run on donations - very impressive.

This is just part of an enclosure - it expands out quite far. There is a huge tiger in there. Not Shere Khan alas but a huge tiger regardless. He has a friend in there to hang out with, and both seemed very content.

This is a gorgeous white tiger relaxing next to some chickens that have been left behind for it to eat. There was a big information sign about how terrible it is to breed white tigers because due to their inbreeding they have tons of health problems and often many deformities - and the "bad" ones are often just killed. 

Ugh - Siegfried and Roy I blame you. 

There were more peacocks roaming the grounds of this place than the sum total of peacocks I have ever seen in my life. It was also a fun time to get to remind Louis that he used to be terrified of them, and taunt him accordingly. I'm an awesome parent, yo.

In addition to the serious number of dangerous carnivores who call the place home, there were lots of other animals, emu and ostrich, goats, cows, miniature horses, and so on, for us to pet and say hello to. 

The heat was miserable but the animals were fun and awesome to see. 

Eventually the heat was too much for these six humans, it was close to 100 and we were all dying of too hot so we decided to head back inside and have some AC and see the indoors animals. Julia declared this statue at the door a "spider dog".

I asked her why it's a spider dog and she said "JUST LOOK AT IT MOM!"

Ok then.

The indoors smelled so bad it barely made the AC worth it. I don't know what smells, these tiny furry creatures or something else. It was like a massive sewer back up, in hell. It was vile and we only lasted a little bit inside then we headed out to the next part of our adventure for the day.

There is a huge picnic area that stays open later than the rest of the park and we made our way over there, laden with picnic basket and cooler packed full of goodies in secret by Daddy!

But before we opened the basked of goodies - the snow cone vendor was accepting one last customer - US. OH god is anything better than a snow cone on a day were the heat is almost 100? NO. Nothing is better.

We thanked her profusely and took our treasures back to the table to feast upon the sugary ice and drop our internal body temperatures. Thank you snow cone lady, we were so very, very hot.

Our picnic was an assortment of crackers, cheese, fruit and meat and everyone dove in like it was a feast. What is it about a picnic that makes simple things like pepperoni feel like a major treat?

It was our end of summer send off, as today we'll be preparing for the big day tomorrow. Back to school, twins go to Middle School, and Julia starts school. I can't believe summer is over but I think we all need to get back to a schedule and a more normal life. 

I'm really glad Louis asked us every weekend forever about going to this place. It was really worth the 90 minute drive. It was a great family day together. 

And now, time to get ready to start school. 

You Lay There Sleeping Like an Open Doorway

Once upon a time I got "growing pains". I was growing "too fast" they said. I was in fact, quite tall. I'm still pretty tall but there was a serious consideration that I'd be over six feet tall back when I was in school however I slowed up to a more acceptable height somewhere in high school.

I can prove how tall I was, based on this awesome picture of me and my best friend in 4th grade Christa.

I'm the one wearing the MORK shirt. I also had suspenders, I feel kind of sad I wasn't wearing them that day. I was a head taller than most of the other kids, and I stayed that way a long time. I thought it was cool, it was a great thing.

Except for the growing pains.

Night after night, excruciating pain from my knees down radiating like fire that grips and hold would happen. I would sob and cry, and my mother would appear with a stack or two of ace bandages and some liniment. She would rub on HEAT which my dad had for cramps after he would referee high school ball games. If we were at my Grandma's it would be Sloane's Liniment.

Regardless of the product, we used some sort of thing to cause my muscles to warm up and relax, and then wrapped them up tight with ace bandages. Eventually the heat would make the cramp let go, and I would fall back to sleep on my tear stained pillow. 

I'm now the mother of a tall little girl. I had, over the years, sort of forgotten this episode of my own childhood for the most part. Until my too tall girl started growing and growing. The tears fall fast and hard and her distress is very real. It takes me right back to the terror of that pain, sneaking up on you at night when you are safely resting in your bed. It's like a knife in your leg, and when you're little it's so scary.

I've got icy hot, I've got ace bandages but most importantly I've got IBUPROFEN. Miracle medicine I love you. Her relief is swift and complete, and she is sometimes asleep before I get the leg wrap on properly. I'm so sorry this little sweetie has to go through this but I know it ends and even she might not be 6 feet tall either.

I don't know why we get them, maybe this growing too tall too fast thing is true, I don't really know. I can tell when she's having them before she wakes, she draws her legs up and down in her sleep. She'll roll this way and that, trying to work out the cramp in her sleep. Sometimes I just get up and start fixing it before she even wakes up. 

Poor kid. I wish I could make it not happen at all. According to my math, we've got another 10 years to go and then they'll be done. 

Tweet

You Lay There Sleeping Like an Open Doorway

Once upon a time I got "growing pains". I was growing "too fast" they said. I was in fact, quite tall. I'm still pretty tall but there was a serious consideration that I'd be over six feet tall back when I was in school however I slowed up to a more acceptable height somewhere in high school.

I can prove how tall I was, based on this awesome picture of me and my best friend in 4th grade Christa.

I'm the one wearing the MORK shirt. I also had suspenders, I feel kind of sad I wasn't wearing them that day. I was a head taller than most of the other kids, and I stayed that way a long time. I thought it was cool, it was a great thing.

Except for the growing pains.

Night after night, excruciating pain from my knees down radiating like fire that grips and hold would happen. I would sob and cry, and my mother would appear with a stack or two of ace bandages and some liniment. She would rub on HEAT which my dad had for cramps after he would referee high school ball games. If we were at my Grandma's it would be Sloane's Liniment.

Regardless of the product, we used some sort of thing to cause my muscles to warm up and relax, and then wrapped them up tight with ace bandages. Eventually the heat would make the cramp let go, and I would fall back to sleep on my tear stained pillow. 

I'm now the mother of a tall little girl. I had, over the years, sort of forgotten this episode of my own childhood for the most part. Until my too tall girl started growing and growing. The tears fall fast and hard and her distress is very real. It takes me right back to the terror of that pain, sneaking up on you at night when you are safely resting in your bed. It's like a knife in your leg, and when you're little it's so scary.

I've got icy hot, I've got ace bandages but most importantly I've got IBUPROFEN. Miracle medicine I love you. Her relief is swift and complete, and she is sometimes asleep before I get the leg wrap on properly. I'm so sorry this little sweetie has to go through this but I know it ends and even she might not be 6 feet tall either.

I don't know why we get them, maybe this growing too tall too fast thing is true, I don't really know. I can tell when she's having them before she wakes, she draws her legs up and down in her sleep. She'll roll this way and that, trying to work out the cramp in her sleep. Sometimes I just get up and start fixing it before she even wakes up. 

Poor kid. I wish I could make it not happen at all. According to my math, we've got another 10 years to go and then they'll be done. 

Tweet

Every Little Thing She Does

My last baby is starting school on Monday. Today we go to the school orientations x4 teachers. We start with her, back to the school that was our first experience, where our big boy learned that there was indeed a life outside of our house.

She's so excited. I feel this pit in my heart, how can she be this big? She doesn't seem READY for school. She's kind of a nut, kind of immature.

She's still my baby.

How is my baby supposed to go be at school all day, without us to make sure she isn't doing the wrong things, without us to help her make the right decisions?

When the boy went, I was excited for him. I might have shed a tear but I wasn't sad he went. I was happy for his new world. Every day was a bit of an adventure, we wanted to hear what happened at school, get all the info from him.

Part of me doesn't think she can DO this. HOW can she be ready for this?

But she is. Foremost, she's desperate to go to school. She's been asking me every day for over a week if tomorrow is the day she gets to go to school. She asked me the day she turned five if NOW she could go to school. She's MORE than ready. She's wanting to go NOW. Now is almost here.

She says she can't wait to eat at their restaurant. I commend her enthusiasm for school lunch.

So we start with her, meet her teacher, do the necessary get a bus assignment and pick up info, get a car rider tag, join the PTA, the usual. Then we lather rinse repeat with the boys. Tomorrow we have dentist appointments, shoes to buy, haircuts to get, etc. The final launch preparation for school to start on Monday begins in 30 minutes when I start waking this household up.

I'm ready for them to get back on a schedule. I'm ready for the normal to return after a kind of crazy summer.

But I am not ready for this little girl to start walking away from me.

Yet, here we go.

Tweet

Every Little Thing She Does

My last baby is starting school on Monday. Today we go to the school orientations x4 teachers. We start with her, back to the school that was our first experience, where our big boy learned that there was indeed a life outside of our house.

She's so excited. I feel this pit in my heart, how can she be this big? She doesn't seem READY for school. She's kind of a nut, kind of immature.

She's still my baby.

How is my baby supposed to go be at school all day, without us to make sure she isn't doing the wrong things, without us to help her make the right decisions?

When the boy went, I was excited for him. I might have shed a tear but I wasn't sad he went. I was happy for his new world. Every day was a bit of an adventure, we wanted to hear what happened at school, get all the info from him.

Part of me doesn't think she can DO this. HOW can she be ready for this?

But she is. Foremost, she's desperate to go to school. She's been asking me every day for over a week if tomorrow is the day she gets to go to school. She asked me the day she turned five if NOW she could go to school. She's MORE than ready. She's wanting to go NOW. Now is almost here.

She says she can't wait to eat at their restaurant. I commend her enthusiasm for school lunch.

So we start with her, meet her teacher, do the necessary get a bus assignment and pick up info, get a car rider tag, join the PTA, the usual. Then we lather rinse repeat with the boys. Tomorrow we have dentist appointments, shoes to buy, haircuts to get, etc. The final launch preparation for school to start on Monday begins in 30 minutes when I start waking this household up.

I'm ready for them to get back on a schedule. I'm ready for the normal to return after a kind of crazy summer.

But I am not ready for this little girl to start walking away from me.

Yet, here we go.

Tweet