A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Monday, August 31, 2015

Like Tears From A Star

We had planned a day out on Sunday. We thought that perhaps some time in the park, fresh air and such, would be a welcome diversion from the oppressive stress that's been hovering over us.
However upon reviewing the weather it became apparent that the remnants of Hurricane Erica or whatever it was named was bearing down on us.

The kids got me up early and I realized shortly after breakfast - WE HAD TIME.
So at 9:30 am we piled outside for frisbee and soccer and running around and squealing (sorry neighbors) while the storm clouds loomed in the west and south. It was short lived, but welcome, and as the rain began to fall we had to retreat to the safety of the porch.
I brought out the requisite coffee and a copy of Garden & Gun and watched the rain roll in. Having seen proper hurricanes a'plenty this wasn't much of a "to do" to me. Remnants of a has been storm, at best.
I sat and texted with my brother about the state of our mother. Fading, not great was the report. I got to talk to her, but it wasn't much of a conversation. I told her I loved her. She told me she was having trouble talking.

I realized I might never actually talk to my mom again. That is really one of the most unnatural things I have ever considered in my life.

More distraction was required.

When the rain let up and the sun came up we did head to the park to take to the trails through the woods.

We followed the family tradition of hunting for mushrooms, a photo safari - our tradition from when we first moved here.
The red one is the winner, obviously. Even kids who don't want to go walking through the woods find occupation in this game, I'm not sure why. Finding the most interesting mushrooms is always a challenge.
Given the stress level here, I can't imagine what it is at my brother's house, where it's ground zero for our impending family loss. Maybe they're handling it better as they are there. Or maybe I just can't tell because I am so damned self absorbed and selfish right now it's difficult for me to know which way is up, and they too are falling apart as much as I am.

I don't know.

I just know that we played outside in the fresh air, and time passed and it was good. I don't know if I need time to speed up or slow down right now. I just know that it's not my friend, and I feel suffocated by it.